Neku Sakurabaâever an artist, ever particular for only a few certain but niche details and for the small things that stick to his memory foreverâwould be lying if he hadnât forgotten how obnoxious his old partner was.
     Heâs forgotten a lot, of course: his own identity, when it was once required; an old friend, if one ever existed; and most of his memories of the past, back when the world felt grey and bleak and ever stagnant. But Joshua still sticks out as a rotten nuisanceâa rulebreaker, a rival in persistence and selfishness, perhaps to two extremesâand with a week and some extra to prove it, Neku wonât ever forget it. Maybe thatâs what makes these conversations worse: this is all stuff that he should expect, but it doesnât make him want to shut him up any less.
     ( At least thereâs a possible reason behind all the trust, at least to an outsider: how, no matter what insidious ideas slip from Joshuaâs mouth, Neku can at least expect some kind of consistency from them.
    âŠAnd, sure, itâs a terrible, inexplicable thing to trustâbut the mind and heart both work in inexplicable ways. )
     âDefinitely not since last month,â Neku answers, without hesitation. He would pretend to think about it for a bit, just to breathe before Joshua continues, but itâs not like itâd help after the next comment. How nice of him to bring that upâyou know, being dead yet again, because itâs not as if Neku can go about his day and stay alive. Still, heâs obligated to answer ( and even if he isnât, it doesnât stop him from wanting to, ) so he bites his lip, glues his arms close to his chest and swallows down his growing anger.
     âThat must be great for you,â however, is what he ends up saying. The remark is stained by ash and fire, and followed up too quickly. âI never knew! I mean, you didnât bother showing your sorry face after everyone came back, so I thought you were as good as erased.â No, he didnât; he thought the very opposite, but of course now, of all times, his snark would take over. Itâs not as if Joshua says anything thatâd bring the conversation back a level.
     âOf course it would. I wasnât planning to die tonight, anyways.â Even with the risks he was taking, or the apathy brewing at his side? Perhaps, after everything, a death wish would upset his friendsâbut thereâs certainly one it doesnât seem like itâll affect, right? For him to ask that is remarkable, especially when logic dictates that there is only one way he couldâve taken the position he holds now. Neku wonât pry, though: even to someone that he still wants to understand, there are some places where even trust and bravery can falter.
     Ah, right. Well, as exhausting as it is to talk to Joshua, Neku canât deny that he still wants to talk to him, regardless. âChangeâ is too weak a verb for the effects of three weeks, and though his old partner may want to sever ties, Neku would rather hold to them without letting go. Perhaps it is impossible for a human thrice killed and a boy with the talents of a god to talk to one another; but, even if it should be impossible, or if all the heavens will try to stop him, Neku will reach out to him anyways. Still, âJust because youâre still a pain in the ass doesnât mean Iâd say no,â is how he repliesâand that is all from him on the matter.
     âI am using it, genius. But I wasnât told where 104 was today, was I?â Maybe your advice is, for once, appreciated, Josh. âThey put me in the southern region. Where are you supposed to be?â
     ( If itâs on the other side of Terra, then maybe tonight its citizens will get to see one of its visitors disappear. )
Joshua is an enigmatic being, who moves to his own rhythm and beat, and works to melodies that otherwise fall upon deaf ears. And like any well produced composition, there are repeated beats that he will hit predictablyâ but he much prefers being an erratic tune that skips and jumps across an arrangement of notes, an element of surprise among a smooth harmony ( very much like the dissonant noises that he himself oh so very much loathes ). Neku is very much the same, in his mind; there are parts to his proxy that he has come to expect, and moments ( like now ) that take him very much by surprise. Even if such doesnât really get conveyed by his demeanor, itâs entertaining. Thatâs all. Nothing more, nothing less.
