JACK OF ALL TRADES MASTER OF NONE

You hadn’t been able to concentrate all day. Your mind being entirely occupied with the knowledge of how tomorrow the only one to greet you would be Petunia. The boys were heading out on tour and would be gone for months. And the thought of having to function without Luke for that long just tied the knot in your stomach tighter.

The drive home was a blur, your chest aching as the soft hum of the car played through your ears. It was already dark and every passing second nourished the longing crippling through you. Wanting nothing more than to soak up every inch of him and engrave the feeling of his touch in your mind. Hopelessly trying to have fractions of him close when he would be miles away.

A sigh fled your lips, tired of the traffic keeping your car in place and the ads produced by the radio. Deciding to be productive, you dialled Luke. He headed out early that morning, needing to help Calum with some things before leaving. You just hoped he was home already, selfishly wanting him for yourself for the rest of the evening.

“Hi babe,” he greeted, voice static over the speakers. “ Almost home?”

Nodding, you explained: “Yeah, I’ll be there in 15. What about you?”

“Not yet, we still have a few things to fix. But I promise I’ll hurry as much as I can.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” you reassured. “Take all the time you need.”

A thankful sigh played through your ears, and you could only picture the small smile resting on his lips as he spoke again. “I’ll see you soon, okay? I love you.”

“Love you too.”

With that, your phone beeped, signalling he’d hung up as you let your left hand play with the golden necklace resting around your neck. Knowing their dedication and how the tour preparations worked, he wouldn’t be back in at least two hours. You were always supportive of his career, but when he’d leave for months on end, he made it harder.

The weight of disappointment in your heart softly ached through your body, making the way home feel unfamiliarly long. As your driveway finally appeared in your vision, your tensed muscles visibly relaxed - grateful for the comfort of your home.

Illuminating the dark house, you flipped the switches and turned on the heath you inconveniently turned off before you left. The cool air circling through your house traced your skin and you enfolded your arms around your frame, shielding yourself.

Moving up the stairs, the floor creaked underneath your feet. Petunia padded behind you as you headed to your bedroom, placing a hand on the cold handle and pushing the door open.

The scene was exactly the way you left it that morning, the only thing sticking out being the black bag resting by his night stand. Denying yourself permission to let your gaze linger, you hurried over to the closet as the mere sight of the bag twisted your insides.

Grabbing a hold of the softest t-shirt he hadn’t packed, you pulled the green fabric close and let it rub against your skin. His scent filled your nostrils, and you were thankful as it eased a fraction of your throbbing heart.

You moved into the connected bathroom and headed over to the grand bathtub. The pearly white surface was cool as your forearm traced against it, mid-action of turning on the tap. It didn't take long before the air heated and fogged up the mirror in front of you, the damp forcing you to breathe heavier.

Undressing, you threw your clothes in the hamper standing by the tub and collected your hair in a high bun.

Your shoulders slumped together as you sat down. The hot water enfolding your frame and forcing out a shaky exhale as your back rested against the smooth surface. Your eyes comfortably adjusted to the dim lights as you closed them.

Baths had a magical effect, so easily soothing your bitter thoughts and curing your sadness. Something about the mixture of the sweet vanilla scent roaming through the room and the way your muscles finally unwinded.

Which was why you couldn’t grasp why your eyes stung behind your heavy eyelids. Your insides twisting and dread tugging at your heartstrings.

Your lips formed a pout, quivering downwards and plastering a frown across your features. The burning sensation in your stomach just grew as you pushed yourself to an upright position, arms resting around your folded legs. Running your wet hands through the roots of your hair, the normally relaxing damp air burned down your airways.

The train of thoughts rushing through your head turned into an overwhelming throb - each idea worse than the former. He hadn’t even left, and still you missed him and egotistically wanted him to stay. His presence held the title as your safe space and you couldn’t stop the fear as it pulsed through your veins. Who would hold you at 3 a.m when it all became too much, the world crumbling underneath your feet as you struggled to do something as easy as breathing?

