* SB // ᛈᛉ-390

“well, hello to my fellow gay mess!” dorcas grinned as she approached sirius. “how are things in the life of sirius black?” 

private starter for @padfoothearts​ ( sirius black )

Out to walk Cosmo, Sirius hadn’t quite been expecting to see much anyone, and it was showing even more for he was in his pajama and not looking quite well. Looking up as he heard this voice he knew too well, Sirius started at his friend for a few seconds, furrowing his brows. “Dorcas?” He murmured. She was dead, she was supposed to be dead, wasn’t she? “I-Things are good, thank you. Since when are you here?” Maybe he had to stop being surprised, people came back to life in this place, and god it was so hard to understand what the fuck was going on.

“i mean, potter is your best mate, yeah? i’m not saying grab his ass, you’ll just get slapped by lily, but i’m just–” she shrugged, looking over at sirius for a moment. “i’m just surprised you came to me first, that’s all. over james, or remus.” marlene explained, taking a drag from her cigarette as she sighed. “alright, enough with the games, tell me what the hell you’ve got to talk to me about before i lose my mind, yeah?”

( @padfoothearts cont. from here ) 

“Mind you, I grab James’ ass whenever I want, Lily doesn’t scare me.” He stated, before taking a deep breath. “Alright, maybe she does, but she’s not the boss of me.” Sirius hadn’t truly thought about how to tell James what he was about to mention to Marlene. Of course, well, Remus already knew, but it had been easier to not-tell to the one he had kissed after all. “I mean, you being the first person I say it to doesn’t mean you’re the first to know. I just know that if it’s all stupid and crap you’ll tell me immediately and I know if I risk getting murdered by someone for something, it’s most likely gonna be by you.” The marauder stated on a joking tone, even if though he thought a bit of his words. “So, ya know, let’s get over with the potential murder. Even if I’m sure it won’t go there.” Almost sure. Because he was certain his parents would’ve never accepted it, so he had put in his own mind that no one would, not even his friends, even though it was still him. “I feel so stupid doing that. I didn’t want any of you to know before but now that we’ve literally went through hell and back I feel like if something rips you away from me that can’t be that, so um..” It actually was one of the first times Sirius couldn’t really find his words. He hadn’t thought about it before, how to actually say it out loud, because while he knew he loved men, he had never employed any word to describe it. “Anyway, I don’t know why I make such a big deal out of this, I’m gay. And I guess I’m only saying it now because it’s the first time in a long time that I do feel at home and-and actually happy and I don’t wanna hide.. Or attempt to at least, parts of who I am when I’m with any of you.” He was happy, now it was something he wasn’t saying often, but when he did, it was sincere. Even if everything was shit, there was some moments Sirius actually felt happy. “That’s it.”

lucifer found a smile appearing on his features as he chuckled, nodding his head because he knew exactly what his boyfriend was referring too. “it’s a talent. a rare talent that i would like to think no one else possesses.” he didn’t like the idea of anyone else having that kind of effect on sirius or any effect on him at all for that matter. “oh goodness sake. i shouldn’t have brought it up should i?” he teased almost gently. no, he wasn’t saying he wanted more dogs because one of the pesky blighters was quite enough for him but it felt like sirius had just compromised so he was trying in return. “i do.” his voice quiet because it wasn’t easy for him to admit, he was also in such heavy denial about anyone being able to care for him in return. letting him take his hand as he held onto his in return. “”i’m the devil isn’t that my M.O? punish the bad… be hidden from the good?” lucifer hadn’t acted out in a while which meant that the next person who pushed him to his limit would be extremely sorry for even contemplating the idea… never mind doing it. “you mean that? because if anyone ever dared try i would quite literally crush them out of existence.” no humour like there usually was, he was serious about this. lucifer had put in too much effort, he’d opened himself up much too far with sirius to be able to handle getting hurt by him, or hurt by someone else wanting him. not, of course, that he could blame them but he would anyway. “relationships?” the noise that left his mouth showed how he used to feel about them. “they were always a bloody disaster.” smiling slightly. “but not you.” definitely not him. “well and truly i’m afraid.” in regards to them being messes as he chuckled. 

