The Professor of Sevatarology. Autistic 40s gal who absolutely loves Night Lords. Writing silly little bits of story that comes to mind. NSFW included. Or thorough canon analysis. Depends on my mood.
I actually wanted to talk to a biologist about what changes would be plausible for Nostraman eyes. Because I was curious. Thanks to @kyroptera-more-like-chiroptera , whose specialty is evolutionary biology, we ended up with quite a lot of interesting and very plausible brainstorming. I won't reproduce every little detail, since it would get terribly long, but if people want, I can post all the biology details separately.
Below the cut are biological and cultural headcanons for Nostraman vision. Enjoy!
First off, Nostraman eyes being "mostly" pupil with not much iris is actually decently plausible given the environment. It's also likely their eyes are a bit bigger than human standards, due to the need for good vision in the dark. Which would mean calling Jago Sevatarion cute isn't out of the realm of possibility, if you will excuse the self indulgent aside.
Also, vision depends on what are called rods and cones. For better vision in the dark, you need more rods. But that is only the beginning when it comes to interesting deviations from the standard human configuration.
UV sensitive photoreceptors are a thing. And they would be very valuable on Nostramo. So it's likely that Nostraman vision has developed along a very different spectrum than the human norm. According to @helloitsmadamehyde , it's actually mentioned in the Night Lords trilogy that Nostramans need to modify their HUDs, since Imperial standard is pretty much useless. Which only makes these biology headcanons more plausible. Everything suggested for how vision works is actually something that occurs somewhere in real life.
This next part is verbatim from @kyroptera-more-like-chiroptera :
Different animals also have different adaptations depending on their environment. One of the important ones is called Critical flicker fusion frequency (CFF) (don't be intimidated by the fancy terminology, it's just the rate at which a flickering light source appears to be a steady, continuous light). so that determines whether you see something as 'flickering' vs it emitting a more steady light. This is affected by a number of physical factors such as stimulus intensity, color, size, contrast and eccentricity, as well as light adaptation conditions and the subject’s age, and when looking at it from an evolutionary perspective you usually have to choose, either be better at say seeing in the dark vs seeing lots of colors, or seeing really good across distances vs depth perception and visual range/acuity.
For example flies and insects seem to be able to 'avoid' us when we swat at them, and that's related to their temporal acuity, meaning their CFF is diffrerent than ours and they see our movements almost like stop-motion frames, making it very easy for them to avoid us.
That might also be relevant to Nostramo. Indeed, this does fit very well with how Sevatar sees others' movements in combat. It is supposedly a result of his repressed psyker powers. But it's equally likely he has an extra mutation (not the Chaos kind, but the kind that naturally occurs in a population. Or even a combination. It fits too well.
I would also like to note that Nostramans likely have what’s known as Tapetum Lucidum, which makes the eyes reflect light, like cat’s eyes. It’s a modification that aids in night vision. Not to mention that it would make running into a squad of Nostraman Night Lords very creepy, since all you would really see is several pairs of glowing eyes. Fits very well with the whole predator vibe they have.
@ladyalisette also raised the possibility of Nostraman vision being at least partly in the infrared spectrum. Which is another interesting angle, though personally I would go with UV being the main spectrum, it offers too many interesting social and cultural possibilities. Besides not everything you would need to see in the dark radiates heat. But arguments are welcome.
****
Because of the difference in the wavelengths perceived by Nostramans, it is also possible that if you sent a Terran to Nostramo, they wouldn't be able to see the gang tags and graffiti, because the pigments are tailored to very different eyes.
Cue a brisk black market trade among Night Lords for appropriate pigments that would work as substitutes for Nostraman colors.
While people naturally don't have the UV patterns that birds' feathers do, which are invisible to us, but very bright to birds themselves, it is possible that over time, they started occurring in the population of Nostramo, becoming a sort of identity marker. Through selection for such patterns, a Nostraman might be able to tell where you're from, which section of the city, which family you're from (for instance Sevatarions could have specific patterns or pattern combinations), maybe even which gang you're with, assuming gang membership is passed down through families.
Sevatar definitely has patterns common to City's Edge, for instance, in addition to typical Sevatarion markings, not that Sevatarion is a high status family.
But he would look amazing if you could see UV light. Even more than he already does.
