losing's not an option!

“ah! those clothes! where did you get them?” is it really that surprising that shiki misaki, seamstress and fashion designer wannabe, beelines for the clothes than the person? it’d been a couple of days since she’d arrived, and don’t get her wrong. terra was an amazing place, but … she really didn’t know what the local fashion was. at all. the clothes she were comfortable in were more shibuya trend based, and when she had no clue how that worked here…. midst adjusting to the new world, she’d forgotten where her true home was, behind her sewing machine and her closet full of fabrics. she feels home sick.

A mortal cannot understand, and nor does he expect them to— everyone has their secret gardens, after all. Although his might be more a labyrinth, with how highly he guards his world away; don’t expect anything like a slip of the tongue here. It really is a shame things have to be this way, though; a feeling that might be more like pity than sympathy in the end. Even if he had access to his fullest abilities as Composer here, he doesn’t think the beings here would take too kindly to him tinkering with souls. Fair enough, he doesn’t take kindly to those tampering with his city either ( even if some of that betrayal comes from closer than you’d like to admit— that’s what you get for being such a cold deity ).

He sees some kind of realization strike in her expression: good, so she understands that much, at least. Recognize exactly what reality Shiki is dealing with here. Sorry, dear, you’ll have to get used to his personality if you expect to get anything out of him— though perhaps expecting anything in the first place might be the real mistake. How trustworthy she’ll perceive him after this, Joshua wonders. Cryptic? Avoidance comes for a reason, even if that’s not something that could be understood by just anyone.

( Well, it’s not like he can’t understand her at all— even if he proclaims the difficulty of understanding other people. He can recall what she must remember, the circumstances of being here; and even if he perhaps did not have any ‘friends’ to immediately miss, he has an entire city that no longer beckons to him. What a lonely feeling…and not quite the way he usually meant it )

“Why can’t it be true? I mean, technically it was his loss. Are you saying I should have bent the rules for Neku? I’d have no gains in doing so.” Actually, he’d bent several rules in bringing certain people back, but justified in that Joshua had already meddled in the results of his own game more than he was supposed to to begin with ( well, not that he was the only one who’d tampered more than they should have— Sanae— but that’s not really anything that’d make sense to her )

“Humans break promises all the time. You should understand that much. Or did you think you were the only one to go through that kind of suffering?” No, Shiki’s not that close minded; their beloved Hachiko knew very well of broken promises. Not that this case was a broken promise, but it is inevitable— not everything works out that nicely in reality. “You should accept it too. After all, Neku accepted his death too, not taking the shot back then. You didn’t see the acceptance in his face, knowing he’d die since he didn’t fight back. Maybe he thought you all would be safe that way?”

Friends. After he’d killed him, twice? A laughable thought. Oh no, wait, that was a real laugh that sneaks out of him. If her words hit close to home, such a feeling never shows on his face. So many questions that she poses, and most of them are met with silence— avoiding, perhaps Joshua has no good answer, but more importantly: they are not matters that concern her, so he will not give Shiki those answers. It should not make any difference to her how he feels towards anyone. “Tee hee…If Neku really thinks us to be friends after all I have put him through, then he’s far more naive than I took him to be.” And perhaps he himself is the most naive of them all.

( …And no, of course not; he had not desired to see Neku’s death any more than he’d already stolen from him. Regardless of how Composer feels towards him, he was full of potential, one that should have thrived well in Shibuya. And yet, he’d not been able to intercept in time, unfortunately; even an omniscient being as him did not know everything, and his proxy’s status following that had been one of them. Well, up until getting here, at least ) 

It’s your home too. Yes, he could recall those words quite well. But that is not his promise to keep, in the end; one more broken promise to stack to his misgivings.

“I don’t owe him anything.” Really, Composer is pretty sure that not destroying Shibuya and making sure four people had been brought back to life regardless of wins or losses should put Neku in his debt if anything— but he’d owed his proxy at least that much for playing the game the way it’d been meant to be played. Not according to his plans, perhaps, but Shibuya thrives once more. Some more thanks would be more fitting than an apology, really. “Really, what’s the point in apologizing? It’s thanks to Neku that everything went according to plan, after all. I don’t regret my actions in the slightest.” Maybe he regrets a few actions somewhat, maybe he doesn’t— in any case, if Neku knows what’s good for him, he’d never accept any apology coming from him, as far as Joshua was concerned.

