i feel like there is a sleep in me that needs to be slept but each time i sleep i don't sleep that sleep

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

Hate how lighting a candle does wonders to my mood. Like wowwww. Grug like fire? Grug not sad anymore because Fire in Cave? Wow. Real predictable of Grug.

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

A comforting thought for anyone feeling stuck right now: fields have to lie fallow for a season so the soil can rest and recover its nutrients. trees look entirely dead in the winter, but underneath the bark, they are preparing for spring. you are allowed to have fallow seasons. you are allowed to be in a winter state. your productivity does not define your worth as a human being, nor does it define your talent as an artist or a creator. if the words aren't flowing, or the art isn't coming together, or you just feel tired—let yourself rest without the crushing weight of guilt. you aren't failing; you are gathering the nutrients you need for the next beautiful thing you make. 🤍

I wish I had cute tics i fucking wish I had tics that were cute and I could romanticize and that weren't ugly and awful and that im embarrassed about do you know how much easier this would be if my tics were small and cute that would be so great but no my tics are horrifying and painful there's nothing cute about hitting yourself or your neck jerking around im in so much pain this fucking sucks why couldn't I get cute small tics that everyone can just coo about and then we all move on

Honestly I don't think you should need a diagnosis of anything to get HRT. I think you should just be able to go buy it at CVS like it's ibuprofen.

I genuinely think abled people don’t understand how disability works. it’s not a “I don’t feel like working so I’m going on disability” because getting disability is one of the most challenging aspects of being chronically ill and disabled. you have to prove you’re sick, you’re fucked if you’re young or if you haven’t “worked enough hours” it doesn’t matter how much you “prove” you’re disabled, 9x out of 10x, you’ll be denied. you could be trying to get disability up to 5 years. you’ll be denied for months, years, and how are you going to earn any money if you’re not working? you can get an attorney but once you get your disability and that’s a strong if, you’ll owe them a shit ton for fees. what’s the bitter pill you have to swallow? disability money usually isnt that much. it’s not enough to survive. how are you going to afford your treatments, meds, shit that you need to survive and function IF YOU ARENT GETTING PAID??????! it’s really not this “hey they don’t want to work so they’re going on disability” it’s a we’ve lost the ability to work, we can’t function, working is too taxing on our bodies physically and mentally. trying to get disability feels like a last resort for me. oh, I’m struggling so much that I can’t even sit down and type? my hands are hurting that much? am I really in that much pain?disability, it’s not some holiday you take. getting disability is not the easy task ableists think it is