Sirius chuckled a bit at his words, shaking his head. “Making me blush, what a talent. I wish I had the one to make you blush. I’m starting to think your blood can only go in one place now.” He murmured this last sentence on a slightly warmer tone. Shaking his head at his question, Sirius scrunched up his nose slightly. “You definitely shouldn’t have.” He teased back. Honestly, Sirius wanted all the dogs there were, all the time, and everywhere, because dogs were adorable and no one could convince him otherwise. “You know, in my book, punishing the bad makes you a good person overall, not a bad one. You might do bad things on the side, doesn’t change much.” He pointed out before shrugging. After all, gods and angels had their own beliefs, who was he to say they were wrong - even if they were - ? “I insist on the no killing or smiting people out of existence, you know?” He asked with a slight tilt of his head. “You don’t have to worry though. I only want you.” He admitted, looking into his eyes. “For real and forever.” He murmured, smiling softly. “Well, here’s to us trying to not fuck it up this time then..?” He asked with a slight smile, leaning to kiss his lips softly, but quickly.

peter had it coming. the push, the anger, the insults, oh how satisfying that was. there was a part of him that was reveling on his pain and rage and that wanted him to keep going. show me more, padfoot, a voice thought in his head as he only frowned to pretend to be confused. because he wouldn’t show him he knew. because he wanted him to suffer before killing him for what he had done. 

no one broke his heart and lived, not anymore.

“sirius?” he asked slowly finally, a soft voice, almost too nice for the truth that he remembered. just too much who he was before, and ugh how was he disgusted by the person he used to be? too much.

too much. too much.

“what are you talking about mate, i-i’m not following you.” that hurts, doesn’t it? maybe he was happy about it. maybe his goal was making sirius regret he wasn’t still in azkaban.

The confusion on Peter’s face made it all so much more hard to handle. He didn’t remember, he could tell just by the expression he had, he didn’t remember what he had done and it was to Sirius to forgive and forget in this instant. Because maybe it was still his friend at this moment, because he didn’t want to push back bad memories onto someone. “You don’t remember?” He asked anyway, feeling his eyes filling up with tears as he shook his head. “God if anyone-.. Anyone shouldn’t have the right to not remember it’s you.” He stated, closing his eyes as he turned his head away. He refused to break down in front of him, he refused because he knew he couldn’t push him away again, because he didn’t have the strength to do so. “Stay away from me.”

“he did, yeah. don’t think my mum got much of a look in,” he joked. “mcgonagall nearly had a heart attack when i started hogwarts and she got a look at my name. apparently i live up to the them too, so…” although james would never be a marauder - how could he be? nobody ever could - he certainly did do everything he could to give his grandfather and his friends a run for their money. someone had to make sure the mischief was never truly managed for good and james was happy to step up to the plate. and with his name, it was like fate that he should get a reputation similar to the marauders in school. and he was bloody proud of it. “yeah, it’s nice to meet you, too. i hear the potters think a lot of you.” would it be weird to add that that statement included himself too?  

Sirius couldn’t help a chuckle at James’ words, biting his lips before he nodded. “Well I bet, we might have traumatized her.” He stated, frowning slightly. “I wouldn’t be that proud of it though. We were morons. Mostly me, I was-.. I am still a bloody asshole, don’t be like me. Or like us all together, you’ll regret it.” Sure, Sirius was proud of what they had done after, but they had all been bloody morons in Hogwarts, they had done so many bad things that sometimes he found himself regretting it more than anything else. “Well now, of course they do, I am unforgettable.” Sirius said with a frown, as if he was upset he had even mentioned it. “In my time your father might be.. Three years old now. I know he’s here and older but it feels weird to think you are Bambi’s son.” He admitted. “...Harry’s. Harry’s son.” Bloody idiot.