The air hitched in your throat and the soft cries fleeing your lips echoed through the tiled walls. You pressed your warm palms against your eyelids, desperately trying to push away the stinging playing behind them as hot tears trailed down your face.

After all he’d done for you - all the things he sacrificed because he loved you - you were so disappointed in yourself for the unsupportive thoughts resting in your mind. He was gonna travel the world, exploring his passion with his best friends and somehow a part of you found the audacity to wish he didn’t.

“Y/N?”

Your head snapped towards the door. Luke leaned against the door frame, confusion lingering as a veil over his features before concern tied his brows together.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, voice soft as he moved to your side. He knelt down beside you and rested a warm hand on your back, letting his thumb gently rub your skin.

You let out a humourless chuckle, almost embarrassed being caught mid-action in your pity party.

“It’s silly,” you confessed, brushing him off as the top of your hand graced your cheeks and dried your tears.

“Nothing that upsets you is silly.” You knew he meant it, the sincerity in his tone bright as day.

Your eyes lingered at the white bubbles dancing on top of the small waves, too heavy to shift. Still, you could feel his gaze fixed at you, gracing your features as his clammy hand moved from your back to your chin. The gentleness in his action making it easy to oblige as he turned your face towards him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-” you hesitated, resting your cheek against his touch and letting your hand cup his. “I’m just gonna miss you.”

“Oh, my sweet girl,” he exclaimed, leaning forward and planting a soft kiss against your temple. Sitting down, he rested his strong arms at the edge of the bath and placed his chin over them. “I’m gonna miss you too, so much.”

Your eyes found his warm ones, crinkled as a result of the sad smile on his lips. “I’m gonna call you every day,” he reassured.

Looking away, your heart was still weighed down - his comforting words having little effect as the different time zones played through your head. How little time it’d be in between the rehearsals, concerts, flights and short nights. The calls would consist of small ‘how are you’s before he’d have to go.

As if reading your mind, he continued. “Y/N I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night or 5 minutes before a show, if you need me, I’ll be there for you.”

You glanced back up at him, his eyes determined as they bore into yours. “You’re my girl, I always have time for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course,” he smiled, pushing himself up to a standing position, towering over you. “And as much as I wanna get in with you, I doubt you’ve eaten since lunch.”

You answered with a sheepish grin and he shook his head disapprovingly.

“I’ll make us something nice then. Just take your time here, okay?”

“So… like a date?”

“Like a date.”

-

No one knew yet, but y/n had been certain Harry was the one, a year into their friendship. As different parts of him unravelled in front of her, her love just gravitated towards him. He naturally drove her friendly affection, gently forcing it to blossom into something more. It was useless fighting it as every second spent by his side nourished her admiration.

He just had a way of putting her at ease, calming her nerves without even trying. They could stay up for hours and talk, voicing thoughts they hadn’t dared before. He so effortlessly became her safe space, and the idea of being by his side for the rest of their lives was so comforting.

Luke had introduced them at a party once, having talked non-stop about how he thought they would click. And after that meeting she was hooked, begging him to bring her whenever the slightest chance of meeting Harry existed.

Because loving him was nothing like she’d experienced before. It was so careful and gentle. Something about the subtle ways he looked after her and with a simple touch could fog up her brain for the remaining hours until bedtime. His soft smiles turning into an addiction, always pushing her to cloud nine. He was a part of her, and regularly proved how he knew her better than she knew herself. She never grasped love could be so easy.

However, letting Harry in on those feelings was everything but easy. And it didn’t matter how much she trusted Luke who encouraged her to confess her affection. It scared her, the idea of the distance it’d cause between them if he didn’t feel the same.

Which was why she was so caught off guard when Harry declared his feelings for her. That being two years ago, he’d been hers ever since.

For the long time she had known him, Harry had been the living proof that arguments and problems were solved by talking. Never would he let her go to bed angry or upset, and every quarrel seemed to end faster than it rose. It was like he had an unwritten rule of never avoiding her -or anyone for that matter.

