I Write One Shots.

He released your hands, turning to fill the bathtub with warm water. You stood numbly, watching him move about the room, gathering soaps and towels for you.

He returned to your side after stopping the warm water from overflowing in the tub. You reached for him again, wanting his touch to keep you grounded. One arm wound around your back, the other coming to rest on your check. He gently tilted your face up to meet his gaze, rubbing the dried sand from your cheek as he did so.

“Do you want me to stay?” Azriel, questioned, noting the way your eyes were slightly glazed over, as if you were not fully present. Your body slightly trembled as you leaned into him. He was afraid to leave you like this, prepared to convince you to let him stay pending your answer.

You slowly nodded in reply, taking far too long to answer his simple question, marking what kind of mental state you truly were in. Azriel frowned, but nodded as he stepped back. He reached for the buckles at the top of your leathers, eyes watching your reactions, ready to stop on a dime if needed. He knew you were vulnerable right now, and he didn’t know what could set you off into another spiral.

Your hands flew to his arms as he reached the last buckle, causing him to instantly stop.

“What is it, darling?” He questioned, struggling to understand the reason behind your sudden movement.

“I….” You trailed off, unsure as to why you stopped him. You struggled to make sense of the thoughts in your head, the world seeming to zoom by. It was so incredibly hard to focus. “I’m sorry” you whimpered, squeezing his forearm harder as you began to tremble again.

Azriel immediately brought you into his arms, his shadows coming to surround the both of you as you shook. You just felt… incredibly confused and broken. Things were so hard to process, a haze seeming to fall over you no matter how hard you tried to fight it.

Azriel rubbed your back, gently swaying the both of you. He could feel your confusion flow openly down the bond, concerning him. He had never seen you like this before. He took a breath, steeling himself so he could devote his attention to you.

“Okay, love.” Azriel spoke. “I know you’re feeling a lot, and you’re confused, and that’s okay. But I need to help you get clean and settled so you can feel better, okay my love?” His hands gently rested on your sand covered cheeks, gaze burning into your bleary eyes. You still trembled, but had managed to nod along with his words as he sent love and comfort down the bond to you.

He moved his hand back to the last buckle on your bodysuit of leather, eyes still tracing you; your breathing, your gaze, trying to decipher what was swirling in that head of yours. You remained silent, letting him peel the sticky leathers from your body, but refusing to not have some hold on him. He guided you to step out of your leathers bunched on the floor, and reached to carry you the small distance to the warm tub.

Azriel settled you in the water, your grip settling on his hand as he sat next to the tub. You leaned your head against the large basin, closing your eyes as he dripped water over your head and face, beginning to wipe away the stains of your mission.

You lulled in and out of a trance-like state as he helped you get clean. The fog clouding your mind began to dissipate, leaving you feeling drained.

Azriel’s shadows swirled around his ears, informing him of the visitor before they reached the door. Feyre had gently knocked, softly stepping in the room once Azriel welcomed her. You could hear her feet pad over to the bathing chamber, stopping short of the entrance, giving you and your mate privacy. Azriel’s shadows came to swirl around you nonetheless, providing you a small cocoon of protection.

“I just came to see if you’d like the sheets changed, as well as some food and water brought up.” Feyre whispered.

Azriel nodded in response, grateful that his high lady checked in on the two of you, despite his earlier warning to stay away. He was uncomfortable with the thought of having to leave your side, even to sort things for your own comfort. He turned back to you once he heard Feyre begin to shuffle around the room, removing sheets and finding new ones to place on the bed.

He gave you a soft smile, noticing how you were openly gazing at him now, the haze receding from your eyes. Your hands rose out of the water, reaching for his own to tug into your grip. He settled on the floor in a more comfortable position, leaning his own head on the edge of the basin next to yours, letting you hug his arm to your chest as he waited for Feyre to finish settling the clinking dishes on the nightstand for the both of you.

“Thank you,” he called, hearing Feyre’s steps begin to recede. The high lady smiled, noting Azriel’s shadows twirling about before she gently latched the door shut behind her.

