sweetpsycho

so i'm gonna leave the group unfortunately and i feel i owe an explanation here before i go. for some reasons i didn't feel quite welcome here for the little time i was here and i was thinking i would be more, most of you are amazing people but it doesn't make it feel like home anyhow. there's too much of people getting ignored, and even if it isn't me it still makes me feel bad. plus while i wasn't in anything i don't really appreciate how stories with my friends were being handled nor do i like the hypocrisy of saying anyone will miss them when really i don't think anyone cared. i apologize for making you lose time over me, good continuation to you and have fun. & to anyone who actually appreciated me, you can still message me whenever.

he kept counting how many nightmares, as just a checkmark in his notebook to see if the antidepressants were helping with it. the last forty-five were proving it was not, but somehow he kept hoping. before, it had been nightmares about them. the two people he had destroyed more than anyone, in this world, in dublin. he kept saying how sorry he was upon their graves, but it wasn’t changing anything, was it? his fiancé was dead, his daughter was dead.

his friends were dead. dean was dead. it seemed everyone he loved died, and they all had only one thing in common: him.

so it was one of those nights. it wasn’t even late, about eleven in the evening, he had already woken up to nightmares, took a shower, one single bottle, and sat on the porch of his house to drink on his own. however, he hadn’t been expecting that, after only one drink, he’d see the one he had been killing himself over. the one he had begged the lord to give him back, just to never get an answer, and seamus couldn’t accept that he was there. he needed to make sure.

oh because there was always too much from seamus to dean. he’s my best friend, he kept telling himself, without realizing that it wasn’t friendship when he dreamt of holding his hand everywhere and all around, when he dreamt of how soft his lips probably were, waking up before they touched, frustrated by this all alone. truth be told, seamus had only realized how much he had been in love with dean after he had understood he wouldn’t see him again, because of how painful it was, because he was the only one he prayed to see again, because he thought he’d never love again, and even now, possibly seeing him was making his heart skip every beat.

he needed to make sure, and it was why seamus stepped closer to the other man, without even realizing his eyes already filled up with tears. his hand moved to touch the other’s shoulder, as he swallowed hardly to give himself some strength. “dean..?” his voice immediately broke. somehow, he hoped it wasn’t. he hoped he wasn’t driving himself crazy and that he wasn’t seeing ghosts. but at the same time, he wanted him to turn around and show it was him, to take him in his arms and possibly have a chance to believe that everything was gonna be alright.

it was why he had recreated his life, his wand was at the bottom of a drawer since now four years, he hadn’t touched it again. there was no more pictures of the dumbledore’s army, none of his friends, none of dean. it was all him, everywhere. him and his fiancé, their daughter, and how painful this was even. he had accepted it was his life. he was destroying the people he was letting get close to him, and maybe if he hadn’t been here it would’ve been the same thing anyway. how did he dare think he could’ve saved hogwarts, his friends, everyone? all he could do was make things implode. maybe it was the same for everyone’s lives.

however this night, walking home from work, he hadn’t been expecting this sight. silhouette he knew too well walking on the opposite sidewalk, and there was a spark of hope, of faith that had stopped shining long ago coming back inside of him as he crossed the street, taking in a deep breath. “lavender?” he only tried her name, as he swallowed hardly a second after. weren’t they all dead?

getting out from work, peter was finally walking home. it was late, he was tired and he just wanted to sleep, begging deep down in his mind not to have fights with his currently-not-boyfriend when he’ll get through the door. however, a sight caused him to stop and his heart to skip. for a second he wished it had really skipped, wouldn’t you die if it did? because on the other side, there was him. sirius fucking black, the asshole who nicely broke his heart with warm touches and soft kisses. and the simple sight of him made him crave for it all over again.

pretend. pretend. p r e t e n d .

so, he decided to walk closer to him after a deep breath, a fake smile appearing on his lips as he walked straight to him, wrapping his arms around his former friend. “sirius!” he started. “i didn’t know you were there!” i hoped you were still locked up. “how-how are you?” dying inside and breaking down like i was. “i missed you.” i swear i will choke you myself.

after a long surgery, stephanie was ready for….something. mostly sleep, but she settled for a drink at a nearby bar. she sat down and called over the bartender, “i’m going to be super classy and have a vodka lemonade please.” it was a basic drink, one that was probably mostly ordered by young college students, but steph was tired and it was the first thing that came to her mind.

he needed a drink. things were being weird lately, with his mind as fucked as it was for some reasons he couldn’t understand. he was not supposed to feel that way, not since he was what he was now. but he did feel, and he wanted it gone, hence why the alcohol. looking at the woman next to him, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “let me guess. student? with how tired you are i’d say medical or law. am i any close to the truth?”

