A Moment Now and Then

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

A friendly ghost rest stop before you continue your day! 💗

Pride.com writes:

1. Trans Lifeline

This hotline is staffed by transgender people and assists trans folks in need. The organizations says, “We work with stakeholders within and without the trans community to end the plague of trans suicide; we empower trans people to help other trans people in the darkest moments of their lives.”

2. Jim Collins Foundation

Jim Collins was an avid trans ally, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and a clinical instructor in the Department of Psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine. The Jim Collins Foundation funds gender-affirming surgeries for transgender people who need surgery to live a healthy and happy life, but cannot afford the surgery.

3. Trans Women of Color Collective

This organization serves those listed in the name of the organization. TWOCC works to empower the trans community of color and white allies to create and maintain change!

4. Replace the Ace

Replace the Ace is a program that collects chest binders and gives them to transgender men in need. Gender dysphoria can be so intense for trans men, and a safe binder makes a huge difference.

5. Trans Justice Funding Project

The Trans Justice Funding Project funds transgender organizations, projects, and groups that don’t have 501c3 status or minimal to no fiscal sponsorship. They accept donations and their money supports trans justice and anti-oppression work.

From @billispeaks: “Some very cute pouting had to be had to be cut from the middle.” #catsofinstagram

“She didn’t stop!”

If you ricochet off the side of a moving wheelchair, YOU ARE AT FAULT.

But apparently because you’re Abled you’ve decided to go ahead and try to Ablesplain this situation to me.

Because in your Ableist reality the disabled person is responsible for speeding up or slowing down while the Abled person plows right through in a straight line.

Which is exactly the point I was making.

Abled people do not have right of way over people in wheelchairs.

You don’t get to bitch that we didn’t stop when you come out of left field and crash in to us/our mobility aids.

I stopped making way for men a long long time ago (back when I was walking), which if you haven’t tried it makes for a lot of collisions and a lot of pissed off entitled assholes.

Pro tip: when colliding with entitled men, lead with your shoulder.

It’s interesting how women can see that this is an issue when men do it, but somehow Ableds are still going to Ablesplain to me how disabled people should get out of their way. I’m no more interested in the entitlement Ableds have towards disabled people than I am in the entitlement men have towards women.

If you think I’m going to make way for Ableds now that I use a wheelchair any more than I made way for men when I was walking, you’re in for a surprise.

And in the vast majority of cases, an abled person can move easier and quicker than someone in a wheelchair.

And yes we can’t stop immediately - if you step in front of me and stop imma run you over while trying to stop. Your fault.

Dealing with executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to do things the way you feel like you should be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary” they seem.

For years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later). Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as soon as I take them off and put them away straight out of the dryer, but realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.

How many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three. Because am I really going to get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In allergy season I even have an empty kleenex box for “used tissues I can use again.” Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my desk.

I used to be late all the time because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3 minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse, my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem solved.

I’m like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a physical barrier in front of my door. A sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.

showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations. 

i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.  

‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.

My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do. 

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

No no no no no

Sugar does not give you cancer or emphysema. Sugar does not negatively impact the health of the people around you. To compare cigarettes to sugar is a gross overstatement that has no basis in fact - These are apples and oranges. 

This whole story of “lab rats preferred sugar over cocaine” is a myth in the science world that’s been so twisted and distorted that it is no longer representative of its actual findings. I highly recommend reading this comic about Rat Park in order to better understand it. This research doesn’t simply come down to “Rats found sugar to be more addictive than cocaine,” it’s far more complex than that. 

Sugar has been shown to be addictive, yes. But so is caffeine. If we’re looking at behavior instead of the food itself, even “healthy” options can be addictive. Maintaining an addiction is not the best option, but it can remain part of a healthy, balanced diet for many people. For most, these is no reason to ever “detox” from sugar or completely cut it out. Such steps are only necessary in severe cases where a person’s doctor has deemed them at risk. 