“Time to get out, love” Azriel whispered as he pulled the plug to let the luke-warm water drain. He supported you as you went to stand, one arm leaving you briefly to grab a fluffy towel to wrap you in. Once covered, he lifted you out of the tub, patting you dry and drying your hair. He wrapped his arms around your waist, carrying you like a small child back to the freshly made bed, free of the smell of the sea and blood that previously lingered there as a result of your nap.

“I’m going to grab you some clothes, darling.” Azriel whispered, sitting you on the bed. As soon as his arms began to release you to the downy comfort of your shared bed, you latched your arms around his neck, refusing to let go. You were afraid that without the comfort of his touch, you would spiral back into the pit of darkness you were tiptoeing on the edge of.

“Y/N….” He trailed off, gathering you back into his arms as your body began to tremble. He carried you with him to the wardrobe, gathering one of his shirts and a comfortable pair of shorts for you to put on. Your small whimpers and tugs on his shoulders were threatening to chip away at his resolve. He sat with you on the bed, tossing the clothes next to him as he reached for your hands, gently urging you to release your iron grip. You obliged only when he brought one hand to cradle the back of your head, his other hand leading yours to tuck in between your bodies, then wrapping behind your back. His other hand urged your arm to the same position, enabling him to reach around you and gently remove the towel you wore, replacing it with his shirt. He twisted you slightly in his lap, guiding the soft shorts up your legs to rest around your waist.

Resting a kiss upon your forehead, he tilted both of your bodies backward to rest on the bed, wings circling around you to block out the little light seeping through the covered windows. Your head laid on the pillow, eyes focused on those of your mate. He mustered a small smile before placing a longing kiss on your forehead before your eyes drifted, and the silence took you.

You had failed. Innocents had died. 

Rhys had been yelling when you began to hear the ringing in your ears. Feyre seemed torn, torn between assuring you he was overreacting and comforting her mate. Cassian and Azriel had barged in the room, hearing the chaos. Mor was yelling at Rhys for yelling at you. Cassian had reached Rhys’ side, and they were saying - something, but you had no idea. 

Your gaze shifted to your hands, covered, drenched, in blood. They shook almost as fiercely as the landslide you felt in your body, panic spreading. Rhys was looking at you, everyone was looking at you, and you couldn’t breathe - you couldn’t understand the look on his face, anger or concern? On everyone’s face. Azriel reached for your trembling hands - and you winnowed. 

It had been too much, what you were feeling and thinking. You felt like you were drowning, which is why you most likely wound up at the sea, sitting how you were now, your thoughts as violent as the storm and waves that seemed to be the only thing keeping you grounded.

Their faces - the children’s faces - covered in blood, crying, screaming, became the only thing you could see. Their screams became the only thing you could hear. It was just so loud and it wouldn’t stop even if you covered your ears- 

You laid back in the water, letting the waves crash over your head, hoping it would get rid of the sound - 

You were suddenly yanked out of the water by your armpits, the sounds of the real world flooding your ears one at a time. The roar of the waves, the boom of the thunder, the shouting- 

You blinked frantically, trying to focus, to see- Azriel. He was the one shouting, shaking you by your shoulders as he anchored you in the violent swells. 

“You’re getting wet, Azriel” you whispered, causing him to cease his shaking and pause to look at you. His grip tightened on your shoulders as he pulled you so tightly to him, and you were spinning, his strong grip the only thing keeping you grounded.

The chaos of sound in your ears stopped suddenly, Azriel’s heavy breathing the only thing you could hear as your head was pushed into his neck. He held you tightly, carrying you fully as he walked you both into the foyer of the river house, where Cassian was standing.

The two Illyrians spoke to one another, but their words made no sense to your ears, the sound muffled. More voices slowly began to join the mix, and the ringing began again. 

You struggled to process anything as your arms came up to Azriel’s shoulders. You gripped them, so painfully tight, as your world spun.

“No- I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” you began to cry, attempting to wrestle yourself out of Azriel’s arms. He gripped your trembling frame tighter as he dropped to his knees, settling you between his legs. His arms wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you against his chest as you continued to violently shake. You just wanted it to stop, the swirling, churning of the world around you.

