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hi anon. i'm sorry for taking years to answer this. i'm answering this for closure, for myself and anyone still around who follows or remembers me.

i first started writing RI (and all other fic) when i was in my last year of high school. fandom, and tvd in particular, was my escape, creative outlet and coping mechanism with a life i was not terribly happy with. i was so, so passionate about this universe and i loved this ship so much. i think it shows in all the care and patience i have nurtured my writing with.

however, i always promised myself that i would try to change once i got to college. it was going to be my fresh start. i would start living my real life instead of living through characters from worlds that weren't real. and that included removing myself from fandom when the time came.

and i did it. it was not easy and there were days i didnt think i would ever feel a single good thing again but i never gave up. i discovered myself. who i was, what i cared about, what i value. i made the best friends i could ever ask for, after only ever knowing ones who chipped away at my self worth. i looked in the mirror and felt beautiful, after years of wishing i was. i kissed boys and got my heart broken and i did it again. after spending nights crying myself to sleep, nearly failing two classes, i achieved things academically and professionally i never thought i could. the life i live right now is a life i never thought i could actually have.

reading my stories back, i feel so much love for this universe i had immersed myself in. for my 17 year old self, who so fiercely loved everything except herself. i see my hopes and dreams and fears between the lines in my writing. i didn't realize it until i re-read my first fic just now, but i first started writing on new years eve 2016. on new years day 2022, i almost feel like a different person who has stepped through a time portal and is face to face with her past self. it is bittersweet and beautiful and nostalgic and a reminder to myself to never give up hope.

and if you are reading this, dear friend, i hope the last few years have been kind to you too. i hope you look back on this stage as fondly as i do. i know i will never meet any of you, but for a brief moment in time we were brought together by our love for these two characters and their love. i hope each and every person who ever belonged to our little fandom is happy and healthy and safe.