Mason’s face flushed with delight as he watched the other man intently, laughter instinctively bubbled in his throat but he kept it down, because he shouldn’t laugh, especially considering the fact he almost coughed out a lung on his first go, but the situation was entirely too funny to not. But it was the attempts to hide the coughs that broke Mason’s composure. The predictability of it all! He took the joint back between his fingertips and pressed it to his lips, of course, that was to be expected, it was definitely an acquired taste.

“Lungs on fire is pretty damn accurate,” he spoke after blowing a couple smoke rings into the air, “Well define regular… back in Cali, definitely, here not so much.” Oh how he missed those days, and he wouldn’t admit it fully because he’s meant to be the nonchalant one out of them all but he did miss his band, the smoke trips and all the laughter, those were the days. “To feel stuff, to forget stuff momentarily, whatever floats your boat, ya know? Which side are we falling into today, my friend?”

If Luke hadn’t felt like this wasn’t the worst decision he could ever possibly make, he would’ve rolled his eyes at Mason. Instead, he continued to cough here and there, regretting even taking a first puff, and not really looking forward to his second, for that matter. However, to watch Mason so effortlessly blow the smoke out of his lungs as if it were just the most regular thing in the world blew him away. Of course he was a pro, and it seemed ever so easy just for him.

“California, huh? I bet that was nice. Sunshine...the people, were you an LA kind of kid? I feel like you were. I could see you now, mingling with the artists and the skate punks, doing whatever you felt and pleased.” Mason took life by the balls, at least thats how it looked like to Luke. At times, he wished he was like him. Not, to the point where he’d, y’know, regularly dabble in any sort of substance. Luke just wanted to live, to enjoy what life had to offer. Even when he was younger, he couldn’t. He had a plan. He got married young, had a family young, went to seminary, had a dream of becoming a pastor and building his own church. Those dreams hadn’t died, they were just tucked away in a box, ready to expose themselves at the right time. 

“I dunno man.” Luke told Mason as he leaned back on his couch with a hefty sigh. “I don’t know what I want. Feeling stuff definitely is a no go....and forgetting, well, I’m really good at that, even just for a moment.” He paused a bit before adding, “Even if it’s not good for me.”

Luke was like family to her, and part of her felt bad about not telling him about her pregnancy. She was tired of hiding it from everyone, like she had done something bad, or wrong. 

Mirela: Now I feel bad for keeping you wake. Mirela: You’re not free! You MUST sleep! We can talk tomorrow! Mirela: My place? We can have brunch by the lake. 

Luke had missed Mirela, and although they got together whenever they could, they hadn’t met up any time recently. So, when she wanted to meet up he was overjoyed. He felt as though he could finally sit, relax, and talk with his friend. They were the type to talk about everything and nothing for hours, sitting by the beautiful lake as the sun warmed their skin. Luke felt like he was far overdue for one of those chats.

“Nah, nah, I’m fine,” Cam reassured the other man, confirming that at least physically he was okay. Mentally, he was probably a bit shaken up but that would fade within the hour. “But I know all about football and those injuries. Or at least, I heard it from my teammates.” Cam had played different sports during his high school years but had been one of the lucky ones to graduate without seriously injuring himself. “I actually heard someone say the other day that you’re either a bad knee or bad back millennial. I think bad shoulder counts.”  

Luke couldn’t help but burst into a fit of chuckles, “Oh thats a good one, I’m definitely both, plus the shoulder obviously.” He said with a small winced shrug before grinning. “Actually, I was just about to grab a smoothie or something. Want to come with? It’s my treat, since you know, I nearly knocked you on your ass.” Luke felt like he owed it to him, if he had been paying attention, none of this would have happened, and besides he was heading there any way. “I was gonna go grab a smoothie or coffee or something after, so its not out of my way or anything. I’m fine with it if you are.”

The meal was almost done when Luke finally asked a question that made her stop everything. Turning to face him, she tilted her head and smiled as the answer just flowed out of her mouth. “I know I don’t have to be doing any of this, but I care for you enough to do it all. Honestly I haven’t figured out what it is about you that makes me want to be there for you. Maybe it’s the feeling I get when you are near me…” She had yet to tell him the feelings he actually conjured up inside of her. The way he made her whole body feel as if it was warm all over and also gave her goosebumps. How when she felt his touch it all just felt like the world was right for once. 

