Others might have a different view, but hereâs how I see the distinction between sexism and misogyny. When a husband tells his wife, âI canât quite explain why and I donât even like admitting this, but I donât want you to make more money than me, so please donât take that amazing job offer,â thatâs sexism. He could still love her deeply and be a great partner in countless ways. But he holds tight to an idea that even he knows isnât fair about how successful a woman is allowed to be. Sexism is all the big and little ways that society draws a box around women and says, âYou stay in there.â Donât complain because nice girls donât do that. Donât try to be something women shouldnât be. Donât wear that, donât go there, donât think that, donât earn too much. Itâs not right somehow, we canât explain why, stop asking.
We can all buy into sexism from time to time, often without even noticing it. Most of us try to keep an eye out for those moments and avoid them or, when we do misstep, apologize and do better next time.
Misogyny is something darker. Itâs rage. Disgust. Hatred. Itâs what happens when a woman turns down a guy at a bar and he switches from charming to scary. Or when a woman gets a job that a man wanted and instead of shaking her hand and wishing her well, he calls her a bitch and vows to do everything he can to make sure she fails.
Both sexism and misogyny are endemic in America. If you need convincing, just look at the YouTube comments or Twitter replies when a woman dares to voice a political opinion or even just share an anecdote from her own lived experience. People hiding in the shadows step forward just far enough to rip her apart.
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