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FAVORITE SCENES FROM BECOMING ELIZABETH: 7/∞
"This is not the woman I have come to know. Unlike everyone else, choosing their path based on what has the least risk and what has the most gain, you simply do what you believe is right. I have never known anything like it, anyone like that."
"... everybody deals with possible grief in their own way, and Siegfried has to try and be a shoulder to cry on if it's needed, and a hand to hold if one would help." Sam West
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No one treats Marcus Moreno's wife this way. Or Whiskey's sweetheart. Those relationships are allowed to exist in those two characters' backstories. In fic, Marcus and Jack are both allowed to keep the memories, emotions, and love they felt for these two nameless, faceless female characters that were never shown on-screen in canon.
It is only Tess - a character whose name we know, whose face we've seen, whose history we've been told, and whose death we've watched - it is only Tess and Joel's love for her that fandom is so desperate to whitewash out of existence. It doesn't matter that Tess is just as dead in canon as Marcus's wife and Jack's sweetheart are. Rather than explore what it means to open yourself up to love again and to make yourself vulnerable again after discovering that refusing to give name to the love you felt for 13+ years did nothing to protect that person from harm and did nothing to lessen the pain you felt after losing them in such a quick and brutal way...rather than explore all of that, people rather act like she never existed. Or even worse - have Joel act like she never existed.
I also think it’s in part also in how Tess is presented. She’s not portrayed in the male glaze, she’s not overly effeminate - she’s Joel’s equal, he actually diverts to her on several occasions. So it becomes almost a disbelief of why Joel would be attracted to that - that he deserves someone soft, as if there’s no way Tess or anyone else could love him like the person he ends up with.
It’s probably also experience perhaps? When you do meet ‘the one’ you at that point are the accumulation of all your past experiences and that includes relationships. Maybe it’s Joel that’s the right person for ‘insert whichever character’ because of Tess? That his experiences and feelings for her are the foundation for anything that grows after the events of TLOU?
I also think that some people don’t recognize that different doesn’t mean bad and you can love/like/care for a series of people that may not share commonalities.
I don’t know, it’s almost midnight here and I could ramble on this all night. Because don’t get me started on the treatment of Carol…
How Tess gets treated I don't get because she is dead, and Frankie's "ex" definitely gets unwarranted hate in fics when her leaving Frankie would be warranted, but it's obvious why Carol and Lucilla get pushed aside/hated because the writers want to have the love all on reader.
It's a problem of reader inserts.
You can't be Carol so you've got to get rid of her/have a reason Dave left her/cheated on her or she left him (easy, she finds out he's a killer for hire - but then she'd call the cops and Dave would be in jail - no reader romance likely).
I haven't read too many Dave fics to know if they write her in a mean way, but I get why she and Lucilla are cast aside. I have a WIP for Acacius and I am trying to figure out a way to have him alive and Lucilla still dead because that's the only way a reader fic would work (I don't write threesomes; I don't like sharing anything), unless I go a full on AU. Which a lot of Acacius fics are anyway - reader replaces Lucilla. I would love to see more Pedro characters who are written with their partners but I also don't feel like writing them much. It's not popular and we don't see them enough to get attached (except Tess, I love Joel/Tess). Bet you butt I'll probably end up writing Reed/Susan cause I already ship them from when the 2005 Fantastic 4 movie came out. Either that or I simply won't write/read for Reed.
Ah, I also remember how people insisted Joel didn't love Tess because of what she said to him in their last interaction, ignoring the clear pain in his eyes and claiming him incapable until Ellie opens his heart. There was a big thing on Twitter about Joel/Tess NOT counting for Valentine's Day because they weren't a "real" couple. Which is why I hold some disdain for the writers/director not letting them ever kiss. Because that's the only way to convince people a couple is real apparently. Joel loved Tess, he just had a hard time expressing it in words; he showed it in other ways.
I’m here for all the General Marcus Acacius fanfics, but special shoutout to those who will write about his relationship with Lucilla, played by the gorgeous Connie Nielsen. Cheers to the reverse age gap! 😉
I was so excited when I realised she's a good ten years older than him! Fucking finally Hollywood (but it won't last because in FF his character's wife is played by someone who is 13 years his junior).
But I also know we as a fandom will immediately come up with ways to kill her off or just ignore her all together 😋
(In reality, Lucilla was assassinated by Commudus back in 182, long before Commudus himself was assassinated by his wrestling partner in 192. She was only in her early 30's, but historical accuracy was never Ridley Scott's thing...)
