L.

i picture a future with you, after many years of not picturing a future at all. i want to live, so i can continue to learn new ways to love you.

where can one find love? i suppose it varies from person to person. but for me, i find love in the smooth skin between your eyebrows, the freckles on the bridge of your nose, the creases beside your eyes when you smile, your laugh lines, your voice, curled in the locks of your hair. love is in the palms of your hands as you press them to my cheeks, the intonation in your voice when you say something sweet, the curve of your lips while you smile in your speech. love is in the twinkle in your eyes when you listen to me sputter on about something you barely understand, meshed in the bare skin of your back when i slide my hand under your shirt to touch you more intimately. so if someone asked me where i find love, i’d smile to myself and tell them in you.

i told you how she hurt me and you promised you would stay. now everyday i wake up and the pain won’t go away. you broke all of your promises and now it’s plain to see, that i was never as important to you as you were to me.

you look at me with stars in your eyes. it makes me feel like i’m floating.

i haven’t smiled this hard in so long. just thinking about you makes me feel better. please don’t leave like the others.

waiting for the day that i won’t be alone in moments like these. until then i suppose i’ll just cry silently into the night, imaging your arms around me or anything that makes me feel more real.

is it wrong to want to not be alone anymore?

it’s been months, and you’re still the first thing i think of in the morning.

i’ve lost trust in love. and yet here i am, falling again.

you broke my trust. just like everyone else. i thought you were different, but you weren’t. and now i’m alone with my monsters, again.

why would you say all those things if you were never going to follow through ? you promised things you never intended to make true.

my head knows i should want you. but my heart wants someone else.

the way i feel just when i’m talking to you is so powerful it could knock me off my feet. if i touch you, kiss you? i think it might kill me.

oh my god, every detail of your face makes me feel warm. every intonation if your voice is like a song. your words make a home on my mind and won’t leave. you think i’m beautiful. maybe i am.

you have a beautiful smile. your laugh intoxicates me. i hope this moment lasts forever.

tomorrow is valentine’s day. the day of love. i know i’ll spend the whole day thinking about you. it hurts me deep to know you won’t be thinking about me.

last night, when i was surrounded by people and music and good vibes. i still could only think about you.