BROOKLYN BRIDGE.

run. run. run. run home. run home and enjoy. enjoy. take these verbs and enjoy them. they’re yours, craig. you deserve them because you chose them. you could’ve left them all behind but you chose to stay here. so live now for real, craig. live. live. live. live. live.

        “    did you know that being creative helps depression stop in its tracks?    ”    he’s stealing this fun fact from his little sister, but no one else needs to know that.    and anyways, she’s really good at giving him things to say when he’s stuck making small talk  ;  he makes a mental note to thank her for that later.     “    so it isn’t that depression makes people more creative, it’s that depressed people often feel drawn to be creative, to get rid of said depression.    ”

          oh, he’s local, and he wishes he weren’t, because apparently new york city is the worst place to live if you have anxiety, or even the most base desire to stay alive.     he mirrors his savior with a similar scan, doing his best to ignore the rubble.     “    i am.    local, i mean.    where do we need to go?    what’s even safe?    ”

      “   it feels like a self - fulfilling prophecy.   like, you keep telling yourself things have to worsen before they improve, and because of that, things do.   worsen.    ”    and he knows a thing or two about self - fulfillment both good and bad.   “   at some point, you can’t get worse, but you still think you can, and then it’s over for you.   ”

       “   right!   ”    he bites his lip and digs his nails into the palms of his hands, but he keeps talking, and that’s a victory.   “   and your brain is supposed to be like, the head honcho, which makes it worse -- it’s not even good at being in charge.   ”    elation at being understood fades, and -- “   i mean, that’s how i see it.   ”

         he laughs weakly and tucks his hands into his hoodie pocket, ducking his head down.   he’s advertising how non-dangerous he is, which is kind of stupid.   like, he’s hiding in a bathroom -- no one’s gonna think he’s a threat.   it’s more likely that they’ll feel sorry for him, if anything.   “   this place feels like the set of a horror movie sometimes.   like, we just need a cursed amulet or something and it’ll be golden.   is not much code for ‘a lot, but you don’t want to make me nervous’?   because i can handle the truth.   ”

and now some meta! i really love that craig uses terms like this because like...it really reflects him!! he’s this fifteen year old kid with awful depression and anxiety but he doesn’t have any words for how he feels? and like...later he finds out this is Major Depressive Disorder and tentacles are Triggers etc etc but. these words define his experiences! he creates these terms to help him explain himself to everyone that listens and like. idk i think it also reflects how he is shown to be very intelligent and creative? i mean, the whole battles vs slaughters thing is really interesting, the idea of ‘shift’ing his brain back into the Right position reflects sort of his naive outlook? anyways he’s a good kid

like this and i’ll queue you a starter !!!

          “   it looks really good.   ”    and it does -- he wants to somehow nod to it in his own art, a shoutout to another artist, but he hasn’t quite grown comfortable with paint yet.   amusing, really, how absurdism comes to him easily enough, but art basics elude him.    “   sorry -- my old school, we really didn’t learn about artists much.   it was kind of seen as a soft subject?   ”   he’s accepted it, really -- so he’s soft, oh well!   “   i know rosseau.   not so much gauguin.   what’s his deal?   ”

         “   i like to map out everything?   ”   he says it like he’s trying it on, like he isn’t quite sure if it’s true.   it isn’t, really, but maybe that’s okay.   maybe it’s alright to be uncertain with this -- anchors are allowed to move.   “   mostly metaphorical things -- ideas.   see, it isn’t really the school, it’s a lot louder?   which is good, because the school is loud.    ”