I personally love writing canon fic. I'll fully admit that I jumped into xReader because it seemed like what people wanted but I am so excited to get to know Lucilla because I feel like it would be fun to write her and Acacius when they first meet.
Plus, there are so many writers out there who are better at xReader than I am so I'm looking forward to the challenge!!
Thinking about how happy Acacius at home, sipping his fav drinks, plays with the puppies he raised together with Lucilla, and sleeps in her arms every night.
summary: Two years after the death of Commodus and the rise of Emperor Septimius Severus, newly-married Lucilla and Marcus Acacius welcome their daughter into a Rome that is still in need of saving. Lucilla grieves the son she had to send away while once more grappling with her duties as a wife, a mother, and the daughter of a fallen emperor.
tags (subject to change): alternate universe, pre-canon to sequel events, canon divergent, romance, love, family drama, Roman customs and words, references to real historical people and events, future sexual situations, historical inaccuracies
a/n: I probably only wrote this for me and a few of my friends who wanted to see more of Acacius and Lucilla (while also throwing in some extra stuff just for fun). I don't know if I'll ever get around to it, but I have so many ideas for this story. I plan to include the second movie's plot with a few twists and turns of my own. So, uh, stay tuned, I guess.
...
194 A.D. Mensis Martius (month of March)
Rome, Italy
His daughter is born in the evening following the spring Equinox when the darkening sky bleeds hues of yellow-red as if Dionysus himself has given his blessing to this miraculous event.
It is an honorable day to be born. One shrouded by Mars’ mighty fire.
Acacius knows this to mean his daughter will grow to have an iron-will forged by the flames that will mold her into the woman the fates ordained her to be long ago. She will be strong and fierce. A force to be reckoned with. Ambitious and worthy.
It matters little that she is not a son. She will bear his name and his legacy and that is enough.
Acacius finds that he has never cared much for a male heir. He need only know that his child’s heart will beat steadily, with strength and reliability. That she may know of what she carries the moment she comes into this world. She will be his beating heart and his reason. Just as his wife has become a beacon of light to return to in their blossoming companionship, so will his daughter be too. He will carry her with him too, hidden beneath his armor, safe in the capture of his ribcage.
He inhales a breath that shakes and his nostrils flare, growing ill at ease the longer time passes without noise, without news.
The breeze that caresses his skin is neither hot nor cold, but he has no patience to truly appreciate it as he paces the balcony, his gaze torn between the city alight below and what awaits him inside where his heart truly lies, a tug he cannot heed to as much as his legs long to carry him to his wife’s side, to bring comfort and strength, and look on with pride while she bears his child.
Acacius hears a precious piercing cry fill the air, and the elation that balloons in his chest cavity fills him with that same vibrant light of the sun that peeks over the horizon, playful and warm and promising to arise once more the next day.
His eyes leak drops he makes no move to swipe away.
They are tears of joy for his daughter’s birth. For her cry of life that punctures his chest, leaving him with a sweet ache beneath his breastbone. He breathes through the rush as his vision swims, at once both heady and all encompassing.
He is a father now. His duty now two-fold.
Acacius whispers a prayer of thanks to the gods for blessing him so completely, for allowing Lucilla and his baby to survive. He knows not what he has done to deserve it, but he vows as surely as the sun rises to cherish it for all eternity.
It is only a matter of time before they will send for him.
His back straightens when his eyes catch on the sight of the physician exiting the bedchamber, not necessary for an uncomplicated pregnancy, but Acacius is nothing if not cautious, fearful that the process may have gone awry. He’d desired the presence of the most knowledgeable in the city, nothing but the best for his family. Performing his duty of protecting them.
He’s given permission to enter after receiving assurance that they are both alive, and it’s there that he finds Lucilla resettled in the bed and no longer in the birthing chair, body now modestly covered once more. Two of the midwives tend to his wife while another examines the baby as is custom. His chest is heavy. His skin nearly burning.
The scent of oil and incense hang strongly within the cubicula.
The head midwife inclines her head at him. “Marcus Acacius,” she addresses feebly, voice soft and tentative. “you have a healthy baby girl free of deformities. She breathes well and her heartbeat and lungs are strong.” The vise around his heart loosens enough for him to inhale deeply.
The child, still bare and wailing mightily, is passed off to his waiting hands once he has washed them clean in a basin of warm water. They feel too big and rough to hold her, and he cannot stop the fine tremor that runs through his fingers, breath halting once more as he finally lays eyes on his daughter for the first time.