To come back to the Nostraman dyes, I think those flayed skins Night Lords so love to wear only look blank to baseline human sight. Using Nostraman dyes, they paint them with oaths of the moment, Nostraman battle chants, traditional patterns and so on.
And this comment from @kyroptera-more-like-chiroptera needs to be quoted in its entirety, too juicy not to.
Also there has to be one NL who's barely competent enough for combat, like every other Legion would have tried to put him on kitchen duty ages ago, but like, secretly he's the best with all those invisible paints and pigments and shit and he *really* has an eye for detail so everyone just shares the burden of pitching in and taking on this guys jobs just so he can keep the supply of paints coming for those NL from nostramo 😂
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In conclusion, this offers some interesting cultural possibilities as a result of biology. The dyes might even explain how you can read anything in a dark place like Nostramo.
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Two things about this, apart from making me howl with laughter.
1) This excerpt from The Painted Count proves what I heard about Gendor Skraivok. That he has a comfortable bed crammed into his quarters because he couldn’t get used to standard Astartes beds.
I would clown him for it, except at my age (47), I actually can relate.
2) I think I found the perfect spouse for both Skraivok and Fulgrim, given their sword obsession. 🤣
https://zelda.fandom.com/wiki/Fi
(The spirit of the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.)
Two things about this, apart from making me howl with laughter.
1) This excerpt from The Painted Count proves what I heard about Gendor Skraivok. That he has a comfortable bed crammed into his quarters because he couldn’t get used to standard Astartes beds.
I would clown him for it, except at my age (47), I actually can relate.
2) I think I found the perfect spouse for both Skraivok and Fulgrim, given their sword obsession. 🤣
https://zelda.fandom.com/wiki/Fi
(The spirit of the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.)
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Funny request incoming! How would the Primarchs react to hearing one of their own Astartes say something unbelievably stupid within earshot when asked about where do babies come from by another younger Astartes?
Like when you hear someone say something so impossibly wrong and stupid, but with such confidence, that it leaves you stun locked for a moment
(I don't know how to name this🤣)
“Brother… where do babies come from?” A very young astartes newly enlisted and still with that tragic ‘I have never had a normal childhood and I think nutrition paste is cuisine’ energy asks.
An older astartes with the confidence of a man who has conquered worlds but never attended basic biology replies something so wrong that reality itself pauses.
Lion El’Jonson
“Babies are produced when a fortress monastery’s machine spirit approves a compatible pair of skull measurements.”
The Lion freezes and everyone in the room feels the temperature drop by seven degrees. He turns his head very slowly and gives the astartes exactly three seconds to realize his mistake.
“Explain.”
The Astartes tries but it only gets worse. The Lion places one hand over his face and is privately wondering whether the Emperor included basic reproductive knowledge in the great crusade educational package or if this was yet another one of his tbd details.
“You will attend a remedial lecture.” The Lion concludes. The Dark Angels later classify the incident, the younger astartes is told the truth, the older one is assigned to archival duty until shame becomes part of his personality.
Fulgrim
“Babies are made when two people both become aesthetically complete enough that a cherub manifests.”
Fulgrim hears that and for one brief second his face is completely blank in absolute psychic disconnection. “My son, that was the ugliest sentence ever spoken in my presence.” He begins a lecture that starts with biology, becomes art theory, detours into poetry, condemns ignorance as a crime against beauty and ends with the entire squad being enrolled in Foundations of Human Life, Courtship and Not Embarrassing Your Primarch in Public.
The younger Astartes leaves informed while the older one leaves emotionally exfoliated.
Perturabo
“Babies are assembled in batches like munitions, civilians simply lack quality control.”
Perturabo stops walking and turns around. “Repeat that.” The Astartes repeats and Perturabo just stares with the face of a man discovering a structural flaw in a bridge he personally designed.
“You believe the human species is manufactured like artillery shells?”
The Astartes hesitates. “...With less reliability, my lord.”
Perturabo closes his eyes and you can hear one of his remaining hopes die. He gives the most brutally efficient reproductive biology lesson in Imperial history complete with diagrams, mechanical analogies and insults.
“If I ever hear you explain biology through siege logistics again I will assign you to inventory every bolt in the fleet.” The primarch concludes. The younger Astartes now understands.
Jaghatai
“Babies come from speed, when two people ride fast enough beneath the open sky, the wind chooses.”
