self indulgent bullshit

"What did Theodore do? I'll make sure he doesn't do it again." Momo's not sure if that was a threat or a promise. Teddy knows. He may be one of Aisha's favorites of her personal group, but he can always be better. She can patiently wait for him to fix himself or give him a small push if needed. Or asked. At this point, it doesn't need to be prompted, really, but it's no fun poking at him if she did it constantly.

Aisha was too busy wondering what brilliant thing this wordsmith did this time to notice Momo's face glow red like a beacon, obviously too ashamed of being caught mindlessly staring at Teddy.

"Please don't tell him!" Momo managed to get out. Her eyes were squeezed shut, afraid to look Aisha in the eye. Aisha's confused, staring at the trembling purple soul before slowly putting two and two together.

Oh! The cyan soul's eyes glitter with mischief. Momo doesn't seem to find anything to enjoy about this situation and only wishes for death a second time.

Or that's what Aisha assumes. She hates that she comes off as so unapproachable sometimes. When it comes to people who don't deserve it or aren't worth her time are suddenly choked up in her air of intimidation, but with people like Momo, she just feels like a big bully. Even though it's not her fault! Momo just kind of looks like a hurt puppy and Aisha's afraid to move because she tried to help a hurt puppy once only to limp as far as its little legs can take it.

But Momo likes Teddy, and just like Teddy, she's perseverant. She could handle anything! Even the ferocious 5-foot terror that is Aisha. So knowing that she puts a hand on the other girl's shoulder and feels her flinch. Under foggy glasses, Momo opens her eyes.

"I won't, don't worry. He's real smart, but he's really dumb, too." Momo doesn't seem reassured. Aisha sighs. Helping people is hard.

"I'm not that scary and I can keep a secret." Momo thinks to herself it's not much of a secret if she found out so easily. But the cyan soul reminds her of another cool, silent, trustworthy cyan. Cisza was by far, the best at keeping secrets. He doesn't talk, for one, so he'll never say a word. If his signs are anything to go by, Aisha is very reliable. But she's just so!!!

"Ahh," Momo exhales. "I... Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry."

It's worse than Aisha thought. Not that she had it, but if there was any sliver of wanting to see this girl hurt, it's gone after hearing her apologize preemptively. If she likes him so much and is this scared of letting it be known, Aisha knows she'd jump through hoops to keep it secret. That persistence is a trait that fascinates and scares Aisha about her and Teddy.

"Stop, stop. It's okay." Under Aisha's gaze, Momo exhales a sigh of relief. "I can help you if you want."

Momo sheepishly smiles. "R-really?"

"You're going to waste my time with a question like that?"

Momo never seen Teddy blush so hard before in her life. And she was the cause of it, and he looked adorable, all because he gets embarrassed when she calls him "Teddy Bear". She says it again and he grows redder. It feels good to be the one teasing for a change.

He wanted to be seen a cunning, formidable, mysterious. And he could've been seen like that, with his natural intellect and height. But he also snorts at silly puns and sometimes he whistles when he says things and he rolls his pant legs up to showcase fun prints on his socks. He's anything but cunning, formidable, and mysterious.

But he is tall, dark, and handsome, amongst many things. And that's why she fell for him, after all. He's real beautiful in her eyes, and often says and does really sweet things and tries to play it all cool like. Like now, like how he was when she called him that petname for the first time. His expression didn't change, but she could practically feel the heat radiate off him. He was precious.

Momo thinks Teddy is a hypocrite. He embarrasses her all the time with petnames, from real cutesy ones in instant messages to silly ones around friends. But when she blesses him with a new nickname, he flusters. She even goes so far to explain her reasoning. He's soft and warm, and fuzzy, just like the stuffed animal. He only grows hotter, avoiding her stare.

She grabs a hold of Teddy's face and peppers many kisses on him. She laughs at his embarrassment and pulls him close for a hug. Momo's so happy he's hers, and she's grateful the feeling's mutual.

Soon, everyone will wind up knowing about her little petname, much to his dismay, but she knows he'll overcome the lack of pity she has for him.

"I love you, Teddy Bear!"

--

"You want to warm up before the movie?" he says. Momo shakes her head yes, before moving closer to the fireplace in Teddy's house. He holds a hand out to stop her.

"No, it's okay, you can just sit by me, I'm like a radiator."

He wasn't lying, but there was something about that wink that made Momo grow deep red, and only growing redder as he grabs her hand, and pulls her next to him on the couch.

He is on fire. Or maybe it's just the heat off the purple girl's face making her feel that way. He's a comforting and inviting kind of warm and he smelled really nice. Momo didn't really know what to say, scared that her words would spill out in the wrong order. Her heart hammers in her chest as he pulls her closer.