The room holds its collective breath as if waiting for his declaration, all eyes on him. Acacius only cares for one gaze in particular. That of his Lucilla, his matron. Her eyes appear liquid, molten under the torch light as she watches on, sweat beads still forming along her brow and hair matted to her forehead. He locks eyes with her, sharing a nod that comes with years of understanding, of sharing this desire of extending their familia beyond their two. An agreement that did not come readily or without the horror further loss and death.
Just as he has carried such a wanting, he knows that Lucilla has longed for it more than he, needing it in such a way that is dissimilar to him despite her numerous well-founded fears. She has loved and lost a child prior, leaving a puncture in her heart like that of an arrow never fully healed.
She still often dreams of the little boy she had to send away for his own well-being. Wakes them both with his name on her lips, a broken sigh, a hiccupping whimper, eyelashes damp and body quivering. She does not settle until Acacius has her surrounded by his embrace, pressing her head to his chest. She will not say so but he believes that she takes it upon herself, the ending that most likely befell young Lucius, having sent him away and then remaining unaware of his fate.
The unknown of it had swamped her like a plague, left her reeling and grief-stricken, nearly ill with the possibilities for months on end, having sent a messenger that returned empty handed.
She had lamented often, and he had not known what to do to help alleviate her pain.
“Perhaps, I was always unsuited to be a mother,” she’d stated nearly eight months prior when an examination and a missed menstrual cycle had her filled with terror instead of elation. “I failed my first born, what am I to do with myself if I fail my second too?” Her hand on her still flat stomach as his thumb caught on the tears that slipped silently down her face.
Acacius could hardly stand to see her cry.
Her gaze had crystalized, bearing a type of pain only a mother could know and it had stolen the air from his chest.
“Am I not selfish for asking this of you?” Lucilla had wondered, eyebrows pulled low over the eyes he loved so well. “For giving me another child that would ensure our weakness. I have allowed something to take root that which has the power to destroy us both… For I know what it is to mourn such a loss, and now I have quite possibly doomed you to the same fate–”
He’d kissed her hand, and then her furrowed brow before pressing his forehead to hers.
“I do not believe myself doomed,” he’d informed her softly, chiding and tender. “And it does no good to borrow worry from tomorrow when we do not know of what it may bring. I can only know today, and today, I am nothing but pleased because my wife carries my seed, and you are both healthy. As of now that is all I can be. Heavy with gratitude that the gods bless me in this way.”
Sliding down to her lips, he’d kissed her there, molding his mouth to hers, succulent, wanton, meant to soothe, to crush the weight she carried.
To fill her with his newfound love that did not feel new to him at all, but old as time itself.
A love born of loyalty and devotion, first to her father and her former lover and his general, and then to her, for her alone.
He swore a lifelong oath to Maximus Decimus Meridius that he will not break.
“And if you are selfish, then I too am so,” he’d spoken against her plump lips. “I long for nothing more than to see you grow swollen with my child. I cannot spare room for the fear of what might befall either of you during this time. My heart threatens to cease at even the thought, so I put my mind elsewhere for my own sanity.”
Acacius had covered her hand with his, squeezing in comfort, in solace. “This little one will share our blood and our strength and I pray for the gods’ favor to shine upon you both. I assure you, vita, I think of little else. My mind does not stray far from you – either of you. Please do not let yourself wander a dark path. We cannot – will not fear the worst for our unborn baby. I forbid such things."
“And when you must take leave for war, will you think of us then too?” she’d asked, stern, questioning, her hands cupping his cheeks.
His smile had been warmer than the sun. “You must know by now that you fill every part of me. You are my beating heart, as long as you live then I will also. I will come home to you."
“I will hold you to that vow, Acacius. This child will know you as I know you and love you just as fiercely.” She’d touched her lips to his then, sealing the words. They tasted of salt from her tears. “So, return to us safely. Not only do the gods command it, but as do I."
“On my honor,” he’d sworn, firm.
Talk of what all could be lost remains a sore that Acacius takes no pleasure in prodding. So, he does not press when Lucilla breaks down in the early hours of the morning days before the birth, overtaken with the emotions of her being with child invokes inside her. It cannot be easy being faced with the possibility of fate repeating itself. He will do all that he knows to do to keep that from happening again.
All that is within his power to do so.
But he knows that as complicated as her feelings are on the matter, she has prayed without fail for the safe arrival of their baby. As he has also. It has been on every breath.
