I get distracted so damn easily!

alright fine. i’ll admit it. i miss dean winchester

sam is fun because he doesn't just restrict himself to traditional body purity stuff like disordered eating he is constantly innovating and inventing new cleansing rituals by which to almost die

one way in which he is very typical though is he will go through phases of going okay, that was bad, i'll admit it, but i am cured now. okay i was lying when i said that, but now i'm really cured. okay fine that was wrong but THIS time. oh this? this is just a harmless little self-care practice don't worry about it. no i am not starving, it's called a spiritual fast. okay fine i may have been starving but now i am doing a cleanse which is different. it's henbane, carrot juice, and a sprinkling of paprika. no i'm not poisoning myself, sola dosis facit venenum hello?

the fact that Lucifer is actually perhaps one of the angels who dehumanises his vessel the least is such a compelling and integral part of both his relationship with Sam and Sam's trauma. like Lucifer literally wanted to foster connection with Sam himself! most angels look at vessels like meat that could go insane or be destroyed. Lucifer's desire for connection with Sam is not solely even about the fact Sam is his "body." He really thinks they'll be made for one another. that after all this time in isolation Sam will finally be someone who will understand him.

Everyone in Heaven looking at Sam like he's just the meat suit for the Devil. meanwhile the Devil is looking at him and seeing someone he knows better than anyone.

like the fact Lucifer actually does use who Sam is as integral to his complete possession & later violation of him is essential to how Sam's traumatised by him. Because it doesn't just feel like he's an unlucky formation of atoms for an evil entity to occupy or hurt. his personality, his consciousness, his love, even his barest desire for autonomy. all of these things are for Lucifer to covet or destroy. he was groomed for Lucifer because the content of who he'd be would matter. Angels try to torture and force Dean to say yes to Michael but Lucifer just says I know you'll say yes. Lucifer knows Sam enjoys it when he's forced to do things that he hates and disgust and horrify him. Sam's not just objectified. who he is becomes subsumed.