Nisha Snyder

->NSFW warnings: mentions of blood/bleeding (its Lohen), biting/choking, marking kink, orgasm denial, Lohen teasing, oral(F receiving), unprotected p in V sex, creampie, dacryphilia, manhandling, (missionary position), dirty talk, temperature play, cockwarmimg, + aftercare.

Series masterlist

“I want you to love me, like I love you.”

The words felt heavy on his tongue, the weight of each syllable sinks deeper into his throat. Like swallowing a pill. But yet, it felt like the direst confession he could offer you. A confession of his undying devotion.

A devotion he felt possessed by, ever consuming like a wildfire. Leaving nothing behind in its powerful and overwhelming heat. The love he feels for you was one he’d possible never have again.

Lohen was ruined for anyone else. It was simply a fact he’s found to be true. You’d seen into the deeper layers of himself, he’s tied himself so closely to you. Closeness he doesn’t want to experience with anyone else.

He doesn’t need anyone else, frankly he felt fulfilled with you.

In the deepness of his soul, he knew you were the one for him. Soulmate, true love, whatever the title was, to him it was yours and only yours. Your love has him completely ruined yet addicted.

But if it isn’t love, he’d crumble.

His eyes look into yours, peering into the windows of your soul, hoping to catch a glimpse of your inner truth. His optimism wains and dips like the sea, the silence stretching between you both was beginning to suffocate him. Drawing him under.

Your hand removes itself from his cheek, his eyes leave your face. Flickering his gaze, he braced himself for rejection, swallowing the growing bitterness in hic throat.

Instead of the rejection he initially expected, it was the opposite.

Your arms throw themselves around him, so forcefully Lohen falls back, catching you as closely as possible.

Your face was buried in his neck, wetting his skin. Your body was tense all over, fingers gripping at his clothes, shaking.

His hands quickly, almost like an innate sense curl around you. Holding you tight against his chest, his heartbeat barely slows, only growing faster.

He thinks you’re crying, archons he didn’t want to make you cry-knowing you’re crying twists something in his chest. Lohen quickly tries to pry you away from his neck, trying to console you, he was praying to any higher being out there to forgive him for making you cry.

Your silence, what he thought was your quiet sobs- changed.

What he was expecting was not what was seen. Because when you pull away from him, you were shaking your head. Tears were slowly rolling your cheeks; your fingers were tight on his collar.  Your grip was unforgiveable.

Your voice was tight and low.

“You really chose the worst time to tell me..”

His eyes narrow, your face finally looks up at him, the apples of your cheeks tear-stained, lashes fluttering. The worry building up his spine ceases immediately once he sees it.

You were smiling.

You were smiling.

Warmth blooms in his chest, Lohen couldn’t help but smile, he presses his forehead against yours.

“What can I say babe, you know I’m not one to bide my time…or stay still as you say.”, turning your head you laugh, his smile turns into that familiar one you know and love.

“Aww, don’t tell me you expected me to wait? What like another year? I already told you [Name], you’d have to pry me off of you.” He was serious in his jokes. Now that he could tell it wasn’t rejection, there was no way you’d be free of him. Not that you’d want it that way.

The hands on your waist move to your back, pressing you closer into him. His smile melts into something softer when your faces are oh so closer. Your hands cease their tight hold, much to Lohen’s dismay. If he was being honest he’d like if you manhandled him. Your hands smooth over his shoulders, that familiar feeling of your fingers brushing at the nape of his neck.

Resting yourself in his lap, gazing into irises of crimson and mint green. You looked at him as if he held every secret into the universe, as if he could capture the sun, the stars, and the moon just for you. (He would, you don’t even have to beg)

As if a gravitational pull existed between you, your faces inch closer and closer together. Lohen’s eyes fall to a half-lid, expecting this to end perfectly with another thing he deeply wants from you. Something he’d been denied this morning. Your breath tickles his lips, the smile on your lips remains, he wanted to taste every inch of it. Burning the feeling of your lips against his for the rest of his life.

Just as when your lips are about to connect, his lips connect to your palm..?

His eyes snap open, looking up at your in confusion, then the annoyance settled in on his expression. Your face could barely contain the humor you find in this, but you tried to explain.

“Ok- I know, I’m sorry-”

“Are you? You seem to be enjoying it.”, Lohen deadpans behind your hand, your laughter grows to be infectious as he litters your hand with kisses, his eyes narrow at your for such crime. But you did have things to tell him. Pulling your hand away must’ve been another act of betrayal, that and removing yourself from his embrace.

You quickly leave the room in search for something. He hears rustling somewhere in the house, the sound of footsteps approaching mark your return. During the time of your absence Lohen was looking up at the ceiling trying to ignore the constant throbbing sensation going on in his pants. The notable tightness was maddening.

What was more maddening is how everything seems to have it out for him today, edging him on just to get him close enough to what he wants, what he needs.

You returned with envelopes in hand; letters you needed to tell him about before everything could settle into place. The guilt had been weighing on you for as of now, weeks. Settling back down beside him (Lohen subtly pulls you back into his lap, the pressure was enough temporary relief for his problem)

You had only opened one of the letters Elise had left you, using that you handed it to him, your smile was replaced with a look of guilt.

“Before...we, well change, I wanted to come clean about something too..”, his eyes come back down to look at you, taking you in. You begin to explain how you came about the letters, but importantly why you never mentioned them outright.

“Similarly with the letter you received from the Grandmaster and the Cardinal, I kept this, well frankly for…record keeping? I don’t really know how to put it, but I kept them to try and piece things together on my end.”, your eyes move away from his, lowering to the letter in your hands.

You still remembered somewhat about why Elise gave them to you, looking back it seemed ridiculous, but your curiosity got the better of you. You wanted to know how Lohen truly felt about you, trying to ask directly you’d get hints, but hinting wasn’t enough to satiate the growing feelings in your heart.

Lohen doesn’t say anything, instead he raises a hand to tilt your head back up, a silent gesture to explain yourself. His face was blank, observing, waiting. It left you anxious, usually this look was reserved for interrogations. (Some of which you purposely leave the room if you recall from memory about how his interrogations go.)

“I only read one- one which I am terribly sorry for prying into…especially concerning your past with Miss Elise. I know most would be offended if their spouse looked into the past details of their relationships, some would find it irredeemable. But I just wanted to know…if what I felt or was beginning to feel was to be reciprocated…”, you tried looking away but he didn’t let you. His eyes followed.

Lohen wanted to hear you, see you as you confessed, similarly to him. He wanted to see and digest every emotion on your face, every expression. Simply to know how truthful and real you were being.

“I.. Again, I am sorry, and understand if you’re upset with this, there is no excusing my actions. So please if you can forgive me.”, you placed the letters aside and finally kept his gaze.

First there was more silence.

But then...he snickered. Then he was the one to laugh.

Laughter that felt real, childish in its nature, he leaned himself forward, foreheads pressed together, laughing.

“You…you really are too good, [Name].”, his voice was low, full of warmth.

“I…am not! Stop saying it like that. I just wanted to piece together how you felt about me.”, you answered, flustered, it caused Lohen to laugh even more.

“You could have asked me! At any time, you could have asked you know!”, his logic was there, but you weren’t so easily persuaded.

“Asked? I could have asked? Oh really? And tell, me Lohen would you have answered me honestly?”, as much as you wanted to punch this bastard, you began to smile. Your eyes were beginning to have that shine he’s fallen for.

“Well…no, but-but! Ah-ah, ah! Don’t look at me like that, I would have given better evidence than those.”, he quickly hushed you up, knowing you were going to argue. His finger pointed to the small stack of letters as if they were the nastiest things in the world. “They’re not my best work, honestly.”

“Not you’re best?”, astonished you were. Not his best work??

“Well yeah, I mean I have better ways and methods to tell you devoted I am to you. Letters written to another is...well...boring to say the least and- wait! Wait, wai-wait! What do you mean, ‘you thought I didn’t like you?’, care to explain that my beloved?”, his hands cupped your face, squishing it like usual.

Though his tone was playful, he was curious as to whatever reason he gave you; to make you think he’d never return your feelings.

“Well-to be fair Lohen, you aren’t the most open person. You do a good job of hiding even your worst injuries.”, you began.

“Not from you, I even let you bandaged me up a few times, so next point babe.”, he countered. Rolling your eyes you knew this bastard was competitive, he was going to challenge each reason as if there was a point system involved.

“You never told me how you felt.”, you tried again, but like before he had the perfect counter.

“Never asked, next.”, he grinned at your frustration. It was cute, seeing you flail around, trying to avoid this, but he won’t let it happen.

“Lohen.”, your groan of frustration left him laughing, but he finally relented. His hands removed themselves from your cheeks, instead they find their rightful place back on your hips.

“Fine, fine. In all seriousness, how did you come to think I wouldn’t fall for you, much less like you?”, his tone softened, though still had a teasing edge.

“I.. I told you this before, its hard to get a read on you. Sometimes the things you do and say can be conflicting to me. Sometimes I don’t know if you’re teasing, leading me on, or being honest. It’s a gamble.”, but it was a gamble you’ll make a bet on each time.

Instead of giving you a sassy remark, he frowned a little. Lohen’s thumbs press into your hips, gently massaging into your sides. Grounding you to him.

“Even before today, I was just…curious to see if you felt the same. Your words leave me confused, speechless but always hoping for a maybe..”, you whispered, almost too quiet. As if you didn’t want him to hear.