Jaghatai hears this and laughs immediately. “That is the stupidest thing I have heard this century.” The older Astartes looks embarrassed and the younger one looks confused. “Listen, life is stranger and far less aerodynamic than that.”
He explains it plainly and with surprising gentleness but keeps laughing every time he remembers ‘the wind chooses’. For the next several months the entire brotherhood uses the phrase ‘the wind chooses’ whenever someone announces a birth on a compliant world.
Russ
“Babies come from drinking enough mead and winning a wrestling match against fate.”
Russ nods slowly and for one horrifying moment everyone thinks he agrees until he speaks.
“That is wrong, but not as wrong as it should be.” He walks over and claps the older warrior's back hard enough to almost crack the armor. “You’ve got the spirit, pup, but you’ve missed several important steps.”
“Does wrestling occur?” The younger astartes asks.
Russ thinks about it. “Sometimes.”
A wolf priest immediately materialize from nowhere. “My lord, please allow me.”
Russ is removed from the conversation before he can make it worse. Later he hosts a feast where he tells a long extremely inappropriate Fenrisian version of the facts of life involving wolves, storms, endurance and respecting women because otherwise they will kill you and deserve to. The younger Astartes learns something but nobody is sure of what exactly.
Dorn
“Babies are grown when a household reaches sufficient structural stability.”
Dorn hears that and looks at the astartes with the expression of a fortress wall being disappointed.
“No.”
“No, my lord?” The Astartes straightens.
“No.”
The younger astartes waits for more and Dorn realizes with visible pain that more is required so he explains reproduction with the exact tone he would use to describe masonry, it’s terrifyingly practical with out unembellished or euphemisms despite the entire squad wishing there had been euphemisms.
“Don't invent civic infrastructure theories about childbirth again.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“Also households do benefit from stability.” Dorn adds. “But that is unrelated to conception.”
Konrad Curze
“Babies come from nightmares, if enough people are afraid in one place a small human appears to continue the suffering.”
Curze hears that and makes a weird sound that may be laughter.
“Wrong.” He leans in. “But thematically… interesting.”
The younger Astartes is now more confused and significantly more traumatized, Sevatar who has been standing nearby ends up explaining the basics in the driest possible tone while Curze occasionally interrupts from the shadows with comments like “and then they are born screaming.”
Sanguinius
“Babies are made when two souls love each other so much that the Emperor sends them a tiny servant.”
Sanguinius hears this and looks physically pained. “My son, that is… very sweet.” He approaches gently and places a hand on his shoulder. “And almost entirely incorrect. Love can be involved, often, one hopes it is but there is also nature at work.”
He explains it kindly and with enough delicacy that nobody feels mocked and with enough accuracy that the sanguinary priests silently nod in approval. The younger Astartes understands, the older one is embarrassed but not crushed. Sanguinius later asks the Chaplains whether perhaps the legion’s education has been a little too focused on swordsmanship and blood rites.
Ferrus
“Babies are manufactured through inferior organic replication, the flesh copies itself because it lacks proper modularity.”
Ferrus stops hammering and slowly sets down the tool. “You are technically approaching a concept and somehow still failing. The flesh is weak, yes, but it isn’t a forge template.” He explains reproduction in blunt practical terms using enough biological detail to be correct and enough mechanical comparison to keep them from panicking.
“You won’t teach again until you understand the difference between organic process and manufacturing.”
“Yes, father.”
“And don't call infants unfinished components, civilians dislike that.”
The Iron Hands quietly amend several educational scrolls.
Angron
“Babies come from blood, enough blood spills and eventually life crawls out of it.”
Angron hears and everything stops, the older Astartes suddenly realizes he has chosen the worst possible primarch to say this near.
“No.” Angron turns, jaw tight. “That is what monsters tell themselves when they only know how to make corpses. People are born from bodies, women and from pain, yes, but not that kind, it isn’t a slaughter. Don’t make life sound like one of our battlefields.” Then he walks away before anyone can see too much on his face.
Guilliman
“Babies are issued by local family governance after a successful marriage petition and population sustainability review.”
Guilliman hears this, his face is calm but his soul nearly left his body.
“...Issued?”
“Yes, my lord, by civic authority.”
Guilliman blinks very slowly. “I have failed you.”
“No, my lord!” The Astartes immediately panics.
“Yes, clearly. Somewhere in your education a catastrophic omission occurred and now you believe municipal paperwork is reproductive.”