“But … What the…” 

Jesse did not believe his eyes. Vincent was an omnic. AN OMNIC. No blood flowed from his wounds. Jesse stepped back and watched Vincent. He looked … collapsed. Without anyone to reach out to him to rise to the surface. He seemed to hate himself and everything he had become. A man cold and heartless. A machine. Jesse could understand it. He had lived about the same when he had lost his arm. It had taken several years to accept it. But it was only an arm. While for Vincent … A new feeling appeared in Jesse. Guilt. Jesse felt guilty about what he had done to him. Vincent was right. It was his fault. If he had not shot her in the first place, he would not have become what he is today, and would certainly be a good person. But Jesse had to spoil everything. So Vincent did not feel anything anymore? No more emotion? But how was that possible? Jesse had known omnics in his life. And they were perfectly capable of feeling love, fear, pain, joy … Why not him? Jesse watched Vincent curl up on himself. No. Jesse could not stay idle. And who knows, maybe Vincent would change, and everything would be in order? He slowly approached Vincent, and knelt before him to be at his height. 

“Listen. I know that what you are living is terrible. I understand. But you are not a monster. You are only if you decide to become one. People like you, I know a lot. One of my best friends became half-man, half-machine. And today he has made peace with his body and he is fighting for what he believes is right. You can become a good person now, if you decide. It will not be easy, but your life may not be a hell … ” 

Jesse sighed. He really did not know how to explain to him what he was thinking. He was about to make a big mistake … But hey! It was not like he wasn’t used to it …

“Come on, come on. We’re going to my house. You do not have to be alone outside like a homeless person. And then, it will be easier to watch you. ” 

God, his parents were going to kill him.

truth be told, vincent hadn’t expected him to be so nice afterward. he had expected to be left alone, like it always seemed to be the case. he remembered how he had been alone, in venice. lying on the floor, at the edge of the bridge, trying not to move to make sure he wouldn’t fall and drown, but also trying to move away, to show someone, anyone, hey, i’m still alive, please help me. he remembered how he had been alone afterward, sitting in this white room, feeling nothing, while deep down the person he truly was had been hitting, screaming please let me out. and for once it seemed that he was out. “what if i can’t?” he asked, his voice breaking in his words. he had tried so hard, all the time, to become good again. but what they had made of him was only making him worse. “i’m not a good person. i wasn’t even before.” he murmured, looking down as he took in a deep breath. “i used to and i-.. i don’t know how to go back to that. i don’t want to hurt people, i don’t know why i do, and i don’t know how i can stop.” as he listened to the rest of his words, vincent almost immediately shook his head. “no.” he answered immediately. “i can’t.. control myself. and i don’t want to hurt you. you seem.. you seem to be a nice person, i can’t hurt you like i always do.” he stated, pulling himself back up before he stepped back. “besides, i have a house i’m not homeless. but i really can’t accept that. i can’t risk hurting someone else. even less someone reyes cares about, i think he already wants to kill me.”

gabriel raised an eyebrow. “the difference is - jack and i were literally up against the world. we fought a war together. we ran overwatch together. you can’t get our kind of trust and loyalty without going to hell and back.” jack was one of the only people that gabriel had trusted to watch his back during the omnic crisis. the war had brought them close. “i don’t care if he didn’t list off all the reasons i’m better than you. he doesn’t owe you an explanation.” though, now gabriel was curious as to why jack hadn’t really answered that. 

while vincent went off about gabriel’s ‘failures,’ the man just smirked. “yeah. i always knew that sombra was up to something ,and using talon for her own reasons. why do you think i brought her along?” he put his hands in his pockets. “you’re right. talon did have a lot of resources available, and i chose not to use them. it’s curious, isn’t it? why an esteemed commander and tactician would make such a simple, stupid decision.” he spoke with heavy sarcasm. he’d never went to gibralter to kill winston - he’d needed him to initiate the damn recall he’d been too much of a wuss to do before. 

