Another Work In Progress

a figure in the night

Good God I fucking love Night Watch. Absolute Cinema. Easily my favorite Discworld book so far and I haven't even finished it yet. Like fuckin hell this hits so close to home with everything going on in the world right now.

So most stories take place when Events are Happening, and this means that no matter what kind of job the characters have, they’re probably not too focused on them. Fanfics, on the other hand, often show the down time. Which means that the writer has to figure out what the hell these characters do in their jobs. Unless the characters have a job the author understands or knows well, the author is often at a loss for what to have the character doing.

So they sit them at a desk and give them paperwork. What is the paperwork for? Rarely specified. It is Paper Work for the characters Important Adult Job they have and they need to read or sign it or something. And there’s always a line about how Character Hates Paperwork. Doesn’t matter if Character is a Mafia Boss or a General or a Diplomat, here they are in an office trying to get out of Doing Paperwork.

There’s also a sense of, like, humor and mundanity that comes with it. Like the examples above, it always particularly stands out to me when a dangerous individual is griping about some paper they need to sign or something. The less you can picture Character doing paperwork, all the better to force it upon them. If Character is saddled with Paperwork, they’re usually now concerned about the physical damages their motley crew causes, because damage = More Paperwork.

... but also there is a shocking amount of paperwork involved with most jobs. Does your job deal with money? There are ledgers and piles of invoices to handle. Does you job deal with building things? There is paperwork for acquiring, storage, and tracking of materials, and then more paperwork for the storage, sale, and distribution of finished products. Do you build experimental shit? All of that materials nonsense is still there PLUS now you have math and extremely detailed models to do to make sure your thing works. Over and over. Along with a whole lot of data for every test run, and then a lot of math and comparing numbers.

Is your job talking to people? Welcome to the world of correspondence, which, yes, a lot is verbal, but just as much is written, not to mention all bullshit to set up to maintain those networks and keep updated on any various projects or special interest groups that may be relevant, plus any/all reports required to keep your superiors (if you have any) updated on progress. Business communication counts as paperwork (where are my office workers out there who have spent three hours on an email so you dont get fucking roasted later, or so your project gets approved?).

Do you have a military command? Omg welcome to paperwork central (as confirmed by a friend of mine who is an O4), because everything needs to be tracked, and all things run on bureaucracy.

Lawyers? Holy FUCK the paperwork. Court documents don't write themselves, and there is a LOT of specific language, AND it needs to have references cited (there was a pretty spectacular couple of court case fubars recently about a couple lawyers trying to us chatgpt for it and fucking themselves and their client over HARD).

Are there folks who are "important" enough that they can push off any and all paperwork onto minions? Some, but they tend to be few and far between, and even very powerful people often like to personally ensure that said paperwork is being done right, which at least requires a review. Get enough projects going and employees, and even a basic glance over of each team's work just to make sure that the end product isnt a steaming pile of shit can turn into a LOT of reading. And potential editing, too.

So. Like. Yes. The mindless paperwork that a lot of fic authors use to fill in the narrative gaps in fic is amusing and sometimes ridiculous, especially if the character.in question doesn't have a 'job' per se, they just go DO STUFF. And yeah, there are definitely characters ans stories that excess paperwork doesn't make sense for.

Sexual harassment is the one we mostly see in TV because it has the most obvious opportunities for humor, but I also have to do insider training, data security and making strong passwords, combatting waste and fraud, HIPAA* compliance bc my job is Healthcare related, and more every single year. Not to mention trainings on how to use new software etc like how my company switches time card programs every time our introductory rate ends and there's a half hour video on where to go to click "clock on" and how to submit expenses and shit. At my job, we sometimes have to watch the same videos but for new clients, too. It's also just paperwork, they need to submit a form saying that everyone with access to their data knows not to post it on tiktok.

Even a mob boss has to watch a video to learn the new payroll software at his front businesses.

Are there jobs that have that kind of structure? Sure! Is it the majority of office jobs? Absolutely not.

1) Competence. What if your character is very good at doing paperwork? What if they know exactly how to charm permission out of building management to do a controlled explosion on a roof at 3am. What if they did their risk assessment three weeks ago (surprise) and so the villain can't legally stop the protagonists' plan even though they think they've got them cornered. What if they were highly literate and good at navigating the bureaucracy maze and able to use that to help other people. This can be a fun way to give any character agency, especially if they're not the type to blow things up themselves.

2) Obstruction. Speaking of villains stopping the plan, this is often how power is wielded against the underdog: through the paperwork piling up on your MC's desk. Wrenches are thrown in the works can be structural rather than personal, and that's often the letter, or the email, or the meeting they have to go to with their boss where they get their space freighter inspector badge confiscated for trying to stop the villain smuggling endangered space leopards. This is also a really good way to keep your villains 'on page' and remind the reader they exist while not have to write a scene with them every chapter.

3) Shoes to drop later. If a character is regularly going through large amounts of data and moaning AGAIN that the wizarding council wants to build a bridge on a CLEARLY unstable magical portal, this is both an easy Chekov's gun and a fun place to pull out details for detective work and later plot reveals. You've earned that information as a storyteller - it was right there on the page - and we believe the character pulled it out from the back of their mind and made the connection at just the right moment.

4) Malicious compliance. Listen I don't know what to tell you but if you jump through every hoop in the 'obstruction' column and then turn around at the climax triumphantly pulling a legal loophole on the antagonist I am putting your story in the High Art column.

5) Humour. Honestly this is mostly why I write it. There is something about Assessment 38-B, the plot that requires Assessment 38-B, the people who do not want to fill out Assessment 38-B, the people who are ADAMANT that Form 38-B needs filling out, and the character who finally writes 'Risk Assessment: Everything On Fire' and puts it on their commander's charred desk that is never not funny to me.