Don’t Read Comics It’s A Trap

‪here’s all you need to know‬

‪‪anakin good kylo bad‬

‪finnpoe 💗💓💘💕💖‬

‪reylo 🤢🤢🤮🤢🤮‬

all star wars women are *chefs kiss*

anakin and obi wan share one brain cell‬

‪jar jar binks = annoying‬

‪samuel l jackson has a purple light saber because he’s samuel l jackson and he can

‪luke and leia are siblings and they kissed once but we don’t talk about that‬

anakin killed a bunch of children but we don’t talk about that either

lesbian klingons:

Do questioning Klingons ever show their crush their poetry, only to have their crush assume that he’s helping them proofread or something?

Is there ever an issue where a lesbian Klingon tries very awkwardly to recite poetry to her lady love? 

Or instances where two lesbians are basically beating the shit out of each other and both thinking “I know she thinks this is just a regular old gal fight, but no, seriously, I’m trying to declare my intentions here”?

We learn together over time that tolerance /

#1: Attack of the Clones: The absolute most feral incarnation, gaslights drug dealers and causes ship crashes. Gets knocked out in one punch. Has a mullet. Potential war criminal. Kills so many fucking people. Enjoys arson.

#2: A New Hope: Has lost all sense of caring. Walks up to Vader and dies instantly. Answers everything and also nothing, just says what shit comes to his brain first. Eats sand. Looks like this (He’s only 53). Never appears in the new trilogy out of spite.

#3: 2D Clone Wars: Genuinely depressed or sick any given moment he’s on screen. Having a consistent crisis every waking second of his life. Anakin is making him age faster than he can comprehend. Living embodiment of a cold.

#4: Revenge of the Sith: “Hello there!”, the most reasonable and balanced of the Obi Wans. Has a cool ass lizard he rides. Destroys a scary robot guy. Medium tier because this is the control Obi Wan and the most accurate depiction of his personality.

#5: 3D Clone Wars: This Obi Wan FUCKS. Has a girlfriend. Does a lot of random shit both for clout and out of humility. Low on the list because of lack of war crimes and having a severely calm and consistent temperament, also was a whole other dude at some point.

#6: Phantom Menace: He’s baby. ( “Counterpoint: He saw his master die to a sith lord and threw hands and vivisected the bitch” - @limedtown​)

#7: Lego Star Wars: He’s a lego what the fuck is he going to do

BONUS: Cursed Obi-Wans too complex for me to describe on this list

picard: one-sided but not bad. 6/10. keep in mind you are risk for recieving a little kiss on the cheek.

riker: great if you like bear hugs. will hold you tight but not in an uncomfortable way and maybe even lift you off your feet a little. 8/10

troi: empathic powers = expert cuddler. very light hugs as opposed to riker, probably wears some nice smelling perfume. 8/10

la forge: somewhere between riker and troi, a happy medium. will probably give you a reassuring pat on the back. 9/10

worf: i asked the discord server about this and they all agreed worf is a ‘surprisingly good hugger’. 7/10 but you may be hurt in the process

data: physically… 5/10. he stays absolutely still and doesn’t squeeze you at all because he’s afraid of crushing you to death, which to be fair he is capable of doing. but emotionally? 100/10, fuck yeah dude you got to hug mr data

wesley: awkward teen hug. 5/10. good effort, practice needed.

dr crusher:.im really not sure on this one. kind of a mom hug, you know? you know. 7/10

lwaxana: good if she does it in a platonic way. comforting. but if you are Her Type? watch out. averages at 6/10

barclay: completely rigid, sweating profusely. will squirm his way out of your grasp like a nervous little worm. 3/10