"Gosh, you sure are cold. Maybe it's best to watch the show like this."

Momo can tell he can see the blush on her face because he's looking right at her. She's too flustered to retort or protest, instead hiding her face into his chest until the movie started.

His teasing left her on edge for a bit, but she starts to relax in Teddy's safe arms enough to drift into a slumber.

Lucky, lucky. He was bruised and scratched up, but rarely fought. Just kept up making his way through the underground with an ironclad persistence. It even led to getting some dust on his hands. He may not be much of a fighter, unlike Andy, but he will kill if he has to, unlike Gabe. Maybe he stands a chance.

Of course, even really tall children don't stand a chance to a boss monster. He is slain, and so is Aisha's hope. She closes her eyes and takes a long breath. It happened twice--er, three times before, so she should be used to it. Soon the king will capture his soul and she'll try to explain what's going on when he comes here.

But that never happened, because this fallen boy stires from his deathly stillness and watches him fight some more. This is beyond natural instinct for survival. He had persistence. He has determination. And it happened all too quickly and then he was still on the floor again, with the king looming over his massive form, and secures the brilliant, purple soul that hovers above the boy's dead body.

She shoves the other out of the way to make her way to the new fallen child. There's not enough questions and answers between herself and this new person, let alone between the both of them and the peanut gallery.

He towers over her, and looks weary. He's covered in fading scars she can't recognize and has tired, purple eyes, not hidden anymore by his thick glasses. He wishes to be referred to as Teddy. Another nicknamer, Aisha thinks, rolling her eyes.

Teddy's very different from the others, but similar to her, she realizes. They both carry themselves in a serious manner and speaks properly. He's one of the preppy, intellectual types, which is refreshing in comparision to the loud and brash, Andy or the hyperactive but cute, Gabe.  Aisha also notices an interesting pin on his sweater. She likes it. He says it's an angel pin and it helps protect him.

Not enough to not die, she thinks, but doesn't say out loud. What she says out loud instead, is that he's incredible. It's not every day you see someone die and come back to life. Or see anyone new that can actually hold a conversation. He smiles, and says she's incredible, too.

She found a new favorite, and it's as obvious as her new favorite is tall.

He has a dream where he could finally tell Teddy how he feels. He had old dreams where they would get to hang out, joke around, eat food together and whatnot. Much to the orange soul's disbelief, his dreams became a reality. No longer does his lip have to quiver at the thought of Teddy asking to eat lunch with him alone, but rather, curl up in an almost guilty smirk of a smile when he confirms to the date on his phone. 

Not that it's a date, but God, would he want it to be. Friends eat food together, there's no need to make this seem more than it is. If only he could get that through his thick ass head! But alas, he has no such luck, because that gangly bookworm wormed his way into Otto's thick ass heart. And try as he might to quell his crush, he knows he's trapped in those stupid, oblivious purple eyes, and that sweet, gappy smile. 

He's trapped in a trance when Teddy asks if he's okay, before offering him some of the meal he prepared. It's cold out in Snowdin, and his tummy is getting to grumbling. 

"I hope you enjoy it. Kayla was my taste tester but she thinks I can do no wrong. I think she's a little biased," he teases. What? But she's totally right. Teddy is a perfect boy to Otto. Tall. Dark. Handsome. Smart. Funny. Can cook. Okay, so maybe he's a little biased, too. Still. 

"As if I can turn down free food," Otto scoffs, scarfing down the meal before comically asking what is it. Thankfully he didn't melt off his taste buds, and the town's cool air got a chance to chill the soup. A simple, but rich chicken noodle. The broth was thick and savory, and the noodles were fun to slurp up. It takes some time for Otto to adjust to savor the taste. The silence is broken by a relieved sounding sigh from the stockier boy. 

"It's amazing!" he complimented. Teddy smiled his smile again and was satisfied to have Otto's assessment, and started to eat himself. 

But soon the silence was weighing down hard on Otto like an anchor. Is it hot in here or is it just him? Think, think, Otto has to think and he thinks it's hopeless because he knows he's just a fat, brain-dead idiot who is hopelessly infatuated with such a wonderful boy that is out of his league. But Jesus, can he have hope? 

"Get with any new girls lately?" And just what the fuck was that? Abort this mission Otto fucked up there's a million things wrong with him but he just has to find new issues every waking moment of his life!!

"Can't say that I have? Why are you asking?" Teddy questions, quirking an eyebrow. 

"W-well," Otto starts, licking his lips. "We're guys, it's guy talk, it's what we do."

