The Naomi Factor

Once a friend but once the backstabbing starts, she no longer can be a friend.

 I was on your side when you wrongfully filed a sexual harassment case to a partner even though it was your fault for accepting his invitation to his house. You kiss ass so much to partners that, of course, one person is going to take it the wrong way and think that you’re having the hots for them.

 I was on your side a number of other times too. When you were sick and couldn’t attend meetings, I covered your ass.

 Things started to get fishy, when you all of a sudden took credit for something you never did. You pretended that you were the sole owner of an association that I brought to the Tokyo office while I was gone for a secondment in the US.

 It’ s funny when the partners talk about it in front of me while you’re there and you smile nervously trying to think of excuses to tell me later. You did.

 You said to me on the way to the restroom, “you know you’re like a sister to me.”

 Yeah.. like that’s going to let me forgive you for all the dirty thing you did. You sneaky bitch.

 Going behind my back and meeting the Managing partner of South East Asia and not telling me about it until someone talks to me about how greatly my organization had expanded.

 After your dry spell of having any men in your life. You tried online dating, Tinder, and other social media outlets and sold yourself cheap and slept with random guys in the countries you visited in the hotel room your firm kindly paid for.

The moment you find yourself with a man, you become a changed woman.. boasting to people how loved you are by him, how he takes you to romantic places.

 No one likes a friend who shows off.

 The worst show off you did was, boasting your promotion to people before it even happened. You were so confident that you were going to be promoted this year. You told people that you loved your manager and how wonderful he was. You bragged that you got unlimited taxi rides. People who think you’re sleeping with him with all the extra benefits you were getting over your other colleagues.  But, when you screwed up and your project started to go through hell, you left it by filing a false case to the medical office and leaving everyone else to pick up your goddamn mess you left behind.

 Even when this happened, you had the guts to go around telling people that you had partners behind your back to support your promotion. What kind of bullshit story were you trying to fabricate. Your promotion was gone, the moment you ran away from the project. You were supposed to not come to the office unless really required to because of your false claim, but you couldn’t bear to be away from the spotlight so you came anyway to a partners meeting. Boy, was I shocked to see you with your newly dyed blondish hair and your new Loubutin shoes.

It’s a strange relationship with Alice I have. She was the only person in my middle school who was willing to be my friend. She had other friends too, and she was always hanging out with the “popular” kids. She was in cheerleading and was in the orchestra while I was a band nerd(literally, I even had the big round glasses). My mom wouldn’t let me hangout with friends after class. I always ended up going straight back home after I finished school. Regardless of how “uncool” I was, Alice hung out with. She even did group projects with me during class. She was smart so she always managed to get good grades which I was very jealous of, everyone wanted to be on her team. I unfortunately somehow ended up always being in the sucky team. Whenever we played sports, I always ended up being one of the last few chosen when teams were made…but I digress. This isn’t about my sad middle school memories but rather about Alice, one of my first close friends. We were friends until end of middle school, and most of the time, I was always kissing up to her, always agreeing on her terms and doing what she wanted to do, but I enjoyed her friendship even with those conditions. It was late in eight grade(last year in middle school) that she told me, “You should be fortunate that I am your friend, I am the one who introduced you to all the popular kids, without me you would have been a nobody” or something along those lines. I remember going home telling my mom that it was her fault that I could never keep a stable relationship with my friends. All the popular girls did ballet and were good at volleyball, my mom made me go swimming all the time instead of dance so I strongly disliked my mother during this period of my life. After Alice had said these mean words to me, I stopped hanging out with her and made new friends, who I will never forget because I treated them the same way Alice had treated me, but even then, they still hung out with me regardless.

  During high school, Alice and I never talked but we somehow always acknowledged each other whenever we ran into each other in the hallway. My mother liked her so she would ask me occasionally how she was doing or whatnot. Alice joined pep flags and became distant from the social circles in high school and people started to forget who “Alice” was. She was just “normal”..not “popular” like she was in middle school.

