NITA LOVES

Genuinely planning to & looking forward to going to an event for weeks...

1. Go, probably enjoy yourself while you’re there, but afterwards be completely drained /exhausted (which usually carries over into the following days), plus out of time for whatever other tasks you still need to get done that day.

or

Just realizing that I can’t do it all, and thinking of how much stuff I already do when I don’t feel like it, because I have to. Things like:

-getting up in the morning

-getting ready for work every week day/church on Sunday

-driving there

-being there (because these are all separate tasks that each require their own energy)

-required socializing in those work/church settings

-driving home

-making dinner

-going to Bible study on a separate day

-showering

-straightening up my apartment

-doing dishes

-picking out clothes for the next day

This may not sound like a lot to others, but doing these things while constantly having to battle your ADHD/executive dysfunction in order to get them done... is labor. It’s exhausting.

And these are things in my life that are nonnegotiable for the most part, as in no matter how I’m feeling I still have to do them.

So if I can’t make it out to a non mandatory / social event, because I’ve been doing all of this all week, and now that it’s the weekend all I really want to do is stay in & recharge ?

Then so be it.

We’re talking about 12 tasks that I accomplish almost everyday throughout the week, tasks that are draining for me but pretty much have to get done no matter what. And this list doesn’t even account for occasional but still mandatory tasks like going grocery shopping.

So 12 tasks x 6 days out of the week I typically have to do them.

That’s 72 reoccurring, separate, energy-depleting tasks that I get done (at least), during a week.

And I’m feeling bad about sitting out from 1 event / outing? That’s not even mandatory ?

I need that time & space that I would’ve had to sacrifice in order to go.

Because as soon as the weekend’s over, for me it’s right back to that exhausting grind I just escaped.

As in, 72 more tasks (at least) that I’ll have to sacrifice my time and energy towards as soon as Sunday night hits.

If you want to learn more about him, there’s a great documentary on him called Brother Outsider: The Life of Bayard Rustin

I feel a cough coming on, because I work in a drug store, and all of my customers are sick. I always feel a little bit sick, now. I can't afford to eat well enough to keep my body healthy. Cough medicine is worth two hours and 20 minutes of work. Our store probably bought a case of cough medicine for they price we're selling one box. If this cough gets worse, I might have to call out, which will cost me more than the medicine in the long run- but that doesn't give me the money to buy the medicine right now. I stock a case onto the shelf. I don't buy any.

A mom wrangling three crying, sick kids enters my line and sets two types of children's medicine down, says they're both on sale and thank god for that. I ring her up, and she gets very quiet, because she misread the sign, and her total is twice as high as she was expecting. Her youngest screams in the cart, because she's burning up with fever. Her mother very quietly asks, please, she's so sorry, if I could please take the more expensive one off her total.

I agree, I move the box below the counter, and when she's not looking, I slip it into her bag. I pray as hard as I can that if she notices the "mistake" she says nothing, because I so desperately want her to have that medicine. The store has lost profit at the cost of a child's health. I don't bat an eye. This is a terminable offense. If I'm presented with the same situation tonight, I'll do it in a heartbeat.

The myth of evil employees stealing from the company falls apart the second you realize the company would shoot you dead to make a profit. This isn't two equal players, one of whom is stealing from the other. This is someone fighting for survival versus someone fighting to make an extra million. It's not equal.