I make stuff

June: You’re a hazard to society.

OR

HINGED ENAMEL PIN OF SEWING SUPPLIES IN A BISCUIT TIN

one of the most heavily forested states in the country with 20 million acres of forests oh my god poison ivy would be so powerful the second she got outside city limits fuck

there’s 20 million acres of this and she’s got plant powers no wonder they want her on lockdown

there are more than 6,000 shipwrecks in the great lakes how many supervillain origin stories is that good for

there’s a whole class of freighter just for the great lakes

“63 commercial ports handled 173 million tons of cargo in 2006″ aka holy shit that is a lot of opportunities for boatcrimes

mr freeze has a pretty tragic origin story but if you had to put up with michigan winters and then some motherfucker showed up freezing the town outside of freezing season you would have no mercy

MOTHERFUCKER I JUST PUT MY SNOWBLOWER IN STORAGE DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW

imagine batman giving someone directions by pointing to his hand

“we believe killer croc is somewhere around here” he says pointing to the tip of his thumb

good fucking luck finding stats on abandoned buildings in michigan but holy shit are there a lot of them, no wonder they’re always having fights in abandoned factories and empty warehouses

“kitty why are you including that map of the railroads like it’s relevant” because when you’re trying to sleep and you hear a train in the distance it’s fucking spooky okay

i have no evidence that traincrime is an issue for batman i’m just saying the ambiance is there

michigan has plenty of abandoned theme parks for the joker to hijack

our most famous abandoned theme park is dinosaur themed so I GUESS WE KNOW WHERE HE GOT THE T-REX

we have a special kind of ice cream called superman ice cream and i think bruce would be really bitter about it and that’s hilarious

there are nine different species of bat in michigan and they have all lived in my kitchen at some point

michigan is full of mines both abandoned and active and bats love them

put an abandoned train station next to and abandoned mine and you have a totally plausible CRIMEZONE

and none of this is getting into the most compelling evidence

put a city in michigan and watch how fast no one gives a fuck

gotham, MI needs batman because who the fuck else is going to help

I kind of always assumed it was Chicago, honestly just because a few of the movies were filmed here and Lower Wacker is made for creepy car chases.

First of all, stop defacing stock in someone’s store. You’re not clever or saving the planet or anything. You’re making it hard for customers to shop and see the info they need on the label (yardage, weight, dye lot)… You’re making employees spend hours peeling the damn things off, and in some cases, you’re causing damage to the label and or yarn itself. That means loss to the company, which affects employees who probably make minimum wage, you shit bags. You want to make change happen? Contact corporate, you fuckhead. That’s where decisions are made.

Second of all, wool is not murder. Are you fucking stupid? (Obviously the answer is yes). It’s a fucking haircut for a sheep. They’ve been domesticated so long that if we don’t sheer them, it’s bad. Yes, some sheep don’t live in ideal conditions. Got a problem with that? Going to a yarn store and putting stickers on things isn’t going to change it or the minds of customers. For fuck’s sake, you absolute cockwomble, go to the yarn companies. Make them use wool providers that use humane conditions for their yarn, like A LOT OF YARN COMPANIES DO.

And third of all.

You. You precious, empty-headed little shitnugget. You complete and total sawdust-for-brains.

You put your fucking stickers all over acrylic yarn.

There’s no fucking wool in there. It’s all synthetic fiber. Basically, it’s plastic.