it's midnight on the 1st of june aest
HAPPY FREAKING PRIDE
Three Goblin Art

Janaina Medeiros
Xuebing Du
trying on a metaphor
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
h
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

if i look back, i am lost
ojovivo
Sade Olutola

blake kathryn
Stranger Things
d e v o n
occasionally subtle
we're not kids anymore.
Acquired Stardust
Cosmic Funnies

β
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@neonympending
it's midnight on the 1st of june aest
HAPPY FREAKING PRIDE

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Five Years Ago Today...
...was the day I watched Identity (I talked about this a short time ago.)
It is on my milestones calendar as "The Second Cracking of the Egg." The time between "The First Cracking of the Egg" and that moment where all the threads of my self-exploration finally came together was almost 11 years.
Now I'm sitting here, having just finished my morning dose of E, making preparations to come out at work (probably in the next month) to 200+ people globally who know me by (dead)name or reputation.
I don't think the me watching Identity that day would have believed that in only five years, she'd be on the threshold of her own mini Abigail moment - possibly about to become one of the most known trans people in her company without even meaning to.
It could turn out to be no big deal. Or it could be something. I'm excited to find out.
Scene from five minutes ago
I pulled out a real nice icy blue nail color from my collection to do my nails tonight. Turned it upside down to see what funny name it had - "It's a Boy" - and immediately felt uncomfortable with it.
Then I realized I was getting dysphoria from a NAIL COLOR because of what the company decided to call it. And that has a pretty easy solution.
I ripped the label off.
[scrolls through my entire history, not that it takes long]
[Oh shit, have I seriously not posted that yet...?]
So this is the coming out video of Abigail Thorn (of Philosophy Tube and @theabigailthorn here). While this was not part of my own "egg cracking" I remember watching it (it was the FIRST PT video I'd ever seen) and being rocked to my core about how much this resonated with my own experiences.
It's probably fair to say that it may not have cracked the egg but it most certainly fried it up with hash browns and some toast. This inspired a lot of the framing I usually use to describe my dysphoria and at the time brought together a lot of disconnected threads that formed my experience into one coherent picture, probably for the first time.
I re-watch this every once in a while and it has been on my "things to send my parents when I finally come out to them" list. That is, until a short time ago when I finally did.
Each time I re-watch it, I'm still in awe of the pacing, the clever use of theatrical allegory, the artistry and thought behind the production.
And then I laugh as I remember this was the first video of hers I ever watched.
What a way to meet Abi.

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Still hard to believe I start medical transition by taking a quarter of one of these every other day.
A friend made and sent me this after I showed them the dumbing of age panel it came from. It love it and it's a huge trans mood
"Dorothy, I am reshaping my body because I will it. In defiance of an unhinged world, I'm carving the shape of myself into its surface. When I am myself, the world bends."
The Comic With The Panel
Something just reminded me of this...
I was a very imaginative kid. My play was very centered on having an alternate reality that I lived in. Of course, there's lots of trauma responses buried in there, but one thing in particular stands out in my memory:
By the time I was 13/14 I had reached a point where I needed to be "in" my world all the time, so I began committing to this idea that I was in the imagined world and I was "projecting" myself into a robotic body in order to conduct my day-to-day life on Earth.
It's hard not to see a little bit of a trans allegory in this. Other things too, definitely, but the idea of the 'true self' wearing a suit is a recurrent theme in the trans experience.
The fallout of letting my grip on reality slip a bit too far one day when I was being bullied in math class is one of those super-cringy memories that sometimes sneaks into my mind when I'm trying to get (back) to sleep.
It was a protective act, a response to the emotional abuse I received not just from my peer group, but also from an emotionally immature family where I always felt shame for not being who they wanted/needed me to be.
Thinking by Pas (paxiti), on July 16, 2018
Rethinking by Pas (paxiti), on July 29, 2020
I've been struggling lately with my inner critic (who is very obviously cis.) Saw this imageset and it sort of spoke to me.
He's fought so hard for so long to protect the cis charade. It really sucks he's never gotten on-board to protect the real me, even after 15 fucking years of knowing.
He's had his chance. Forced retirement may be the only way now.

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Btw today marks seven years since I decided to start calling myself Emily
If anyone needs me, I'll be finding all my dates and putting them on my calendar.
(as problematic as they were in some ways, maybe I should get the dates of those two parties on here too...)
...actually, I may need a whole new google calendar for this, come to think of it...
Also was just thinking ...
... I'm currently romancing Kenyatta, Jina, and Tish at the same time in Palia. If that doesn't perfectly sum up my general vibe, I don't know what does.
The little "friend matchmaker" quest thing with Kenyatta and Tish recently was *chef's kiss.* I actually said out loud at the end, "yay! maybe now we can be a proper throuple!"
I have no particular stance on whether estrogen would have saved Shinji, but I'm looking at it from the family dynamic angle, and... well, Jesus Christ. On a good day, Shinji already looks like a teenage soft butch version of Yui Ikari β can you imagine how Gendo would react to his "son" slowly morphing into his dead wife?
estrogen would not have saved shinji but it would have caused gendo immeasurable suffering which is perhaps more important
There is a lot to unpack in Evangelion, full stop, and throwing logs like this on the fire is just... how can I be expected to get anything done in my real life now?
learning how to take care of my curly hair is going to be the death of me, i stg

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Loving all the boops, keep em coming. sorry I can't boop back since it would all be from my main. <3