Truly love the number of people I've met that have been like "Well I went to a Catholic school as a kid, which is to say I'm not Catholic" like damn Catholic schools really out here doing the exact opposite of missionary work.

yo mama so crumb that strong ants took her away forever

just here to say i started using this joke on middle schoolers and it completely disarms them in every situation thanks so much

well have you considered that maybe the unstoppable force is in love with the immovable object

i’m obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, he’s the man of the house now

I don’t think the club could handle her

i really am, from the bottom of my heart, a fucking dumbass

imagine you make microwave popcorn and by wild chance every single kernel has the same exact popping point and after like a minute in the microwave the bag instantly fills up with a single earsplitting gunshot noise would that be fucked up or what