“It is not?” The younger astartes whispers and Guilliman visibly ages.
He organizes an emergency curriculum reform within six hours. The original Astartes isn’t punished but he is cited anonymously in the introduction as ‘a demonstrated educational failure.’
Mortarion
“Babies grow from spores in damp places, that’s why civilians keep their houses warm.”
Mortarion hears that and for one long moment he stays in silence.
“No.”
The Astartes waits.
“And never say that again.” Mortarion continues.
“But my lord, don’t they grow?”
Mortarion looks like he has been stabbed by stupidity. “Not like fungus.”
“But there is an incubation-”
“Stop helping.”
He gives a short and factual explanation stripped of romance, mystery and any possible joy, he makes normal biology sound like a diagnosis.
“Life is already unpleasant, don’t make it idiotic.” The Death Guard accept this as inspirational wisdom.
Magnus the Red
“Babies are formed when two psychic signatures resonate and attract a soul fragment from the immaterium into a prepared vessel.”
Magnus slowly lowers his book, the statement is wrong but in a way that has wandered too close to several metaphysical arguments Magnus would absolutely like to have.
“No, not precisely.”
Magnus gives a lecture about reproductive biology, genetics, psychic resonance and the philosophical question of when consciousness enters matter. The younger Astartes looks increasingly haunted, the older one tries to take notes and gives up after the phrase ‘ontological threshold’.
After two hours, Magnus concludes. “So, in summary, you were wrong.”
“Where do babies come from then?”
Magnus smiles. “Let us begin again.”
Horus
“Babies happen when a great leader inspires a population hard enough.”
Horus hears this and nearly chokes on his drink.
“What?”
“Because morale increases birth rates, my lord.” The Astartes smiles proudly. This is the kind of wrong that has a tiny piece of political truth inside it, making it vastly more annoying.
Horus laughs first until he sees that the younger astartes genuinely believes it. “Oh. You’re serious.” He puts an arm around both of them like a beloved warlord about to deliver the most uncomfortable fireside chat of their lives. “Right. We are fixing this before you embarrass me in front of a remembrancer.” Horus explains it plainly, with charisma, humor and exactly enough vulgarity that they will remember it forever, by the end the squad is informed and slightly traumatized.
Lorgar
“Babies are granted when faith pleases the divine and a household becomes worthy of receiving a soul.”
Lorgar hears this and his eyes shine, that answer is wrong but it’s spiritually marketable. He interrupts only because he remembered he is supposed to be responsible. “My son… there is beauty in what you said but we mustn’t confuse metaphor with mechanism.” He then gives a lecture that is half biology and half sermon, the younger Astartes leaves understanding the basic reproductive process and also believing childbirth is a sacred ritual written in flesh. The older one is gently praised for seeking meaning but corrected for being factually disastrous.
Vulkan
“Babies are made when a family loves each other so much that they build one together, like a small forge project.”
Vulkan hears that and his face does the thing where he is trying very hard not to laugh because the answer is wrong but also extremely adorable.
“That isn’t how it works, my son, but I understand why you said it.”
He explains with warmth, patience and absolutely no shame. The younger Astartes asks many questions and Vulkan answers all of them.
“So they aren’t built?” The older Astartes asks.
Vulkan pats his shoulder. “No but they are raised, that’s the building part.”
Corvus Corax
“Babies emerge from silence when loneliness becomes too heavy.”
Corax hears this from the shadows and remains silent for so long that both Astartes assume they are safe until a voice comes from behind them.
“That was poetry pretending to be information, don’t do that.” Corax steps forward and the older Astartes almost jumps out of his armor.
“But it sounded meaningful, my lord.” The younger Astartes says.
Corax sighs and explains the truth quietly and directly, though with a melancholy edge that makes the whole thing sound like a tragic folk story.
“Loneliness may lead people to seek love and love may lead to children but babies don’t condense out of sorrow… Usually.”
The Raven Guard are left unsure whether that final part was a joke.
Alpharius Omegon
“Babies are created when two adults exchange classified genetic intelligence through a covert biological operation.”
Alpharius is nearby or Omegon or both.
“That isn’t entirely inaccurate.” He says
“It is also a terrible explanation.” The other twin speaks as he appears from absolutely nowhere.
“Was I wrong?” The older Astartes looks between them.
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Operationally.”
“Pedagogically.”
