Random Ramblings

They fall into bed just in their boxers and Ilya is pulling Shane into his chest, curled close together under covers. They’re both nervous and giddy and excited and so fucking sleepy. Smiling like dorks and yawning into kisses. Feet playing under the blankets and shane is so happy he has to hide his smile in Ilyas neck because it’s embarrassing how pleased he is, Ilya in his bed. His real bed. With him at the cottage and there is no walking about the door just them and being honest and happy and Shane feels like his skin is buzzing. They shuffled cuddle and re adjust until Shane is laid on Ilyas chest, sprawled on top of him with Ilyas fingers slowly tracing up and down his neck. “M not too heavy?” Shane asks and he’s nuzzling his nose against ilyas pulse point. The bed smells like him, he knows they will fuck again in the morning but more than that he knows Ilya will kiss him sweet and slow hand on his jaw and throat until they fall back to sleep after. Knows he’ll get up with him after that, later in the morning, have a coffee with him sat out on the dock and then they will have the whole day to just be. But he asks that just incase, incase sleeping on him like this is too much, overheating Ilya or he’s too heavy on him. Ilya lets out an unhappy gruff and bites gently at the curve of Shane’s cheek “don’ move” he whispers back, words all mixed together.

So now people are all, “Oh my gosh! Shane Hollander accidentally hard launched a girlfriend! He has her name tatted on his leg!” And fans and hockey media who care are all trying to guess who the mystery woman “Ayli” is, because he broke up with Rose a year ago and hasn’t been seem with another woman since. Some people even think he secretly has a daughter, because of course Hayden and Jacki have a young niece or cousin over for the summer too, who happens to have dark hair and freckles.

Then you get a handful of fans who are like, “Not to be delusional, but… Shane’s tattoo definitely says, ‘Ilya’ backwards, and they have recently started popping up in tabloids together.” Which of course is met with pushback, because everyone thinks them hanging out is pr to kill their rivalry for some upcoming NHL brand deal or something.

But plot twist! Ilya was seen with “shh!” tattooed on his shin six months ago, but everybody just thought he was being silly ol’ Ilya. Yet now the delusional fans are like… “Wait a second… could ‘SH’ stand for Shane Hollander” To which they’re met with, “It literally says, “Shh!” as in “Shut up delusional shippers!””

The online speculation lasts all the way up until the season starts, and the two of them finally get asked about what their tattoos mean. Ilya of course has no shame and says, “It is a stamp. I belong to my husband.” Causing everybody to lose their minds, because married!? Husband!!?? And so the spiral begins, because people don’t know if he means his husband always tells him to be quiet, or if his husband has three initials.

Meanwhile, the Hollanov crew are on twitter like, “It’s Shane Hollander!” “What’s the third H? We have to figure out the third H!” and someone just goes, “It’s Ilya. He’s sarcastic but also very blunt, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it literally stands for Shane Hollander’s Husband!” And boom, brains explode, because of course that’s what it means! But the people who don’t ship them are in denial. “Shane has a woman’s name tatted on him! Shane has a daughter, but she lives with Hayden because Shane isn’t in a relationship and needs Jacki to care for her while he’s at work, duh!”

Then one day, after both of their teams are knocked out of the playoffs, Shane uploads a selfie. He’s wearing sunglasses and his legs reflect in them, and you can see a man’s hand gripping his thigh near his tattoo, wedding band visible. And of course because reflections are flipped, ‘ayli’ now reads ‘ilya’.

Hollanov shippers go crazy, but one tried and true anti goes, “It’s just a reflection! He’s obviously married to a woman! You can see brunette curls on his shoulder. @ ilyarozanov’s hair has never been that dark!” To which Ilya randomly posts a video of himself getting dye washed out of his hair. Caption: My husband prefers blondes!

BUT! but but but! I think it's also really important to remember that preparing for the worst case scenario isn't the only reason to educate kids about sexuality and their bodies! kids deserve to enter puberty understanding all of the changes they'll experience, and not just the growing and sweating. it's good for kids to understand the new desires they might start experiencing! it's good to know about intense new crushes and erections and wet dreams and sexual fantasies and masturbation! those things can be really, really scary and confusing for young people who don't have any framework to understand them, and it's really easy to feel like you're doing something dirty and inappropriate if no one has told you that sexual pleasure and curiosity is normal, healthy, and good.

biology doesn't give about what arbitrary age you've decided is appropriate for people to have this information. biology doesn't give a shit.

most kids are experiencing puberty by the time they're 13. trust me, they've noticed. they're sweating more, getting acne, growing breasts and body hair, getting their periods and bonded and wet dreams. one of my favorite students I've ever had was a very brave fifth grader who shared his experience about being confused and startled by his first ejaculations with the class, despite being visibly nervous and embarrassed to do so, because he was so relieved to learn that it was a normal thing he had experienced.

a lot of those kids already know they aren't cis and/or straight, well before they're teenagers. some of them aren't lucky enough to have support at home, at school, or with their friends. some of them are getting bullied. some of them already know that puberty is extra uncomfortable for them because it's giving them a body that feels hostile and wrong.

lots of those kids are masturbating! it's extremely developmentally normal for children, and even toddlers, to touch their genitals because it feels nice. they already know about sexual pleasure, even if they're lacking a wider understanding than "it feels good when I do this."

It's fun that Heated Rivalry got an adaptation, and it makes sense considering Jacob Tierney's prior experience making a hockey show. Heartstopper definitely deserved an adaptation, and it's worth celebrating how both Oseman and the actors' trajectories have skyrocketed (Oseman especially deserves to overthrow another English author).

At the same time, it's hard to miss that Check Please! arrived on the scene, and was even talked about in national publications, before both of those. It arguably helped to set the stage. Not to mention creating a poll powerful enough to be used (without attributation) by a random British show. Yet there aren't even rumblings about an adaptation, despite the fact that the way Ngozi structured the layout already is akin to a storyboard.

We learned that some humans are born mirrored. Their heart is on the right, their liver in their left, etc. Sometimes only a few organs are flipped which can present problems. Other times the person might have no idea until they seek medical advice for unrelated issues.

We learned that only a very small amount of blood vessels are genetically programmed to grow where they're meant to, and the rest get built as your body grows from embryo-size, blood vessels form where blood vessels are needed. Everyone's vein patterns are really different as a result, more individual than fingerprints.

We learned that kidneys and spleens have a high amount of variation.

We learned that pelvic bone structure is at most an indication of what sex/gender the person might have been, with at least 4 different types of pelvic shape, and none of them confined to only biologically male or female people.

The year before we had already seen this in action during dissection classes, where no two bodies looked the same, and none of them looked like the pictures in the textbooks.