“A maybe?”, he repeated.

“A maybe, as in…maybe its not in my head, maybe he isn’t pretending or doing it for appearances sake.”, you shrugged, your hands fiddled with the collar of his shirt. Your finger occasionally touches the choker he always wore.

“[Name], babe, I…stopped pretending a long time ago.”, your eyes snap back to his. For once, you got to see him…flushed? Flustered? No, not the terms you’d use. But obviously the confession held some weight to it.

“When.”, not a question, but a soft demand. You wanted a when.

His hands still on your hips, they move, trailing up to your mid-back. A slight tingle flew up your spine from the touch, but you placed focus on him. His palms were flat against your back, as if mapping you for memory.

“If I am being honest...since the announcement party, possible even before that now that I’m thinking about it out loud…”, the cloud of denial had only lifted when he was ready to admit to it. But he could feel that this was brewing much longer than that. Perhaps even before the party, maybe when he spent too long picking a ring for you.

Maybe even before that.

“When did you stop? Pretending that is”, his eyes raise to meet yours. Peering into his eyes you found your answer after a few moments.

“Since our conversation at the lake.”, there was no hesitation in your voice. “When you said you’d never forgive yourself if I left the knights. I knew then...that it’d be hard to not have any feelings for you. Not ones of...friendship or professional partnership that is.”

Lohen’s eyes shined at that, a confirmation that he obviously wasn’t alone in this. Not anymore.

Leaning forward, he kissed your forehead. “Well, since you want my forgiveness, I want something from you.”, he began.

“Oh? What is it?”

“You already know, I just want to hear you say it.”, his eyes creased at the corners, awaiting your words.

As much as you wanted to tease him, you could see the edge in his eyes. Lohen needed to hear you say it, that way this all could feel all the more real. Give him that satisfaction and he can die happy. You could even take his heart from him, hold it in front of him and he’d go to the great beyond a happy man. (He’d like the kind of woman that will actually just kill him)

Your hands cup his cheeks, fingers spread to map his features. Your thumb pressed gently, tenderly against the mole on his cheek. Your eyes fall to a half-lid; a dreamy sigh escapes your lips. You closed the gap, pressing your lips to his first.

Lohen’s hands move to cradle you, cradling you as if you the most precious thing he’s ever held. (You were) A sound leaves him, one of bliss. Like relief was being granted to him, your kiss gave him life. Your lips slowly move against each other, tilting your head to deepen the kiss. Goodness it was getting fresh air after so long, Lohen needed you carved into him.

His teeth pull at your bottom lip, nibbling and pulling. If he bit down hard enough he’d draw blood, a taste of you only he’d get the privilege of tasting. His tongue seeps into your mouth, a shutter leaves his body. The spark runs up and down his body getting to taste you again once more.

But yet it wasn’t enough. As fulfilling and maddening your kisses felt, he wanted more.

His hands, cradling you-encourage you to roll your hips within his lap. You oblige, giving him a slow rock of your hips while straddling his lap, the moment he feels your body shift against his-

“Fuck-”, a curse against your lips. A smirk falls on your lips, luckily with the breaking of the kiss, you cradle Lohen’s face. Finally fulfilling his wish.

“I love you Lohen, and I want you to love me like I love you.”

Once the words register within him, it was over. All over for both of you.

As quickly as it happens, your back was pressed onto the floor. Lohen settles between your thighs, the outline of his erection was prominent within his pants. His hands felt like they were everywhere on you; mapping, touching, gripping. As if his touch wasn’t on you, he’d dissolve.

Your breath hitches when you feel his lips kiss along your neck, the hickey from this morning barely gets a chance to fade when he lines your neck with both bites and new hickeys.

“I love you-thank you, thank you.”

“I need you; I want you so badly.”

“I need you; I need to feel you.”

The words were spilling from his lips so fast you could barely register them, but the press of his hips into you, letting you feel how direly he needed you. The sting in your neck at his teeth sinking in, not enough to break the skin, but enough to leave a marking made only by him.

Your fingers grip at his outer layers of clothes, wishing them off, however your hands were stopped. Lohen’s barrage of words stopped.

Your back was flat against the wooden floors, and he was on top of you, looking down. Your hands were pinned with little resistance above your head, only with one of his hands. The overhead light in the front room helped cast a shadow over his features, the most prominent of which being his eyes.

Sparkling with mirth, love, and undeniable devotion.

But also hunger.

“I don’t think I have to remind you of what could have happened this morning, what was rudely taken away from us. But I intend, if you let me to make up for it, and well-that hickey too.”, he smirks, seeing as the hickey this morning was being overshadowed by the bite mark at the junction of your neck and shoulder. He leans down, noting how your lack to try and struggle, apart of him likes it.

Yet another, wishes to see you writhe before him.

Your noses press to each other, your breathing was irregular, out of its usual pattern and notable control. He could see the need, he could feel it with how the curve of your thighs and bottom try to press firmer into him, seeking what is so rightfully wanted. The hand pinning yours barely moves, his thumb was against your pulse point on your wrists, feeling for your heartbeat if he tried hard enough.

“Tell me…tell me you won’t regret this tomorrow.”, the words leaves him carrying a promise.

Despite the haze of lust sinking into your mind, your senses returned to you to answer. As if you were answering a fact, you didn’t dare hesitate.

“How could I? When I don’t even regret this today? I won’t regret it Lohen, I promise.”, your words seemed to have the right effect on him, he presses his lips to yours, seeking to taste you yet again. His hips press you, letting you feel all that is yours.

You break the kiss before it could deepen, a sheepish smile on your face with a little guilt within it.

“As much and as ready as I am for this and believe me I want this-may I request we take this to our bed?”, as much as you wanted him to devour you on the floor, romantic really-the flat surface of the hardwood was already creating small bubbles of discomfort up your spine.

He huffs, but gives way into a snicker and smirk, without much effort he gets you up off the floor, bridal carrying you towards your bedroom. With tenderness he sets you on the bed, quickly helping you discard your shoes and pants.

With each layer removed Lohen leaves bites, hickeys, any marking that would appear on your skin in his exploration. His hands, after quickly discarding his gloves (he’d be dammed not to have skin-to-skin right now), pull your hips to the edge of the bed.

Once you laid bare beneath him, Lohen’s eyes held you in such beauty. His fingers trace outlines of old scars along your skin, beauty marks, signs of life that the world has graced upon you. Yet here you lay underneath him in all your glory, a sight to behold, and one he holds dearly. He’d never tire at the sight now that he’s seen it finally.

His lips trail from your neck, kissing along the already awaking bruises on your skin, they trickle down to your breast. His hands cup one, feeling the weight and warmth within his palm. He kisses along the skin, his other teases your nipple. Fingers rolling slowly over the peak. You gasp; your thighs press together instantly from the sensation.

His lips connect to your nipple, teeth grazing the bud within his mouth. His tongue flickering and swirling within his mouth. A heavy groan vibrates from his chest, his eyes lock onto your face. Your expressions, your sounds, everything he wanted to have, to keep only for him.

Your thighs were restless, but he wanted to take his time. He’s had more than enough of it.

Lohen pulls away from your breast, your nipple was glistening from his saliva, hard and ready at attention. He quickly gives the same attention to the other, continuing his sampling of you. When he bites down; not hard enough to hurt, just to sting, a moan leaves your lips.

“As~ Lohen! Please-oh fuck-”, your face was twisting in delight, all from just his mouth? That’s all it took? You were going to melt away in his hands, and he was barely getting started.

His hand frees itself from your breast, moving to cup your folds. A small squeak leaves you, your body flinching at his hand. His fingers trail up and down your folds, feeling how wet you were, the arousal pooling for him and his touch.

Your clit, sensitive yet throbbing for him to touch, using the heel of his hand, he presses against it as his fingers continue to tease you. The pressure was satisfactory, but not enough. Your hips try to grind into the sensation, seeking more but his other hand stills you.

Pulling away from your breast, Lohen smirks. “Ah, ah, ah, we take this at my pace. You can stay still for me, can’t you [Name], my love?”, his tone was dripping in a condescending voice.

“Can’t you? Can my captain exude patience for me? Grinding into my hand, dripping along my fingers-how needy of you. Have I neglected you for so long hmm?”, he brings himself beside your ear, his voice was low, breath warm against your skin. A breathy laugh escapes him when you try yet again to grind into his hand. Using his strength, he kept you still.

He continues to lazily tease you, you were dripping into his hand, your pussy was clenching on nothing, your clit needing stimulation. But yet, he went at his own pace. His fingers press into you, only dipping into our entrance then back out. His fingertip barely presses into you when your body tries to clench down on the intrusion, he pulls it back.

Your hands were clutching at the bedding, they move to his hair, tugging tightly. The sharp sting travels down his spine, straight to his cock. Lohen hisses, his fingers still in their exploration.

“Lohen, so help me-please touch me.”, your voice was tight, your jaw was clenched. You were burning, needing him to give you something. You should have expected how often he teases, but upon seeing your desperation, he relents. (for tonight)

He leaves your side, slipping down between your thighs, his teeth sink into the soft skin of your inner thigh. Your voice emits a whimper; his hand removes itself from your pussy. You were so sensitive you could feel his breath on you. He presses a kiss to your clit first; a startled sound leaves your lips.

