one of those AU's where Tim doesn't want to be adopted into the Wayne family so he decides to be a little shit and convinces the Red Hood of Crime Alley to sign as his legal guardian to piss off Bruce, not knowing that by doing so he is technically being adopted into the Wayne family anyway because he doesn't initially know that the Red Hood is Jason Todd,
anyway one of those AU's except after convincing Hood to sign the papers the highs of teenage rebellion calm down and he's left watching Hood clean up the body of a guy he just dispatched and he's like.... 'shit Bruce might actually fire me as Robin for this.' and then panics about keeping it a secret from the bats to save his job.
To be clear, Hood is a good father figure, and he sure as hell isn't a deadbeat; he shows up. it's obvious that Tim now is under the care of a man who cares and puts in effort; Tim now has to skip training so he can make it back in time for 'family dinners', his teachers are praising that he doesn't seem so tired anymore (Hood does not play about getting a good nights rest) and clearly is getting help in the subjects he sometimes struggles with (english lit), not to mention Tim very quickly learns that it does not matter what dark crime shit Hood is knee deep in when Tim realises he needs something, Hood will pick up his call. it's honestly weird how good at being a dad this guy is. but again, Tim is genuinely in fear for his wellbeing when Bruce finds out he -out of nothing but spite- got himself adopted by the one man in the city that Batman is genuinely struggling to take down. Bruce will Not Be Chill about Tim's new guardian being a murderer, he knows that. so he just keeps skipping around Bruce's suggestion that they meet and refuses to tell him the guy's name (he doesn't fucking know it himself to be fair, which is weird considering he has the spare key to the guys apartment), under the premise of 'he doesn't want his new dad to have to deal with bat levels of paranoia and investigation, B, seriously, mind your own business, he's fine.'
and then of course Tim eventually figures out his new dad is the presumed dead Jason Todd and the whole 'we can't let Bruce know' thing becomes even more important because Tim very much does not want to be in the middle of that and also doesn't that make Bruce his grandfather because holy fuck please no-
the only person who knows is Damian, who visits Jason during family dinner, takes one look at the situation, turns to Tim, and says 'so does this make you my nephew then?'. Tim wants to kill him.
thing is that Bruce is starting to get more and more jealous about how much Tim seems to like his new 'dad', and how well he's doing under the guy's guardianship. this of course leads him to get suspicious and he starts trying to show up more in Tim's public civilian life just so he can get a glimpse of this new secretive 'guardian'.
the issue is that the entirety of Gotham loves Bruce Wayne and are aware that he's always been a 'family friend' of the Drakes for years. so of course they let the man do whatever he wants when he shows up saying he's there for Tim, especially when Tim claims that his new guardian 'doesn't like the idea of being in the limelight and therefor doesn't show up to public events'
the other issue is that Jason has gotten hardcore attached to Tim and is getting more and more bitter about the very obvious attempts from Bruce at stealing his new son, to the point where maybe people knowing Tim is being looked after by the Red Hood of Crime Alley doesn't sound like such a bad idea anymore...
anyway all of this is a very long-winded excuse for how we get to the point where Bruce gets himself admitted as one of the chaperones for Tim's school field trip, only to watch in horror as five minutes before they all leave the Red Hood shows up and proudly declares that as Tim's legal guardian he will also be attending, with the paperwork to prove it. he's been donating a shitton of money to the school for a while specifically for this reason, so the staff literally let him do whatever he wants. essentially Bruce ends up stuck on a school trip with the Red Hood, except he's in civilian form and can't do fuck all about it. worst part is Red Hood very clearly knows Bruce's identity, and is very clearly positively gleeful about the situation he has concocted.
the field trip is camping. Tim sits on the floor and buries his face in his hands for 2 hours straight while Hood and Brucie Wayne trade passive aggressive comments back and forth above him. because they're both chaperones, Bruce and Hood are asked to share a tent. in the evening they make smores and Bruce makes a snippy comment about how Hood won't be able to eat his through the helmet. Hood calmly smushes melted marshmallow into Bruce's hair. as a civilian, there is literally nothing he can do but stare across the fire at Tim in complete betrayal.
that evening Damian receives a text.
Tim: yeah you win you can be robin. cause theres no fucking way i'll be keeping my job after this. Tim: ur dad might have to shave his head btw. Damian: genuinely what the fuck is going on over there Tim: my dad could beat ur dad up any day. Damian: ??? not arguing but i thought you were camping. Tim: he brought an axe. Damian: fucks sake jason
