Aint No Killing My Good Vibes

(some guy on the internet voice) it's so unrealistic and forced when women win fights against men in stories. of course, when a young boy defeats a huge man I'm cheering and screaming because it is so badass, and when a frail old man defeats a cocky young warrior I feel nothing but satisfaction. I love these power fantasies about easily dispatching people who underestimate you, a thing I desire despite the fact that I will likely never have the skill to achieve it in real life, but I'm pretty sure women don't have that same desire, and even if they do, they shouldn't get to see it in media. because it's so unrealistic, you see. I mean I'm smart enough to know I can't take down a big man in a fight but the women, you know, they'll get ideas. I could probably do it if I trained hard enough, but the women??? for some reason I can't see it happening, and who can say why that is.

almost 25 and i still dont know where your eyes are supposed to go when you tip your head to drink beverage from a container

“what are you doing this weekend” i am going to fantasy land. i am hiding under the covers in bed. i am making things up. i am contemplating events that didnt happen. i am talking to fake people. i am listening to my tunes. i am envisioning scenarios

Extremely relatable content as an archaeologist.

*hits the joint* In the Harry Potter universe, Merlin is canonically a Hogwarts alumni and a Slytherin, which is impossible because Merlin predates the existence of Hogwarts by centuries. Of course, JK Rowling didn’t know that because she is a dumb bitch. I’m sorry. Misogynistic phrasing. She is a willfully ignorant and hateful, deeply unlikable and ill-informed, untalented and unspeakably cruel…..person. Seriously, how could you write a series about British wizards without truly understanding THE British wizard. Anyway, Merlin would never be able to attend any sort of organized schooling. He’s definitely self-taught in every universe because he’s the most powerful wizard ever AND he’d have been expelled from any institution before he stepped through the door. The only reason they haven’t escorted him away from Camelot is because he can see the future and he is kind of like the king’s dad. I was so disappointed by BBC Merlin. I turned it on and I was like “What the fuck is this shit, where is my perverted old man?”

Sometimes I get so horny I actually touch myself sexually

Dear Lord please not this post. I promise I'm cooler than this

ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.

The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.

omg finally

i’m going to blow up everything forever.

in conversation about white people who go to Japan and expect their knowledge of anime to culturally carry them, I was once posed with “it’s like if there was a Japanese guy who was obsessed with spongebob and came over here and thought he could get by just communicating in spongebob quotes.” This is a false equivalence because if such a man existed we would crown him king. We’d love him. Americans would fucking love that. sometimes I get sad that this isn’t a real guy I can invite to a party.

Ok the last one got me laughing actually