His lips attach to your clit, giving gentle suction. A moan vibrates against you from Lohen, you tasted divine. His hands curve around your thighs pulling you closer, smothering himself with your taste. His tongue lapped at your clit, sucking and teasing with the grazing of his teeth. His moans were muffled by your pussy, but goodness he was enjoying himself.

The hand once in his hair finds its way there again, your fingers curl around the minty strands and grip tightly. Your head falls back against the bed as you moan, your hips push further against him. His lips release your clit with a small pop! His tongue dips into your folds, tasting to his own delight.

Lohen’s tongue was slowly pushing in and out of you, his lips were slurping up any of the slick dripping from your folds. With every movement of his tongue, your pussy clenched around him, seeking him deeper and deeper. His nose nudges your clit, giving your body more pleasurable bliss to enjoy.

Your shared bedroom was filled of noises from your moans, the sounds of pleasure emitting from you, and the sounds of your husband devouring you. His mouth was tasting you as if he was a starving man, that this was his true and only last meal. How he’s denied himself this before? He will never know. But now that he’s tasted you, he’d never want to go without.

Your hips were grinding against him desperately; you pussy was clenching around his tongue much longer. The steady pool of arousal in your body was shifting, the sounds of your moans changed, your voice begging for a release you needed.

“Please-Lohen-my love, please! I-I so close-”, your voice was hurried, you were so close, your hips were grinding against his face, using him to your delight. Lohen shifted his hands on your thighs, holding them spread, pushing them against you to allow him more of you and your taste.

His hands held the backs of your thighs and pressed them, spreading you perfectly as his lips attached to your clit once again, sucking much harder than before. His fingers tease your entrance, pressing one finger in to test you.

Your body writhed against the bed, moaning loudly as his finger presses into you, curling, searching for that spot to bring you over.

His lips continue their dedicated suction, his finger curls in your velvety walls. Your back arches against the bed, your fingers pull tighter on his hair. The pain shot down his spine, the nerves of his scalp firing off from your forceful grip, but Lohen wouldn’t have it any other way.

His finger curls once more, pressing deep to the knuckle to find what he was looking for- and at the sound of a broken gasp, he’s found it. His finger grinds into you, not thrusting in but just pressing the pad of his finger along that spot in your walls to make you come close to the stars. He pants against your pussy, tongue flickering against your clit.

Your body arches once more, your pussy clenches again, this time as it if was convulsing, just as your orgasm was about to pique, Lohen removes his finger and lips from you.

Your building orgasm breaks before you, leaving you quivering on the bed, your inner thighs were covered in spit and slick. The muscles contract and tense, your body tense awaiting release. Your body writhes against the bed in frustration, before you could argue, or beg Lohen-he leans down to kiss you. Letting you taste yourself on his lips.

The kiss was sloppy, rough, his teeth nips at your tongue and lips. Your hands slip from his hair, tugging on the fabric of his clothes, urgency in silence to get him to strip as well. Luckily your husband obliges your hands quickly remove the unnecessary layers of clothing in your way.

Once his upper half was freed, your hand presses flat on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat. Against your lips he makes a soft sound, relishing in your touch against his skin. Like moth to a flame he sought for more, your hands felt so warm to him, basking him in a warmth he’s deeply devoted to keeping for himself. He pulls away from the kiss, giving your forehead one simple kiss before pulling away to remove the rest of his clothes.

Leaning up on your elbows, you watch. Lean muscle rippling along skin, scars from previous battles danced across his skin. Some were pale in color, others much darker. Some were simple flesh wounds; others were those that leave you clinging to life only by a thread. Once he was naked before you, he crawled back beside you, cupping your face for another kiss.

He pulls away, slotting himself between your legs once more. Leaning over you, your hands smooth over his back, feeling all that you can of him, burning it into your memory by touch alone. His fingers return to your pussy, pressing his middle and ring finger into you, your mouth opens as a moan leaves you.

His fingers thrust within you, pumping and working you perfectly for him. Using one arm he keeps himself above you, his voice bouncing around in your ears.

“To think my captain is so wet for me, makes me think she’s been thinking about this, hm?”

“You’re clenching so tight around me babe, like you never want to let me go, greedy girl.”

“So divine, utterly perfect; all mine to have whenever I’d like.”

His fingers pump into you at a faster pace, curling to that spot. He’d have it branded into his memory just to watch you fall apart for him. Luckily his rings were discarded away onto the nightstand, but if given the chance, he’d like them clean of your essence any time.

“You’re so close, I can tell-”, your pussy was doing the same as before, clenching hard on his fingers. Tightening not to let him go, your hips grinding into his hand seeking your release. Your head was thrown back, moans leaving your lips, sounds of harmonic bliss to his ears. But like before, he doesn’t let you have it just yet.

Lohen’s slips his fingers from your folds, your eyes shoot him a glare. If he didn’t know any better, he’d believe you to cry from the constant stimulation. You were so close, so overtly stimulated, each nerve in your body felt like it was being tickled by flames, seeking to release the tension and succumb to him.

He lifts you back to the middle of the bed, spreading you again. Lohen strokes himself against your wetness, letting his cock slide along your folds. The tip of his cock nudges your clit with every slow and drawn out thrust.

Once he felt he was lubed enough, he lined himself up with your folds, slowly pressing into you. Inch by inch until he was flushed against you, to the hilt.

A conjoined moan leaves both of you, you felt so right around him. You were so warm, clenching on his length, your walls massaging the tip of his cock beautifully. While he was edging you so close, he too was tying close to his limits.

Your fingers curl into the skin of his back, nails dragging as he pushed into you. Lohen leaned over you, silently waiting for you to tell him when to move. After a few moments you did nod, appreciatively he pecks your forehead as a sign.

He grinds his hips against you, his pelvis grinding against your clit. Pulling his hips back, almost like he was going to pull out of you completely, leaving barely the tip of his cock in your pussy-he thrusts back in.

Your voice broken, cracking as you moan. Your fingernails scratch along Lohen’s back. He continues to thrust into you, setting a pace of piston-fucking into you. Your legs lock around his waist, trying to pull him in deeper, your whines right at his ear.

He angles his hips, finding the spot to make you see the stars behind your eyelids. Once he does, he feels your walls clench tightly around his length, a choked- up moan escapes from him.  Lohen brings his free hand to your clit, repositioning himself for the angle.

The thumb he presses to your clit- infused with cryo makes your thighs squeeze around his waist. He rubs tight and fast circles on your sensitive clit; you keen so close to the edge. His other hand comes around your throat, fingers tapping slightly to warn you-

Your hand grasps his wrist pulling him to enclose his hand around your neck, your head nodding as you trust him to bring you there however he wishes. His fingers skillfully enclose around your neck, pressing into the places to restrict your airflow, but not to actively choke you. Your eyes roll back in your head as you could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Oh fuck- fuck, fuck, so-fuck!”, your babbling encouraged Lohen further. His thrust changed to become brutal, chasing to bring you both to release. Your eyes try to come back to him, his eyes were wide, like those of adrenaline rush. His hair was sticking to his forehead as sweat clung to his skin.

There were black spots forming in your vision, the cold sensation of his fingers rubbing on your clit, his cock driving into your g-spot perfectly, everything was so close. Your nerves were firing, begging for release. Lohen leans down, his tongue flat against your cheek, licking away the tears that had dropped from your eyes.

Even like this you could feel the smile on his face, the pounding in your ears muffled sounds, all you could feel was him, and any sensation he was giving you. You clench down once more, convulsing, your moans were cracking and hoarse, pleading to him to just let you have your release.

“Please, please let me-Lohen, please-”

His fingers relax against your throat, the air floods into your lungs as your orgasm crashes over you. Your mouth falls open a silent scream leaving you, you clench tight and hard onto his cock so much that Lohen’s hips stutter. Everything in your vision whites out, every sensation felt hot, yet cold to the touch.

His hips stutter, rocking into you, grinding, your pussy was clenching down on him, trying to milk him of everything’s he’s worth. While your orgasm was crashing over you, Lohen eagerly took it as a sign to chase his. He pulled your thighs firm against his front, letting your knees rest on his shoulders as he pounds into you.

His cock with every thrust hits that spot, sending you over again and again. Your muscles were spasming, the coil in your stomach was wounding up again and again. His fingers begin to cease on your clit. He was going to stretch this out for you until he was going to come, needing you to milk him for every last drop but he needed to chase his orgasm.

His fingers gripped your waist so hard that they may leave imprints or bruises, holding you like a lifeline. His thrust begin to turn sloppy, rushed, chasing, eagerly chasing what he needed. Tight breaths is all you can hear, that and desperate moans. The slick between your body’s squelched into the room, leaving a sticky mess between you as he fucked into you.

With one particularly deep thrust, Lohen’s voice cracks, his orgasm burns through him. His fingers tighten on your waist as his seed pumped into you, wave after wave, your pussy was milking him demanding more of his warmth inside you.

Your thighs slip off his shoulders, coming back to lay boneless against the bed. Lohen’s last few shutters and spurts of his cock finally come to an end. He pulls you close, kissing your lips, you respond quickly cupping his face, feeling his lips press against yours.

For the next few moments you share the kiss, coming down from your subsequent highs. Your heart returns to its normal rhythm. The kiss breaks as you let the air flow into your lungs, allowing you to catch your breath.