Facing the stove she then turned everything off. “Food is ready!” She really wanted to change the subject or hope that he had not heard the last sentence. Deep down Charlie knew that she would never really be with Luke that way she had envisioned. Every time he was close it caused a daydream of what it would be like to wake up with the man next to her. Grabbing plates she shook her head as if that would somehow release that image from thought. 

Every word that fell from Charlie’s lips made Luke’s world stop in its tracks. Having someone care about him, even knowing what he had been through, even knowing that others placed blame on him for the incident, knowing and putting up with the fact that he drinks, and accepting that he was a pitiful and miserable mess that somehow through all of that and more she found the time to care about him and make her feel something. Luke’s head was getting dizzy at just the sheer prospect alone, and the tiny hairs on the nape of his neck stood up at full attention. Everything seemed to slow down as his heart sped up, and through it all Luke even forgot how to breathe for just a moment. It wasn’t until Charlie’s voice rang out in the kitchen was when he took an inhale again. For Luke, it was now or never, he had to make a move somehow, before it was too late and they both buried whatever this moment was far far away.

After taking a hearty sip of whiskey, Luke gently took hold of the plates she had in her hands and set them on the kitchen counter. With a deep breath, he took her palm and pulled her closer to him so she was standing in front of him. Several steps is all it would take if he put his lips on hers, but he couldn’t do that now, not yet. Still not letting go of her hand, he ran his thumb on her open palm for a second, before opening his mouth to speak. “I really care about you too.” Luke finally told her, “A lot. I think about you most days than not and thats....thats something for me, its...good and its different.” And it was, the way his mind would drift to her smile and her visits, and not the contents of the nightmares that plagued him at night, was a huge step in the right direction. “I feel- I have, well no I get a feeling whenever you’re around me a-and-” He took a deep breath again, he couldn’t back down, he had to just say it “-I've felt it before. On my first few dates with my ex wife, when I asked her to marry me, and when I saw her walk down the aisle. You make me feel like happiness is possible again, like I can love again.” As hard as it was to finally admit how he had been feeling he felt a huge weight come off his shoulders. Now the ball was in her court, and even if she didn’t exactly feel the same, he knew that at least he had let his feelings out for once.

The body language Luke gave off once labour was mentioned, made it clear that Charlie struck a nerve. From past experiences this meant treading on some light water for a few hours. She was never certain how long he could fall into those memories. Only a few of them had been spoken about with not their eyes, but actual long talks. Taking the tomatoes she nodded her head and placed them around the grilled chicken. Watching as he began to fall a bit deeper into drinking instead of talking about it. It had been a very long time since she let a man into her life and let him see all sides. The thought of losing him was beyond scary, it scared her more than she would admit. 

As his thumb moved along her hand it caused a rush of electricity down her spine. She could feel were his guitar playing hands were just a bit rougher, it made her smile. This feeling didn’t last long as he pulled away making her realize where they were once more. “There is whiskey in the freezer.” It wasn’t a full bottle since the last person who had drank it was him. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she made her way back to the stove to check on the food. The next topic was hard to figure out, but the silence couldn’t last for much longer. “Alright so tell me have you had any actual food this week other than today?” Deep down she was cursing herself at how only food habits came to mind. 

“There is whiskey in the freezer.”

Luke let out a small laugh, opening the freezer with the gentlest of smiles as he grabbed the bottle with a relieved sigh. “I know.” He told her, his gaze on hers offered up as a small way of giving thanks. Luke then filled his glass halfway with the amber liquid, and did the same to hers, raising a dark brown eyebrow as he listened to her question. “Yeah, I ate.” He knew most people wouldn’t think of what he ate this week as actual meals, but he lived to see another day each day this week, so he was sure his body could at the very least survive on the sustenance he was giving it. 