Considering that your body literally needs sugar in order to function, images like this are nothing more than a scare tactic. The fact that sugar causes your body to produce insulin?  And can increase your fat storage? None of these things is inherently bad or scary! Your body is meant to behave that way! You need to do these things in order to live! To list “fat storage” as an effect that’s on par with cancer-causing cigarettes - I can’t even deal with that level of pettiness and hatefulness, it’s ridiculous. 

From the official Narnia page on Facebook:

Great news Narnia fans!

You are officially the first to hear about our new deal with Netflix. Stay tuned for further updates. They will be posted here first.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NETFLIX TO DEVELOP SERIES AND FILMS BASED ON C.S. LEWIS’ BELOVED THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

Hollywood, Calif. - October 3, 2018 – Netflix will develop new series and film projects based on C.S. Lewis’ beloved The Chronicles of Narnia series. Under the terms of a multi-year deal between Netflix and The C.S. Lewis Company, Netflix will develop classic stories from across the Narnia universe into series and films for its members worldwide. All series and films produced through the deal will be Netflix productions, with Mark Gordon of Entertainment One (eOne) alongside Douglas Gresham and Vincent Sieber serving as executive producers for series and as producers for features. In total the Narnia books have sold more than 100 million copies and been translated in more than 47 languages worldwide. The deal marks the first time that rights to the entire seven books of the Narnia universe have been held by the same company.

“C.S. Lewis’ beloved Chronicles of Narnia stories have resonated with generations of readers around the world,” said Ted Sarandos, Chief Content Officer, Netflix. “Families have fallen in love with characters like Aslan and the entire world of Narnia, and we’re thrilled to be their home for years to come.”

“It is wonderful to know that folks from all over are looking forward to seeing more of Narnia, and that the advances in production and distribution technology have made it possible for us to make Narnian adventures come to life all over the world,” said Douglas Gresham, stepson of C.S. Lewis. “Netflix seems to be the very best medium with which to achieve this aim, and I am looking forward to working with them towards this goal.”

When Anthony Bourdain Went to Narnia

Of all the billions of pages that make up the Internet, one of my very favorites contains “No Reservations: Narnia,” a work of fan fiction, from 2010, by Edonohana, a pseudonym of the Y.A. and fantasy author Rachel Manija Brown. The story is exactly what it sounds like: a pastiche of Anthony Bourdain’s “No Reservations” and C.S. Lewis’s “The Chronicles of Narnia.” Channelling the casual charisma of Bourdain’s first-person writing, Brown finds him visiting the stick-wattled burrow of sentient moles, where he dines on pavender (a saltwater fish of Lewis’s invention) and Sussex Pond pudding and is drunk under the table by a talking mouse. He slurps down eel stew and contemplates the void with mud-dwelling depressives. He bails on an appointment at Cair Paravel, the royal seat of Narnia, to bloody his teeth at a secretive werewolf feast.

The real Bourdain died almost two months ago, at the age of sixty-one, of an apparent suicide. Many of us who were fortunate to know him have been left sifting through our records, pulling out bits of unfinished conversations and half-plotted ideas. A few months before his death, I had e-mailed him Brown’s homage, after years of casually wondering if he even knew it existed. The question had also occurred to Brown herself: “No Reservations: Narnia” is her most popular piece of fan fiction. (She told me that she suspects it might be her most popular work, period.) When we corresponded, before Bourdain’s death, she said that she sometimes worried that Bourdain had been sent the link dozens of times.

There persists a mistaken belief, outside the world of fan fiction, that it consists of bad writing from floor to ceiling—ham-handed, indulgent, turgidly sexual, and thoroughly amateurish. For a full-throated defense of the genre, see the Harvard English professor Stephanie Burt on the subject. Or just read Brown’s story, which is so well-told, so deeply researched, so uncannily on point in its representation of the culture and cuisine of Narnia, and so faithful in its mimicry of Bourdain’s writing voice that it is sure to charm any reader who gives it a chance. Including, as it turns out, Bourdain himself. After I sent him “No Reservations: Narnia,” he replied that, contrary to Brown’s concerns, he’d never come across the story before. “This is astonishingly well written with an attention to detail that’s frankly a bit frightening,” he said in an e-mail. “I’m both flattered and disturbed. I think I need a drink.”

—Helen Rosner

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