There were tear stains on your cheeks, your thighs were sore from the lingering bite marks along them. Your hair was possibly a mess as well, but your husband seems to think differently. His eyes, though frantic still look at you as if you are the only miracle of life he’s been offered.

You spend a few more moments coming down together, however the slick trailing down your inner thighs was causing you to grow stickier than you’d like.

“Lohen…?”, your voice was hoarse from almost screaming thanks to the man, he rests his head in the crook of your neck, only humming in response. His fingers trail up and down your sides in the afterglow.

“May we get cleaned up…please?”, you asked, he shifts his head to look at you with a boyish smile.

“Give me a minute, then yeah, I’ll get you cleaned up babe.”, you nod thanking him with a kiss on the head. He relaxes back against you, after a minute or two, he pulls out of you.

His eyes look down between where you were once joined, noticing his spend slowly dripping out of you, apart of him wants to push it back into you-but he needed to get you both cleaned up, and possibly the bedding as well. (Be responsible)

He crawls out of bed, stretching his limbs before disappearing into the bathroom. You rest against the bed a moment longer, you hear running water and cabinets open and close. He returns with a damp rag, wiping your face for you, even holding your chin gently. He wipes the slick away from between your thighs, even kissing your knee as a sign of thanks.

“Bath’s almost ready, but go to the bathroom first love.”, you heed his orders and try to stand, though you had to grip onto his arm for support. The muffled laugh into his hand made you tug on his hair.

“You did this.”

“Yeah-but you enjoyed it. And I don’t hear any complaints about my dedication.”, he grinned and helped you get to the bathroom. The tub was set filled with warm soapy water. You relax as soon as you get into the water, Lohen mentions he’d change the sheets before joining you in the water. You nod and lean against the wall the tub was set on, your eyes falling to a close.

You don’t know how long your eyes remained close, its only until you get scooted forward does Lohen settle behind you in the bath, pulling you back against him.

The bathroom was quiet, only the occasional pull of the water is heard. You lean back against his chest, Lohen leans to bury his face in your neck. You should be getting cleaned right now and then heading to bed as you both have work tomorrow-Lohen having to be out on his assignment in less than 24 hours, you to be expected in Dragonspine in 48 hours.

Instead, you relish time with your husband.

Your fingers dance along his, tracing old scars, invisible lines of ruthless battle, victories and losses painted on the skin. His fingers flesh, letting your exploration continue onto his palm. Your rings were placed onto the bathroom counter before you stepped into the tub, they probably needed to be cleaned. You made a mental note to ask Lohen to do it, since he always polishes his to perfection.

His fingers relax among yours, coming to intertwine your fingers and hands as one. His voice beside your ear is low, but you can hear the smile in it.

“[Name]?”

You hum, tilting your head to try and look at him.

“Yes?”

“Say it again, for me please.”, his tone was that sing-songy tone you’ve come to cherish. But his eyes shined in mirth. With a dramatic sigh but it bleeds into a laugh, you happily answer.

“I love you Lohen.”, you declare into the quietness of the bathtub and night.

“I love you too.”, he repeats, like a promise. For it will be.

The morning rain was welcoming sight after the last few days of intense heat within Mondstat. Over the last weekend, you finally purchased a bed. Lohen had insisted to get something good quality for you both to share.

His reason? “We sleep better together anyways”, was all he recounted. That and it could save on money for other renovations needed for the house or place it into a “rainy-day fund”. Ironic for today.

You were due for an assignment in Dragonspine in coming days, something you weren’t looking forward to. The cold was one thing, but to be sent on a search team to recover lost items was a completely different thing. Jean had insisted due to your knowledge around rifles that it would be best if you were sent instead of a newer recruit. Your colleagues agreed, but in truth they also didn’t want to brave the cold.

It was funny to Lohen as you had to find your winter gear in the middle of Mondstat summer just to leave for the snowy mountain. Watching you mutter and complaining to yourself, hoping he couldn’t hear. He would have loved to join you, Dragonspine was always a risk to climb, he’s heard the old stories of adventurers getting snow-blinded from the constant storms and slipping down slopes of deadly black ice. Even more fun for him to have accompanied you.

But unfortunately, he had other occupations. The Grandmaster had requested he handle a specific upcoming investigation and assignment, meaning he would happily see you off on your journey but not follow you on it.

But for right now, the world was barely awakening, the sun had not shown itself, so the dark illusion of night still comforted you both. Snuggled up close in your bed, the room was in a blanket of darkness, the pitter-patter of rain droplets against the window wasn’t much of an alarm to disrupt your sleep.

Sleeping on your side, Lohen’s chest was pressed against your back. His arms encircled your middle, his hands holding your waist and hips, pulling you closer against him. As if the imaginary space between you was not enough, his face was pressed against the nape of your neck. Soft quiet breaths tickled the skin, but your body found comfort in the feeling.

Your hand, somewhere within your sleep, found his and never felt the need to let go. Within his deep slumber, his hand quickly adjusted and found yours, intwining your fingers together, locking the digits against one another.

You knew neither of you would admit it aloud the next morning, but for now, this small time, you’d allow yourself to relax. (That or Lohen would deny it outright and say you both must’ve been that exhausted).

Your deep slumber was only broken when your natural alarm clock started to remind you, as welcoming and wonderful this state of sleep was, you must awaken. Thus, your eyes flutter awake, forcing you back into the land of the walking and wakeful. Your eyes adjusted to the darkness; your eyes tried looking for a clock anywhere in reach but found nothing. Either it was too dark, or you didn’t care to read the time. It would remind you how much sleep you could pretend to have left.

A sigh leaves your lips; your head falls back on the pillow. The window was the only column of light you could make out. It seems it was close to morning, your sleepy deduction concluded.

With the slowest of movements, in hopes not to wake him, you tried turning to lay on your back. In hopes that maybe you could be released from Lohen’s grip. But with even the smallest, almost miniscule movement, the plush mattress dipped under your weight, alerting your sleeping husband.

Always the light sleeper, Lohen’s eyes fly open. If you weren’t in the knowledge that the “Bloodthirsty Knight” wouldn’t try to bring harm to you, you would have found it unsettling. Lohen lifts his head from the pillow, his eyes scan the room then quickly come back to you.

Once his eyes see you, his alert expression slowly melts back into something softer, he lowers his head once more, this time nuzzling into your neck. His arms pull you back against his front, holding you tightly as he could.

A small sound escapes your throat from the easy force used, but no discomfort came. What did come was Lohen snickering into your neck, his hair tickling your cheek as his head moved. Exerting enough energy, you release one of your arms to get hold of him.

Still laying on your right side, you freed your left hand to tug on his messy bed head. With a few gentle tugs, Lohen barely budged, but at the stronger yank! At his hair, a small hiss left his lips.

“If you’re gonna pull, you could do it a little harder, y’know,” He murmured against your skin; a small laugh escapes your lips before you can stop it. Lohen pulled you impossible as close as he could, clinging to you tightly. “Lohen, dearest I’d like to breath once in a while, please,” your words registered within him, thinking on it he did (almost begrudgingly) relax his hold on you.

“Thank you, I feared you were going to try absorb me with how tight your hold was”, your hand does massage his scalp, a soothing apology from before. Not that he cared for such, but he did relish in your touches.

He didn’t parry your attempt at banter, instead his hands continued to firmly hold you. Lohen’s fingers wishing to sink into your skin, feel your warmth underneath every digit. His skin felt electric, buzzing for more.

The barrier of your clothing did little to quell his dilemma. His breath against your neck, the small pants released from his lips warmed the surface of your skin, while giving you goosebumps. The buzz rolling down your spine, firing your nerves off at his slow exploration left you aching for more. A small gasp escapes your lips when you feel his lips press along your neck, Lohen worried he was crossing a boundary but instead your quiet noises encouraged him to continue.

His teeth nipped at your pulse point; his lips suckled on the skin as if he was trying to memorize your taste. A groan forms in his throat at your fingers tugging at his hair. Your nails scratching at his scalp so deliciously, your grip was firm as he liked it. His focus was everywhere but always on you, time melted away as he pressed closer into you. Wishing just to sink into you, carving a place into you only for him to rest in forever.

Your breath hitched when his fingers slipped under your sleep shirt, they didn’t dare move further than your stomach, but the touch was electrifying. Lohen inhaled deeply into his nose, shuddering slightly from feeling the warmth of your skin, his body felt like it was burning. That with each touch it would scorch your skin.

His lips pulled away from your neck leaving a mark in its wake. Even in the darkness of the room, he imagined it was noticeable enough for someone to take notice. To see his claim on you, his devotion to you and only you.

He knew possible when this haze is over, you’d probably scold him about having to hide it, but he could not bring himself to care. He didn’t want it to be hidden either, he wanted everyone to see, you were his.

As he was yours.

The quiet thing he had yet said aloud, but this will do…for now.

There was a warmth settling in the bottom of your stomach, a tingling so light and faint you could have imagined it. But the pooling warmth made you grip onto Lohen’s forearm. Stabilizing yourself from dipping in.

The room was warm; in the corners of your vision, it felt fuzzy. You could argue that getting this heated over him giving you a hickey should be nothing, but the ache growing across your body didn’t seem to agree. In the darkness, against your skin you could feel him smiling against your neck, his lips were moving but you couldn’t hear a thing he was saying.

Your head relaxes against the pillow; your hand comes to a stop within his hair. The rise and fall of your chest eases back into a steady rhythm.