The younger Astartes is now more confused than before. The twins proceed to explain reproduction using intelligence terminology, espionage metaphors, at least three false examples, one true example disguised as a lie and a diagram that self-destructs after viewing.
“So… where do babies come from?” The younger Astartes asks at the end.
“Ask your apothecary.” Alpharius smiles.
“But don’t trust his first answer.” Omegon adds.
Don’t trust the “I’ve never been fed a single day in my miserable life” act. They’ve already had breakfast. And they ate two bags of snacks in the car on the way here. And they’re getting a proper lunch in about thirty minutes.
The steak they’re currently attempting to smuggle away from the barbecue is neither necessary nor deserved.
Also I thought that two 8ft murder sons are better than one:) thanks for the doodle idea🖤✨
WARHAMMER FANS: what the fuck is that Sevatar Joytoy design, sometimes it feels like you have no idea how the books describe any of your own characters
GAMES WORKSHOP: what books? Holy shit have we been publishing books?
WARHAMMER FANS: yeah dude
GAMES WORKSHOP: ohh thats what all those fucking emails were about, oh my goddd we've just been hitting the "sounds good" predictive text prompt, you guys this is so bad
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“Hey, so… We need to talk.” Emily says, tugging a little on her light brown hair with a finger, not looking directly at Ahirom as she speaks.
“… Have we not been talking to one another off and on for most of the afternoon?” Ahirom asks, blinking a little in confusion as he stares at his bonded, tilting his head a little in confusion.
She lets out an irritated huff, rolling her eyes “I guess. I mean, I haven’t really been paying much attention, actually? I’ve been focused on some drama that a couple of my friends have been getting into. Apparently Chelsea and Amelie are fighting over who stole whose boyfriend again. Honestly, the two of them steal partners from one another all the time. It’s one of the things they do, as part of their weird rivalry.”
Ahirom blinks, feeling vaguely hurt that what he had thought as a reciprocal conversation about their plans for the weekend had been something that his bonded hadn’t even bothered to really register as something to actively participate in. He mentally shakes off the brief hurt - he knows how much her friends mean to her. “I see. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”
“So… While you’ve been great! You’re a lot of fun, you’re super artsy and creative and beautiful, it’s just… I don’t. I don’t see this thing between the two of us working out long-term.” Emily explains, still refusing to look at him as she fidgets with her phone and her hair.
“… What thing?” Ahirom asks, his voice shaking a little, as he could feel his throat closing in horror, confusion and pain. She wasn’t rejecting their bond, was she? He… He hadn’t done anything to upset or anger her to that extent, did he?
“This… This whole… Relationship, thing. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a really sweet, great guy! Very attentive to what I want, and giving but… You see. You’re a little… Clingy. For me, you know? I tend to go for guys who are really aloof and reserved. Now, while there’s nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotions, I gotta say… You’re just. Not really my type, is all? It’s totally all me, not you.” Emily explains, each word hitting harder and hurting more than the last.
“II… I see. And you want… You want to end our… Relationship because I am… attentive to your needs and wants?” Ahirom asks, trying desperately to follow her line of logic, and failing.
“Yeah, exactly! See, I like my alone time, and my ability to be independent! You getting me pretty much anything I want or need when I speak up about it, is a little frustrating? That and -. Ah. Don’t worry about it. It’s just. I don’t think it’s going to work out - and before you do your whole sob story about the two of us being soul-bound together… Here’s the thing. Is it a really cute and romantic idea? Yeah, But I really, really don’t believe that it’s a thing that actually happens to people.” Emily continues, shrugging her shoulders and laughing a little, kicking her feet “I mean. This whole soul bonds thing is one step removed from actual soul- mate stuff, which is actual horse shit. In part because souls don’t really exist! The entire concept of souls and soul bonds probably came from some nutso religion to try to control the masses. I don’t believe in any of that crap. So, this has been a fun experience, you were great, the sex was awesome, but I’m bored now, so-“
She paused for several long eternities.
Ahirom wished that he could find something, anything to say that might convince her to let him stay. All that he could try to come out of his mouth was a tiny whimper, as tears ran hot and fast down his face. His hearts were shattered, and his soul was screaming in pain as his mind scrambled to try to figure out what he might have done wrong. Her words were devastating, and had wholly robbed him of the ability to speak.
