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"He appreciates my chaos, you could do with some yourself." FRANCESCA BRIDGERTON & MICHAELA STIRLING Bridgerton, Season 4 'Yes or No'
honest.. it needs to be better known that you can get phalloplasty without a vaginectomy (= keeping the vagina), you can get phalloplasty with or without 'burying' your t-dick (aka its either in the phallus or remains outside of it/accessible), you can get phalloplasty with or without creating testicles, you can get phalloplasty with or without urethral lengthening, and there are multiple options for graft sites outside of arm or thigh grafts.
i knew pretty much none of this before i happened upon the blog of someone who had phalloplasty without vaginectomy. this is all stuff a surgeon would explain to you - but you may never consult a surgeon if you, like i did, think the only option available for phalloplasty is forearm graft phalloplasty with testicles, vaginectomy, clitoral burial and urethral lengthening, and that doesnt work for you.
phalloplasty in general is misrepresented terribly all over the place and many, many people say "i dont want bottom surgery because phalloplasty cant give me (x) result" and the one thing holding them back will be something thats entirely possible. meanwhile the main thing you hear about phalloplasty in the community is "the technology isnt there yet" "it doesnt look good/natural" "its not functional" etc etc, and while that may be true for many people, i suspect the lack of information about what a post-op phallus can actually look, feel and function like and the options you have regarding the surgery play a big role in the really bad reputation it gets and makes a lot of people completely give up on a surgery theyd really want because theyve been fed outdated and incomplete ideas about it.
Certified Sex Ed Post!
"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."
"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."
One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.
Someone who says they don't care if dudes wear dresses and makeup is a better ally than someone who says they're a safe space for women and non-binary people. I am not joking.
yeah I went to a gay bar recently with my husband tumblr user beemovieerotica, and a VERY confused capital S Southerner straight man in cargo shorts and a trucker hat showed up
apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)
Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????
Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.
Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song
We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"
When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."
During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid
When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."
When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."
like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time
The person matters more than the language
this is a way better model... you'll still get transphobic & intersexist drs of course but i prefer this to male / female or even having separate questions for gender & sex.
[we can't see the full form, but i'd suggest having a "something else" option and dominant hormone question too.]
as a cis woman who's had a hysterectomy and partial oophorectomy, this would be helpful for me, too! it'd be pointless to try to diagnose me for disorders that affect organs I don't have anymore, after all.
being inclusive helps us ALL. đ

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its kind of sad that if I, a trans man, decide by my own free will to wear a dress, I have to specifically tell people that I'm not detransitioning. Trans men, boys, mascs, and neutrals can wear feminine shit. Just because we want to be fem doesn't make us suddenly not trans or faking it or whatever the fuck else.
we get to decide how we identify.
not the clothes we wear.
and not you.
SPREAD THE WORD!
That's not fair.
(If you want to see me vent I'm on tiktok, @cryingbard)
An important reminder for this Trans Day of Visibility: If you cannot be out and visible right now for any reason, whether for safety due to the increasingly dangerous legislation being passed or for other reasons, please remember that you are still here, you are still real, and you still matter.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch âą No registration required âą HD streaming
Latest reblog reminds me of how much it pisses me the fuck off how every queer person alive has to adapt to the usamerican style of queerness lest we get shunned by the community for being too different. I bring this up a lot but bro that time I got death threats for having ele/dele in my bio bc "by using neopronouns I was making a mockery of REAL trans people" when those are literally just my pronouns in my native language, and when I said that I got hit w the "well you're on the internet so speak english" I HATE GRINGOS I HATE GRINGOS I HATE GRINGOS
I feel the need to miss out a crucial detail I missed out in this post I made out of anger, and no, it doesn't add any silver linings or good context, it honestly only serves to make it worse.
In portuguese, much like spanish, we have no gender neutral pronouns. People who do not use ele/dele and ela/dela (he/him or she/her) all use whatever neopronoun suits them best in portuguese (ie elu/delu, eli/deli) because we have no access to a universal gender neutral pronoun like gringos do. When I brought this up upon them making fun of my "neopronouns", they said to suck it up, and that being foreign does not make neos valid.
In mocking people who use neopronouns in english, you are mocking a very large sum of latin american genderqueer and trans people.
I know various latin language speakers that struggle with their identities in their native tongue due to us not having they/them equivalents, so they are forced to let go of their, in example, brazilian queerness, to appease to anglos who would harass them and call them mockeries of trans people for not sticking to what The Cis want.
When non-anglos tell you the usamerican and british dominance over queer spaces ruins things for them, they mean it. We are forced to repress our identites because you people think they're too "out there and problematic". We are forced to suppress our own queer culture because we don't fit into your neat little boxes of what makes someone gay what makes someone a lesbian what makes someone trans or what makes someone anything else.