No movement was felt, as if the moment would shatter right before you.

He pulled away from your neck; his hand removes itself from your stomach to cup your cheek. Turning you to face him. Your foreheads were pressed together.

He really thought you’d tell him to ease up by now, but in truth, you didn’t want him to.

The mixing of breath highlighted how close you were, morning breath or not, he wanted to taste you. To find a satisfying end to his starving search. His fingers twitch against your cheek, his touch felt like lighting you aflame.

Lohen’s eyes fall to half-lidded, his lips were only a whisper away-

Yet, it felt like the air gets snatched away from both of you at the loud unforgiving knocks at your front door. The fuzzy feeling swirling in your chest, the warmth beginning to pool in your lower abdomen dissipates at the interruption.

Blinking slowly, you try to believe it was just something your mind made up, to find logic and reason within the haze of untapped arousal, but no. Because Lohen too tensed, his body felt rigid against yours.

Lohen could feel his hips aching, there was a throbbing sensation tearing at his sensation that needed to be brought to attention. You both keep eye contact in the darkness, almost as if a prayer would come to not break everything.

The knocks come again, and again. Insistent for your immediate attention. Then a faint shout was heard too, calling either yours or Lohen’s name. Only muffled by the heavy wooden door.

A curse leaves his lips. It sounded more like a snarl than anything. Almost painfully he tears himself away from you, slipping his arm from your torso, slightly heavy and numb from the pressure of your body. The tingling feelings returning to his nerves only added to his frustration. Whoever was beyond that door should pray for interruption; he swore it on his heart.

Lohen was about to step out of the bed, but your hands quickly pull him back down only to press a kiss to him cheek. You find your voice after clearing your throat, your lips tickle at his ear.

“You’re paying me back for the hickey.”

Despite his frustration, he huffs a laugh and leans down to nod. His lips kiss your cheek. “Whatever you say my captain”, the knocks come again. With a roll of his eyes, he leaves your embrace.

He leaves the bedroom, groaning as the knocks bounce around the front room of the house. With a “alright, alright I’m coming”, he unlocks and opens the door. (Although he acts like it takes forever just to spite them. I mean they were taking away from his direly needed time.)

When he finally opened the door, Lohen was greeted with a panting knight, the poor fool held out a few letter stacks. He quickly tried to catch his breath; he could tell he came at the wrong time from how little the vice-captain spoke to him. Catching his breath, he quickly gets it out.

“The Grandmaster is moving your assignment up a few days; he states it’s gotten dire sir. So instead of Sunday, you’ll be leaving in two days”, He hands Lohen the letter from Varka. It was official and signed. Varka even added his deepest apologies for any problems that were to arise.

“Terribly sorry sir, but the situation has changed and things have progressed a little bit too-”, He begins trying to apologize, Lohen dispels his fearful nature.

“I understand, please inform the Grandmaster I’ll be ready to leave tomorrow night if needed…just let me tell my wife first.”, he adds it with an (frankly unsettling), smile. The knight nods again and salutes to leave. As soon as the door closes, Lohen wanted to crumble.

He was supposed to have at least a few more days. Now its possibly the day after tomorrow, at the latest? He gritted his teeth, eyes rolling back. At any other point in time, he’d be jumping at the reins to get ready to go, but right now? Right now? The excitement from his morning wood was reminding him of what was stolen from him moments ago, and now he must go tell you that he’s due to be gone soon?

“Anemo Archon be with me.”, but not even Barbatos would let him off for this one.

The assignment could take days, possibly weeks of him being away from home. That puts a damper on all things upcoming. He still hasn’t received an invoice from his parents; he still needed to tell you about the information from the church.

Your footsteps quickly approach, Lohen was standing completely still staring at the back of the door.

“Lohen… Lohen?”, you repeated his name. His deep cycle of thoughts was broken when he felt you approach closer. His mind quickly was made up. Turning to face you, the life comes back to his eyes.

“I have to leave for my assignment in two days. There was a change of plans and now its been moved up.” He explains, he was hoping for you to be upset or even angry. But instead, you nodded and didn’t offer argument.

It was expected as being part of a knight’s duty, things happen. (He wants you to be a little greedy with him, but he still appreciates your level-headedness)

“So that means you’ll group up with expedition or the team you’re given today or tomorrow…perhaps the Grandmaster will call you for a meeting-”, you were already thinking of the procedures to be taken from the information. Which makes Lohen inwardly chuckle, you truly were such a busy body, you take work so seriously.

He stops your deduction but cupping your cheeks, squishing them with the palms of his hands. (you think this habit of his needs to be put to a stop, but you won’t ruin the fun he has)

“No.”, he says with a closed-eye smile.

“Hwuh?”, your muffled voice sounds in shock, it was cute.

“No, because we are taking the day off.”, he stops squishing your cheeks and instead settled on pinching your cheek. Taking your sleepy cuteness in was so much for him, that and seeing the hickey on your neck. The cuteness aggression was getting the best of him.

“We?”, you repeated in shock again.

“Yes, we. We are instead going to do a fun-little drop in on my parents. I’m tired of waiting and want to get it over with. So, I’m going to tell headquarters that we had a small family emergency, so we need the day off. Easy-peasy.”

“Isn’t that lying?”, you deadpanned but he instead patted your head, Lohen shakes his as he continues his slight mockery.

“Not if its somewhat true, besides the Grandmaster should be reluctant to give it to me seeing as he spurs this on me. And this early in the morning too mind you.”, He ceases his petting at your swatting hands.

“And if he says something, I can just give him something else to focus on, its been a while sense I’ve tested his awareness, think of it as payback.”, he shrugs and begins thinking about some ways.

“You mean spiking his drink again? I swear I feared I’d be laid out somewhere if you kept trying that on me”, your worries earned a barking laugh from Lohen, so badly he had to hold his stomach. His giggle fest was so profound you’d think a tear came to his eyes.

“Really? Well maybe I should for old times. You trust me too much to leave your drinks unattended near me, what, should I give you something to relax? Burn you from the inside out? I can make anything you desire babe, name it and its yours.”, he happily listed the options off.

Your silence and displeased look was more than enough fuel for him. You begin to think you should never have said anything at all. Lohen takes it with pride. He has yet to successfully get you, most times you either forget the drink or someone else offers to take it. Looking back, it’s ironic. He notes all the opportunities now, almost shockingly way too many.

Perhaps his growing soft spot for you stopped those attempts. He didn’t like the idea of (unwanted or unnecessary) harm coming your way from his hand. Even with something as simple as a little spiked drink (The Grandmaster has been found hunched over from failing one of these little “checks”).

He was really wrapped around your finger now that he thinks about it…

“Lohen?!”, your voice breaks him out of his thoughts, your arms were crossed. Awaiting his final sentiment about the days agenda. “We’ll visit your parents today, should I bring a gift, I’d feel odd just appearing at someone’s home without anything.”, you were already pondering it over.

Turning away from him you walked back to the bedroom, thinking about what you should wear, what gift to bring, what time you were going to “drop in”, all that. Once you were back upstairs, he let himself smile a little.

His smile was interrupted at your scream of pure terror. Such a sound causes him to panic, quickly climbing the stairs at an alarmingly quiet yet intense speed. He appeared in the bedroom, scanning for you, instead the bathroom light was on. Entering in the doorway, Lohen witnessed you inspecting your new marking.

“Its huge! How in Barbatos’s name am I supposed to hide this? Lohen!?”, you hissed his name. The hickey was about the size of a singular coin of mora, accompanied with small marks from his teeth nipping at your neck.

Lohen nearly fell to the floor laughing, holding his stomach. His smug little smile and snickers earned him a look from you. Not a kind one. You playfully kicked at his size.

“Ah- uh, you could hide it, if it bothers you so much.”, he reasons, trying to find balance back on the bathroom doorframe. You shot him a glare. “How? Wear a scarf? It’s the middle of summer?! Archons..”, you whispered under your breath.

Thankfully, through the grace of some Archon out there, you did find a summer outfit that had a high enough collar to hide it. You are meeting his parents after all. Lohen was pushed out the bedroom to allow you to get ready, he took his seat on the stairs feeling liked a kicked puppy.

“I see nothing wrong, you look wonderful babe”, he called from outside the door. When the door quickly opened and a pillow came flying out towards his head (he easily caught it, but won’t deny the force of the throw), he giggled like a small child being sneaky. It was all too cute.

It was a good morning to say the least, he just hopes the afternoon is the same.

--

Your nervous hands gripped so tightly onto Lohen’s hands he thought you were going to strangle him. He had to reassure you twice already that its fine, and most likely his parents will adore you. (He already does)

Despite the lack of feeling in his hand, he too felt nervous. He was starkly reminded at how poor of “courting” and “handling” he had with you. Not in a traditional sense some would think, but rather how hurried everything was. Perhaps his parents may point that out. If he had the chance to do all this over, he would have unraveled you slowly, taken his time to dissect you and this relationship.

These ideas however can wait another time, “you can always court someone in your marriage” Lohen reasons, though it seems impossible. He takes a glance at you, walking hand in hand with him, he can feel your anxiety radiating off of you.

As troubling as it was, and somewhat nerve racking, he found it charming. Some he’s courted in the past barely showed their emotions upon meeting his parents, but to see someone he revered and respected so highly squeeze his hand like a lifeline was warming his heart. It meant you cared.

