not_really_her_xx

go check it out on spotify!

please don't leave. i'm trying to do my best. please don't make jokes about everything. there are some jokes that doesn't sit right with me. please don't get tired of me. cause i’ll stick w u no matter what. please don't ignore each message i sent you. it makes me feel like you didn’t read them. please don't leave me on delivered for so many hours. i feel like i'm not important to you. please don't keep on bringing up my mistake. i've learned from it and trying to live with it. please don't let me feel like i'm no one. cause it hurts me. please don't go through my stuff. i have notes, letters, and thoughts that i have written out that i am not ready for you to read.

lately ive been feeling lost. life’s been draining me and i just lost interest in everything. Ive been questioning my decisions, my thoughts, and especially my existence. I don’t know what happened to me. I used to be this happy go lucky girl with so much social energy and so much eagerness to look forward to the future. Right now, I just stay at home, barely getting any sleep, i don’t leave my room, and i just stay in bed staring at the ceiling. I have been feeling a lot of emotions lately and I cant seem to put them into words no matter how hard i try. I don’t know who to talk to or who to run to. I feel sad, lonely, unloved, unworthy, unimportant, unvalued. I want to cry but no tears came out. I wanted to scream, but somehow I can’t. I feel so unimportant. Like no one’s capable of really loving me even though I have a partner. What is wrong with me?? Why am I here?

I can now see the ribbon I have reached the finish line This is the end This chapter is done

im sad that we never get to talk about things. im sad that we didn’t get to spend some time together. im scared that you’re drifting away. im scared that im gonna drift away. im sad that i cant say what i really wanna say to you. im sad that im always overthinking when i think that i don’t have any right to do that. i just want it to be real. i miss you flirting with me. i miss you being with me. i miss your small surprises. i miss you replying to every message i sent you. i miss you keeping it real with me. im sad that i think i love you more than you love me. im sad that there are people out there treating them better. im sad that these are the thoughts running inside my head but i love you. I love you even though it hurts.

these may be a picture of something positive but this is only the facade you will truly know a person when you see that he, too, is flawed

why do we keep on fighting over petty things? every time we fight, iiyak lang ako ng sobra. i never meant it that way naman talaga. believe me. ang hirap pala pag sa chat kayo nag uusap. idk why pero masakit puson ko pero yung sakit ng puso ko nararamdaman ko. it just hurts. i feel like im losing you every time we fight and i dont wanna lose you. I hate fights. If possible, ayaw ko talaga magkaaway tayo or may alitan. Pero alam ko naman na di natin yun maiiwasan. I didnt know na it would hurt like this. i told u na matutulog na ako kasi di ko na kaya sakit ng puson ko pero umiyak lang ako ng umiyak. Sumabay sa sakit ng puson ko yung sakit sa puso ko. i don’t wanna lose you, mahal ko :(. Ayaw ko dumating sa punto na sa kakaaway natin, napagod na ako kakaiyak. Ayaw ko dumating sa punto na, wala na akong maramdaman pang sakit. Kasi tangina mahal na mahal kita. Sorry kung nasaktan ulit kita.

Wow. It's been a while since I last posted something here. Well, I'm back. Just wanted to post random thoughts, some essays, or maybe poetry here.

baka bukas kaya na

feeling of emptiness.

dealing with love is so confusing. One minute you're totally inlove with the person, the next day, you're not.

I am starting to blog in this platform. Recently, i have been wanting to write but I can't seem to know where to start. Then I remembered Tumblr. So here I am! *taps on the shoulder*