“…Well, lying or not, it doesn’t change the fact that he is not here currently. And even if I did know, I’m under no obligation to tell you a thing.” Here being, the exact place the two of them are at, of course. Where proxy is currently isn’t exactly the highest priority on his list: really, they should be thankful that he can’t keep tabs on his former citizens anymore.

shiki had her own share of secrets, to be sure — but it was despite them that she’d made friends with neku, and maybe while shiki’s own secrets wasn’t as high stakes as joshua’s, she’d still guarded them with the best guards she could have mustered, driven by fear that neku would realize that… she wasn’t really who she said she was, after all.

( isn’t that a common point for both of them? maybe joshua couldn’t emphasize with the fear, most certainly, but not being who you said you were at the same time being yourself… isn’t that just more than a little… relatable? )

she has no idea of the burdens that laid on joshua’s shoulders. for her — he was only cryptic composer that people had kept talking about, the head honcho in charge of the game — how odd it was! to see such a person be the same age as she was. she was just starting her life and struggling for it — while he dealt with the end of many.

clenching her fists at her sides, she trembles. tears showing, her voice failing— her melody distorts, helpless anger boiling over into a crescendo. each word and non word out of the composer’s mouth strike hopelessness in her heart. and she almost feels like she has to choke for breath.

“you’re a monster.”

this is not anger. this is hurt. a bleeding wound that came from each sentence joshua struck down into her being — joshua did not need his powers to spear her with the truth.

to weigh a single person’s life as a profit-loss equation. each mechanical word sounds inhumane to shiki’s ears.

“he spared you! doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

voice breaking, almost pleading — can’t you see?

the pit of despair in her stomach comes up to engulf her. neku… accepting his death… no. that wasn’t it. that couldn’t be it. the tears welling up overflow and down her cheeks. she’d lost neku…? after losing eri in the worst way possible — after not hearing her out and having to go through a death game to fix it— she’d lost.. another friend?

“aaah-!”

crying, holding herself. she doesn’t want to believe it. but— she has to be strong, right? for neku… for rhyme… for beat and eri.

“of course humans break promises… we’re not perfect. we’re not … we don’t do everything right all the time, but — we’re still better than you! to say you don’t regret it… how could you? can’t you see neku trusted you?”

voice in anguish, and she doesn’t care that it’s a god that she’s speaking with.

“i don’t care about your plan! how could you just… think of him like that…? how can you just write him off…? you obviously meant something to him, so why are you pretending he meant nothing to you?!“

because human relationships … couldn’t be fake like that, right? when two people connected, when two people trusted each other, then…

neku deserved better. neku didn’t deserve this. why…?

( she doesn’t know, about coming back alive. she doesn’t know about the details of the game. how joshua might have changed — her point of view is before that, and for her, the future was a blurry uncertainty. that was why she stumbled so much, wasn’t it? unlike joshua -- it was because one didn’t know the future that one could hold fear, could be human. maybe joshua was learning.  )

“you’re … you’re the worst.”

Confused, Shiki? Join the club! At least Joshua has the advantage of acting like he’s unfazed and still an all knowing being: yet, melodies don’t quite reach his ears the same, but maybe it is the fact that she’s dead that her voice feels like ghost note in this composition called Vraelgard. Her mellow gradient of color still exists, though, so perhaps all is not lost. Or so you can pretend, at least.

( What is it like to speak and hear a voice that isn’t entirely your own, though? That’s certainly an odd sensation, isn’t it? Not that he understands that or anything. Well, too late to have any regrets here, hm? )

“Me…?” Smile is coy as words are echoed. So she does recall him, at least somewhat. Good. Then she should understand why he should not be approached, even in a place like this— he’d taken the life of someone very important to her, in front of her eyes. That’s not an action he ever expects to be forgiven for. Granted, Composer hardly poses much of a threat here, nor does he have any desire to toy with her life like that. But mind games were always a little more of his forte. Oh you sweet soul Shiki, you’re giving him too much credit. Kind? Sincere? He doesn’t do any of those things well, just ask Neku! He opts to skirt around the topic of who he is for the moment— there are clearly more important matters to establish first. 

