✎⠀⠀pairing ⦂ jason todd x fem!reader
࿐ synopsis ⦂ jason todd can outrun anything gotham throws at him, but sitting still in a safehouse at two in the morning, blanket-warm and dangerously honest, turns out to be the thing that undoes you both.
꒰꒰ involving contents ⦂ light angst with a tint of fluff, soft!jason, established relationship dangerous surroundings, slight mention of future plans, remaining in a safehouse until the danger passes.
his call rang at eleven, the exact time nothing good ever happens. you answered on the second ring. it was always like this when his name lit up your screen past ten... you answered immediately and you didn't ask questions until jason todd told you it was safe to ask them.
"pack a bag," he solely said, "...clothes for two days, devices if you need them, anything you can't replace. don't turn on the lights!"
your stomach dropped to a soft floor that was once hard under your feet. you were no stranger to this feeling.
"alright," you respond. "how long?"
"until I say otherwise." you could hear him breathing, which meant he was somewhere quiet, trying to be careful. "are you already awake?"
"I was reading what you left at my place."
"good. don't put the book down until I'm at your door... I'm seven minutes out."
he hung up... you were left in the dark with your phone glowing and your book still open. you breathed carefully, the way he taught you, and then you got up to pack your belongings. all lights out.
his safehouse was in a part of gotham that doesn't have a recognisable name to many. jason unlocked it with a key from a ring weighted by at least eleven more keys, probably for his other scattered safehouses. he went in first, and he checked it before he even let you pass. you stood in the doorway, a bag on your shoulder waiting for him to be done with all this moving through the dark rooms.
"clear," he announced, and only then could you move in.
It smelt like dust and old radiator heat. jason drew the curtains together the second you were both inside. he flipped a switch to a single lamp in the far corner, and the room brightened a sweet softness that surprised you every time, 'cause deep down the unwanted bias of expecting these places of his to feel brutal and caging in was always proven wrong.
"you want tea," he asked.
"I stock them." he strolled to the small kitchen.
you sat on the couch and pulled your knees to your chest, listening to him work around the kitchen. at some point, your eyes fell shut. you allowed yourself to be comforted by the domestic sounds.
jason returned with two mugs and set yours in front of you on the table. he flung his body onto the couch's free space without bothering to take his jacket off. his eyes were scanning the space... alertness second in command to his being... constantly tracking sound...
"...jay," you were tired of waiting, "are you gonna tell me why I'm here?"
"someone I put away three years ago got out on a technicality." his voice was even. "he knows my face. he doesn't know yours, but..."
"...yeah." he snatched up his mug. "so you're bound to me."
you nod slowly. this was practising what it meant to live a life by his side. the way that loving jason todd meant you had to disappear from your own home at midnight with no light and your heart in your throat, 'cause someone somewhere had decided to make you an answer to an equation that was only ever meant to involve him.
you used to resent this. there were early months where the line blurred and you threw the resentment in his direction simply 'cause he was there... but now you don't resent it anymore. you're not entirely sure when that changed.
"a night. maybe two." he shifted, getting himself comfortable on the couch whilst angling slightly toward the door. "depends on whether he makes a move or just goes to ground."
"and if he goes to ground?"
"then we wait until I find him... I'll find him faster than he expects."
oh, he was serious, and no doubt did you believe him.
by one in the morning it became clear that both of you weren't going to surrender to sleep any time soon. jason fetched blankets from the closet and pulled one over your shoulders; the other over his lap as you caved into his firm side. your feet tucked under the edge of his thigh. his arm along the back of the couch behind you.
"you can sleep," he said. "I'm not going to."
"I know you're not." you cranked your neck from his shoulder to meet his eyes. "that's why I'm not."
he opened his mouth, only to shut it at the lost argument. little seconds crossed, he whispered, "...I mean it, you don't have to stay up with me."
"I know." you shoved deeper into him.
jason and you spoke for a while about nothing. something the two of you were always good at. he listened to you with beautiful attention, the kind that made you feel like what was coming out you mouth was the most interesting thing he's heard in his life.
you knew that could never be true given the life he led, and yet... around two he went quiet, and you sat in that same silence for a while with him, before talking...
"am i allow to say something?"
"you're gonna ask it either way..."
"when you're in situations like this. being hunted, or ... whatever the right word is." you keep your tone considerate. "does it feel like it used to?"
his mouth pressed closed long enough that you wondered if you overstepped a boundary...
"...no," he finally gave you an answer. "It used to feel like I was part of the thing. like the danger and me were the same substance."
"It doesn't feel like that now," he continued. "now there's a line between me and it. I can see both sides of it." he cast a look to the curtained window. "most of the time."
"...most of the time," you echoed, curious.
"most is better than none."
"yeah," you agreed. "It really is."
he glanced at you. you looked back at him steadily, knowing that with jason you weren't supposed to look away from times like these. he needs to be met.
"you're not scared," he questioned.
"of this? the situation?"
"of me." he paused. "the situation is me."
now, you were feeling it within. he wasn't asking for reassurance or a pretty answer. he was demanding honesty with no way to say it aloud.
"I thought about it," you began. "early on, I thought about it a lot."
"and I think I would be scared of a version of you that didn't worry about it." you turned your mug in your hands. "the worrying is the point. that's you on the right side of the line."
"that's..." jason cut off, thinking.
"you don't have to say anything."
"I know, I..." he paused like he was trying to come up with a deep explanation, before simply settling with..." I know I don't."
by three, thirty you had pushed barriers until his arm was actually around you and your head is on his shoulder and the blankets were pooled across both of you.
he was still very much alert... in the slight tension in the arm around you, the way he went rigid at a sound from outside (a car, passing, nothing) before easing again. his alertness wasn't frightening from your angle. in fact, it was the thing that let you close your eyes.
"I've been thinking," he said quietly, into the top of your head, "about getting a new place."
"an actual place. with a kitchen and..." he hopelessly started again. "with enough space for two people."
you open your eyes. didn't lift your head.
"two people," you repeated.
"I'm not asking tonight," he clarified. "I'm not... this isn't me asking. I just wanted to say it out loud. once. to see what it sounded like."
"what does it sound like?"
a pause. outside, the rain. the radiator's tick...
"less terrifying than I thought!"
you melted your face into his shoulder. "yeah," you muffled into his jacket. "same."
jason's arm tightened around you.
you didn't really get any sleep. you drifted in and out of your awake consciousness. around four he called your name, testing whether you were asleep or not.
"there's a diner two blocks east that opens at five." jason informed. "they do good eggs."
you pondered it, "are we safe to go at five?"
"should be. checked in with my contact twenty minutes ago." his hand moved, once, across your hair to stroke it, soft. "I'll know more by then."
"alright." you leaned back. "wake me at four, forty five."
you closed your eyes again. the lamp made the inside of your eyelids warm and orange. the rain was easing.
white feather hawk tail deer hunter by lana del rey.