But over the past months, something changed. Subtle alterations she couldn’t quite put her finger at. It was small, almost unnoticeable as she blamed paranoia and brushed it off. He hadn’t consciously stopped twirling her hair around his fingers during movie-night, or decided it wasn’t a good idea to sneak up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist as she made dinner.

But his time around her decreased, and despite her best efforts, their conversations started to imitate small talk. While understanding his lifestyle, she knew she had signed up for times like this. And part of her was ok with that, seeing how even at his busiest he always made time for her. No matter if it was as simple as calling between interviews or sending a little heart message.

But now, a faint whisper kept echoing through her head, murmuring how he shunned her on purpose. His time spent beside everyone except her, ‘forgetting’ to invite her to different events, leaving date-night early for his friends. The calls and small hearts ceasing.

While waiting for him after draining days at work, he found himself too occupied to let her know he'd be home late. Arriving at their shared flat the second she fell asleep and refusing to wake up before she went to work.

He was slipping through her fingers, and much to her despair: it didn’t seem like he minded. People grew apart, and love could be lost just as easy as it was found. It had just never occurred to her that she could ever lose him.

Longing for his touch, she could still feel the warmth spreading through her body as his soft kisses danced across her skin. Wanting nothing more than the comfort of his arms protectively wrapped around her as he eased the troubled state.

Her knuckles turned a few shades lighter as her desperate grip around the steering wheel tightened. Eyes glued at the traffic lights as an exhausted huff fled her lips.

The dark sky and cold air circling through her car did nothing to help fight the yawns escaping her lips. Her mind being entirely occupied with self-pity and worst-case scenarios, she pressed the gas pedal as the light turned green.

Everything happened so fast, and it was impossible to catch what was going on as the intense sound of car horns blasted through her ears. The noise followed by shattering glass, plating an unbearable ringing to pierce her skull. Black dots fogged up her already blurred vision as her mouth filled with the metallic taste of blood. Grimacing, intolerable aches bore through her body and forced out a useless cry.

Her frame grew limper by the second, and only Harry traced her mind as she gave into the pain.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

He turned the phone off as her name lit up the screen the third time. Placing it between his legs, he shifted the tired eyes over at Luke who found himself in deep conversation with the group beside them.

The unease grew, tying the knot in his stomach tighter as the shame rippled through his body. He could barely grasp why he kept doing this to himself as he let out a shaky breath and combed a hand through his wavy hair.

The bar was dimly lit, casting shadows over his harsh features and concealing the slight frown playing on his face. Music and chatter a blur through his ears as his fingers drummed against the cold glass in his hands.

He’d drowned out the conversations long ago, their voices simply offering background noise as thoughts crashed through his mind. The soft sounds was an immense contrast to the mess he found himself drowning in. Pieces of his attention were drawn back only when he heard Luke happily exclaiming her nickname.

Letting his gaze grace his beaming frame, he watched Luke place the phone to his ear. “How are you?”

Harry almost envied the way he got to hear her voice. Missing the comfort she gifted by always saying the right thing at the right time.

However, the grin soon morphed into a frown as he shifted in his seat. Voice laced with concern as her name gently slipped past his lips again.

Perking up in the bar-stool, he placed the phone to his other ear and swallowed hard. “You’ve what? Are you ok?”

Harry’s brows knitted together, his lips dry as he played with the ring around his fingers.

“Of course, we’ll be there, don’t worry. We’ll see you soon, okay?”

He was in a daze as he put the phone down and turned his gaze over at Harry

“Y/N’s been in an accident.”

The sentence burned itself into his head, playing over like a broken record as he shut down. Physical aches pulsing through his body and twisting his insides. Every thought left his mind as he let out quick, sharp breaths.

