Nood Doods

I have been so busy I haven’t even had TIME to be depressed. That’s not true. There’s always time to be depressed. It’s just in the in-between trying to not disappoint people. I feel like so many people are “counting” on me but don’t actually need me. I could easily be replaced by someone better and more able to give. Whenever I do have “free” time it’s filled by tasks and homework that id rather put off to have a moment to wallow in all that needs doing. I just have to get better I guess. I really thought I could work, go to school, and contribute to shows. I have to get a degree, but who really knows if and when I’ll graduate. I have to pay my rent, but I’m not even that good at making tacos. I need experience, but if I can’t commit to helping out with a show, then who would ever want to work with me? I’m so tired and sad and lonely. I haven’t been doing self care at all. I skipped class today because my homework isn’t up to snuff and I wanted to get stuff done today for ME. What was meant as a self-care day turned into a depression, self-loathing, wallow-ass fuck all of a nothing getting done day.

How do I get better? What can I fucking do?