And now he grasps his gift, his heart, the warmth of her tiny body within his hands.
Obliging the Roman ritual that is common, Acacius raises his daughter into the air above his head signaling that he has accepted her as his own, knowing deep within himself that he would have never decided anything differently. The watery gasping cry that escapes Lucilla’s lips is joyous and grateful, aflame with love. The servants and midwives appear appropriately pleased.
This child is a part of him now. As intertwined as the marrow and bone, sinew and tendon, the blood that flows through his veins, sown into his very being where Lucilla already resides, as closely as the day he swore his devotion to her until his dying breath and to the afterlife beyond.
He lets his gaze fall upon her once more and settle. She is beautiful - perfect in every way - and it steals the breath from his lungs. He cannot help but trace a finger down the outline of her nose, watching with delight when she scrunches it up in response. He counts ten fingers and ten toes, and the rhythmic beat of her tiny heart.
“I pray that she will have your eyes,” Lucilla tells him, a whisper, a tranquil spell. “I have always adored your eyes.”
His cheek dimples with the smile that spreads wide across his own face, something soft and intimate adorning his face. “And I pray she has your features and your brilliance. Juno knows what she would do with mine.” It is light, a tease. Lucilla’s laugh is melodic and music to his ears. “I would not want her blessed with my nose,” he adds, with an exaggerated frown, watching entranced when the baby's mouth widens into a yawn.
“I would have you know that I love your nose,” Lucilla rebukes immediately.
That is what has him releasing a laugh of his own, the abrupt movement making his daughter squirm a bit in surprise. He is quick to try and soothe her with a gentle rocking motion, his lips touching the dark locks atop her head. She quiets under his ministrations and it settles in him, weighty and warm. Her touch soothes the disquiet in him too.
They belong to him. His light. His life. His reason to keep fighting. To ensure a better Rome. A better future. For his wife. His daughter. His family.
He does not want to part with the little one so soon after meeting her, but he allows her to be taken so that the midwife can clean her up properly and swaddle her bare quivering body.
And then like a summoning, a pull he cannot ignore, he moves to Lucilla’s side, brushing a tender open hand along her face, smiling when she leans into him. Her hand covers his own where it lies against her tear-stained cheek, keeping him there for a moment while she simply breathes. Lucilla turns her head so she can kiss his calloused palm. He lets her take a moment.
“Acacius,” she murmurs lowly, severe now, spoken only for his ears. “I know I did not give you a son and I would understand if you’re not wholly pleased with the outcome–”
He shakes his head, shushing gently. “I could not be more pleased, carissima,” he assures, running a thumb along her jaw before bending down to touch his lips to hers, wiggling his nose against hers in a way that always makes her laugh. “What have I done to deserve this? It is clear the gods favor me greatly. I shall shout it from the rooftop if it so pleases you.”
Lucilla’s smile is soft and tired but it makes her eyes shine at him. Her other hand reaches for his face, scratching her nails through his beard when she makes contact. He hums throatily, wondering when his heart decided it no longer was his own.
She will need to rest soon. Acacius can see her fading awareness in the evening light. His wife went through a lot tonight, and she deserves only the utmost care, starting with proper sleep. He will make sure in the morning light that they have a warm bath ready for her and an assortment of her favorite delicacies.
“Save the shouting for when our daughter is not soundly sleeping,” she murmurs, indicating where their child now rests in her crib.
The midwives and servants have left them to themselves.
Lucilla is fighting to stay awake, but she has always been stubborn, her gaze straying to the cunae as if she can will the very life to stay in their baby’s body. It has his own ribs threatening to crack apart at the mere thought that the little one may not last the coming days. Snagging her hand that still lingers on his face, he presses a kiss to it and inhales, eyes slipping shut. He will light a candle and he will send up prayers, fierce, unyielding until he’s answered. And he will stay up all night if he must and watch that tiny chest rise and fall with precious breaths.
He will watch over both of his ladies until he sees the sun’s first rays over the horizon.
“May the night pass in peace for you, dulcissima,” he whispers, kissing her thumb. “Do not fret for our daughter. She is strong.” It is a comfort to him as it is to her. He wills them both to believe it. “And I will be here, holding sentry over you both.” No harm or distress will come to either of them. He will not let it touch them. For as long as he is breathing.
“All night?” she wonders, voice hushed, sleepy and awed by the devotion even after all this time that comes so easily to him. It was the very same tone she used when he took her hand in marriage. When he vowed to be hers for eternity.
