Trysten @non-functional-being - Tumblr Blog

“you okay?”

no I just want to drown here forever

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sleepinq-zzz-deactivated2022091

☁ Witchy Wednesdays #1 ☁

Banish Negative Energy from One's Life (Spell)

Materials Needed:

Lemon

Knife

Paper

Pen

Rope

Steps:

Cast a circle

Write the name of your target on the paper

Cut your lemon in half, or a slice if you need this done faster

Chant "When this lemon dries, let [Target Name]'s negative energy die"

Tie the piece of paper on your lemon half or slice

Wait for your lemon to dry, then squeeze the juice out of it and have your target drink it. You can make it into lemonade if you'd like.

Fuck You and Leave Me Alone (Revenge Spell Jar )

You Will Need:

A jar, preferably glass

A photo of your target

Paper and Pen

Dirt

Hot Sauce

Googly Eyes

Glue

Sewing Needle

Soy Sauce

Green Onyx

Black or red candle

Steps:

Cast a circle

Take the photo of your target, and stab a sewing needle into it. This will give them physical pain, depending on where you stab. For example, if you want to give them a migraine, stab the eyes. If you'd rather give them a stomach ache, the abdomen.

Coat the bottom of the jar with hot sauce, then soy sauce. Dump dirt on top of that. The soy sauce will additionally keep your target away from you.

Glue googly eyes to the sides of the jar. This will give them nightmares and paranoia.

Bury the photo in the dirt, then spit on where you buried it.

Put green onyx on top of the area the photo was buried.

Take your paper and write anything else you want to affect them on it. Some examples can be emotional pain, bad luck, or financial struggle.

Finally, drip candle wax on the lid to seal it, while chanting "You've caused me so much emotional pain, so much stress, now you're someone I detest. Here's my send-off, one last middle finger."

non-functional-being

pools-of-venetianblue

this is the purest video you will see all day, it includes not only practical advice on how to make cats feel comfortable but also:

the most patient and long suffering clawdia

bob ross, but a vet

squish the cat

squish the cat, but with a towel

absolute unit mr. pirate

a little chubby but quite beautiful

please watch this immediately

bodecats

Squish! That! Cat!

yournewapartment

I considered myself to be well versed on cats/communicating with cats. I’ve lived with at least two cats my whole life, and currently live with two very different cats who I love. Apparently most cats are shoulder cats? My cat Mason has always been very nervous about going up on people’s shoulders, so I thought I’d try the “shoulder cat” technique.

I had to help him up on my shoulders because he’s never done it himself before. But once I got him up there I squished him, he started purring like nobody’s business. I carried him around our entire apartment, up and down staircases, and he was so happy. He didn’t try to leave once! When I put him down he head butted me and meowed and was super affectionate. And of course I gave him a treat.

TLDR- Even if you live with cats and think you understand cats, please watch this video.

ryanhatesthis

This is honest to god one of the best videos I’ve ever seen

laughterkey

Always reblog

requiem-4-a-drink-deactivated20

hope your pets stay healthy in 2017

rotg-fan-page

I almost didn’t blog this and felt guilty

ckascade-deactivated20170413

Not risking it

unorthodox-views

hope ya pets even healthier in 2018

zackisontumblr

hope your pets discover immortality in 2019

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little-messs

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

i did it i’m a reaction gif

starlightomatic

gaud i literally can’t even describe the experience of seeing you tentatively put the tip of the green crayon in your mouth for like the 17th time and then just suddenly chomp! chomp! the whole thing is gone and then before i can process what’s happening a whole fistful of crayons comes up to your mouth and CRONCH

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

just trying to hold myself accountable to promises made

are-you-even-gluten-free-bro

do you want to know something?? I always wondered what the hell kind of hairstyle the Ancient Egyptians were trying to portray with depictions like these

and this

until I did my hair this morning and

oh

welp

you can take the noses off our statues but until you find a way to take Egypt out of Africa we’re still going to find ourselves

are-you-even-gluten-free-bro

I’m reblogging this post without all the salty, racist commentary because I’m sick of looking at it. please spread this around again in its pure form for posterity.

hotboytev

What’s funny is that white people thought they were hats/crowns 😂

esiuqram

ESIUQRAM

robosaurusrex

Here’s a really good post about this.