  Once, I entered college in Seattle, I changed dramatically. I occasionally chatted with Alice on Facebook and we met up a ccouple of times during my breaks in LA. This relationship continued until I began working in Tokyo. I stopped talking to her altogether, until I noticed that she was posting pictures on facebook about her trip to Europe, I started to wonder what she was up to, and so I chatted with her and the more we chatted, I found out a little bit more and more about her… like how she had thyroid. I do not know how serious her thyroid condition is but it seems like she gets many blood tests and she told me how her support system wasn’t very well. For instance, her mother was verbally abusive and her boyfriend lacked care for her well being. Although, I was not able to see her, I decided to support her even if it was just online through chat or whenever I saw her in person. I suppose you can say, I “pitied” her situation.

  Later on, she told me about her plans to go to Paris in the fall so I decided to introduce my boyfriend who lives in France so that if she got into any trouble or if she needed someone to translate at a hospital that my boyfriend could help out. My boyfriend, even agreed to take her out to coffee or dinner or even to give her travel tips. After, I had introduced the two, Alice began to act strange. She stopped answering my questions, and instead aggressively asked me questions about bank accounts and social security numbers. Her mother had apparently been trying to tap into her savings account and she was wondering how to prevent this. At the same time, my boyfriend told me that Alice had been texting him very often about our trip cost to Italy, which we both agreed was strange as she could have just asked me instead. I felt embarrassed.

  This wasn’t the end of it though. After she told me she had arrived in Paris, 2 days later, she texted my boyfriend asking if she and her friend could stay at my boyfriend’s house because she had lost her luggage…which made no sense at all, because she had arrived in Paris 2 days ago and she told me she was going alone.  I wondered when did a “man” ever come into the picture? And to top it off, she didn’t even tell me. My boyfriend had to tell me.

  I started to question her story and her actions, they all seemed fishy and she was acting very strange as well. I began to start thinking that introducing her to my boyfriend was a big mistake. So, instead of making assumptions, I confronted her about it and instead of apologizing, she made excuses about how “her friend” was in a desperate situation and she was just texting everybody and that it was a cultural issue and that I was worrying too much about it and she was thinking of using my boyfriend as a last resort.(which I told her straight up wasn’t even an option) She later then made an excuse and said "i am going to the hospital now" which I knew was a big fat lie because there's no way she would go to a hospital in France, after she had told me two months ago that she had to come back to the US because she didnt have insurance in France and that she couldnt understand them either. 

I haven't written a blog in forever... 

So I met up with the the McKinsey boy(let's name him Liam) I met in Singapore in Tokyo last night and I am confused as to what he thinks of me.

I was speaking to a mutual friend of ours last week and he told me that Liam had texted him right after he had met me in Singapore and told him that he thought I was sexy.

Last night when we went out for drinks he was very kind and flirtatious, when we parted he gave me a bear hug which I responded with a kiss on the cheek and surprisingly he kissed my other cheek back.

I wonder what this means...

Tokyo has some strange ways of hitting on girls in the strangest places.

I was walking in nihonmashi and was looking for a quick place to grab a meal before I went to a sleepover at friend's place when a "salary man" came up and mumbled.

At first I ignored him thinking that he was probably trying to hit on me but decided he might be searching for street directions so I turned back and asked him "sorry, what did you say?"

He replied:

"Are you a model?"

Oh dear... yes, I am flattered. I've walked in Omotesando before and people have asked me if I would like to join a modeling agency or hit on me, but the moment I told them I was an architect at a prestigious firm they would stop talking to me.

Men who have no balls. The only men brave enough to carry a conversation in Tokyo are the ones who know that they make more money than me.

Bankers, Traders, Entrepreneurs, Fund managers.. 

I don't mind dating a man who makes less money than me, they just need to be passionate and confident. When will my courageous prince arrive on his tamed white horse?

Legends say that the name "City of Lions" as Singapore is called was derived in the 13th century when a Prince named Sang Nila Utama while hunting saw a strange animal with an orange body, black head and a white breast. His chief minister told him that it probably was a lion. As the lion was considered a sign of good fortune, he took this as a good omen and decided to stay and build a new city and named it “Singapura” – derived from the Malay words “Singa” for Lion and “Pura” for city.

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I was in Singapore for the last three weeks for business and met up with a friend I hadn't seen in 4 years at the Grand Orchard Hotel.

I was being a bit lonely in Singapore as I did not have many friends so I began facebooking in my hotel room to chat with some old friends and discovered that my friend, Jessie was in Singapore. 

I had met Jessie four years ago in Boston through a friend. Although I did not talk to him much then, I knew that he was a fun person as I had heard rumors while I was in Tokyo.