Reaching the house, he watched you take a deep breath, prep yourself then nod. Lohen gives your hand a good squeeze, then he raised his fist to knock against the door.

He didn’t tell his parents about this drop in, but it was the middle of the week, in the afternoon with nothing significant going on. They must be home today at least.

Seconds pass before the door cracks open, revealing an a slightly older woman. Her eyes adjust for the rays of sunlight behind you, casting a shadow forward. Once she adjusted, her eyes widened upon recognizing her son’s features.

“Lohen?”, she whispered, almost in disbelief. Your gut felt like it was going to lurch forward, but you swallowed it down. She quickly looks beside him, her gaze falling onto you. “Oh my…”, she whispered. With stern quickness she ushered you inside, she began explaining that it was only her home today.

“I do apologize, I was not expecting guest so please excuse any mess…did you two come far?”, her voice was soothing, motherly in tone. However, her astonishment was hard to miss, perhaps she was going to have a relaxing afternoon. Standing in the front entrance of the house, you quickly took off your shoes to show respect for her home. With a quick set of introductions out of the way, she shook your hand, smiling at your presence.

“You seem so lovely, Lohen did mention in some of his letters about his famed captain, but to meet you in real time, oh my.”, she showed you through the home.

“We came from the port, I forgot to mentioned in my letter that we moved in a few weeks, almost a month ago.”, Lohen answered, he maneuvered himself through the space, his mother seemed displeased about the neglected information.

She eagerly welcomes you to join them both in the living room. The questions she ask began to fly past you, whirling into deeper questions you didn’t want to think too deeply about.

“So, when were you going to mention your marriage?”

“When did you two get married? Where? Did you have a ceremony? Are you going to have one?”

“Lohen don’t tell me you courted your coworker?! What would your superiors say?”

“How long did you intend to court? Only a few weeks? Months?”

“Have you thought about future plans in your marriage? Children, living expenses, where do you live in the port area? Are there any schools or places for childcare nearby?”

You had to give the woman credit; she was being stern about her son’s interpersonal relationships. Thank goodness the Knights of Favonius are much kinder (also lax) about such. Everyone at 5th company and headquarters seemed overjoyed at your union, less likely talking about the superior/inferior implications.

“Well, it’s not necessarily inferior ma’am, I see Lohen on equal terms of leadership for the sake of 5th company ma’am. I have no intention of placing him as such.”

She seemed skeptical of your response but took it well. Lohen was insistent that your professional relationship wasn’t bordering into your personal. The intimacy you share is for behind closed doors, he happily boasted. It made his mother laugh, but she quickly corrected her manners and nodded.

“That pleases me, we were worried about your marital status, which is why we contacted the Cardinal for aid, we just didn’t want you wasting your life away too soon…with how dangerous work for the Knights can be, your travels from Nod Krai, we just wanted to ensure that you had a marriage that could work. One that could last.” There was a small sound of bitterness in her tone. No, not bitterness, but something somber. Fear perhaps? You could not place it but there was something leading deeper than what it seemed.

“Well, we are married ma’am, so there is no need to worry further. I can assure you that I won’t be leaving Lohen’s side any time soon.”, your smile added warmth to your answer.

“She’ll have to pry me away from her.”, he added, causing you to nudge his side. But he was not wrong.

A few more minutes of talking, Lohen’s mother offers some refreshments, some “road snacks”, as she didn’t want to take up too much of your time. A bummer really since you both did get the day off. (Jean owed it to you from times before)

“Would you mind dear [name]? A little help and chat?”, from her voice, you had no choice. You quickly followed her into the kitchen, passing by you saw old pictures of Lohen from his childhood. You noticed a gap in the years frankly, but in the earlier pictures he was adorable.

You almost miss the slightly off edge he has. Almost, but it adds charm to him now, you think. Your footsteps approach the kitchen, his mother was quickly setting a small tin of cookies, grabbing jams, teacups, and mugs out. She smiled once you entered, urging you closer.

“I thank you for popping by today, I do apologize at the lack of preparation and time, I would have done a little bit more than this.”, she frowned a little.

“Oh no, thank you ma’am, you allowing us into your home for a visit is very kind of you.”, you were being polite, standing closer towards the counter she huffed a little.

“It gets tiring you know? Meetings so many in the past many years, just hoping one stuck.”, she sighs. Your brow raised in confusion. “Excuse me?”

“Matches, courting attempts, I swear some of the girls we picked weren’t going to last, but we tried anyways. We just wanted him to have someone, but here you are! The one that stuck, its miraculous, really.”, it sounded like a compliment, and probably intended to be one, but it did sting a little.

“For instance, that Elise girl? Lovely, terribly so, just the sweetest..”, you nodded in agreement, Elise was sweet, and one of a kind. You wondered if she had returned to the city any time soon.  But your mind quickly shuffles that away to continue listening.

“I thought they were lovely together, just the cutest, but unfortunately the signs appeared, and suddenly Lohen writes to us from Nod Krai that he not longer wished to court her. I was so disappointed! But I understood, some things weren’t meant to be it seems.”

“I see, well fortunately you won’t have to worry any longer ma’am.”, you reassured her, you arms crossed over each other. She turned to look at you, a kettle in her hands.

“Why’s that dear?”

“I do not intend to leave. Or be pushed away, nor do I think Lohen has a similar intention.”, you state firmly, keeping eye contact with her.

There was good intention in his family’s cause of finding him a marriage that can stand the test of time, but with that good intention, it simply what it is. An intention.

You tried not to think about how many people Lohen had to meet on his parents accord, the idea made a shiver crawl up your spine. You too understand the sentiment, your parents and family tried similarly. But at some point they gave up to allow you to explore.

“Well, many have said that, and…here we are. I don’t want to imply you won’t stay [name], but I also don’t want my son explaining to me that he lost another one, a good one at that.”, she added quickly. “You’re a wonderful woman, from what I’ve read. And heard, whispers from town travel you know.”

Was it really whispers if some people shouted it? Not really but you agreed, nonetheless.

“Again, ma’am. I do not have the intention to just leave, Lohen and I are married legally. The church approved it, if needed I could show you my marriage license.”, if it took to convince her with evidence, (like you originally planned), then that’s what you’ll do.

She stares at you for a moment, setting the kettle down on the stove top she takes a good ponder at you. The wheels turn in her head, but at how serious you were, she decided to take your word for it. With a smile she apologizes for her slight scrutiny.

“I apologize then, I just wanted to be double sure, now, strawberry or blueberry? I also have some raspberry cookies, some crumpets I picked up..”, she quickly changed her tune, warming up nicely. You help her make some tea and coffee, chatting about Lohen as a child.

Stories of his early childhood, offering to show old baby pictures if she had any lying around, her small hints at grandchildren which left you stuttering. Your mind drifted back to earlier that morning, the warmth on your face made her laugh.

Upon returning to the main sitting area you found Lohen sitting perfectly still. Narrowing your eyes at him, he shakes his head as if nothing happens. He instead steals a cookie from your plate, listening in on your conversation with his mother. You talk about all sorts of things, things he blanks out on. Only occasionally sharing a joke or laughing, but he mostly remained quiet. Just observing your interactions, mesmerized by them.

He was listening in on your conversation, standing silent as a statue near the kitchen doorway. Hearing the multiple confirmations of you staying, not just because of his job, but for the possibility of him- it made many things shift in him.

Your conversations stretch into early evening/late afternoon. You unfortunately bid goodbye to his mother, her yelling from the front door “I hope to see you soon!”, but Lohen smiled and waved. He remained eerily quiet, the entire walk back he barely spoke. Too deep into his thoughts. You didn’t ask, fearing it would ruin his mood, or do something worse. Instead, your hand found his as you walked.

Upon touching you, his hand squeezes yours happily. But the grasp on your hand felt different, not the carefree holds he usually has, not the teasing flickering of his fingers to try and tickle your palm, but it felt firm. Desperate in its hold, that if you let go, you’d disappear from him.

He was thankful his mother did not mention anything further about the church, because as you approached your shared home, he knew what he needed to do. To clear the air and get things off his chest.

You felt similar, your mind quickly drifts back to the stack of letters from Elise sitting in your work bag. Hidden away to help you settle your growing feelings, to affirm the possibility of his.

Once the door was closed, the air was cold. Almost sucked out of life, sitting, waiting for something to spark. For a few seconds it was taunt like a drawn thread, waiting to snap. Taking a seat on the comfy sofa chair, you watch Lohen disappear into the house.

You watch, waiting for him to return. Silently you hated how quiet he truly could be if he wanted to, you had no idea what he was doing, his footsteps were deadly silent in this moment.

When he returned it was with an opened envelope, presumably a letter. Your heart spiked a little, worrying he found the letters and would confront you on them. Would he be upset at your small invasion on his privacy? That you spoke to his ex? You could argue you were just handed the letters, but it didn’t feel right with you.

Goodness your mind was pouring over every action, as he approached closer he handed the letter to you. Instead of the envelope you were expecting, this one…held the insignia of the Knights…and the cathedral…the address too.

“What...what is this? Lohen what is this?”, you asked, bewildered, your hands gently take the folded paper, opening it to read the contents. But your eyes remained on him. His expression was unreadable.

“It’s a letter from the Cardinal, confirming his conversation with the Grandmaster on my occupation status…from what the Grandmaster told me, and handed to me, a little while back…since the Grandmaster spoke to him on behalf of me.”, his eyes could not look away from yours, he was waiting, anticipating the fall.

