Movies & TV & Sometimes Books

But either way you turn, I'll be there

Open up your skull, I'll be there

Robby, don't go where I can't follow.

Because of course it’s not a good reason, it’s murder, there’s not good reasons for murder. But I got so sucked into the mindset and dynamic of the show I was willing to accept a scenario where Ruben’s violence would surely feel reasonable

But of course it’s not, it never was, and when Niall dies so does the narrative lens that loves and forgives Ruben for all he does

Ruben killing Niall is like all of his other violence; Senseless, immature, a self conscious attempt to prove something to himself. It was because of a pretty big betrayal, yes, but considering everything else that happens it doesn’t seem like it should be the one big horrible thing that is worse than everything else. But it’s not about escalating betrayal, it’s about Ruben’s escalating rationalization of his violent actions that lead him to decide killing Niall is ok

Ruben wanted to be the most Alpha Male he could be, and what is more pure animalistic Alpha Male than killing a rival male in competition for breeding territory? He did it, he achieved the peak of masculinity, and it was hollow, it meant nothing, he gained nothing, nothing about the situation changed for the better or was resolved. There would be no storming off and then talking things out later when they’d cooled down like all the other times, instead of closure it was a wound that would now never close because the violence was never what resolved anything between them. It was the talking, the hugging, the crying, the apologizing. But Ruben’s nature couldn’t accept that, it had to be the violence that did it

I do wonder at his mindset in that moment. If he’d known going into the killing that he would get no ultimate satisfaction but he felt his personal code demanded it. Or if part of him didn’t really understand the finality of what he was doing until it had happened and suddenly ‘Oh, oh it’s all done now, it’s over, it’s gone’

I'm tryin' to do this. Don't you see? I'm trying to sort it out. And I've come all this way up here, on a coach and everything. And I want you to come back. With me. And I want us to be together. I don't wanna be a fuck-up anymore. I want to be with ya.