“Neku?” Brows raise a little— though if surprise is genuine or not, it’d be hard to say. Perhaps a little touched, really; it just goes to show how far both of them had come, going through the game. For a moment, Joshua considers acting like he does not know who she is talking about, but given that Shiki clearly seems to recall him, it’d be best to just cut to the chase. How interesting this will be. “Aren’t even going to hear me out before you start asking questions? Well, I can’t say that’s a bad thing. But you asked for it.” Cryptic smile for ominous words, fingers laced together. 

“Why would you think I know where Neku is? We aren’t in Shibuya, after all. Hee hee. Dead, perhaps…I could care less.” It’s not exactly a lie, after all— if Shiki had not had her fee returned to her, then by all means, the Neku she would’ve known was dead, just like her. The Neku he knew to be here is also most certainly supposed to be dead, but very much alive and breathing. Well, last he saw of him, at least; though if proxy really was being as reckless as when they’d first reunited, then, well, maybe that wouldn’t be an outright lie either. Not that she’d know any better, of course. And if she chooses to accept that at face value, then, well, nothing he can do about that ( he’s already offered her some very valuable information in his choice of words, after all: even if his citizens are here, his senses are too dull to exactly pinpoint much here ).

Is it mean for Joshua to withhold such information from her? Perhaps, but— he was curious to see how she’d act on the belief that he wasn’t there. Without the crutch of some kind of familiarity. Is that cruelty, or kindness? Maybe a little bit of both when it comes to Composer. Does he really not care about Neku’s current well-being? Well, it’s none of her business; such are thoughts not even proxy is privy to. And if she thinks poorly of him for saying such a thing? So be it.

He’s okay playing the part of antagonist again, if he needs to.

oh, to be an omniscient being estranged from their place or rulership. there is no way that shiki could ever know about joshua’s laments and hardships — she was only a being of earth’s mortal coil, and quite happy being alive ( now ), thank you. though she wasn’t quite alive, was she…? or was she? she… couldn’t tell.

eri’s heart, eri’s body, everything that isn’t her. this isn’t her! she wants to scream. this isn’t who she is! give me back! please... it was cruel, to realize the value of what one had only after losing it --

( though, joshua, even if shiki was only human, she did have an ear to lend. if you ever wanted to use it — it was there and yours for the confiding. )

the coy way he skirts around the question makes her put her foot down, almost! yes you! who else was she talking to! ughhh! joshua! this better not be a recurring pattern! the more he talks, the more she realizes that her initial perception might have been right — composer of shibuya, laying under the city. watching over this game and seeing his little chess pieces move.

so the gun fights… the games… they were all real. the snap back of the gun and heavy pressure making it unbearable to breathe—

the avoidance of questions nearly makes her snap. where was neku! why was this guy being so … coy? secretive! where was this place? fear spills out over into worry, agitation, and she feels driven by the want to not be alone.

she’d always only had eri. and now… when she’d just made new friends….

hear him out? hear what out? her priority was neku, and she knew it. even if joshua might have not ( or so she thought. )

“ugh, stop being so cryptic! you have know where neku is-- “

she cuts herself off when the rest of his words catch up with her. we aren’t in shibuya. dead, perhaps. cold terror floods through her body, as tears easily form at the implications —dead? but… no way! the mere possibility of it grips her heart tight. a bang --

and an outcome she hadn’t seen.

…..

“you’re lying…”

she’d almost lost eri. she’d lost rhyme. and now.. neku, too?

“that can’t be true!”

in a voice that isn’t hers, uncalloused hands clenching at her sides. her own hands were always covered in hard skin, with how many needles she’d used, the pads of her fingers worn down with the amount of fabric she’d went through… eri’s hands were so much softer, with effort marked in different places.

“neku has to be alive! he promised me!”

that they’d meet again. even if they had met again… hachiko still stood waiting. for four friends that would never make it.

“why are you so mean? do you want neku dead? aren’t you friends?”

… maybe not. what friends would point guns at each other…?