“Why…when…?”, you asked, your words lost on your as your eyes scan the page. He understood your confusion and questions.

“Shortly before the party, the Grandmaster cornered me and asked about what was going on. He spoke to the Cardinal, then confirmed it towards me, he handed me the letter shortly after, I just never got the chance to tell you…until now.”, His throat felt tight. Not tight as in fear of crying, but tight in disappointing you. He didn’t want to withhold this from you any longer, it coming off his chest was nice, yes. But he fears now that you felt differently about him.

“I didn’t want to hide this from you, I was going to tell you- because of the poor timing this week and-”, he stopped when your hands sat in your lap, your eyes looking up to meet his.

“Why didn’t you tell me Lohen? Did you think I’d be mad? Did you not trust me or want to tell me?”, your eyes search his, looking for something to answer. You weren’t upset about the confirmation, rather concerned he felt the need to let the details slip from him. That perhaps he was worried you’d take it wrongly or be upset with him.

“I…”

“You?”, you parried after.

“I didn’t want you to leave.”, he quickly let it out. The words escaped him. Freeing themselves from the very depths of his soul.

He didn’t want this to end, he knew that. This marriage shouldn’t just disappear into thin air; it shouldn’t die because of an issued time constraint. He’d be dammed about it too, but he wouldn’t hate you if you did.

He couldn’t bring himself too, perhaps he was just too weak about it. Perhaps he loved you too much for it. You could take anything from him, anything, but not this. Not the happiness and love you have brought into his life, not the joy he gets from just being around you. He would not know how to survive without it.

“I didn’t want you to leave. I want you to stay, for us to stay…like this. Happily married, or at least what I think is happily married.”, He kneeled before you, his hands finding yours as he looked at you, a pleading man.

Like always, you manage to surprise him, even in this. Your hands turned upward to hold his, the letter falling to the floor, forgotten.

“Why would you think…I wouldn’t stay?”, your voice was soft, unprecedently soft. Fragile just like this. “I never once thought about leaving, not once…I even told your mother how much I’d like for us to remain this way…so why Lohen…did you think such?”

He couldn’t find an answer for that, but from his body language you could guess. He wanted, so desperately wanted to show you, tell you, let himself be vulnerable enough just to spell it out for you. His cowardice and fear of you seeing something you didn’t like was interfering with everything.

“You’ll see something you won’t like...that’s why.”

Your hand lifts from his, coming to cup his cheek, like always he softens into your touch, as if you were alleviating wounds. But this time your words carried such an emotional hit, he worried he’d die right there from.

“I won’t like what I see? Lohen, dear, beloved why would you say such, I like everything I’m looking at right now-what do you mean-”, but he shakes his head at your words. The confirmation of “like” wasn’t enough, it wasn’t so enough he started laughing, a pathetic almost sad laugh flees from his lungs. His hair moves with each shake.

“No…No, no…that’s not. That’s not what I want.”, he says shakily. You quickly try to comfort him, but his hand holds yours tenderly, pressing your hand firmer against his cheek. As if it will ground him deeper that you were still here.

“Then…what-what do you want?”, your voice was small, worry and concern were laced in your features. You wanted to fix this, to amend all of this, no matter how. You lean forward in the chair, trying to seep deeper, to take a deeper look into him. If you could, you’d scoop any fear from him and dispose of it yourself.

But with a shaky breath, Lohen huffs a small laugh, his face turns upward to meet yours. A true, small smile was on his lips. No matter how terrifying it was, dangerous, or even leading him to a nasty sting. He’d do it, now better than ever. He’ll find a way to forge himself out of the pain.

the collar of his white top was unbuttoned enough to expose some of his chest, and he had on a black vest which accentuated his oh so delicious waist which you wanted to grab right there and then without a care in the world. your eyes trailed back up to his neck, and his sexy ass collarbone you wanted to leave marks on was practically displayed for the entirety of teyvat to see, egging you on and—

"shamelessly ogling now, aren't you?" he asked knowingly, feeling your eyes staring straight at his practically bare chest. you quickly looked away with an awkward smile while you coughed into your hand. "c-captain! you requested—" interrupted mid speech, you were suddenly dragged into his office by the wrist as you heard his door slam and click shut behind you. oh fuck. "hey, wait—" you let out a whine as he grabbed you by the hair to shove your face towards his chest.

"go on, you slut. i know you wanna lick it, suck it, or whatever. i'm even being kind enough to give you the opportunity," he said with a mocking grin, tightening his grip on your hair. "mmh- lohen-" fuck, he smelled heavenly. it was enough to almost make you salivate—he had to have done this on purpose right? it's not like there was really anything special going on today, but of course he did this to rile you up.

glancing up at him through your lashes, you reluctantly stuck your tongue out, giving small kitten licks to the exposed skin on his chest. "oh come on, i know you can do better than that."

"shut the hell up," you huffed, rolling your eyes as you reached a hand out, dragging it up his waist and snaking it into his shirt to squeeze his chest, eliciting a groan from him which drove you absolutely insane. "haah- fuck, that's it, bunny—keep- nngh- going," oh, he was really doing this on purpose now.

you bit down hard, nearly drawing blood as he whimpered, breathing shakily and rutting his hardened cock against you. you tugged lightly at his nipple, moving your mouth up to leave quite a few hickeys along his neck and collarbone.

you winced as lohen yanked your head back, staring up at the complete mess you left him in. he was breathing heavily, face flushed with a furrowed brow, and a small line of drool coming from his mouth. fuck, he looked so hot.

"hey, don't think you're even close to done yet. on your knees, now."

His hands clench into fists in his lap, knuckles whitening with suppressed excitement. Was it foolish hope, or had you truly begun to believe his work on longevity might stand in defiance of Eleazar itself? Even so, you cautioned him gently, reminding him that the Akademiya’s six cardinal sins were not transgressions his supervisors would overlook: 

“You should've been my supervisor,” – he quickly interjected, arms crossed. “At least, a senior co-author. Are you truly certain you intend to leave after graduation?” 

Alas, your wistful smile confirmed you had already made that decision. 

Though Zandik inclined his head with due respect, the cast of his lowered gaze betrayed how bitterly he cursed fate once more. Had he only belonged to the same academic year as you, he might have shared so much more with you: his scholarly frustrations, sleepless research, the burdens of looming deadlines, and endless debate during field trips amongst the dunes of Deshret’s old kingdom. Lamentably, a young heretic like him could only covet an equal like you. 

You are far more intimidating than he expected. You sat there so calmly, pen moving across parchment like this is just another Tuesday. Yet when you stand back up, offering a gentle tap on his shoulder, Zandik’s face broke into an unfiltered smile he rarely wore in his scholarly career. It transforms his usually intense ruby eyes, rendering him to look exactly what he is – a mere young boy. 

“I'll take your words of encouragement at face value. Otherwise, I hope not all long-lived individuals such as yourself dispense polite encouragement to humor naive mortals?” “Maybe when I reach several centuries of age, Zandik. I am not that ancient yet.” 

When Zandik was 25, you watched him work tirelessly in Dar Al-Shifa’.

With a notebook in hand and chalk in the other, he scribbled tirelessly on the board in front of him. A crease formed on the bridge of his nose, right underneath his glasses. A white medical lab coat has replaced his once-pristine Akademiya uniform. 

"If I adjust the plasma conductivity here... no, this won’t do," – He mutters to himself as he scribbles furiously. Realizing he was far from alone in this room, he felt self-conscious of you watching him after hours again. A habit of yours lately, one he proudly memorized, even when your footsteps were soundless and your breathing undetected. "Oh! You're still here. Great, I will wrap it up to show you my progress."

You watch him fuss and mutter over cellular samples of the recent Eleazar patient. Simply resting your head on your palms, you remained seated by a medical table behind him. Any attempts to convince him that he was way overqualified for this run-down hospital remained futile.  

"If it keeps me afloat, then so be it. And it’s not like I can scavenge better opportunities elsewhere after my expulsion," – Zandik's shoulders tensed slightly, chalk dusting the fingertips of his gloves. "They're building a new wing for experimental treatments. More patients with Eleazar are coming in… This would be the perfect opportunity to experiment on the condition. What do you think?” 

You paid little heed to his pleas. Instead, you busied yourself checking the formulas written on the board here and there. Then, without warning, you turned to stare at him with such profound astonishment: 

“... You wear glasses now.” 

Zandik blinked at you. An embarrassing exhale escaped him, a sound halfway between frustration and affection. He abandoned the chalkboard entirely now, walking over to where you sit – "You're avoiding the topic again, aren’t you? I do not ask you out of whimsy, dear. I want to hear your opinion first and foremost. Always have." 

But both you and Zandik could already guess what you would utter. You knew these parts of rural desert villages. People here do not look kindly upon those who meddle with Eleazar, nor upon anyone who tampers with the ancient Khaenri’ahn machinery buried beneath the sands. To do so was akin to cursed omens. You shook your head: “Do something reckless, and they will exile you like Sumeru city did.”

The young man crossed his arms – “And is concealing your true age and origins from the villagers not equally reckless of you?”

Your eyes widened before your gaze drifted away in solemn silence. Indeed, neither of you was innocent, and the doctor sighed before leaning closer towards you.  

