𝔢𝔩𝔦

"we're supposed to"

"it's not that nobody is interested, they're just intimidated" i've been intimidating my whole life. realistically, im an anthropomorphized teddy bear, but i have broad shoulders and eyes like daggers, so i get it. but this means ive spent my life - even pre-butch awakening - having people be intimidated by me, whether they want to fuck me or not. i KNOW when someone is interested but intimidated, because ive spent so long honing in on the subtle cues that show it's safe to approach or to make myself approachable.

that is not what is happening.

what is happening is that the queer community broadly values thinness and femininity, regardless of what category you fall under. who are the most popular trans creators - big buff masculine men like Buck Angel (looks-wise, not politically) and butch transfems that have short hair and hairy legs, or petite pale "pretty boys" that look like Noah Way and skinny "dark feminine" transfems with flawless surgeries and big eyelashes? And nonbinary people, is the public more likely to remember the pronouns of an AFAB nonbinary person or an AMAB one? Gay men; are the ones with soft, hairy bellies and unruly eyebrows deemed more acceptable, more sought after, or is the effeminate "twink" archetype that can fit right in on girls' night? going deeper, just strictly masculine gay men, are the aforementioned bigger and hairier types rewarded, or is it the ones who concern themselves heavily with trimmed eyebrows, taught oiled muscles, a rack of abs, and bleached white teeth?

now consider lesbians; does the public prefer strong hairy butches with dirt under their nails and shaved heads, or do they boost fem4fem lesbians with false eyelashes and lithe muscles?

when people say things like "if you were to ask a queer person who they feel about a plus size butch, they'd all start drooling", you're being dishonest. it's a cop-out to try to erase the fact that the queer community enthusiastically upholds the beauty standards encouraged by general society at large. not so much on the internet, but we don't live there. we live in cities and towns and bars and bookstores, we live in society. and society makes their stance known very clearly.

when i talk about this, it's not out of sadness. i'm not asking for your pity. i'm asking you to really evaluate and be honest with yourself. you don't have to be attracted to fat butches, that's not a moral failing. but stop saying you are. it makes us all feel crazy.

imagine you're constantly told by people that you're desirable, attractive, wanted by people and that you should emphasize these qualities to maximize your appeal. then, once you're ready, you take yourself outside to discover people's eyes still go directly to your stomach and then refuse to meet your eyes. to watch people struggle to mask the disgust - or worse, indifference - to try to present themselves as more "woke" then the next. imagine being a pawn for proof of upstanding moral values, and then being treated like a stinky, moldy object.