You tell us to remember "our queer elders", but do you know of any queer latin american figures? We learn your history, and you refuse to learn ours because you already have "too much on your plate". You disregard us and shame us for not fitting your ideals of queerness and using labels for ourselves you dislike, and try to baby us and tell us the proper way to be gay.
Your culture is not universal.
You are not saving queer people by making jabs at other queer people you don't personally get. Odds are you are harming an entire group of foreign queers you never bothered to consider, because your anglo bubble is too self important.
If you want to do queer people a real favour instead of getting mad at identities that existed long before you were even born, here. Make yourself useful. Donate to queer brazilian housing and support programs. Your beloved dollar is worth a lot more than the Real. Even five dollars help.
Casa Um
Eternamente Sou
Transviver
Iâm 3 years post phalloplasty and I realized Iâve never really made a post about how things are going. Phalloplasty is a hard surgery to talk about because, bottom line, itâs not part of common conversation to talk about yo dick. That being said I think itâs really important for me to talk about this procedure to help break stigma and misinformationâ both inside and outside of trans and non-binary communities.
I had ALT phalloplasty, glansplasty, scrotoplasty, no urethral lengthening (UL) with vaginectomy. This means that tissue from my thigh was used to create my penis, my urethra was not extended or moved (so I donât stand to pee) and my vagina was closed. I feel like this detail is important because this is one of many variations for this procedure and what I opted for/out of were decisions made according to trade-offs between personal benefit and risk.
I opted out of UL because I do not tolerate catheters well and, due to my very active lifestyle, was not willing to risk longer term catheterization or bladder spasms which would impede my quality of life. This risk, for me, outweighed the benefit of standing to pee.
I opted for ALT knowing that I would likely need debulking (which I didnât end up needing but opted for anyway out of preference). Debulking is a procedure to make the penis less girthy as ALT phalloplasty is more girthy because of the nature of tissue on the thigh. I chose ALT because, first and foremost, I did not want scarring on my forearm. My ALT scar is covered by clothing most of the time which I appreciate. I also chose ALT because I have skinny forearms, which wasnât ideal for forearm phalloplasty (RFF).
Vaginectomy, for me, was a no brainer. I have never used or connected with that part of my body so I wanted it gone.
Glansplasty is a procedure to make the glans (head) of the penis and was a short procedure done after my initial stage of surgery. I may get it redone but Iâm still undecided on that. Scrotoplasty creates a scrotum, I was ambivalent about this procedure but have grown to more appreciate it over time.
I am considering further surgeries: erectile implant (which creates the ability for the penis to âget hardâ) and testicular implants (fills to scrotum with testicle implants). But Iâm undecided and want a break from surgery while I finish my degree and focus on work. Iâm also considering phalloplasty tattooing to help enhance the contour and coloring to make it appear more like a cis penis.
Whew! Lots of info, right? These are big procedures completed over multiple stages and are very unlike chest surgery, hysterectomy and other surgeries I had completed prior. When I was first considering this surgery I didnât know there was flexibility in terms of tissue donor site and UL. I waited to have this surgery and am so happy I did because the information I gained from research and consulting with professionals and folks with lived experience was so valuable.
Was surgery hard? Yes. This surgery was the hardest thing Iâve ever been through. Iâve never been so uncomfortable for the first 2 weeks after recovering. I had to re-learn how to walk. I couldnât sleep. Peeing hurt⊠but would I do it again? Yes. It was worth it for me but I canât underscore enough that that doesnât mean I didnât have moments where I felt regret while recovering because post op depression is a thing and I was in pain while adjusting to a new body part that was also a healing surgical site⊠LOTS going on there!
3 years on I feel really at home in my body. Just having a penis is such a comfort to me in ways I didnât anticipate. Iâve had a feeling my entire life that I was missing a body part and this was it. The quiet gender euphoria of just sitting and feeling my body and for once feeling complete in that is something thatâs hard to articulate.
Iâm thankfully back to full mobility and got back to full mobility about 3 months post op. I was grateful for this since a long term recovery wasnât what I wanted. There are still weird twitches, pains and feelings, especially around my donor site (thigh) from time to time but nothing that inhibits me. Just interesting when it happens (usually when weather gets colder?).
What is one thing I would want to go back and tell myself before surgery? Well:
Your penis will feel HEAVY. Like it will fall off. It wonât fall off and your body will adjust to the weight in an area you didnât have it before. Until then it will feel like you need to hold it at all times.
Hopefully this helps someone as an overview of what an experience with this procedure may look like. Again, my goal is to put information out there and have frank conversationsâ because itâs these same things that greatly benefitted me in my surgery journey.
Finallyâ my inbox is open for anyone that has questions. I am in a privileged position to feel safe talking about these things and I feel comfortable doing so. Not everyone does, so please donât assume that this invitation applies to other folks who have accessed surgery unless they say so.