Emily actually looked over at them for a couple of moments, hers brown eyes shining with mirth and amusement - as if she were utterly unaware of the absolute emotional devastation she was putting him through. “Jeeez! You’ve already started blubbering and crying, aren’t you? That’s so cringe. I told you from the outset that I don’t do serious romantic relationships! That if we were going to be together that it was going to need to stay light and fun. If you got too invested into this, it’s your fault, not mine. I’ll give you the rest of the day to pack your stuff, and be out of here. This is my apartment, you’re not on the lease, and I don’t want you anymore. So just… Go away.”
“I… I… Are… Are you sue about this?” Ahirom manages to croak out, though the words are immensely difficult to get out, as his broken hearts are lodged at the back of his throat, making talking or even breathing immensely difficult.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve known for a couple of weeks that I’ve started to get bored of this relationship. Again, you’ve been a really sweet guy, and all of my friends love you, my family thinks you’re great… It’s just… With you there, it’s no longer just what’s going on with me and my life, you know? They’re also wanting to include you in everything too and that means that the spotlight isn’t just on me, so I just… Need to not share that attention, you know? So. Yeah. I know that they aren’t great reasons to break up with someone, but they are mine. I’m not going to be talked out of it - do you really think that you’re the first astartes to go all moon-eyed over me? Nah. You’re the third one this year, actually. I don’t know what it is about me that attracts you giant, gorgeous but clingy fellas to me, but none of you can seem to resist me~! It’s super flattering in its own way, but I’m done with this now.”
Emily reaches over and pushes at his shoulder a little, as if she’s trying to get him to move off the couch. She normally wouldn’t have the strength to do so, but the absolute shock of her request - and the reasoning behind it, have him reeling and off-balance enough to have Ahirom stumbling down to the floor, a wounded sound leaving him.
“I…. I see. As you seem to be… Resolute in this… I will… I shall… I shall leave.” Ahirom responds, his hearts cracking and bleeding in agony as he staggers towards the bedroom that he and Emily had shared for months together. It takes him a couple of hours to pack, because his tears keep making it difficult for him to see anything.
When he finally emerges, Emily is looking at him again, a vaguely irritated expression on her face, as she jiggles one of her feet impatiently “Are you going to go yet, or what? You’ve been dragging your feet on this for long enough. Get out of my home.”
"I... I am. It took me time as I am mourning our relationship. as this is quite a shock and emotional blow for me." Ahirom explains. He won't beg on his knees for her, but only because she's made it abundantly clear that she has no care for him. Perhaps she never did. The thought makes his hearts ache worse. He'd messaged a dear friend of his, asking if he could crash at his and his bonded's place for a couple of days. While he could go to one of the bases, he really didn't want to interact with more people than he absolutely had to,
“Hey, so… We need to talk.” Emily says, tugging a little on her light brown hair with a finger, not looking directly at Ahirom as she speaks.
“… Have we not been talking to one another off and on for most of the afternoon?” Ahirom asks, blinking a little in confusion as he stares at his bonded, tilting his head a little in confusion.
She lets out an irritated huff, rolling her eyes “I guess. I mean, I haven’t really been paying much attention, actually? I’ve been focused on some drama that a couple of my friends have been getting into. Apparently Chelsea and Amelie are fighting over who stole whose boyfriend again. Honestly, the two of them steal partners from one another all the time. It’s one of the things they do, as part of their weird rivalry.”
Ahirom blinks, feeling vaguely hurt that what he had thought as a reciprocal conversation about their plans for the weekend had been something that his bonded hadn’t even bothered to really register as something to actively participate in. He mentally shakes off the brief hurt - he knows how much her friends mean to her. “I see. What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”
“So… While you’ve been great! You’re a lot of fun, you’re super artsy and creative and beautiful, it’s just… I don’t. I don’t see this thing between the two of us working out long-term.” Emily explains, still refusing to look at him as she fidgets with her phone and her hair.
“… What thing?” Ahirom asks, his voice shaking a little, as he could feel his throat closing in horror, confusion and pain. She wasn’t rejecting their bond, was she? He… He hadn’t done anything to upset or anger her to that extent, did he?
“This… This whole… Relationship, thing. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a really sweet, great guy! Very attentive to what I want, and giving but… You see. You’re a little… Clingy. For me, you know? I tend to go for guys who are really aloof and reserved. Now, while there’s nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotions, I gotta say… You’re just. Not really my type, is all? It’s totally all me, not you.” Emily explains, each word hitting harder and hurting more than the last.