Is that something they do? Or just something Otto thinks they do? Do they not do that? See what all that thinking got him into? 

Suddenly, Teddy perks up, eyes bright. 

"Oh, okay." Teddy sits up a bit straighter. "So right back atcha. Is there anyone on your mind recently?"

This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Otto shuts himself up from saying more stupid shit with a spoonful of soup. Still, his face is getting ruddy and it's fruitless to lie and say it's a flush from the cold. Teddy's eyes twinkle. 

"Is it anyone I know?" he teases. 

"I mean, I guess."

"I mean, are you telling me, or am I guessing?"

"As a matter of fact, yes! Since you got to be so nosy about it!" Otto looks away from the tall boy, face burning. Out of his peripherals, he sees Teddy's eyes darken as he looks deep in thought. 

Meanwhile, Otto is consistent in not thinking. Sooner or later he's going to run out of girls to list and then he will know. 

He didn't think this through, and he regretted it when he gave this whole issue an opportunity to grow, and he regrets it every time he shoots down suggestion after suggestion from Teddy's mental compendium of girls he knew. And he sure did know a lot of girls. Apparently, it is like he's infiltrating a girls locker room when he talks about the sleepy purple cabin. Not very titillating to talk about to Otto, seeing as he can only have deep platonic feelings for girls, and the fact that his own cabin is a giant co-ed room full of brash and punch-happy dinguses. And there's the rest of the girls he could possibly cross-reference from mutual friends, shared camp events, and random hunches. 

"I know there's a lot of universes and souls out there..."

"New ones happening every minute."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"But this girl you like, you meant one that went to camp, yeah?"

"Yeah, of course they been to camp."

Quite an interesting use of pronouns. Was the person he fancied outside the binary? Or was he being purposefully vague? Teddy's eyes go dark in thought once again. They twinkle red with determination for a quick second, before going back to their cool violet hues. He won't give up on this mystery, but he has work to attend to in the Librarby. 

Teddy decided to crack the case during his shift. It was always slow and boring work sitting at the desk to scan all the cards and books to align them into the Dewey Decimal system. It was tedious to repair and replace outdated literature, and it was a snore to restore them but that's the kind of boring routine nonsense this giant nerd loves. Someone has to do it, and he does it well. Because it's so leisurely, he has some time to think. 

Any other person, Teddy would like to snoop and tease just a bit, because while he is nosy, he isn't a gossip. Getting a taste of juicy news is all he needs to be content. But he's personally invested in learning the secrets of Otto's love life, and he has to crack the case before he cracks. Hearing about Otto liking someone and then having him be so defensive about it made Teddy's stomach drop to the floor. Maybe his crush was just too embarrassing to name, and Otto knows that Teddy will find out due to his persistence and perseverance? If that's the case, then the orange soul's just delaying the inevitable, isn't he? Goodness, who is it? 

It's not-- It's not Gabriel is it? He'd be defensive to have to admit his attraction to the dancer, too. Who wouldn't want someone so cute and bubbly, with serene blue eyes and long, shiny hair? Of course, not Teddy, of course, because that sleepy, anxious, butterball of emotions known as Otto is the one thing on Teddy's mind. 

He's a sweet boy that needs more confidence in himself. He's messy and dirty and scruffy and needs a hug. Or something to laugh at. Those braces haven't seen sunlight in a while and he loves seeing that smile. His hands are always heavy and clammy, and his fingernails are caked in dirt. But they feel strong when they casually hold hands. He always froze when Otto went to claim an armrest, but he expects and longs for it, now. It's part of the routine.

But he wants to shake things up a little. Or rather, that's what happens when Teddy's perfect brain can't think of anyone else he could possibly like; cutting soul-chilling glares into Gabe. He's tense, the integrity soul reckons. He can't think of anybody else and rather than play it cool and be a super genius, he goes to Otto, visibly distraught over it. 

Who is it? Who is it? He pleads for an answer. Teddy's obsessed. His pants aren't ironed, his shirt is disheveled and his angel pin is on his right rather than his left. Otto doesn't like that Teddy's getting so hung up over this. He looks worse for wear and he hates that he's the reason Teddy is like this. 

He wants to confirm his suspicions on Gabe. Otto wants to cry. Now he's getting poor Gabe wrangled in on this. He likes that boy and doesn't think he deserves Teddy's unwarranted ire. But not like that, the dancer is too scatterbrained for his liking. 

"God, it's you, okay! It's always been you. But now you're acting weird and I hate it!" And that was the honest truth. And then, Teddy's sure to snap out of it and tell Otto how disgusting and pathetic he knows he is! He could feel his eyes start to water. He doesn't recall feeling this awful in a while! Suddenly, Teddy pulls the smaller boy into a hug.