“… you owe him an apology, at least!”

is this... the UG? another form of it?

if mr. mew was real, he’d have yowled by now with how tightly he was held to her chest -- crossed arms hiding timidness, a little bit of fear. the unknown is something shiki usually welcomes -- it’s an inspiration! new ways to try things! but after the whole euphoria of HEY! YOU’RE NEW HERE! buzz died down, it was true she felt deathly alone. no pun intended! maybe she was dead and in another afterlife. her body still being ... eri’s, would prove it.

timid steps and timid movements -- no, no, shiki! be more confident! people ( and noise, probably! ) could sense fear! -- come on!

...

yeah, not working.

squared sholders slump a bit, but her death grip on Mr. Mew relaxes. so what! maybe she was afraid! everything around her feels ... different. she can’t pinpoint it, but compared from the busyness and cacophony of shibuya, this place was chaotic in another way.

... but in the distance... is that...?

“Ah! Neku!”

she’d recognize that spiky hair anywhere. is this a good thing? a bad thing? shiki didn’t know. but that wasn’t going to stop her from going near him..!

( a pause in her footsteps, but pushing onwards. )

@notpiggy

Well. This is quite a conundrum, isn’t it? He means this less of a fact that she is here, and more of the fact of the way that she is here. Composer does not care to remember each and every person who has passed through the Reaper’s Game, but it is hard to forget souls that have passed through his fingers, forged and reborn anew. One of the few survivors of the long game; even if Shiki Misaki had not been one of his proxy’s partners, something tells him that he would not have forgotten her memory so easily.

( Death hadn’t been entirely an accident, had it? You can remember that feeling, once— )

Game has come and gone though, yet she stands here before him as if he had never returned her fee, which is…considerably perplexing. For a moment, Joshua wonders if his powers were less suppressed here, if he would see a raven haired girl peering at him through her glasses. Maybe he’s just seeing what he wants to see. Hard to say, he lacks information to draw a good enough conclusion.

Well, time to make the best of things. It’s great that Shiki shouldn’t have no actual reference of what he’s like. Which is to say, he’s free to act however he’d like. Tug her along in whatever little story he’d like to make up…and he can’t deny that he’s curious exactly where her memories lie. Does she even recognize him like this? Time to find out!

“I…admit that this is not quite a situation I would like us to be in. After all, you did win, Shiki Misaki. As you can see, that’s not quite the case, so— I was wondering if you’d do me a favor? Consider this…a trade of information.”

Pretending like you have some sort of upper hand here? A cruel trick to play, for sure— but no one said Joshua was kind.

Mmmnh? Talk about confusing! Boots that aren’t hers click clack down unfamiliar streets -- The initial thrill and confusion of a new location had since died down, uncertainty her tune, apprehension her music, interwoven into the beat of her heart that sounded so fast and loud in her ears --

“Neku?”

-- no response. ahh....

she’ll be okay! she tells herself. it’s just a new setting, but outside the streets of Shibuya in an unfamiliar body unsettles her to say the very least. Wait, Shiki. Think positively. She felt like she was in a story book! Ms. Shiki Misaki, Witch of Fashion and Apparel! It sounds tempting, but ...

It’s really hard to be brave when you’re alone, isn’t it? In this body...

( But she’d been brave enough to chase her own death -- or was it cowardly? Spite? )

“Ahh? You’re --”

She jumps when a voice lilts to her ears, and it’s not foreign, but it’s not home, either. ( How ironic! Joshua, you were the deity of her district! )

Sleek barrel of the gun, in the large foreboding room... A 30 day game and a composer and conductor.

A gun pointed at Neku. A gun pointed in return. The fear in her body ( not ) as it’d been forcefully frozen, a power oppressing that made her almost buckle to her knees and yet not even able to...

It’d felt like a fever dream. Maybe it was a fever dream. Maybe this was a dream, and she was actually back home, slumped over an unfinished pattern -- having dozed off under the light of the lamp at her sewing desk.

The words spilling out from the composer’s mouth is like a sudden prick of the needle. How does he know her name!  Disrupting the rhythm of needle through fabric, the rhythm of her own memories -- He was the composer, right? Things are getting extremely confusing.

Uncertainty makes her look down, press her fingers together. Be a bit more silent. He seemed so sincere, so maybe she was remembering wrong...? The logistics of the game are lost on her, she has no clue what’s happening. This doesn’t align with her memories! Worry for her partner rises, an anxious background buzz crescendoing -- where was Neku?