Azriel rested his head atop of yours, his tears dripping onto your already soaking hair.

You wanted it to just stop- and with a touch of Rhysand’s hand to your shoulder, the darkness engulfed you, and it did. 

___

Azriel shifted your now limp body into his arms, holding you against him as he rose. His tears began to subside as you were no longer screaming, the sound tearing his heart in two. 

“By The Cauldron…” Feyre whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes as Rhysand returned to her side. He ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath.

“I’ve never seen her like that,” Mor spoke, gaze burning into Rhysand.

“I was yelling, because I was frustrated with her, but I didn’t expect her to…” Rhysand attempted to explain, his defiant gaze burning right back into his cousin in response.

“Rhys, you reacted how I would,” Cassian commented. “And Mor, I understand why you yelled at him. You were both justified.” He explained, attempting to defuse the tension. 

“Just stop.” Azriel’s voice was low, grating almost as he stared at his family. “This is not what she needs.”

“He’s right,” Feyre replied. “She’s never had an outcome like this on a mission, Rhys. You’re right to be upset, but, Gods… I wouldn’t even know how to react.”

Rhysand sighed. “You’re right, I… We can talk about this later. She should wake soon, and we have no idea what condition she will be in.”

“Just leave us be.” Azriel stated, unquestioning. “I will ask for you if I need you.”

The group all silently agreed as he strode past them to your shared room. You were Azriel’s mate, the bond being accepted only a few months previously.

Azriel had burst into the room when Rhysand began to yell at you, feeling cold panic fill his joints, slowly ebbing away as he saw you, covered in blood, shaking in the middle of the office.

He had felt your panic through the bond, had never felt any panic like that from you in his few months of your bond being accepted, and had never seen you shake in such a way. His eyes had focused on you, ignoring the yelling of Mor and Rhysand as he reached for your hand- and then you were gone. 

And there was his High Lord, putting a hand to his chest, halting his movements. Feyre walked past the two of them, meeting Azriel’s wild gaze. She held it, slightly frowning, but nodding at him, knowing this situation was wonderful yet destructive for those around her that she loves. 

Azriel broke his gaze with his High Lady as she passed him, turning to meet the eyes of his brother. Rhysand stared at him with furrowed brows, concern on his face.

“Azriel, be careful with this. She-”

“She is my mate,” Azriel growled, interrupting him before he could finish. 

“Azriel.” 

He steeled himself momentarily enough to fully direct his attention on Rhys. 

“She is hurt, she… You must be careful. Don’t jump to any conclusions yet.” Rhys directed towards him, noting the way his shadows began to swirl furiously around him. Rhys removed his hand from Azriel’s chest, allowing him to continue his pursuit.

Azriel’s shadows swam around him as he rushed to her, whispering mate, mate, mate to him. 

“Y/N!” He called, causing her to slightly pause and turn toward him in the empty hallway they now both shared further inside The House of Wind, away from the party. 

Noting who it was, you stopped. You stood there, staring. Waiting. 

“Y/N, I…” Azriel trailed off, seeing the unshed tears still lingering in your eyes. 

You wished there could be rage filling you, wished there could be hatred, but all you felt was cold as you stared at him. 

 “Yes, Azriel?” You questioned, struggling to understand his sudden interest in you, especially after what you just witnessed.

He stood still, analyzing you, trying to figure out how you did not know- ‘Did you know?’ He thought to himself, breath beginning to even out.

You stood still, staring, the confusion beginning to settle into your bones. You hadn’t felt it snap, hadn’t felt it fall into place like he did. You had simply given up. His shadows began to calm around him, a few hesitantly drifting towards you, curling through the air to reach you. 

He wasn’t quite sure what to do, for one of the first times in his life. The one thing he wanted and longed for his entire existence stood right in front of him, and Azriel didn’t know what to do. He thought it was laughable, honestly. Rushing into something with no plan of action, without a clear head was nothing he would do. Azriel cleared his throat, breaking his eye contact with you.

