i am not a vampire

Little freaks

concept: instead of “time traveller from the past is unimpressed by the present” it’s “time traveller from the past loves things we don’t like about modern society” like they think pollution is badass or something

medieval peasant upon hearing the number of species that go extinct every day: fuck yeah, damn those beafts to hell

I hope our next BL obsession focuses on two Romantic-era poets who are trapped in a chateau together and doing opium and hallucinating insane sex acts and dying of consumption. And not like. Hockey.

I hope the next hot gay pop culture couple consists of two absolutely insane knights with religious trauma who like to be walked on leashes and lick blood off each other’s cuts. And not like. Whatever the plot of Red, White & Royal Blue is.

They should be coal miners in 1920s West Virginia dealing with an ancient cosmic horror beyond their worst nightmares. And they have such a sweet romance and are domestic life partners but the mines are trying to eat them and they’ve resigned themselves to that eventual fate. A slice of life as they wait for the other shoe to drop.

Cheating on your spouse gives you some sort of brain rot that totally disconnects you from reality and the future consequences of what you’re doing. That is really the only way I can describe it. Occasionally I peek into pro-adultery subs and forums to study these people like bugs because their beliefs are so incomprehensible it is almost entertaining to see what they are telling themselves and others.

another history making marvel post I never see anyone talk about is “so is nobody helping blade kill all those vampires”

hey man. i didn't see you at the ambient red lighting and horse store. you ok man?

This is the kind of post that is baffling until you see the next post and it’s a store with a horse in it but everything’s red. except. there is no second post

i think about this post at least once a week

gang I need your help I have a phrase I really want to catch on and it’s calling any secret or invisible struggle you have a “fight with a gorilla” like the onion article. if they can have cinnamon roll catch on this can too. “yeah she told me about it, I had no idea, sounds like a real fight with a gorilla” “sorry man I can’t come I’ve really been fighting the gorilla lately” do you see the vision

folks i appreciate the effort but it looks like this will not breach containment and the phrase will not catch on. looks like this cause has to be my own personal gorilla to fight