“II… I see. And you want… You want to end our… Relationship because I am… attentive to your needs and wants?” Ahirom asks, trying desperately to follow her line of logic, and failing.
“Yeah, exactly! See, I like my alone time, and my ability to be independent! You getting me pretty much anything I want or need when I speak up about it, is a little frustrating? That and -. Ah. Don’t worry about it. It’s just. I don’t think it’s going to work out - and before you do your whole sob story about the two of us being soul-bound together… Here’s the thing. Is it a really cute and romantic idea? Yeah, But I really, really don’t believe that it’s a thing that actually happens to people.” Emily continues, shrugging her shoulders and laughing a little, kicking her feet “I mean. This whole soul bonds thing is one step removed from actual soul- mate stuff, which is actual horse shit. In part because souls don’t really exist! The entire concept of souls and soul bonds probably came from some nutso religion to try to control the masses. I don’t believe in any of that crap. So, this has been a fun experience, you were great, the sex was awesome, but I’m bored now, so-“
She paused for several long eternities.
Ahirom wished that he could find something, anything to say that might convince her to let him stay. All that he could try to come out of his mouth was a tiny whimper, as tears ran hot and fast down his face. His hearts were shattered, and his soul was screaming in pain as his mind scrambled to try to figure out what he might have done wrong. Her words were devastating, and had wholly robbed him of the ability to speak.
Emily actually looked over at them for a couple of moments, hers brown eyes shining with mirth and amusement - as if she were utterly unaware of the absolute emotional devastation she was putting him through. “Jeeez! You’ve already started blubbering and crying, aren’t you? That’s so cringe. I told you from the outset that I don’t do serious romantic relationships! That if we were going to be together that it was going to need to stay light and fun. If you got too invested into this, it’s your fault, not mine. I’ll give you the rest of the day to pack your stuff, and be out of here. This is my apartment, you’re not on the lease, and I don’t want you anymore. So just… Go away.”
“I… I… Are… Are you sue about this?” Ahirom manages to croak out, though the words are immensely difficult to get out, as his broken hearts are lodged at the back of his throat, making talking or even breathing immensely difficult.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ve known for a couple of weeks that I’ve started to get bored of this relationship. Again, you’ve been a really sweet guy, and all of my friends love you, my family thinks you’re great… It’s just… With you there, it’s no longer just what’s going on with me and my life, you know? They’re also wanting to include you in everything too and that means that the spotlight isn’t just on me, so I just… Need to not share that attention, you know? So. Yeah. I know that they aren’t great reasons to break up with someone, but they are mine. I’m not going to be talked out of it - do you really think that you’re the first astartes to go all moon-eyed over me? Nah. You’re the third one this year, actually. I don’t know what it is about me that attracts you giant, gorgeous but clingy fellas to me, but none of you can seem to resist me~! It’s super flattering in its own way, but I’m done with this now.”
Emily reaches over and pushes at his shoulder a little, as if she’s trying to get him to move off the couch. She normally wouldn’t have the strength to do so, but the absolute shock of her request - and the reasoning behind it, have him reeling and off-balance enough to have Ahirom stumbling down to the floor, a wounded sound leaving him.
“I…. I see. As you seem to be… Resolute in this… I will… I shall… I shall leave.” Ahirom responds, his hearts cracking and bleeding in agony as he staggers towards the bedroom that he and Emily had shared for months together. It takes him a couple of hours to pack, because his tears keep making it difficult for him to see anything.
When he finally emerges, Emily is looking at him again, a vaguely irritated expression on her face, as she jiggles one of her feet impatiently “Are you going to go yet, or what? You’ve been dragging your feet on this for long enough. Get out of my home.”
"I... I am. It took me time as I am mourning our relationship. as this is quite a shock and emotional blow for me." Ahirom explains. He won't beg on his knees for her, but only because she's made it abundantly clear that she has no care for him. Perhaps she never did. The thought makes his hearts ache worse. He'd messaged a dear friend of his, asking if he could crash at his and his bonded's place for a couple of days. While he could go to one of the bases, he really didn't want to interact with more people than he absolutely had to,
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Too true. If anyone wonders why i'm not posting much, I'm sorry. The damn chronic illness has been kicking my ass. I hope it will get better soon, doctors are on the case.
