murder your memory

you must grope the princess.

actually insane to me that tumblr is a place where you can be so good at being horny you make friends about it

I could be your daughter figure

i hope you think about me when you go pee

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

Better to be pissed on than pissed off or whatever

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

imagine this heat and you roll over in bed an there’s some cunt there next to you. bruv id be inconsolable