Thank you for reading :)
Something about that cop saying Nex was just as guilty as the girls who beat them up so badly they blacked out and how cops treat native youth.
Something about the media calling it a fight and not a murder, not a hate crime and how MMIWG2S+ are never looked for, never investigated, never seen as victims.
Something about the media portraying them as the aggressor and native youth always being seen as the aggressor, even in death.
Something about the hospital who released them despite going through head trauma and how the medical system ignores native people, and how the medical system was created through experimentation on native people.
Something about trans youth being told to âjust leaveâ and Oklahoma being their homelands.
Something about Oklahoma legislature and two spirit people existing in Oklahoma before Oklahoma existed.
Something about Nexâs Indigenous identity being erased in every news article, every post, and how that was the stated goal of the USA upon which it was founded.
interesting observation i've made: i'm a genderqueer intersex trans person who's been on T for 9 years. i wear a lot of elaborate makeup and dress in "women's" clothing most of the time. my body is very masculine and i don't hide my "masc" features like my facial and body hair when i go out, i don't try to pass as any given binary gender, i did in the past and it made me miserable, so i just go about my life as the genderqueer person that i am
whenever i'm outside in a skirt or dress and my beard and body hair are fully visible, i do get a lot of compliments from fem people and women, but i actually get a very large portion of my comments from masc people and men. i originally thought that men would be the most hesitant, but i actually get a lot of men who approach me saying things like "i really dig what you're doing" or "keep that up" or even things like "you dress like how i feel on the inside." that one really stuck with me.
if this many men and mascs are willing to approach me- how many more feel the same way and were too shy or scared to say it out loud for fear of judgment from those who may overhear?
we societally groom men and AMAB people to believe they don't want to wear dresses, skirts, and makeup- but they do. whether or not these people were all transfem eggs or gay is not for me to speculate on; what i want people to take away from this is that people of all gender identities want to wear dresses, skirts, and makeup. people of all gender identities want to dress in different ways. we teach each other that women only wear certain clothes and men only wear certain other clothes, but that's just not the reality of it.
people are way more nuanced than that, and i've seen it with my own two eyes. it's beautiful. the world is a lot more open minded than we're taught to believe. we need to start letting everyone dress as they please. it's clear that most people don't fit into this rigid binary we've created. humanity is just too diverse for that.
Iâm going to tell you something nobody told me:
It is O-fucking-Kay if you think youâre trans except for that one thing
If you think you might be a girl but you like having your hair short, or you donât like wearing dresses, or you donât want to wear makeup, that is totally okay
If you think you might be a guy but you like having long hair or you really love skirts or you wear lots of sparkly jewellery, that is totally okay
If you think you might be nonbinary but you really like presenting in a way that aligns with your agab, that is totally okay
If you think you might be trans but you arenât sure if you want hormones, that is totally okay
If you think youâre trans âexcept forâŠâ that is totally okay and get this: you donât have to change that part of yourself to be trans
You can if you want to, but if you donât, that is totally okay

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i honestly wanna say a huge fuck you to everyone says that tdicks are gross and make transmascs feel bad about wanting or having bottom growth. this is like. one of the most desired effects of testosterone amongst the vast majority of transmascs i meet. so many trans men i've known have been clawing and foaming at the mouth to have a tdick, and had their bottom dysphoria severely lessened or straight up have seen it go away because of bottom growth. no part of HRT is "gross" or "ugly" or "disgusting"- for every effect of HRT, yes even baldness, there is someone on this planet who wants that.
i don't care if you wouldn't want that for your body, there's no good reason to make trans people feel bad about the bodies we want and desire for our bodies. that's literally just transphobia. i hope you know this. telling trans men that our bodies will become "ugly" and "disgusting" is transphobia. being disgusted by trans bodies is transphobia. being disgusted by testosterone and its effects is transphobia.
also it's just not true. tdicks are so fucking hot. bottom growth is so fucking sexy. watch a transmasc pull down their pants and see that massive thang in action. that shit changes you for the better for life.
does anyone know if we have transmasc and transfem love and friendship today
We do. And tomorrow and the next day and every day forever and ever and ever too. :)
a long time ago i was struggling with being transmasc because i felt like i was betraying womanhood somehow. then one of my best friends came out as a trans woman and i realised "ah... there will always be so many beautiful women in the world, so it's okay that i'm not one of them". what i'm trying to say is you need to love each other or there's no point to any of this
in a reversal of this. when i came out as transfem i was almost dissapointed because i spent so long trying to be a truly good man. i was raised with a lot of shitty guys so i tried to be the most pro-feminist comfortable dude i could be for the women around me. when my egg cracked, i almost felt this feeling of "shit, are the only men who think like this secretly women inside?" and it feels nice to see that proven so utterly and completely wrong by the trans men i know in my life. i love seeing people take on the masculinity i hated and do amazing shit with it, god bless trans dudes