“are you sirius black?” 

if james was one thing, he was blunt. so when he saw a face he recognised, he was going to approach them regardless of the fact that the people he knew didn’t seem to remember him anymore. an elaborate prank and everyone was in on it, he was convinced. his namesake, though, didn’t even know him to begin with so surely this would be better than the rest of his reunions with his family. 

it did  beg the question of how padfoot was alive here, though. was the prank really so elaborate that they had managed to summon the ghost of sirius black, one of the marauders james idolised so much, to just mess with him even more?

“i’m james. um, james sirius. potter,” he said, head tilting like he was still trying to figure everything out. “m’harry’s son.” 

@padfoothearts 

When Sirius heard someone mention him, the young man decided to look over. What was it with people knowing him lately? He wasn’t in the best of moods and it seemed like everyone wanted to talk. “Depends who’s asking. I might be not me for a hot minute if you’re one of the annoying kind.” The animagus admitted, rolling his eyes slightly as he frowned. He didn’t know that guy, he was pretty damn sure of it. I’m James. And he frowned, as his next words confused him a bit more, then made him realize who was that guy. “Oh bloody hell.” He murmured, running a hand on his face. “Fuck me, he really gave you my name? Good luck mate.” He said, making a face. “I’m bloody sure everyone pretty much overestimates every part of me, so if you’re there to tell me what every Tom, Dick, and Harry told you about me you can walk away.” He only stated before he took a step in his direction. “Otherwise, nice to meet ya, Potter.” Because no way he’d call someone who wasn’t his best friend James, and it was too weird to call someone else Sirius.

Blaine was seriously getting sick of this guy. He was literally the biggest ass he’d met since getting to wherever it is he was, and that was saying something, considering all the guys he knew. “Yeah, and I know plenty of grown men who have no feelings, so saying you have one is a compliment.” He looked at him, giving him another bitch face, “no, I just don’t take kindly to being told to fuck off.” He pulled his arm away, “Um, no. That’s not how this shit works. I don’t care what your name is, I’m not going anywhere with you, and I’m definitely not buying you a damn drink.” 

So, maybe Sirius wasn’t the best at being mean and then trying to apologize. Because yeah, maybe somehow it had been for him a way to do it. He definitely sucked at this. “I’m not taking that as a compliment.” He just stated, shaking his head slightly. Damn, why was he even picking up fights with this kind of people? “And I don’t take kindly having some stranger run into me.” I’m not bloody invisible, he thought, I’m bloody here, pay attention. Maybe it was his insecurities acting out. “Well I’m getting me that drink then. You’re welcome to join if you want free ones since I’m the bloody bartender.” Sirius said with a smile, before he walked right past him. “Or I might double the price since you’re as much of an ass as me.” He shrugged. “Depends if your pretty face keeps being bitchy or not.”

Blaine simply rolled his eyes; this dude reminded him far too much of Sebastian, but from way back in the day. “I guess that’s a fair point, such a damn shame.” He didn’t actually mind it too much, but he wasn’t about to admit that. Of course the hot asshat had a boyfriend, and it happened to be someone named after the devil. How fitting. “Yeah, I’m sure that not seeing you totally hurt what I’m sure is the one feeling you possess.” He rolled his eyes again, shaking his head, “you know, if you hadn’t told me to fuck off, I probably would have offered to buy you an apology drink, but, definitely not worth it.” 

“Finally something we can agree on.” At least, Sirius had been lucky enough to meet Lucifer. No one could say they were that lucky now, since he was his. Raising his eyebrows at the next words the young man said, Sirius crossed his arms and laughed slightly. “One feeling? Come on, I’ve got much more than that, I’m a full grown-ass man.” He said, mimicking him as he rolled his eyes. “Oh, may you pardon me princess, did I hurt your feelings?” He asked before grabbing the guy by the arm. “You’re getting me that drink.” He only stated, before he shrugged and pulled him in a direction. “Name’s Sirius, and I always get what I want, just in case you didn’t got that yet.”

