Procrastination Station

having a permanent full time job is you thinking to yourself “so this is really the rest of my life huh” as you come home every single day before using your 4 hours of recreational activity to do nothing and then going to bed

Use y=mx+b to calculate the slope of the line you just crossed

Orchestra: *plays* Crowd: *silent* Dog: *walks on stage* Crowd: *applauds*

My favorite thing is when people say “Thank goodness it’s the weekend!” or “At least it’s Saturday!” while I am ringing them up for their purchases on a Saturday. 

Sorry I didn’t text back I don’t have anything 2 say

Help my wife dedicates all her toots to me and although the thought is nice they are sometimes stinky

Wisdom teeth are so weird cause my body is like, “hey I know you are done growing but would you like some…MORE TEETH???? And I’m like, “hell no, theres no room,” but then my body is still like *slamming fists on table* “more teeth! MORE TEETH! MORE TEETH! MORE TEETH! M O R E T E E T H”

Oh there’s no room? That’s fine we’ll just gRoW TheM IN FuvKiNg SIDEWAYS