“reaper. is. dead.” he wasn’t going to back down on that. gabriel was no longer reaper - thus, reaper didn’t exist. he was dead. “did i, though? i had the element of surprise and was point-blank range of jack when i shot him. yet i conveniently missed anything vital, like his head.” he’d still been confused and lost at that point, but he knew he didn’t want jack dead. he still had to act like he was trying to kill the man, though.

“you don’t get it, do you?” vincent asked, tilting his head slightly. “it’s not about that. we were against his whole world too. not in a war, but against his beliefs. his family, his friends, everything they tried to shove down his throat for years. that’s a different kind of hell, but that’s still one.” he pointed out, shaking his head. he knew he had went through a lot with jack. “you know the first time he told his father we were in a relationship, i got punched in the face. and when i could see him again, he was so exhausted with all he put him through that he stayed a full week at my house just to sleep. and i’m not even gonna talk about how many cuts he had on his arms and hands from whatever he got him to do just because we were together. he got shamed by just about every of his friends, didn’t even have anyone to turn to afterwards because they decided to leave him for who he loved and i know perfectly what looks he received in church because i went there with him many times to make him feel like he belonged with at least one person in it. you got your war, we got ours, one isn’t worse than the other.” he explained. he had a lot more things he could say, but he knew it wasn’t his things to talk about here. “i don’t care if you do or not. that’s exactly what i’m saying. you’re not better than me. because i know perfectly that when jack wants to make a list about what he likes or dislikes about the one he loves, he does it. you have nothing more than i do. so good luck with that.”

vincent furrowed his brows at his words. shit, he thought. he had intended everything to go that way, and he had been too blind to see it. “i told them we shouldn’t trust you.” he stated, squinting slightly. he knew he should have never trusted him. hell, he had for a while, thought that he was a good commander, even thought maybe he could, at some point, get along with him. how fucking wrong was he? for a second after his words, vincent felt himself bleed through. a little bit of human heart that was left of him, and the hard face he had shown since the beginning softened. biting his lips, he let out a slight sigh. “don’t hurt him.” he finally said, swallowing rather hardly. “i always have hard times between.. things going on in my head and i couldn’t be a good person for him, but maybe you can.” and he still had a hard time staying himself, it was like there was this second person inside his head, that blamed and pointed mistakes at others, and he couldn’t make it shut up most of the times, and he couldn’t take back that control. “just don’t hurt him like i did. he deserves better than this.” he said before taking a few steps back. and that was him. truly him, the one he had been before everything, before how sick he had became, before becoming an omnic, before it all got set in stone that he would never be a good person again. it was really vincent saying that, not the monster that kept eating him from inside.

“I’m already hurt, I’m not gonna force away from him and risk to hurt myself even more. And he did that too.” He pointed out, taking a deep breath. He missed how Vincent used to be at the beginning of their relationship, but he wouldn’t ever want it back. Gabriel was who and what he wanted, nothing else. Letting out a groan of annoyance when Vincent held him back, Jack turned back to him. “Yeah, you do, exactly. Because you were and still are a fucking idiot.” He stated, before listening to him and raising his eyebrows before he nodded. “Wow. You go so fast from I still love you to I shouldn’t have dated you ‘cause you’re a whore. What’s next, are you gonna propose to me? Adorable.” He answered with a sarcastic tone. “That’s not why we broke up. We broke up because you deserved.. ‘Better’, remember?” He asked, using his fingers to make quotation marks. “Because that’s so clear that you were the one deserving better when you spent two years abusing me. Don’t blame me for giving up, you left.” He stated before he looked back at Gabriel, then back at Vincent. “Tell him to shut up again and I will fucking ruin you. Now you get the fuck out of my house before I pierce you a second ass hole with whatever I can get my hand on.” He added a fake smile after his words, before he moved to get closer to Gabriel. “I’ll explain you everything, alright? Just not right now.”

