Imagine

June 25th, 2009...

I was only 7 years old when Michael passed away, and as a young fan, I was completely devastated. I remember my mom was the one who informed and consoled me that day, and she would continue to do so as I got older and learned more about Michael. I also remember her having to pull me away from the TV when she found me flipping through news channels reporting on his death.

It wasn't until I was 9 years old, having been gifted and introduced to Bad, that I would fully cement myself as a Moonwalker and would take time to educate myself about who Michael was, starting from the very beginning of his life all the way up to his final moments. I was so unprepared for the things I would find out. To this day, I still struggle to wrap my mind around how cruel the media and most of the world were towards him. All because he was different. I remember young me asking one of my cousins (the only relative who never laughed at my love for MJ) why the world was so mean to Michael, her response: "Because some people would rather attack the things they don't understand." She wasn't even an MJ fan, yet she understood him, what he went through, way better than anyone else, and was always and still is very respectful towards him.

Why was it so difficult for the media to do the same thing?

Ok...now for...

This Is It

(Before I continue, I would like to advise to anyone researching Michael's life or TII itself to ensure that you are in a good mental state before proceeding. Please be prepared for the information you may uncover, as much of it can be heartbreaking and difficult to digest.)

No other era has made me feel so uneasy as TII, along with the whole 2000s timeline of Michael's life. It's one I try to avoid, given everything I know and continue to learn about it. No, I don't hate it; I just can't look at it the same way I look at the other eras, even if they may have had their own sad and dark moments. There's something very different about TII, and it's not just because it marked his final moments before his death. It's mainly because I learned that the 2000s were Michael's darkest years. Before his passing, I knew nothing of what Michael was dealing with throughout the 2000s or what he had dealt with before. However, I was very aware of how the world viewed him around this time. Every time I brought up his name, or whenever he was mentioned on TV, came the negative comments about how he looked weird, looked scary, his "odd" behavior, and of course...those stupid allegations.

When I compare his demeanor throughout the 2000s to his demeanor from the 80s or 90s, it's so different. His smile wasn't even the same anymore, and that spark in his eyes had almost completely disappeared. It's so haunting to see how broken he was at that point in his life, just as it's so haunting to see how fucked up this world could be towards him.

As I stated earlier, as I got older, I became interested in learning everything about Michael after his death. My research started in 2011 (I was too sad to do it in 2009) and continued into 2012. During that time, there were lots of discussions about his passing, and there was also Conrad Murray's trial. Sadly, I was constantly stumbling upon that one photo of Michael...(lying on a gurney), or I'd find videos of people theorizing that he had faked his death, or that he had apparently been spotted alive, which only added to the uneasy and sickly feeling I felt.

Then there's his TII comeback announcement. This video was everywhere back then. When I first watched it (I was 9yrs old), I remember not feeling sad...I felt very strange and even uncomfortable. I guess I would describe that whole feeling and the video as uncanny. From the title itself, seemingly foreshadowing what was to come, to his phrases "This is the final curtain call." & "See you in July.", and many, many theories suggesting that the person in the video isn't Michael, but rather a body double.

Then...there's that audio...the one recorded by Murray. Reminder, I was only 9 when I heard it, and dear god I can't even begin to describe how horrified I felt! I literally had to take a hiatus from TII and learning Michael because it was so disturbing to listen to him in that state. It hurts so much to know how alone he was and how his death SHOULD have been prevented. As disturbing as the audio is, I do believe it helps further prove his innocence. To be in such a drugged state like that is the same as when someone is heavily intoxicated; the truth always comes out. All Michael could talk about was his hopes to help children around the world and provide a better life for his children, to give them the childhood he missed out on. What further evidence do those who have always doubted Michael need?

What Michael's Death Taught Me

Growing up, I learned so many things that were complete eye-openers to things I thought I understood.

A life of fame is not as glamorous as I fantasized it to be.

As a kid, I thought a celebrity like Michael couldn't ever have financial struggles.

There truly are evil people in this world who, as my cousin told me all those years ago, would rather attack the things they don't understand.

(Ok, I can't do this anymore, I had a lot more to type, but at this point it's becoming too painful. Sorry!)