For seven years, since that golden afternoon at the Akademiya, through his exile, to your frequent visits to this remote hospital, the young doctor would gaze at you with an encumbered yearning. His desolation from Sumeru city was his burden alone, yet somehow, you’d return after him to ensure his well-being. Perhaps the shared disdain for the Akademiya’s taboos was what brought you to him as a senior, but to the young man, you were an image of everything he’d hoped to achieve. Was it immortality or change? His brilliant mind couldn’t grasp for an answer. 

"You think I care about exile?" he asked, voice low but intense. "They cast me out once already for pursuing forbidden knowledge. I was hoping that maybe after seven years, you'd see me as more than a puny junior. We can go together, it doesn’t matter where, even in the worst possible outcome. 

Silence followed. 

“... Eh? It's been seven years already?! Since when?!” 

You were helpless despite your seniority, Zandik concluded. 

When Zandik was 35, he proudly bore the title of the 2nd Fatui Harbinger before you. 

The luxurious Fatui facilities dwarfed the desert hospital; his excitement is ever maddening despite the decades. You, however, remained ageless and unchanged beside him. 

"You're looking at phase one of an artificial electrolyte solution," he said eagerly, gesturing to glowing vials on a lab table while you two toured his new laboratory. "Based on Khaenri'ahn bio-tech but adapted for human physiology. This allows for a better preservation of the segments I told you about."

He presented his first progress with confidence. Imitating ancient Khaenriahn alchemy as a framework for creating clones resembling him was a new idea, finally entering experimental phases rather than remaining theoretical. You, in the meantime, wandered the polished floors of his lab, a heavy Fatui coat draped over your shoulders as you read his notes on transferring embodied experiences and memories. 

“Mortality is nothing but a shackle, and for a segment it would be no burden,” – you remember he said. “Why would it be a shackle, Zandik? Immortality is more cursed when a person acquires it. After all, a human mind cannot comprehend so many centuries without any side effects.” “And would you consider your longevity a curse, then?” – He dared you, but you fell silent. 

He leans back against the lab counter, arms crossed as he studies your unchanged face. An eternity of familiarity in this world that keeps moving without you, while everyone you’d know and love would pass and fade away. 

"The segments would gather information from different times and different perspectives. Yet here I am at my height as a Harbinger, feeling more contempt than ever. None of it bears meaning if you're just going to outlive me by centuries."

Once more, you offered him that easy, distant smile: “You have much more to achieve than pursue me throughout centuries. You are a scholar after all, so I can only advise you so much as a senior. Besides, you now look more mature than I am. Had we remained at the Akademiya, most would mistake you for my senior instead.” 

Naturally, a scoff escaped him. Lately, you’ve been using quips about him looking older than you. He hovers close, hand cradles your jaw with careful, gloved hands as if cautious you’d vanish like a mirage in the desert he once fled from.

“If I'm to tear down and spite this decaying world,” – He whispered. “...I can't imagine wanting eternity with anyone but you. Be it through my own flesh or through my segments."

“What if multiple clones of you existed, which one of them would be the closest to the real Zandik?” 

He takes another step closer, close enough now that if either of you breathed deeply, your chests might brush: "Does it matter?”

Burdened with decades of unspoken admiration, the Harbinger leaned in to seal his lips with yours. And tragically for you two, you leaned in. 

Every time that young junior presented his work, he hoped for your approval. Every coffee break, he sat by your side but never touched. That night at the desert hospital, when it hit him that you'd never age like ordinary people, and never see him as an equal in mortal life, it became a condemnation to yearn for you more. It was his unspoken ‘I've loved you since forever’ – except for a mortal, his forever was merely decades, a minuscule blink of an eye for an immortal like you. Still here you were, hands clutching at his coat as you kissed him back. The Harbinger only pushed on with hunger to pour all his unspoken words against your lips, grasping your body flush against him even when pulled away in search of air.

“We shouldn’t, you know why,”

He knew. But his gaze hardened with pain of the expected rejection: “Do you regard me as a small blink in your life? Do not pity now, you of all people…”

“No, no,” – you shook your head, forehead pressing against his chest as your shoulder shook. “Don’t act as if I am an untouchable being incapable of understanding love. You know we shouldn’t because I-”

“Because you will outlive me, and it will break us both?”

Your eyes glistened at the thought. The Doctor only drew you closer, his head pressing to the crown of your hair.

“Or… you wish not to meddle with a heretic and let him grow old on his own?”

Thinking about it now, you should've smacked Zandik on the head more often for such words. Instead, you yielded, if only this once, to the desire between you, letting him lift you onto the table as he devoured your breath with a hunger shaped by years of discretion. Just this once, even if it meant your refusal would fracture yet another part of him. 

When Zandik was 80, you watched him create segments from various stages of his life. 

The lab grows ever more fervent with work and experiments. The various fragments of his own becoming have now meticulously embodied his personality and ticks from different thresholds of his life. Through it all, Zandik himself grew older. He may not have achieved immortality to stand beside you as an equal, but you chose to remain as an enduring friend. The day when he was 35, a Harbinger in his prime, you refused him. Not out of antipathy, it was a mutual decision you both agreed to. Would a heretic allow himself to wallow in his own longing till his elderly years? Each Dottore segment will give you a different answer.

Today, a familiar chorus of boisterous chatter spills into his lab. You had arrived for a visit. The youngest of the segments, the 8-year-old little Zandik, runs quickest to cling to your legs. The 18-year-old follows suit, already eager to show you his recent essay and research notes. Perhaps some things never change. “Easy, easy there! One at a time!” – you laugh, holding packed baklava confectionery away from 8’s grabby hands as you greet everyone with little treats from your travels. Even the 65-year-old segment cannot help but play the old charmer when greeting you with a bow of his masked head. 

Old man Zandik will have to reprimand his segments to respect your personal space. What a bunch of flocking children.

“You spoil the youngest too much,” – His voice rasped as he set a cup of coffee for you. Taking his seat opposite, he kept his cane in his grasp. “But I see you are eager to correct 18’s research notes. He says if he can’t get others to advise him, he’ll have you as his supervisor instead.”

You chuckled, a cup in hand.

“Ah, doesn’t it remind you of someone when they were a Trainee Dastur?”

Old man Zandik scoffed. Of course, they inherited his bodily experiences, perhaps even their adoration is part of him. Notably, you no longer looked as intimidating as you had when he remembered you from his youth. Poised as always, you sat ever the same, physically unchanged in posture and youth. Meanwhile, Zandik aged; his hair grew longer, and his skin wasn’t spotless. It’s basic biology; his reflection did not offend him.

“You know, I think you have changed,” – The Harbinger noted.

“...Me? Do we have matching wrinkles at last?!”

“Do not mock me now,” – he shook his begrudgingly, until his weary gaze settled deep into your eyes. “You look different. Your eyes look ever more distant. I assumed it was fatigue in your eyes at first, but you are not one to skip leisurely repose.”

You said nothing. Your gaze was indeed distant, despite the ever-gentle smile.

“Maybe you should get back to wearing glasses, then, because nothing in me has changed. Which, by the way, they looked good on you when you wore them at 25.”

“Hmph, my eyesight is perfect. At least you remember the years now. It’s unlike you.” 

The bickering between the senior and their junior resumed back and forth. Except that by this coffee table, it looked like an old man scolding an ignorant juvenile for being absentminded, while you chuckled and humored him over coffee. 

“Then in that regard, you haven't changed at all despite your years.” – your youthful hand came cradling his wrinkled one. “It's like I'm looking at the same 18-year-old I first met who sat across from me in the Akademiya library.”

The contrast was clear in your shared touch; his skin was now papery with prominent veins against your ageless one. Alas, you refuse to concede that your accumulation of decades had numbed you with inferential grief. He turned his palm upward to intertwine fingers with yours. For a moment, neither of you spoke.

“We didn’t meet at the Akademiya first.”

You blinked in confusion, “Eh? Yes, we did. You shared your outline papers and whatnot. That’s the first time I met you.”

The old man regarded you with a wistful smile, “Hm, are you certain? I recall it differently.” 

“Hey now, don’t pull my leg. We were both Akademiya students, though I was about to graduate when you were still a junior. I know that much for certain!”

“Ah, you are right, you are right. Never mind, perhaps my mind was just wandering.” – Zandik didn’t insist on the topic, softly deriving a different question quickly, "Will I see you tomorrow? The younger clones always ask when their senior advisor is coming by."

“Same time, as usual,” – You stood up. “I need to check on Feofan again since his corneal repair surgery. He seems to be faring well so far. But I will see you tomorrow.”

“Suit yourself.” 

With a quick peck to his temple, you scurried off without further words. His cup of coffee remained untouched till it cooled, while Zandik watched you silently depart. Once again, the heretic would rather let decades go by instead of confessing the unstated. He did not lie - he actually knew you before the Akademiya.

When Zandik was 8, you stumbled upon him as he ran away from a swarm of kids hurling rocks at him. You, of course, don’t remember it, for you never asked for his name then.

Tears blurred his vision when he ran. Scratches stung skin until little Zandik collided with your legs by accident. Fallen backward, he remembers lying there sniffling. With a stern bark, you reprimanded the street children and shooed them off. And why would you remember a fleeting encounter where you kneeled by a small kid, checking his scratches and mending him? The little child only stared at you with big ruby eyes that day, shakily explaining what happened.

When Zandik died on his 85th birthday, you didn’t come to visit.