@acvnitum

gabriel huffed. of course jack was right with that logic. “alright.” he would let it go and just try to let himself calm down later when vincent finally left. gabriel mostly stayed quiet, honestly just enjoying how jack was talking back to vincent. finally. he could watch jack do this all day, but sadly, he still wanted vincent out of their fucking house. he walked up beside jack and wrapped an arm around his waist to help him keep his balance, and also to show vincent that jack was his. “vincent, you don’t get to go gaslighting jack and blame this all on him. you abused him, and he’s hurt right now because of you and what you did. don’t go acting like you were a fucking saint.” at jack’s words, gabe nodded and kissed his temple. “alright, carino.” he focused back on vincent. “but seriously, get the fuck out before i call the cops on your ass for breaking and entering. maybe harassment,. too.” 

@nanobccsted

vincent stayed silent through what jack was saying. fuck, he knew he was right, and somehow it was hitting him right in the guts. “and you didn’t even try to understand why i changed.” he said slowly. god, he knew it wasn’t on jack. it was on him, but he couldn’t continue blaming himself because he knew otherwise he wouldn’t even be able to keep going. and even though he wasn’t sure he did want that, he was trying. “oh really, threats now? well look.” he shrugged, looking at gabriel again. “you shut the fuck up, i’m not talking to you.” he turned right back to face jack. “you told him? so now to add with it you’re a fucking liar? that’s just great. you would be dead if it wasn’t for me.” he pointed out, raising his eyebrows before he took a step back. “but sure, alright, i’m leaving. i just wanted to talk. calmly. you can thank your boyfriend for being an asshole, i would’ve kept talking calmly if he wasn’t being a dick. see ya’ jack.” he finally said, rolling his eyes and turning around, planning to leave but knowing perfectly it wasn’t done there. // @commanderhearts​

@acvnitum

gabriel just flipped vincent off, since he knew giving the man more attention would just want gabriel to punch him. “you may not have initiated the kiss, but you seemed cozy in his arms.” he wasn’t really mad at jack, just.. annoyed. a little jealous. since when were they that close? “vincent i swear to god if you don’t-” he was cut off when jack actually smacked vincent. “damn, that was hot,” he muttered. he didn’t think jack had it in him to hurt vincent like that. he turned his attention back to vincent. “and why the fuck are you here, anyway? how did you find out where we live?”

@nanobccsted​

he stayed silent at first, only looking at them, but rolled his eyes as gabriel started to talk. and then actually got surprised at the smack he received in the face. “what the fuck?” he only exclaimed as he moved his own hand on his cheek because of the pain. “hijo de puta.” he murmured, listening to him before he snorted. “how’s that talking shit behind your back, querido, i’m telling you what i think of you right in your face too.” he stated before he got closer to him, turning him right back. “oh yeah, i completely see smoke without fire, don’t i? maybe i wouldn’t have if you kept trying. you know, for us. that’s why we broke up, you gave up on us for that.. cabrón over there. if there’s one asshole in that relationship it was you, from the beginning to the fucking end.” he stated, shaking his head slowly. “i don’t know what the bloody fuck i was thinking asking you out when everyone kept warning me of how much of a slut you are, maybe for once in my life i should’ve listened to others.” he stated, taking a step back. “i have my ways, reaper. i thought you’d get that. now if you’d be nice to shut up, i’m talking to my ex.” // @commanderhearts​

@acvnitum

gabriel was trying to keep himself calm, but it was difficult when he just heard  that vincent kissed jack, they had been embracing each other before he walked in, and now jack was talking to vincent instead of answering the question. he practically growled in anger as he pointed at vincent. “you, shut the fuck up. no one asked for your opinion. and you.” he turned towards jack. “what’s hard to explain? why were you kissing your ex in our house?” his tone was quiet and calm, but he definitely wasn’t. gabriel just knew that yelling did no good most of the time - so he tried to at least seem like he was put-together.

@nanobccsted​

“the truth about you.” vincent just said with a shrug. he was not going to pretend, not now. hell, he was tired of trying to break them up differently, so while he knew they were in a bad pass - because of him - he was gonna add more to it. “well what you get when you’re in a relationship with you is getting cheated on and lied to about it. i’d be one to know that.” he crossed his arms, tilting his head before he looked at gabriel. “okay, yes sir, i will shut up. can i watch though? i told you i’d be here to see that.” he said with a bright smile. // @commanderhearts