He would’ve traded the bitterness in his chest for any other emotion. The way he despised himself and his actions, hurt in ways he didn’t know was possible. So pissed for listening to his insecurities and letting them guide him exactly where he’d been avoiding- away from her.

Regret burned through his every little cell, keeping him working on autopilot. Only pieces and fragments of his surroundings were registered in his mind as Luke led him to the passenger seat. He longed for time to speed up as the soft hum of the car played through his ears.

Occasional reassuring words slipped of Luke’s tongue, but had no better effect on him than a bandaid over a gun wound. Pain was throbbing in his chest and remorse crippling through his veins, all tugging at his conscience.

He couldn’t understand how it’d gotten this far, how he’d let it spiral so far out of control. It was just a need for distance, space to clear his mind as self-conscious thoughts screamed in his ears. The intention was never this, for her to slip right through his fingers because he pushed her away.

Finally arriving at the big hospital, he dashed to the front desk with Luke hot on his trail. His lips dry as he asked where she was and gifted a short ‘thank you’ when the information was received.

Everything was a blur as he let Luke lead the way down the grey corridors. His eyes frantically searching for her room number with adrenaline coursing through his veins.

He had no idea what to say when his eyes would finally land on her. He just knew that ‘sorry’ wouldn’t even start to describe the quilt that tore on his insides or the immense regret that left him waking up in cold sweats at night.

“Here,” Luke muttered before a deep voice grabbed their attention, forcing the duo to turn around and face a young doctor.

“You’re here to see…?”

Harry released his lips from the nervous grip of his teeth, arms crossed as he spoke. “Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Right. She just woke up about-” the doctor glanced at the clock in his white uniform “- 10 minutes ago, and is ready to take visitors. But because of the obvious shock and trauma she’s been through, we’ve limited the visitors to one at a time for now.”

“Okay, yeah. But how is she doing? Is she ok?”

“Her left wrist is broken and there’s a first degree burn from the seatbelt. But other than a few cuts and bruises, she’s fine.”

Harry let out a relieved breath, slumping his shoulders as Luke heartfully thanked the nurse.

“You wanna head in first?” Harry asked, desperately trying to fight the voice murmuring how he had no right to be there. He screwed up so bad and knew it didn’t matter how much he missed her. The second he were to pop his head through her door, she’d demand Luke to kick him out.

He’d been sitting in the uncomfortable chairs outside her room for an hour. His body partly numbed, and he couldn’t detect whether it was because of the sadness or lack of blood circulation.

Letting out a shaky breath, he combed a hand through his wavy hair and screwed his eyes shut.

Before leaving, Luke had occasionally stuck his head out of the door and asked if he wanted to switch. She’d been fast asleep ten minutes into his visit, still Harry was reluctant and came up with a new excuse each time.

Twenty minutes after Luke had left, he still found himself seated in the black chair. His head was blurred with memories, intensifying the guilt playing with his emotions. Picturing the time he injured his leg and she came with him to the hospital, days after declaring her burning hatred for the place.

But the image of her frame laying alone in a cold and dark hospital room, wouldn’t leave him alone as it tugged at his heartstrings. Inhaling sharply, he knocked away his selfishness and pushed himself up from the chair.

‘It’ll just be until Luke gets back’, he repeated like a mantra, shoving away his nerves.

Pushing the door open and getting into the room, his eyes immediately graced her sleeping frame. He moved over to the chair on her left side and carefully sat down. Ignoring the chilly air creeping in from the window beside her, his focus was fixed entirely on scanning the visible injuries painting her body.

Her skin an immense contrast to the shade that normally covered it: purple and red marks dancing across her arms. Almost matching the red burn lining down her upper body. The least of his worries was the bandage wrapped around her forehead.

His warm hand travelled up to hers, his fingers tracing circles in her palm and consistently staying away from the bandaid clothing the middle of it. It was an action he’d done a million times before, but the nerves blossoming in his chest made it resemble the first time.

His eyes were fixed on her face, soaking up the gentle features he knew so well. The exhaustion was evident, and he almost prayed the bags underneath her eyes were formed by the accident and not an awful side effect of his actions.