"I wish I knew before I acted like a dumbass." Teddy's voice is soft and Otto feels a few tears fall. He sniffles into Teddy's sweater to stop any stupid, angry/sad tears from falling before returning the embrace. Otto could feel his face heating as he debates between letting go and pulling closer. 

"Me too, dumbass." He could hear Teddy sigh of relief devolve into a quiet laughter and supposes he's comfortable enough to stay like this a little longer. It was that moment Teddy chooses to separate, and Otto scrambles to wipe away at his filthy face. His wrist gets moved away and he freezes as the other boy closes the gap again by pressing his lips against his own. 

It's short and bitter and salty and Otto feels as if his heart will leap out of his chest. He thinks he has to be dreaming. The only way he knows he's not is when he has to reluctantly pull away to catch his breath. Teddy did as well. 

"I really like you." Otto's face is set ablaze, his heart is hammering away and his chest feels like it's on fire. But he doesn't mind. He also doesn't mind the 7-- no, 8-- no 9-- nevermind, several pecks Teddy lands all over him after.

"I think it's pretty clear I like you, too." They both chuckle in between kisses.

 Teddy could do this all day because Otto deserves it. He's happy he's allowed to, especially after that bold move of his. He doesn't, but not through lack of trying, and instead sincerely apologizes for being a huge jerk. It turns his stomach to even admit he was jealous, all because he was worried his crush liked someone else. 

Of course, the strength and determination and bravery of a human child couldn't possibly match that of whatever composes a boss of monsters, and the girl was slain. Her heart sinks. Just like herself, a child was killed, and their soul was obtained. The hope she had, just like this girl, was cut down, swift and quick. When she came to in the void, as a ghostly apparition, Aisha was the only one to make contact. She had to learn more about this girl. How could someone so strong, so powerful, wind up here?

Aisha learns a lot from this girl. And she offers information about herself in return. Her name is Andy, the girl supplies, and she has the soul of Bravery. A title like that fits her like the tough glove she left behind in the snow poffs of Snowdin. Hope starts to swell in her heart again.

Aisha's life was no cakewalk but compared to that of the brave soul, she wouldn't wish for a harder life just to obtain that raw strength and inner power she had. No doubt formed from circumstances Aisha couldn't dream of, she simply had a strong respect for those who survived an undeserving life and upbringing. Andy tells her stories from her past with great vigor. Aisha listens and absorbs every word. The girl is so fascinating, even if she masks things up with fantastical lies and humor. Her admiration couldn't grow more.

Up close, in the void, despite the ghastly visage, Andy still shows grim and grit on her clothes and face, that hides fading freckles. There's cuts and scars and wounds from battles and stumbles. She's missing an incisor on the left side of her mouth. Or was that a canine? Aisha doesn't know. Her hair shows evidence that Andy does it herself, with patches missing from buzzed sides. She was bruised and battered, but her smile, missing tooth and all, said that she was alright.

Aisha's heart swells when she sees that smile. When she sees this girl. That's all there is in this nothingness, all she sees is a beautiful soul, who's been forged by fires and failures, someone who refused to give up until their dying breath, who still refuses to do so.

He's not going to humiliate himself any more than he had by hiding away, but he will sit on this couch and feel sorry for himself far away from other people's gawking eyes and mock pity. Out the corner of red eyes, he sees Doggo, with his bright blue eyes trained on him and a sad smile. He wishes he could sink into the couch and disappear.

"Oh, my God." He chokes out. The dog monster looks a bit guilty, rubbing his shoulder from the doorway.

"I can get Amy or Ressa if you want?" Doggo offers.

"Yeah, no, let's just- let's just get this over with." The purple soul runs his hands down his face, attempting to fix himself up. He still looks like hell.

"Get it over with?"

God! Doggo's insufferable!! Teddy's already feeling like the scum of the earth, and this monster is truly living up to the name by not letting him just tear this experience off like a band-aid. He swallows hard and begins to speak. His voice is cracked.

"You know, tell me you don't like me like that, I'm too young for you, you already got Amy and Miss Ressa, all of that."

"What's the point of me saying what you already know?" Doggo took this time to sit down beside Teddy at a respectable distance. Teddy didn't budge.

"I- I- Wha- Why are you so nice about this? Just berate me and get it over with. I'm just stupid and ugly and disgusting for even thinking of you like that in the first place." Teddy wipes away the snot pouring down his lips.

"So you want me to be a jerk so you can get over it sooner? Well, you can't always get what you want. I understand you. I've been there before. You're beating yourself up enough."