( Well, it is easier to pretend like humans hold no true value to him; than to pretend like itâs alright to draw closer than you should )
âSee, you should understand, then.â A brief moment where he can pretend to smile as he watches for a reaction to his words; since he doesnât exactly have the advantage of being able to pry at his leisure. Is he upsetting you, dear? Thereâs no good in bottling up your anger like that. Itâs best to just rip the band-aid off and tackle that subjectâ Composerâs expression flickers for a moment, might betray the fact that this is not a subject that he speaks with joy. Person who likes to speak in cryptic riddles, in circles and around subjects; to acknowledge something so straightforwardly is a bit rare. Perhaps it speaks to how he really feels on the subject. No further expression of his thoughts beyond that seep through.
Strain doesnât go unnoticed, of courseâ he wouldnât expect anything less, honestly. It says enough that he can manage to speak to him as he is, as restrained as he is. Heâs not quite pushing to get Neku to blow up at him ( although heâs not against it either, whatever is most productive to his end goals, really ). Itâs not like Joshua didnât know his presence had been wanted, in some capacity, but he canât quite explain that to proxy. Not now, at least. Maybe eventually. For now, heâll just raise his brows, as if to be surprised; really, heâs probably just mocking him. âReally, Neku? Did you want me dead that bad? I thought you were smarter than that. With no Composer, Shibuya would have...â He doesnât think he needs to finish his sentence for Neku to get the gist of what he meansâ although truthfully, he can only guess what would happen to Shibuya without any Composer at all. Heâd almost think he was concerned, if it wasnât for the snark. How silly of a thought that is!Â
âGlad to hear it. Apathy doesnât really suit you anymore. Although I truly wonder if either of us can actually die here, Iâd rather not test that hypothesis tonight.â Thatâs probably going to be the nicest thing youâre getting out of him tonight, so things can only go downhill from here! Anyways, he has no desire to die when it isnât by his own hand ( in a sense ), so as long as theyâre being sensible here, things will be fine. Probably.
It really is something to see how far his proxy has comeâ the Neku that heâd gunned down in Udagawaâs streets surely wouldnât have chased after him ( well, not for the reasons that he does now, anyways ). Heâd gotten to see some of that process up close, himself; tried to influence that, for both better and worse. The boy who continues to keep a hand out in offering to an otherworldly being: Composer wants to laugh at that idea of kindness, even after everything. For whose benefit is Joshua really acting for here? Itâs hard to say, really.
( The growth that had blossomed forth in three weeks, the changes that had begun to flourish in the city afterwardsâ Shibuya had changed, and he along with it. He had stayed his choice then; and again here, he finds himself hesitant in following through with his plans...or perhaps because of that, he finds himself more certain in doing as he had decided )
âIs that really all that you think of me?â He muses, a coy murmur; and perhaps, if he were the kind of person to be honest with himself, heâd express some kind of gratitude. The lonely boy god who exists beyond a facade of masks, you cannot remain in that kind of vulnerability, so he simply shrugs his words off. âWell, itâs of no consequence to me. I hope you donât regret that choice.â
âWell, it shouldnât be that hard for you to put two and two together then, right? I mean, unless youâve already been here long enough have names down, telling you details like that would be pointless.â Besides, even if heâs not being as cryptic as their dearly departed math enthusiast, Joshua is still being admittedly cryptic ( within good reason, of course ). Speaking of whichâ did you really expect him to give you a straightforward answer, Neku? Heâs been pretty kind in how honest heâs been answering him so far, it was inevitable that heâd start being avoidant again at some point. âHm? Around, of course. Now, shall we get going? Iâd like it if we donât have to race against the sunset.â Well, maybe he can be persuaded into giving a more straightforward answer, but itâs not really relevant to the task at hand.
...After all, Neku, Joshua never said the mission was to escort him. Of course, heâs curious on seeing how long it takes him to figure that one outâ heâs banking on the fact that heâs probably not too well oriented with this place to give him at least a little bit of time to drag things out.
( Do you think a god will bleed red, if given mortal form here? Well, if one of them die tonight, at least there might be a witness to this sorry tale )