currently having a mental and emotional breakdown and i dont know what to do. im here laying in bed with my son on top of me and its really sinking in on how alone i am. im not with his father anymore and because of how our relationship was i lost majority of my friends. I dont have many people to talk to outside of my family. i wish i could have had my way of having my son but it didnt happen. I wanted to get engaged, have a nice wedding and then have a baby with someone i loved and wanted to be with forever. it didnt happen that way. the realities of being a single mom is really hitting me hard. i am practically raising him on my own. i havent really had time to myself since hes been born. on my days off im home with him all day and before work i spend time with him on mom mode. when i get to work its work mode and when i get home ethan is normally awake and i go back to mom mode. I just feel like i cant catch a break. I dont want to ask to go out because i dont want to hear from my sisters that i am abandoning him and i dont spend time with him but i just need a break. and what sucks is that while im typing this im crying because the first person i want to vent to is his dad. he was my best friend for so long and knows me like no one else. he knew how to calm me down, how to make me feel better when i cried, how to make me laugh and smile and all around feel good about myself. I miss the feeling of being held and hugged in the way only one person should. I have just never felt so alone. I know i have to be strong for my son but i just need one night to myself to just cry this out.
