Neil ‘new jorts’ Josten

Wow ok, hello, here we are again! Bc listen the original covers are just sub par in my humble opinion, and I’m obsessive. Ask anyone.

Anyways, these books belong to the one and only @this-little-lighthouse

andrew’s first time hosting a vlog begins with him sitting at his desk with a pint of ice cream, and he’s just eating in silence for a good 20 seconds until he finally speaks with a super calm expression

“welcome to another foxes’ vlog. in this installment, we are going to see exactly how much i can embarrass my teammates in the next 20 or so minutes.” *licking the spoon* “let’s begin.” 

it’s…not that hard

here are just a few memorable moments andrew so skillfully captured for the internet: 

the foxes, drunk in the living room, for some reason hysterically shouting/laughing about “NO NUT KEVIN” because of his allergy and kevin slurring/swearing at them in a mixture of both english and french

matt pulling him into his arms to comfort him and then going “it’s ok kevin we’re your nut defense squad” and kevin smacks him

the camera falls away when everyone else piles on top of them to apologize and “we wuv you kevvy!!!”

kevin, muffled: “that’s it that’s the last straw i quit JE DÉMISSIONNE”

the camera, hidden behind some cereal boxes, shows aaron quickly looking around before climbing onto the counter to reach something in the back of the bottom cupboard shelf

he scrambles back down just as nicky is walking in

wymack is giving them a lecture about proper nutrition in the lounge after practice and everyone is so sweaty and out of it, and it’s all the usual

“remember, you can have too much of a good thing” *looking at neil* “so don’t you morons go around thinking you can exist solely off of watermelon or some shit like that-”

neil proceeds to produce a jar of pickles out of fucking nowhere and loudly pops the lid off to casually drink the juice

“nEIL FOR FUCK’S SAKE-” “but coach, it’s not watermelon”

renee, partly for damage control (“damage to what?” “our collective egos”) is the next to host

“welcome to another foxes vlog! in this installment, we are going to see exactly how much fun content i can get :) let’s start!!”

cut to footage of andrew and renee sparring in a boxing gym that they are frequent visitors of

andrew and renee are kinda beating the shit out of each other (renee is winning. she’s always winning.) while casually chatting the whole time

andrew, throwin a brutal punch: and that’s why everything cherry flavored is an abomination

renee, dodging and knocking his feet out: understandable, but have you considered cough syrup is what we all associate it with and that’s why it’s ruined for us-

the foxes are at an airport at some ungodly hour and renee zooms in on the row of seats where kevin and dan have their heads on matt’s shoulders and all three are asleep

neil, totally out cold, has his body stretched out over their laps with his head on andrew’s

nicky, aaron, and allison are across from them, all sharing an abundance of starbucks pastries and helping aaron study for a big biology exam

the foxes start calling every single trip, even if it’s just to the grocery store, an “adventure”

because neil has associated just moving in general with life or death scenarios and they want him to start finding joy in everything

renee captures allison poking her head in the door and shaking her car keys saying “hey, neil, adventure”

neil, perking up and shoving his textbook away: “adventure?” 

the foxes go grocery shopping together and it’s one of the activities that displays their dynamic the best

dan, nicky, and aaron are all methodically going through coupons and discussing how to get the most bang for their buck

matt and allison are lovingly interrogating neil and kevin on what snacks/foods they’ve never had before and then carefully selecting stuff they think they’ll like and tossing it into the cart

“kevin, between these two flavors which appeals to you more?” “why would i ever put something in my body with an ingredient list that long” “ok we’re taking cool ranch” 

andrew is sitting in the cart and contributing absolutely nothing while renee pushes it and films

nicky is hosting when the foxes do a promotional shoot for merch and everyone’s having fun because they gave them free food and they genuinely like this year’s clothes

the producers are taking candids and also arranging them and before every outfit change they kindly ensure they’re all comfortable with what they’re wearing

aaron is both horrified and mesmerized by the girls curling their eyelashes and he allows renee to gently do his so he can send katelyn a picture

andrew: *pretends to gag in the background*

matt and dan are putting on the fox paw crop tops that allison helped design and kevin’s like “hm can’t believe i’m going to model that” 