“I just wanted to say… Goodnight.” Azriel breathed out, unable to move forward, not knowing. Not knowing how you felt, how you would react, if you knew. Gods, and Elain. He was in a mess.

“Um… Goodnight, Azriel.” You replied, studying his breaking composure briefly before turning to continue your walk towards your room. His shadows lingered in the space between you, swirling wildly. Hesitating only once to steel yourself, you strode forward, leaving him behind you.

Until you felt it. Until you felt a tug, burning through your chest. It was filled with confusion and sorrow and loathing and- 

You sharply inhaled, body going rigid. His shadows came to swirl around you as you struggled to catch your breath, to attempt to hold the tears in your eyes at bay. You slowly turned, sparkling eyes immediately coming to meet his wide ones across the spanning hall. 

You felt his confusion, his sorrow, his loathing, and his love. His love for you. 

He balked, watching you turn, his emotions simmering as he studied you. Tears openly began to fall from your eyes as that hollow, cold, hole in your chest filled with his emotions. His shadows danced between you two in the hall, turning and spinning around you both as you tugged back. 

His eyes widened, the breath leaving his body. The shadows turning about you both whispered mates, mates, mates as you both took a hesitant step forward, slightly closing the distance between you. And you could hear them- his shadows- as they wrapped around your arms, urging you forward to meet him. 

You continued to walk forward, his resolve shooting down the bond. The feel of it momentarily quelled the questions of him and Elain brewing in your head, long enough for you to close the gap between the two of you. 

You reached him, his steady hands -sure hands- coming to cup your face and wipe away your tears. 

“Azriel…” you whispered, gazing into his eyes.

“I...” Azriel cleared his throat. “I was never sure of you. I refused to hope. I gave up on any idea of you, and settled for the one option I thought was available to me-”

You cut him off by bringing your lips to his. Shadows swirled around you both as he gently tilted your head, deepening the kiss. You had no questions, no uncertainties in your thoughts as the gap, the hollow in you began to fill. 

You knew Azriel was his own person, and you wanted him to be happy, but knowing that the other end of your string - your bond - was attached to him, it made it damn near impossible not to be jealous, not to be a tad resentful.

You were already running behind the rest of the group, as you had opted to stay with your cousin, Mor, as she finished taking forever to get ready. Sure, it annoyed you, but you couldn’t deny she looked stunning descending the staircase to the sitting room where you were waiting. You couldn’t resist leaping from your seat, the excitement and hope building in your chest as you raced out the door of the river house, Mor following closely behind you.

Your trip to the club had been short, Mor asking you to winnow the both of you there so she didn’t have to attempt to walk the cobbled streets in her killer heels. You turned to smile at her as you threw the door open, pausing when her gaze immediately shifted to someone inside. Your smile slowly fell as you turned, eyes immediately drawn to the familiar tall figure on the dance floor that was spinning a bundle of dark purple tulle on the floor. You barely felt Mor’s hand at your shoulder before you disappeared, winnowing to your room in the town house.

You couldn’t hear your footsteps on the floor as you trudged to your room, could only hear the rush of blood to your head as you could almost feel the chisel chipping away at your heart.

…

You set your eyes on the soon setting sun, attempting to ignore the sympathetic eyes of your family on you as you sat on the back patio of the river house with them. The family dinner had been boisterous as normal, bringing some warmth back to your heart, even as you pretended not to see the lingering gazes and small smiles Elain and Azriel shared across the table. As the evening began to wind down, they had stood up and walked a few paces to her garden. He was astutely watching her as she explained something - whatever it was you could not bring yourself to want to hear, to pay attention to. You couldn’t meet eyes with anyone left at the table, assuming that they now knew about your bond. Rhysand had a knack for picking up on those kinds of things, except when it came to Nesta and Cassian.

You forced a smile as Nyx toddled over to Cassian’s side, immediately dropping it when you heard the rare sound of Azriel’s laugh. You sharply exhaled as you could feel the chisel returning to your heart, hammering away again.