Inaudible curses slipped off his tongue as he screwed his eyes shut. Weighed down by an awful mix of guilt and exhaustion, he leaned forward and rested his head on the bed.

Forced out of his trance-like state, he felt her hand move in his. A tired groan fled her lips as she shifted uncomfortably under the white duvet.

He perked up in the chair, his grip around her hand tightening as his eyes rose to hers.

She winced, grimacing as her eyes fluttered open and her brows knitted together. Confusing painted her features as she turned to Harry.

“H?” She asked, voice hoarse and raspy. “You’re here?”

The lump forming in his throat kept his voice low as he answered, “Of course I’m here.”

He couldn’t grasp what her expression held as she looked at him. The silence weighing heavy in his stomach as she broke eye contact and glanced at their intertwined hands.

Her brows grew even closer, and he couldn’t help but await the heartbreak. Ready for a cold voice imitating hers, demanding him to get lost.

But her gaze softened. The shocked expression morphing into a thankful grin as she spoke again.

“You’re here.” She laced her words with kindness and took in a content breath.

“Yea.” He placed his other hand on top of hers, giving them a tight squeeze as his thumb traced circles over her bruised knuckles.

Her presence triggered all sorts of feelings, tearing down every wall he involuntarily built while separated from her. His tone was raw as she forced every little emotion to burn in his throat.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For everything-”

“Shhh,” she interrupted quickly, lurking her hand out of his grip and shifting it to his face. He placed his fingers over hers, closing his eyes as her thumb stroked over his cheekbones.

“I’ve been acting like an ass and I… I’m so sorry. I don’t even know where to start.” The words hesitantly slipped off his tongue, a pained frown taking over his features as he leaned into her touch.

His normally clean-shaven jaw was covered in stubbles, itching against her palm as she exhaled shakily. The sun-kissed complexion was drained of all colour, a bright contrast to the soft purple under his tires eyes.

Her insides twisted before she spoke, “I know, H. I really do. And we’ll figure it out, but it’s late and we both need rest.”

He hesitated, blinking fast and swallowing hard. “You’re right, yea.”

Glancing at her again, the weight of rejection burned in his chest. Still, he couldn’t find it in him to blame her, not the slightest.

“I’ll- get going.”

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt embarrassed in front of her. Her reassuring smiles and gentle words always persuaded him into being comfortable in her presence. But right now, her gaze just intensified the agony pulsing through his body and forced the feeling of insignificance to blossom in his chest. He couldn’t grasp how even for a split second he thought this was the time for making up.

Pushing himself up from the chair, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll come back tomorrow?”

She peered at him, confusing playing on her face as she tilted her head. “I meant- if you want to, I’d like you to stay... I sleep better when I’m with you.”

He raised his dark brows, letting his lips part and utter out a confused “what?”

“I get if you wanna go home, these aren't the most comfortable beds.”

Her soft chuckle played through his ears, and the soothing effect it had on his nerves forced a gentle smile to his lips.

“But if you want to, I wouldn't mind if you stayed.”

She fidgeted with the hem of the duvet, eyes questionably staying at him. The relieved expression he met her with, answered her request as she patted the open space next to her.

Automatically, he kicked off his shoes and seated himself next to her. Enfolding his arm around her shoulders, he was careful not to touch her injuries as he inched closer.

Having desperately missed her body close to his, it was useless fighting the smile taking over his face as the warmth of her body spread through him. His fingers ran down her cold, bare arms, letting a tingling sensation trail behind them.

“I’ve missed you,” he said as a soft hum slipped past her lips.

She turned her head, resting it against his chest and letting his familiar scent comfort her. Placing her arm over his torso, the soft fabric of his hoodie brushed against her skin.

“Thank you for being here.”

He kissed her temple and pulled her closer, inaudibly reassuring her it’d all be okay.

“Thank you for letting me stay.”