“you don’t have to-” “no i’m gonna” 

matt is filming in the bus on the way to an exy banquet and wymack, who’s looking very smart and dignified in a suit, is just absolutely tearing into nicky and neil about something they did to the official team twitter

matt turns the camera around to say: “the duality of man” 

jeremy’s initials are JK

jeremy, incredibly sleep deprived: but babe then we’d match,,,,,,,,,,,,, that would be weird,,,,,,,,,,,,

jean: i’m asking u to marry me but am now seriously reconsidering

Neil: I'm ready to scream until I don't exist anymore

Nicky:

Neil:

Nicky:

white kevin day:

the foxes have always loved neil, but now that he’s no longer carrying the burden of his true identity around and starts slowly letting them in they love him even more

they quickly realize that andrew may be more deathly in his protectiveness but neil is basically a mother bear in a small man’s body

one game an opposing player gets pissy and smacks allison on the butt with their racket and says something condescending

allison, who could most definitely punch his nose in, doesn’t even have time to react because neil drops everything and ZOOMS across the court in .2 seconds

he barrels into the guy so hard they both go flying, but neil just smoothly rolls out of it and onto his feet like some kind of ninja

neil gets a few hits in before matt has to haul him up by the waist and throw him over his shoulder because if he doesn’t restrain neil then he would totally join in and as he carries him away 

neil has his middle finger up and is just screaming obscenities and taunts

the player ends up getting benched the rest of the game and then suspended

(all of this happens in mere seconds but slow mo clips of it go viral online)

there’s one notable long bus ride back after a hell of a game in which andrew leaves his usual seat at the rear because there’s a ridiculous commotion in front

everyone is crowding around cooing and snapping pictures because no one knows exactly how it happened

but neil, who loves curling up anywhere and everywhere, has somehow ended up stretched out over both matt and dan’s laps

his upper body is on matt’s lap, his head nestled in matt’s balled up sweatshirt, and his legs are bent over dan’s

all three are totally knocked out and apparently comfortable because neil is, indeed, their child

nicky and allison furiously tweet photos and even aaron looks amused

no one notices andrew silently taking a picture in the background

the idea to buy a gift for abby on mother’s day is actually neil’s idea

a lot of the foxes have more than complex relationships with their mother, but everyone readily agrees and they even rope wymack in

nicky stumbles into abby’s office and does an excellent job of being an emotional mess and tearfully asks if they can go back to her house

when they show up, the kitchen is covered in her favorite flowers and everyone has pitched in to make a brunch feast 

at the end it comes out that it was all neil’s idea, and when she goes over to thank him, neils bows his head like an expectant cat so she can plant a kiss

there may have been tears

neil tells everyone about his “count to 10″ deal but how he usually loses it before he can even get halfway

so now whenever neil’s doing press, the team play this game where they guess what number he snaps on 

a reporter asks an insensitive question about last year and neil gets this look in his eye and dan’s like “three” but then matt goes “two” and neil takes a deep breath-

afterward he says it was one

neil begins dropping snippets here and there of his life on the run and it makes everyone go absolutely FERAL

like his life has been so hard and they just want to love him and protect him and make him feel safe

nicky drags him on another shopping trip and renee and andrew end up coming along

renee holds out a shirt to him and says “i know it’s a lighter color than usual, but the fabric is thick enough” and sticks her hand under the collar to demonstrate

neil has his Someone Is Being Nice To Me face and because he stopped functioning andrew grabs it and tosses it into the cart

then there’s a team dinner out and they get a long table and without a word aaron, who looked like he was going to sit at the head with his back to the wall, pauses and then stands aside so neil can take it

it takes him two tries to get a “thank you” out

when they’re in crowded places, neil still gets really uneasy, so andrew uses himself as a slight battering ram to clear the way and renee will link her arm through neil’s so he feels anchored

neil makes an absolutely impossible goal, like of historic proportions, and kevin lifts neil off his feet in a bear hug while beaming