I decided to ping him and ask him out. He delightfully agreed and invited me to join a party he was attending at the Grand Orchard Hotel bar. I did not know how to dress so I picked out my summer white lace dress and wore wedges so that I would not be too fancy. 

After arriving at the bar, I realized that it was more of a casual networking event for young professionals, I mingled with many of the folks but as I hadn't seen Jessie in four years we ended up spending the majority of the time catching up with each other.

Jessie was good looking but not sexy or breathetaking. He had started working at McKinsey about a year ago and was spending his last day of a three month assignment at this bar.

As we talked and drank i found that we had similar background and I started to become fascinated with him as a man until he pulled the "I am a player" move.

As the night was getting darker, I decided to call it a night. He insisted on taking me back to my hotel which I refused.

He replied most flirtatiously, "you were the highlight of my night. I don't have a reason to stay anymore."

I laughed and replied, "Emily told me you were a player, I am not falling for that."

He then walked over to my seat, shortening the distance between us, put his hand gently on my thigh and looked at me with sincere eyes, "I am not. Trust me."

All I could think of in my brain was, I cannot believe I just met another douchebage....

I grabbed my belongings and smiled at him and said, "goodbye, Jessie. Have a fun rest of the night"

He ran after me and pushed the elevator door open and walked in. "You can't catch a cab at this time, I'll call one for you. Where are you staying?"

"I am staying at the Ramada Hotel. What about yourself?"

"I am at the St. Regis, which is along the way, so let's take the cab together"

**damn. McKinsey brats, staying at the nice hotels xD...

As that was a reasonable excuse, I decided to take the taxi with him...However, instead of getting off first, he took me all the way to my hotel and we chatted about our past relationships and whatnot and when we finally arrived, he gave me one of those 3+ second hugs and whispered in my ear, 

"Tonight was fun. I wonder when I will see you again? In four years?"

What a joke. I am not one of those silly naive girls who will fall for silly phrases like that.

As I am a lady, I smiled, batted my eyelashes and replied, "I'll see you in Tokyo in a week.Goodbye Jessie" 

Rihanna's "We Found Love" song came on the radio while I was walking to work and I couldn't help but smile as this song reminded me of the man I had dated for two months in the winter of 2011.

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I was still a naive college student back then and having a Goldman Sachs trader as a boyfriend was just glamorous in many ways. Our meeting was in no way one of those gold-digging stories.

I met him at an UBS-Bloomberg internship party. I had just ended an internship at Bloomberg for the summer and a colleague of mine decided to hold an "End of Internship" celebration with UBS. My first meeting with this man, who we will call Harry was brief, we did not in particular talk very much during this party.

Our second meeting was in Boston when I had flown over after my internship to do several consulting/banking interviews. I had ran into him coincidentally ran into him at the Westin.

I felt that meeting someone like this again was "destiny."  

We chatted for quite some time at the hotel lobby, where I found out that his mother was a professor at a university near the university where I was studying abroad.

After completing my interviews, I returned back to my study abroad and we kept in touch meeting often, talking almost every hour of the day through chats or skyping. After all this, we decided to meet in Hawaii for Christmas where he had another home.

He bought my ticket and flew me over and we had a very lovely time. His house was right next to the beach and I fell in love with the glamorous lifestyle and felt very fortunate to have found someone who loved me.

During this year, Rihanna's "We Found Love" constantly played over and over on the radio. Harry and I loved this song and we used to sing along to it quite often.

It was also the song that was playing, as I drove to the airport to go back home.

He said, "Naomi, you like me right?"

I answered, "Yes, I do you like" 

