Occasionally vested @needlesscontrarian - Tumblr Blog

lawoftheclaw-deactivated2025073

Maladaptive deeply held belief: nobody could ever love me. Im going to die alone

Positive counterthought: maybe someone has an exceptionally rare form of mental illness that would cause them to make the grave mistake of wanting to fuck me

#the thing is it do be like that

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distractionsfromthefood

#idk guys we tried asking all the people whose careers are dependent on him if they still have careers #and they all said nah don't worry about it we all still have careers

intactics

[showing up to the function unannounced in sunglasses and a driving hair shawl & gloves & a trenchcoat & high heels with a frantic persecuted air] no darling of course I wanted to come to your little shindig last week but I just had to get out of town, you understand [taking a long hard drag of a ridiculously thin cigarette and getting lipstick on the filter] I had a popular post going around

i-will-recover-tomorrow

godlessondheimite

jeff goldblum is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s jewish. nathan lane is the type of guy who gets mistaken for jewish because he’s gay. stanley tucci is the type of guy who gets mistaken for gay because he’s a mild-mannered italian, which is jewish. seth meyers gets mistaken for jewish because of everything about him. zachary levi gets mistaken for jewish because everyone wants him dead. tom cruise gets mistaken for gay because he is.

#to be fair how you gonna have the name levi and not be Jewish?#literally one of the most classic Jewish names #and for the record all jeans are also inherently Jewish

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wincingthenightaway

#midori sour no problem baby

spicypolls

Have you ever had sex in a public space*?

Yes, only as a minor.

Yes, only as an adult.

Yes, both as an adult and a minor.

No, only in private places.

No, I've never had sex.

Other

Remaining time: 3 days 13 hours

*Public transport, bars/pubs/clubs, public bathrooms, parks, etc.

#do cars/parking lots count?#also every time I refill the condom caddy at work I wonder if people are just taking a handful home or actually fucking in the bathroom #I hope it's the latter #if they're just taking them I feel a little insulted #am I not creating a sexy enough environment for the customers to want a little action in the bathroom?

How do you respond to the rumors you are an unrepentant brat and also mean in your lack of pertinent explanations of opinions?

Every rumor about me is true, even the ones that contradict each other. That said, you're the only person to ever accuse me of not explaining my opinions enough.

puppygirllaika

if you borrow a cigarette off your bartender you have to give her head in the back alley while she's on her smoke break. thems the rules.

#thems literally the rules

puppygirllaika

if you borrow a cigarette off your bartender you have to give her head in the back alley while she's on her smoke break. thems the rules.

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currentlycryingaboutlancelot

realized i have started texting like mr darcy

plasmalogical

Alright everyone fun's over my girlfriend has discovered my tumblr

#I thought it would be so fun for her to follow me on here but nope #infinite teasing unlocked

librarycards

"pillow princess are just greedy" they are so generous??? they let me make them cum? and i get to listen to their cute noises??? what are u talking about..

librarycards

OP ENJOYS SERVICE TOP ACTIVITIES AND WANTS YOU TO KNOW THAT MAKING A BOTTOM'S MIND GO BLANK WITH PLEASURE AND RELAXATION FEELS LIKE EVERY HOLIDAY ROLLED INTO ONE + WINNING THE LOTTERY AT THE SAME TIME

paxstella

Okay pillow princess

#immediately regretting telling my gf I have a tumblr

pocket-deer-belly

maybe one of the worst things you can do to a potential trans ally is peg them as Definitively Cisgender

pocket-deer-belly

tme people when they see a "man" express clear interest in femininity and constantly "ironically" engaging with femininity and girlyness: wow you're such a cool ally for a cis man, it's cool that even though you're a cis man you're really open about this stuff, you don't have to be trans to enjoy femininity, it's cool that you're a boy who likes girl stuff (but i'd like to implicitly maintain a boundary between you and transfemininity, cause like, that's not you, right? you're a cis man.)

cuppydogshane

podracer Sebulba notably absent from swift-kelce wedding attendees............

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snydog17

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

snydog17

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

energyprison

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

energyprison

#juliette works

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