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I have thoughts on the relationship of Acacius and Lucilla.
I have thoughts on the relationship of Acacius and Lucilla.
!!Spoiler Warning!!
If you haven't seen the movie yet, maybe swerve this one until you have.
I am in no way a writer, and this is essentially just a word jumble that fell out of my brain. Please be gentle with me.
Massive thanks to @schnarfer and @jessthebaker for listening to me yell and sharing your thoughts with me. Your insights were invaluable.
We see Acacius and Lucilla deeply in love in the movie. But I think they came to this over time.
In the flashback scene of Lucilla taking Lucius from the arena after Maximus and Commodus have died, it appears to be Acacius who is helping him onto the horse. So from this we can infer that the pair have known each other for a long time, and that Acacius is loyal to Lucilla, just as he was loyal to Maximus. It makes me wonder if Maximus had maybe sent word to him to protect Lucilla and Lucius. A role that Acacius take seriously and sees through to the end.
Lucilla is held in high regard by the Roman people and even called Queen, and that gives her power, but it also makes her dangerous to the incumbent Emperor/s, and keeps her in constant personal danger.
Acacius was trained by Maximus. He clearly remains loyal to him even after his death. The Emperor after Commodus would no doubt have been suspicious of him and anyone who had served closely with Maximus. If one General could defeat an Emperor, then why not another?
I see the Emperor initially using Acacius as Lucilla's jailer. "Keep her in line or we will know you are not loyal" sort of thing. While also making sure that Lucilla knew that she was being watched. Not even safe to confide in her maids.
There will no doubt have been a bit of resentment there, especially from Lucilla, who doesn't know what lengths Acacius is going to, to keep them both alive and as free as possible.
Acacius falls in love with Lucilla before she falls in love with him. He may have known about Lucilla and Maxmus's relationship. And it is easy to see why he would have been attracted to her. The Emperor/s probably would have noticed a change in how he is with her, how he looked at her and so the manipulation would have changed. "Do what we say or we will send your wife to you on the battlefield, wouldn't it be terrible if something happened to her on the journey to you?"
During time away from war, Acacius and Lucilla may have found their relationship to be strained in the beginning. He will have been so much lower in rank that her, the only thing they would have really have had in common at the start would have been their love of Maximus. Over time cordiality will have grown between them, deepening to a mutual respect.
Acacius comes home from battle grievously wounded, and that is when Lucilla realises that she loves him. The Emperor/s send nurses to care for him, and she sends them all away and tends him herself, pouring all of her newly discovered love into healing him, calling on her childhood nurse who is skilled in the arts of wise women. And during this time they get to truly know each other and their passionate love grows in earnest.
I also feel as though Lucilla will not have wanted more children. She will not have wanted to hand the Emperor/s more leverage over her, nor have wanted to see her children chewed up and spit out by what Rome becomes. So Acacius respects her choice and encourages her to get whatever contraceptive remedies are most effective from her nurse, so that he can be her husband in every way.
They clearly have no secrets, he knew that Maximus was Lucius's father. He did not hesitate to try to free Lucius at Lucilla's request. This, to me, makes his sacrifice in the arena more heartbreaking. He is trying to protect his beloved wife from losing her son again, and upholding his loyalty to the man who trained him.
If you made it all the way to the end, thank you for bearing with the rantings and ramblings of a madwoman.
Tagging because you asked so sweetly: @ghotifishreads @jennaispunk @missredherring
Eeep, I loved reading your take on this, Zelly! Under the cut for spoilers.
Well done for noticing that Marcus helps ferry away Lucius. That detail escaped me when I saw it.
That makes it so extra romantic, the bond between Lucilla and Marcus. That man puts his money where his mouth is to protect this woman and what is precious to her, even before he was probably a blip on her radar. (Or a better more appropriate ancient world analogy that doesn't involve technology.)
I can't decide if I want to break my own heart and Marcus is more devote to Lucilla than she'll ever reciprocate, or if their bond is now so strong and fortified they are In Love. (Probably both, but there's something so sad about Marcus never living up to Maximus in Lucilla's mind and KNOWING that. Ouch I just hurt my own feelings.)
It makes the underplaying of their romance in the film, versus how P and C spoke about it in interviews, all the more maddening.
A man who wants nothing but to return home to his wife and then smiles when he sees her? As if this is his real reward for his hard work? That is a whole man.
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