kevin may be the hardest on neil, but he’s also the proudest, because neil has given him so much more than just his game

nicky’s mouth is so wide open aaron uses his racket to close it

i could go on forever and probably will! so pt. 2 is coming soon

after a bit neil realizes that he actually really likes physical affection, he never knew that touch could be so friendly and warm and caring

the foxes are always careful, but they pick up on how he subconsciously leans in or gets a tiny smile

allison starts pecking him on the cheek before and after games and it stirs up some media attention that they both mercilessly sass away

dan always hugs him and matt ruffles his hair, renee likes to link their arms together, and nicky starts dramatically collapsing on him during halftime or hangs onto him whenever they’re out and about

kevin does not do touch and neither does andrew or aaron, but there are rare occasions in which kevin will clap neil on the shoulder in stoic approval

neil and katelyn become friends and it’s super confusing at first but everyone quickly realizes it kinda makes sense in a weird way

neil especially likes how she’s just super casual about the intensity of the competitive cheer she’s done for her whole life, like he just stares at her in awe while she’s happily recounting all the times she either bruised her ribs or fell from terrifying heights

she shows him a video of her tumbling like a badass and nicky’s like “twinyards your s.o.’s are going to run off together” 

whenever aaron is being a dick or difficult in practice, neil starts pretending to wave at someone nearby and goes “hey katelyn!”

it is RIDICULOUS how aaron keeps on falling for it, like he knows she’s not there at 7AM on a tuesday morning but he still perks up and his head whips around

the rest of the team starts doing it and if he didn’t hate neil before he definitely hates him now

neil confesses he doesn’t really have a favorite food and everyone is appalled

even though he’s traveled all over the place, they avoided restaurants and mostly just went for whatever was cheapest and fast

allison and nicky make it their mission to introduce him to as much stuff as possible and see if anything really catches his attention

neil does not care for sweets or spicy stuff at all, which results in the expected “you’re so white” jokes from nicky

he does really like stuff heavy on the umami, so the team starts ordering a LOT of asian food

at the end of the upperclassmen’s last championship (that they totally win of course), neil breaks his ankle in literally the last thirty seconds dodging his mark to make a goal

he tries to pretend he’s fine but he falls down when he tries to walk so matt scoops him up bridal style and andrew stays glued to him

they completely ignore the press and celebrating and everyone goes with him to the ER and force their way to his bedside

it’s bad enough the doctors put him on painkillers which make him super high, but he doesn’t have anything to hide anymore so…

neil starts to just like spill all of his feelings about everyone and they’re already so overwhelmed by winning championships a second time they can’t take this too

“matt i just want you to know that you’re like my big brother and you’re always taking care of me and i know you and dan are going to make such good parents one day” “dan you’re so strong and beautiful i want to be like you when i grow up, i swear i’m gonna try to be as good to the foxes as you were to us”

“kevin you absolute ASSHOLE, you FIEND, you’re the best exy player ever and that’ll never change and i wouldn’t be good without you, i hate to say it but you deserve happiness i guess” “katelyn’s way out of your league aaron i have no idea how the fuck you got her but don’t lose her and i want to be your child’s godfather”

“allison you’re such a bitch but you’re my best friend and i wouldn’t have it any way, you can cook my face whenever you want” (everyone knows he means bake) “renee, renee i would always stick with you during the apocalypse, whenever you do the hooky elbow thing i feel all safe and warm inside” 

“nicky…we’re your family now. we’re always gonna be your family now. okay?” 

“wymack you’re not fooling anyone with your tats, we all know you’ve adopted us, i used to be scared of you because of my dad–FUCK him by the way–but i realized what good dads are like because of you” “abby i would kill anyone who wronged you, even if they cut you in line at the grocery store, i would knife them no hesitation” 

he mumbles something to andrew that no one else can hear, but that’s fine

everyone’s too busy weeping anyway

neil’s a little in and out after that, but when he fully regains consciousness he’s on a pile of blankets, surrounded by his team again on the floor