And here’s some pictures of the Afar people, who still live on the horn of Africa today.

Cool, huh?

theoriginalblackbarbie

Beautiful

jasoncanty01

People thought it was Hats and Crowns? How could they not see hair?

ohgodshesloose

The same reason archaeologists, upon finding a woman’s skeleton in the grave of a famous Roman gladiator, immediately wondered where the gladiator’s skeleton was: Old Straight White Man™ brand denial.

vaspider

Same way they denied the Really Gay Egyptian Tomb, too. It’s kind of a Thing.

This post is amazing, I’m so glad it exists. I have learned.

lapunkrockmere-deactivated20170

There is so much greatness in this post and all white people care about is defending why they thought the depictions are hats. White people??? Why are you like this???

so-much-history-in-these-streets

I’m salty as fuck that we were taught they were crowns at SCHOOL. For Christ sake.

snorlax-con-tetas-deactivated20

wellfuckk-deactivated20171130

Their hair is laid to rest. How do I get on this wave?????

africaninnewzealand

I’m really afraid how woke my kids are gonna be in school.

archaeologysucks

This is why Eurocentrism is bad for archaeology, and we really need race and gender theory. We can only learn about the past if we’re able to ask the right kinds of questions.

aurevoir-mes-amis-deactivated20

petition to rename the usa ‘south canada’

mellowminty

what about alaska

are we then normal canada

saahs

canada a bit to the left

officialvatican

conflagreat

What about South America? Is that just America? Or South South Canada?

starshipenterprisee-blog

danyinfj

te-odora

i cried my ass of laughing

plonts

prinxessleia-deactivated2016032

WARM CANADA

i caN’T BREATHE OH MY GOD

hypnomega

I’m not even from Canada but I approve this change of names

pebbles5ever

sigmatique-deactivated20170313

M ILKY E H

bnhoe

IT HAS RETURNED

gigglygamer

FOUND IT

transmadamegiry-remade-deactiva

IT IS AN HONOUR TO HAVE THIS GRACE MY DASH

transmadamegiry-remade-deactiva

reblogging from myself bc i found this when scrolling through my blog

not-used-to-being-normal

Reblogging again because this is too god for not reblog

tyrannosarcophagous

this is one of the few posts you have to reblog or else you’ll never see it in a million years besides screenshots

barely-medi0cre

THE GODS HAVE BLESSED ME I FUCKING LOVE THIS POST

ez-is-tired-deactivated20240401

HOLY HADES YES

demigodseameg16

ITS HERE

ihavealavalamp

anyways look at this art project from when i was in grade two

ihavealavalamp

reblog Don’t santa for a drama-free holiday

i-am-a-fish

when i say gay, you say gay -

gay!

gay!

gay!

gay!

gay!

gay!

gay!

gay!

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cupids-poison-blog

trying to prove a point to the boys at school

reblog this if you believe trans men are real men like this if you dont

blueeyeddl

Someone I’ve known for 20+ years just posted this on my Facebook wall and I’ve never felt more seen in my entire life.

blueeyeddl

Reblog to be visited by the Jeff Goldblum of Happiness, who will help you recognize that Everything Is Fleeting, Including Sadness.

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

I… just realized… Jeff Goldblum is a J Crew model

chromolume

reblog before december 17th

go-go-gadget-nipples

But they’re not female presenting

badabingbadabong-deactivated202

It’s a lady showing you some nipples. How much more female presenting can it get?

eel-guy

reblog this to give every trans kid strength for the holidays

jaskaliina

to all trans kids: i love you and the world would be much worse without you

masculinetransman

Reblog if your blog doesn’t support transphobia

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

I saw that you are the "Patron Saint of Shitposts" and I thought you might be pleased to know that there's a catholic holy day called Gaudete Sunday, where the priests wear pink robes.

this can’t be real

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

update: it’s real