Untitled

For the first time in three years I’m down to the 50kgs. 58 kg to be exact. I have been workibng so hard for this. I have been eating about 500 calories a day for two months. I have lost 14kg total. I have posted about a boy earlier. Way earlier, before I started for real. And last week I was at his house. We had sex. A lot of sex. It was a dream come true. I did it all for him, but I still have a long way to go. I have 8kg left to get to my goal weight. Shit, I think I am crazy about him. Not necessarily to be his girlfriend, but to be good enough for him. He is so out of my league, I don’t deserve him. At all.

Shit my ass. I dont fucking know. I really want this. To be skinny, to be pretty, and its all for him. All to make that bitch happy, just to make him touch me and make me feel happy. I saw him today. I saw him at work. At his work. He is so sweet. He made my coffee. Straight, black coffee. I only do this for him and that is enough for me. Atleast I get something out of it. We made out once, at a party. I am so glad I do this. I want to talk to him all the time. When I saw him today i freaked out. I jabberd and my voice shook and I acted all strange. I dont want to be like that. I want to be pretty, thin and confident for him. To make him see me. To make him like me. I hate that I just get eatingdisorders when I want to impress someone. This is the third time I have anorexia and I have always started this trainwreck because of boys. But atleast that make me get my shit togheter. I really like this boy. Fuck.