…

You were comfortably curled in the armchair near the fire as Feyre dolled out presents to the rest of the group. You had become excellent at pretending they didn’t phase you, that his recent lack of acknowledgement of your existence didn’t phase you, and lack of present from him in your pile phased you as Feyre returned to her seat next to the High Lord. She offered you a small smile, one you attempted to return as you opened your presents from the rest of your family.

You could visually ignore all you wanted, but you couldn’t block the giggling and murmurs coming from Azriel and Elain across the room that floated your way. You wondered how the rest of the inner circle had managed to ignore it, even smile at the sound of the two as you turned to look into the fire, the chisel once again returning to etch away what it could.

…

He looked stunning under the falling stars. You couldn’t stop your eyes from shifting to him on the balcony he stood upon, even if Elain was wrapped in his arms. You had wanted him for so long, knowing he was meant to be yours, that The Mother blessed you with him. A part of you longed for him still.

His lips met hers, and you took a short breath as the chisel pounded away, only to stop as a harsh empty settled in your chest. You turned and gently set your champagne glass on the small table next to you, pausing a moment to attempt to breathe. You straightened your shoulders, followed by your chin, turning to stride back into the house of wind to your room. You struggled to even your breathing as you unintentionally gave the bond a little pull, unable to stop your natural instinct.

The tug in Azriel’s chest made him drop his arms from Elain and step back. His gaze snapped to your retreating frame across the room, his shadows swirling at the realization. It was you, he finally had certainty, he finally knew, and yet all he could feel down the bond from you was cold, empty, nothing.

It happened so fast.

He snatched you off the ground at the river house, letting out a rough chuckle at your screech. You could hear the laughter of the inner circle follow you on the breeze as he took you higher and higher. You giggled as he swept in a large arc, letting the wind ruffle your hair out of your braid. Throwing your arms out, leaning your head back, you relished in the momentary feeling of weightlessness before the two of you went soaring down. 

It happened so fast. 

Azriel was suddenly upon you, hands dancing over your body, his empty plate tossed to the side. You barely heard it shatter as his lips met yours. The bond sang as you pushed harder against him, seeking any kind of contact to relieve this burn you were feeling - the both of you were feeling. 

He pushed you against the wall, rattling the paintings that hung there. You didn’t register the shout of surprise, followed by complaint, from Cassian until Azriel’s hand unwound from your hair to flip him off before kicking the door shut. 

It happened so fast. 

One moment you were watching Nyx soar through the sky where Azriel taught Feyre to fly when the arrows went whizzing past your head. A mass of black moved through the trees, rattling the ground you stood upon. 

Time slowed as you heard the woosh of Feyre winnowing away with Elain gripping her shoulder, and Nyx wrapped tight in her arms. You saw the glow of blue and red from the corners of your eyes as you reached for the swords you stored in between. With a roll of your shoulders, time returned at full force as you ran forward with your family, taking on the mass of black as a unit. 

It happened so fast. 

You met his eyes across the felled trees and bodies. His pride, seeing your chest heave for breath, sweat dripping down your forehead, arms hanging limply at your sides - A warrior - sang through the bond. He started toward you, perfectly illuminated by the setting sun behind him, golden rays shining as his shadows swirled around him. You couldn’t help but smirk, being able to feel exactly what he wanted to do to you now through the bond. To show you how proud he was of you. You took a step forward, needing to feel his skin on yours. You stepped ove -

It happened so fast.

You didn’t even have the chance to take a breath to scream as a solid wall - no - a body? - crashed into you. You couldn’t even turn to see what had tackled you before you were… weightless. You were staring at the sky above you, completely enamored by the swirls of pinks and purples and yellows and oranges the sun's rays made dance through the clouds. You blinked, and the weightlessness left you. You blinked, and you were staring directly down at the sea, white tipped waves crashing against the ragged shore line. You blinked, drew a breath, and screamed. You blinked, and the dancing rays of color were back in your vision. Blink. Ocean. Blink. Sky. Blink - 

It slammed against you. You waited for the water to enter your lungs, only to be met with air. Solid hands wrapped around your body, crushing you to his bloodied leathers. Him. Your mate. Azriel. You didn’t need to see him to know he had you. You threw your arms around his neck as he rounded up, wind whooshing through your ears. You gasped and gasped for air, nothing seeming to enter your lungs. Your head was pushed into his neck by the force of the wind as his wings sent a mighty beat behind him, and only then could you breathe. Only then could you hear his heart beating in tandem with yours. 

