Eternally Unsatisfied

idk what’s funnier to me, pizza delivery wizards, or three owls trying to carry a stack of pizzas into gryffindor tower at 3am

a concept: a bus, but horizontal

*quietly, from under 6 blankets* what the fuck

ok so the other day i was at sears. I was in the baby section. Im standing there looking at clothes and a lady who works there comes up and is like “oh are you expecting?” And i was like “uhhhh” and because im a dumbass i was like “no i already delivered.” And she was like “How long ago?” And i was just like “two weeks.” And she said “wow! You look great! When i had my first son, i looked like a mess for six months. Is it a boy or a girl?” And i was just awkwardly like “a girl….” And she asked her name and i said Chernobyl and she was like “oh what a cute name! It sounds really familiar.” And i honestly just stood there going through all that and pretending i had a human baby two weeks ago named Chernobyl because i didnt wanna tell this poor lady i was buying baby clothes for my fucking baby opossum

every time i see this text post i forget the ending and every single time it decimates me

this will never not be funny

*gently headbutts u in the shoulder to show affection*

*absentmindedly pats your entire face to acknowledge affection received*

Ok but the other one is purring so hard

If I ever don’t reblog this assume I’m dead

YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT AND NOT PROVIDE A VIDEO

Oh my god

Can yall…stop antagonizing people for not being hyperaware of literally everything bad that’s happening in the world.

food will never break my heart