Teddy slumps forward, elbows on his thighs, propping his head up with his hands. This is unfair and awful and he wishes Doggo just socked him one good time or cursed him out. He's used to that. But this is some new type of torture he can't deal with. He's still berating himself in his head but he won't let Doggo here that. He sighs.

"Was it really that obvious?" Teddy asks, voice pathetic and small.

"I know I have bad eyesight, but I'm most certainly not blind. But I get it, you're a teenager. You got the subtlety of a strobe light. I'm flattered, though."

Finally, some jeering at his expense. He still feels awful, but that got a chuckle or two out of him. Teddy's still on edge, waiting for him to flip, but he calms down with a few deep breaths.

"I wasn't that obvious..." he retorts. Doggo has a deep belly laugh, he could feel it reverberating in the air and through the couch. It makes his ears turn red as Doggo slaps him on the back affectionately, pulling the human closer to him.

"Yeah, okay. So tell me. When did you start liking me? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Teddy was taken aback. Wasn't it bad enough that he knew and let him continue to make a fool of himself by being so hopeless and dopey around him? It's not like he has to wrack his brain to remember how this silly crush began.

"You were always really nice to me. Even when I was scared of you, you were still really nice and considerate. You got rid of that robot dog for me when you didn't have to. You let me and a bunch of people stay at your house to watch cartoons and anime. You weren't that scary after all. I never liked wearing my glasses and you told me to cut it out to not have bad vision problems like you and that I look better with them on. And handsome. I started wearing them more. You helped teach me things and tolerated me and that was really..." 

It sounds like he told this to others before with how easy it flowed from him. Some hesitance and voice crack, but still. Doggo's beaming and Teddy smiles nervously, avoiding his gaze and running a hand through his hair. His smile falls.

"So is this the part where you tell me off? Or punch me or anything? I swear I can take it. I'm stronger than I look."

Doggo takes a long look at the young man. His glasses are pushed up and against his hair. His eyelashes are stuck together from the tears that are leaving drying salt trails down his cheeks. His eyes are bloodshot. He looks miserable, and the monster's sorry he feels this way.

"Goddammit, Teddy, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to say all of that, you get it, it would just make you feel worse." Teddy looks up at him with glossy eyes and sniffles. This is just proving his point. Who could punch this gross, sad face? "But I want to say this. I'm not going to judge you because of a little crush. I care about you more than that. I don't return your feelings, but that doesn't mean I don't care. I wouldn't be wasting my time talking to you if I didn't, would I?"

Teddy guesses. He knows in his time in the underground that when a monster is monologuing, you listen. Even though he knew deep down in his heart there was no chance of anything seriously happening between them, his heart is sore. He can't trust himself to speak anymore without blubbering, so he continues to listen.

"You're a pretty amazing kid. Amy's more of a book nerd like you but you're really smart. You got a good head on your shoulders. You're clearly passionate about a lot of things and you're insanely talented. And you don't give up. You could've asked me to leave you be or run away just now but you didn't. That's really admirable."

How does someone's heart break and mend at the same time? By getting rejected, but also being showered in compliments. All of this time Teddy wanted Doggo to notice him more and he did. He smiles, and he's embarrassed for doing so. He covers his red face before it could get any redder, as if that matters, it's not like Doggo hasn't seen him blush before.

"And another thing. I like you, Ted, I do. Just not like that. Come back to me in 15 years maybe. But just because I don't return your feelings doesn't mean no one else will. Someone will. Someone's bound to fall for that dorky charm and appreciate you. Don't let this think you're unlovable because you're not. Okay?"

He's been trying to blink them back but the tears fell anyway. This hurt way more than a punch to the jaw or gut. Doggo, that monster, that considerate, awful monster has to strike him in the heart. Doggo pulls him close so he could let it all out. He instinctively wraps his arms around his neck and does so. This is stupid. This doesn't make any sense. He's crying into his crush's shoulder that knows about said crush, who's totally okay with this happening, rubbing comforting circles into his back.

This isn't how rejections go at all in his experience. You get awkwardly rejected, everyone hears about it and makes fun of you for a week and time goes on. Or you get beat up, with a bloody nose at best and broken ribs at worst. The rejector doesn't have to anything to comfort someone who had grandiose delusions about their relationship but here he was. He can't even think to come to a reason why. He pulls himself away from Doggo and wipes away his tears one last time.

"I'm sorry. Thank you." There's no need for any more soliloquies here. Teddy's heard enough and cried enough that he has no room to say anything more.

"Don't be." Doggo stands up and takes his leave before ruffling his hair and telling him to drink some water and take care of himself.