Only then did you let out a sob. A slight thud, and you had landed. Azriel’s knees hit the ground as they gave out - as a result of the adrenaline or the relief, he did not know. He clutched you to his chest so unbearably tight, you barely had a chance to take in the breath that cleared you head enough for the sounds of the world to come rushing back. The sounds of footsteps pounding on the earth, nearing you. The slight breeze whooshing past your ears. And then, roaring louder than anything else, the sob Azriel released as he slouched, folding himself over you. He shook, arms winding impossibly tighter around you, as you shook with him. 

The next moment there were arms on the both of you, soothing, tightening, the mix of worry and relief flooding through their fingertips into your body. 

Azriel leaned back, his hands slowly sliding up your back, your shoulders, and settling on the curves of your cheeks. He lightly pulled your face to his, foreheads touching as you breathed the same air. 

You blinked, the haze of tears leaving your eyes. Blink. Clearer. Blink. Clearer. Blink - 

Pulling the kettle from the rack, you leaned against the counter, lifted the lid, and haphazardly filled it about half way. Yawning, you turned to the stove and set the kettle on to warm. Leaning against the wall, a small smile rose your lips as you closed your eyes, extending your forearm to the small shadow that swam to you. Even when he was asleep, his shadows had the habit of following you. Despite his control of them, a few always seemed to escape to be with you. You turned your forearm, chuckling as the shadow looped and looped around your wrist playfully.

At the whistle of the kettle, you reached for a chamomile tea bag and a mug before clicking the heat off. Still half asleep, you reached for the kettle, grasping the handle, taking a little too long to realize it had been kept on the heat too long, as the handle itself had started to warm.

With a curse, you flinched and let the kettle drop to the stove from the few inches of height you held it at. The shadow around your wrist began viciously twisting and writing as you jogged over to the sink, running the fresh pink mark on your palm under the cool water. You winced and held back a groan at the slight burn and pins and needles the water caused as it dribbled against the burn.

You hadn't even heard him approach. You naturally jumped as his strong back pressed against your shoulders, his arm tracing yours until he grasped your wrist. You sharply turned over your shoulder upon feeling the heightening of his breath. Azriel's eyes were blown wide, scanning your hand as he gently turned your wrist back and forth, attempting to fully assess the damage.

He had been jolted away by whispers of his shadows. Burned. She's burning. Immediately on alert, he leapt out of bed, shadows swirling around him. He prided himself on his cool countenance he constantly held, which was especially effective and essential to his job as the court's spymaster. When it came to you, and the idea of you in pain, all of his precarious training and that calm countenance went out the window.

He absolutely feared the worst. Only when his shadows lead him towards the kitchen did he stop the rambling thoughts in his head. He cursed his shadows for not elaborating, their words immediately triggering his idea of his worst nightmare; you burning as he did when he was young.

He exhaled a breath as he met your eyes, guiding your hand back under the cool water. You gazed at him, reading the panic recede from his face. You leaned into him, resting your head on his bare chest.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, knowing the process of thoughts and emotions that must have been flowing through him, finding the bed empty and his shadows whispering to him your condition. He wrapped his free arm around your waist, leaning his cheek on the top of your head as he exhaled.

"It's okay," he whispered, nuzzling into your hair. "Your always so clumsy when you're tired."

You slightly tapped the arm holding you tight to him, returning your gaze to the burn on your hand that was finally numb, huffing.

"Am not....." you whispered, trailing off as he chuckled against you.

You tilted forward with the curve of his body as he reached to turn off the tap. Still gripping the wrist of your burned hand, he brought it to his lips and gave the flush skin a grazing kiss. Tucking your head into his shoulder, you brought the same hand holding yours to your lips, mimicking his sweet kiss.