wei zhiyuan's hug is a lover's hug, holding onto wei qian's waist, a little disbelieving at first

wei qian's hug... that mixed expression, the almost agressive pull at wei zhiyuan towards himself, burying his face in yuan's neck, the arm gripping onto yuan's head, and finally the faint sobs... wei qian is holding onto his life

@wen-kexing-apologist pointed out the parallels in episode nine of Qian reading Yuan's goodbye letters with one stating that Yuan would return from his exile to say farewell, and the other admitting he would regret not being able to say farewell as he faced death.

But even in the exhaustion from witnessing each other almost die, Yuan still takes care of Qian by opening his door and giving him a drink to calm his nerves, yet unlike the past were Yuan's constant text message went unanswered, Qian actually responds to Yuan and looks him in his face to tell Yuan exactly why he is upset.

So the choice to have Yuan walk back to his room with the note that carried his last thoughts and confess to Qian that even when faced with the possibility of death, all he thought about was Qian because all he has ever thought about his entire life is Qian . . .

The choice to have Yuan put distance between them in this moment when it was Qian who originally put distance between them by sending Yuan away and shutting him out, something Yuan brought up on the fishing trip . . .

Those choices were all for Qian because Qian's door was closed before Yuan walked in with the drink. Qian could get up and close it again reinforcing the distance he puts between him and Yuan. But Qian almost lost Yuan once and didn't even know. And now Qian almost lost Yuan a second time and couldn't do anything about it. Yet even after both events, Yuan still reaches out to Qian.

The first letter was a plea for Qian to let Yuan love him, but the second was a promise to Qian that Yuan would love him until his last breath whether he let him or not.

And Yuan was ready to fulfill that promise.

Because even though Yuan didn't tell Qian about the car or the avalanche, he has never hidden the fact that he loves Qian.

All Yuan has ever wanted is for Qian to know that he loves him. When Yuan first confessed, he got upset when Qian thought he was joking.

So he made sure Qian heard and understood him this time - I will never stop loving you. That's enough for me. Don't push me away.

The two letters sit in this moment because with a confession, there can be a farewell. The first asked Qian to let Yuan back in and allow Yuan to love him. The second stated Yuan would always love Qian no matter what. But just like the first confession, Qian did not feel the severity of Yuan's words until he was tormented with Yuan's absence.

Qian is not a man of words or emotions. He is a man of actions. And he has now been fully confronted with Yuan's love. Yuan was willing to die for Qian, but Qian already knows that even if Yuan wasn't there, Qian would still feel his love.

Yuan opened the door.

And it started the moment Qian told Yuan he could return to him.

So now it's time for Qian to close the distance.

Bonus: Lili let Yuan in. Lili gave Yuan the cactus. Lili told Qian that Yuan was gay. Just like Qian not realizing he brought Lili and San Pang together, Lili doesn't realize all the ways she helped Qian close the distance.

He almost loses Yuan, right in front of his eyes. He is not be able to do anything.

And later on, when they got back home, he finds out Yuan had an accident with a near death experience to the point he wrote his will.

He realizes, he almost lost Yuan before, and this time Yuan was far away but he still couldn’t do anything about it. And only found out this day.

He just basically faced losing Yuan twice in a day.

And I think the reason he asks himself about regretting his decision is he is already feeling a lot of regret in his heart. For sending Yuan to abroad, not contacting him, not giving him the love Qian already feels, maybe even letting him come back?

My poor boys, only thing you need is your little family, there will be no regrets. I can’t wait to see him carefree and happy. (Yeah I will ignore the preview)

📌 Zhang Xincheng in Justice In The Dark

pain is meant to wake us up. people try to hide their pain, but they’re wrong. pain is something to carry, like a radio. you feel your strength in the experience of pain- it’s all in how you carry it. that’s what matters. -jim morrison

I used to question what kind of person was he who was hurt by me so much but still smiled. Then I understood it all and began to absorb his positivity over time. He made me look at everything differently. He made me see the light after being in the dark for a long time. He was held captive and imprisoned, but he tried to adapt. He was also very kind to me, even on the days when I was really bad to him. He was the only person in my life that made me realize the meaning of wanting to keep moving forward.

— Vegas