life tho

-Having to re-book appointments because you’re having physical pain.

-Being depressed and missing appointments.

-Feeling too anxious to call to make appointments.

-Forgetting about appointments because of executive function/memory issues.

-Forgetting to make appointments. (Executive dysfunction)

-Delaying services because you just keep forgetting to book appointments!

-Two year long waiting lists for diagnoses that are uncommon and painful and/or mentally draining.

-Literally no financial support for diagnosis from the government if you’re an adult with disabilities.

-Being unable to do things with friends because of your chronic fatigue/pain.

-People questioning your disabilities because you haven’t been “officially diagnosed”.

-People who think they can fix your disabilities by being gluten free/cupping/herbal remedies/acupuncture/reiki/drinking more water etc.

- Giving yourself endless shit for any of the above.

- Anxiety about becoming “too much” for the people who love you.

- Suppressing any outward show of your symptoms in case it’s somehow rude to be in pain, or depressed, or scared.

- A lot of crying in the dark, on your own, in your bed. That feeling of tear-soaked pillow on the side of your face when nobody even knows you might need comforting so nobody will come and help you feel better.

“Why do you hide your illness?”

Maybe it’s because people don’t even believe me when I tell them I’m sick.

Maybe it’s because I can feel people become uncomfortable when I talk about it.

Maybe it’s because I’m tired of having to disclose extremely personal medical information to random people. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve had doctors doubt me. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve had people I love doubt me. 

Maybe it’s because I’m looked down upon when I need help.

Maybe it’s because of all of the times it’s been implied that I’m just not trying hard enough to get better.

Maybe it’s because it’s easier to pretend I’m okay than it is to explain that I am in fact in pain this very minute even though I’m out of the house because if I didn’t do anything every time I was in pain I would literally never do anything because I am in pain every minute of every day.

Maybe it’s because I’ve had my sanity questioned when I try to open up.

Maybe it’s because I’m terrified of the harassment I would face if I identified myself as disabled.

Maybe it’s because I know you’ll never understand unless you experience it (and I would never want you to).

Maybe it’s because I’m so freaking sick of hearing the judgment in healthy people’s voices. 

Maybe it’s because society has made me feel that disabled people are lesser than able-bodied people.

Maybe it’s because I don’t feel important enough for anyone to care.

🔥🔥🔥

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Do you have a great idea?

Are you struggling to find people to help your idea become reality?

Or help me, with a final project?

If you’ve answered yes to at least one of those questions, great! Here’s what you can do:

Pick a flower/plant (herbs, fruits, etc) that are good for bees and their pollination and plant it!

Send your name and what you planted (and maybe pictures) to either this inbox or to the email beesandtheirpollen/@/gmail.com

Or

Request I plant one in your honor by sending your name and, if you have a specific plant in mind, the plant you want planted to either this inbox or the email beesandtheirpollen/@/gmail.com

🐝

School project ends May 30, but I will keep this going as long as I can!

Happy planting!

Lisa Lloyd Paper on Instagram