He replied, "I want to keep what we have going, but there's something I want to tell you....I have a fiance and I am getting married to her this year."

~~~

Of course I could not accept this and we havent talked ever since then. I did however, deposit money into his account for the air flight as I did not want feel as though I was a call girl that he had shipped over for his winter vacation. 

We only want to remember the good things right? It's bittersweet. 

I dreaded this day.

The people who teased me to the point where I cried in the restroom. Bullying was something I personally grew up with the majority of my childhood.

Frank Sinatra said "the best revenge is massive success" and that's exactly what I did.

I am not the girl with the glasses, the braces and the horrible haircut anymore.

I've become one of the most popular, most fashionable girls in the company and among my friends. Rude as it may sound, yes, I am part of the elites in my age group. Working at one of the largest money making corporations, making three times as much as the average 23 year old.My friends either make the same amount or even more. 

After 10 years, I was able to face my bullies. 

However, to my surprise, he came out saying, 

"Sorry. I am really sorry." with sincerity. 

He was very nice and gave me a huge when I saw him for the first time after 11 years.

I guess I was bracing myself for the worst. It's quite funny how psychological this all is. Even after becoming confident in myself and with all the necessary weapons, I still felt fear of being hated or being made fun of.

In any case, I will be visiting this boy's cake shop in the outskirts of Tokyo sometime soon. He works apparently at one of the top 5 cake places in Tokyo.

After having a brutal week with meetings with the partners of the firm and with the CEO, I had finally fit the weekend.

Usually I sleep in until the afternoon to catch up on my sleep that I had missed in the week, but unfortunately, I had promised my father that I would see him off at the Narita Airport.

I tried to catch a cab from Inokashira Doori, but I guess 730am on a Saturday was too early for the cab drivers. I ran to the train station and somehow managed to get to Shinjuku station to catch the express. 

My friend who lived in my neighborhood was apparently taking the same express so I caught up with him and bought a ticket which was a row ahead of him. As there was no one sitting next to him at the moment, I left my belongings on my seat and sat next to the empty chair next to him.

My friend, who we will call Winston as the majority of his childhood was spent in London, was on his way to a business trip to London. I had met Winston through a friend at Yoyogi Park in the spring of 2013 and became really great friends. He and I live fairly close; about a 15 minute walk from each other, as a result we grabbed lunch and got drinks frequently in the area on the weekend...

Well, as we caught up on what had happened on the week, the train stopped at Shibuya Station where a British man in his early 50s approached my seat. It seemed that his seat was next to my seat so I told him nicely, "That's my seat and I am leaving my belongings there temporarily so please don’tｔ mind them."

However, to my surprise, maybe he didn't speak English or perhaps didn't understand me, his frown remained. He then spoke with a sharp British English tone, "Would you move your clothes, it's rude to be leaving it in such a manner."

I was dumbfounded and replied on reflex, "I am sorry" and stood up to go to my original seat to see if my clothes had spilled over onto his seat and it wasn't. I had folded my Jacket, my scarf and my blazer all on top of each other and remembered ensuring that it didn’t spill over. Regardless though, I decided to move all my clothes up to the top shelf. While I began to proceed into this action, he added a shrewd comment:

"Lacking such manners, you ought to be ashamed of yourself"

I was confused as to why this man was angered and was too lazy to fight back as I did not want to make a commotion in front of my friend or bother other customers in the train.

Just when I was feeling this way, my friend, Winston stood up and went up to the man and said, “That’s not a very nice thing to say, that’s her seat, she should be able to do what she wants to with it”

The British man replied saying, “It’s rude, and fuck you.”

Or something along those lines. I could not recall everything that happened afterwards, but I just remember that this British man had said some insulting things to Winston that were utterly inappropriate, “Sit the fuck down, you twat/twit” like about 5 times and then he asked us “are you Japanese? 日本語しゃべれますか” “are you what like nineteen?

Winston did not use a single vulgar word once; he was calm and collected, only answering with short answers. Finally the man said,

“Do you want me to call the fucking conductor?”

As I could not take the embarrassment anymore, I apologized to the man for ruining his morning and that I should have folded my clothes.

However, I did want to change my seat so Winston and I headed down to the conductors room and found that he was too busy to help us out so we decided to head back, when I coincidentally ran into the Asia Pacific leader of the firm when he walked into the cart. It was too much of a coincidence, that I laughed and forgot everything that had happened and chatted with him for a short while.

Afterwards, we grabbed our belongings and headed to a different cart and waited for the conductor to come around and told him our issue and had him resolve it as our mediator. Winston insisted on getting the name of the man which I asked why he was so persistent which he answered, “I’ll have my dad deal with him”

Scary… did I mention that Winston’s dad is the CEO of a company that deals with 150+billion assets? The world is a scary place. 

Happy New Year. The year of the horse, which marks my 24th year in this world is also known as the bad luck year for people with Asian background.

Unfortunately, this day started out badly as expected with my younger brother's vulgar language. 

I keep telling myself...the more bad things that happen early in the year, it just means there's good things waiting at the end.