After taking a small sip, he rested his forearms on the counter in front of her, as she began preparing the food on the other side of the counter. Luke watched as Charlie tended to the meal, ever so carefully and lovingly. With a small sigh, he looked up at her. “You know, you really don’t need to be doing all this for me...what makes you want to? I mean I know you’re kind and caring, all of which why you’re a midwife. But, you have work and other stuff. You shouldn’t be taking care of me.”

As he took the cucumber from her Eevee had faith he’d figure it out. Not that anyone should be giving small children sharp objects, but one could figure out how to peel a cucumber with minimal to no injury so she was confidant a grow man as he had so confidently refereed to himself earlier could do it too. At his thanks she simply shrugged it off, with a simple,  “ Mm-hmm, ”  and continued to focus on the salad. Slicing a tomato into perfect cubes and then tossing them inside of the bowl. Eevee didn’t need thanks. She was used to taking up more of a caretaker roll when it came to people she cared about and as nice as the appreciation was it wasn’t a problem for her to go out of her way for someone else. It’s just how she was… or at least how Wes would have wanted her to be to other people and so she was with ease and without being asked.  “ My day was fine. ”  She shrugged and then took the tomato she’d sliced and pushed them into the bowl of lettuce.  “ I actually think my whole life has been training in order to negotiate and reason with contractors. Not to brag, but I’m pretty good at motivating them and using incentives to my advantage. Some girls dreamed of weddings, I dreamed of houses and it’s going to be perfect, down to the crown molding. ”

“Sounds nice, really intense, but nice.” Luke figured that if you wanted a house to live in, a true home, it wouldn’t be that big of a stretch to obsess over the fine details. Even weddings he supposed were a big deal, however, Luke didn’t like to think of those so DIY interior design it was. “You know...” He started as he began clumsily chopping the cucumber, “I could make you a really mean table. If, you’re into the rustic kind of vibe.” His parents were really into carpentry, his mom especially and was taught everything the both of them knew. Every now and again, he’d come home to some new project, and when his schedule saw fit, a younger Luke would even help out. He was pretty good at it, and made a lot of the fixtures and furniture in his first home. Those days were long gone though, but he wouldn’t mind getting into a workshop again. “I can’t wait to see the place when it’s finished. I bet you’re doing an amazing job.” Once he was done chopping, he placed his uneven cubes into the salad bowl and began to wash his hands before prepping the table for their impromptu dinner.  “Where’s it located?”

Mason waited with as much patience as he could muster, keeping the fidgeting to a minimum he watched on as the thinking gears in Luke’s head turned, Mason didn’t understand the contemplation though, sure a little thought never hurt anyone but only for who should have the first puff, and he’d bet seven dollars and some pocket lint that wasn’t what Luke was figuring out. Mason could help him figure this out, he totally could be that friend, but Luke didn’t speak and Mason didn’t have mind reading abilities, so he remained quiet and watched the seconds tick by.

“Oh even better, you have cool neighbours,” Mason commented immediately when Luke spoke, “So then what seems to be the problem, man?” But that question was redundant when Luke’s choice filled the silence around them and made him break out into a grin, “Nothing to show here, we just light and go! Tell you what though,” Mason held out the joint for him to take, “You can have the first puff.”

The first puff.

It sounded so daunting, so devious, and yet his inner dialogue screaming “FUCK IT!” repeatedly, finally gave him the gall to light the joint and inhale. As soon as the smoke hit his lungs, he let out a strong cough, which he graciously hid under the crook of his elbow. It certainly wasn’t like the cigarettes he used to secretly indulge in, and as his quiet coughs still refused to cease, he passed the contraband over to his friend before leaning back against the couch. 

“Man-” Luke continued to cough, almost feeling like he’d hack up a lung any time soon. “-is it supposed to hit you that hard? My lungs are on fire!” Luke then coughed some more, before shakily taking a sip of water. “Jeez. I don’t know how you do this on a regular basis, and the goal is to inhale as much so you can feel...something, right?” It almost sounded sad, feeling something. Anything other than the shit he felt on a daily basis. He already had alcohol as a vice, and he almost didn’t want to add sweet ol’ mary jane to the ever growing list.