There was always a fair share of rude folks in big cities, and this version of “DC” was obviously no different. While the stumble was definitely his fault, he didn’t believe the other had to be such a dick about it. He stood up, “normally I do, just, again, got distracted. It happens in this technological age.” Why did assholes always have to be so goddamn attractive? It wasn’t fair. He blushed a bit, but did his best to hide it, “usually it doesn’t throw me off, but I also don’t usually get unsolicited dick pics on my walk home from work.” That wasn’t entirely true, but he normally didn’t allow himself to look, guess today he was thirstier than usual. “Or, maybe you could, I don’t know, pull the stick from your ass, and recognize that people make mistakes every so often. You’re obviously not hurt, I said I was sorry, and I didn’t do it on purpose.” 

Deep down, Sirius perfectly knew how disrespectful and rude he was being in this moment. But, actually, it wasn’t bothering him much at all. He had never been an example of how to be, and it was not going to start now. “You’re the one looking at your phone, it didn’t force you. Don’t blame objects for being an idiot.” Sirius answered as he scrunched up his nose a bit. Okay, maybe he was going a bit far. “Welcome in 2019, sweetheart. You’ll get more dicks than hellos, get used to it.” He pointed out with a shrug. Because he had looked at it all before he had Lucifer, and so he had been able to see what a mess the world still was. “Well I don’t have anything up there yet. My boyfriend’s still working so maybe tonight, but as for right now my ass feels very much free, thanks for worrying about it.” Sirius answered with a sarcastic smile, tilting his head slightly. “Aw, and what if you not seeing me hurt me emotionally? Bold of you to assume I’m fine.” He added with a smirk, stepping back slightly. “I’ll take the apology if you buy me a drink. Otherwise fuck off.” He admitted, making a face.

Blaine, finished teaching for the day, was walking down his usual route home, when his phone went off. Now, normally, he wasn’t one to try and text while walking, but seeing as it was a Scruff notification, and happened to be a rather risqué photo, which distracted him more than it probably should have. He ended up bumping into someone, dropping his phone, and sheet music.  “Oh my god! I am so so sorry! I was totally distracted, and that usually doesn’t happen to me, and I didn’t mean to bump into you.” He started scrambling to pick up the sheet music. “seriously, so sorry!” 

There were days Sirius could tell it was better if he wasn’t talking to anyone, when he felt grumpy from the get-go and he knew he would be rude to everyone even looking at him. And there were days he didn’t know, and it led him to go out like this exact day. He could tell himself that he was in a bad mood, maybe the lack of sleep wasn’t helping for that, and he clearly just wanted to go back home, so when this guy bumped into him on his way home, the wizard rolled his eyes, looking at the stuff that fell on the floor. “Well, you could bloody pay attention to where you’re going.” The young man answered with his strong British accent. As his eyes fell onto the phone, Sirius moved to pick it up, looking at the screen for a second before he handed it off to his owner. “I get that dicks can be distracting but if that throws you off so much maybe you shouldn’t get on this kind of apps. That would be easier to keep your eyes on where you’re going and stops you from running into people who have better shit to do than listen to your apologies for being a moron, hm?”

@padfoothearts​ // there was a part of peter that always thought back. maybe it was why, at this moment, his boyfriend had preferred to let him go. he remembered how there used to be beauty in the overwhelming feeling all around him. the sensation of being whole, of belonging in a place where nothing was what he really was. belonging with people he didn’t want to belong with: bully, asshole, monster, well wasn’t he damned. the sensation of being someone, and the softness of it all. of his fingers, his lips, his words brushing against his skin. maybe it was why he always thought back to this. he remembered how he had fallen in love with the worst person he could fall in love with, how it had broken him, how it had been one of the things that told him. too much, it’s too much, too much. how he had given up. because he was one of the good guys, right? he had to be.

getting out from work, peter was finally walking home. it was late, he was tired and he just wanted to sleep, begging deep down in his mind not to have fights with his currently-not-boyfriend when he’ll get through the door. however, a sight caused him to stop and his heart to skip. for a second he wished it had really skipped, wouldn’t you die if it did? because on the other side, there was him. sirius fucking black, the asshole who nicely broke his heart with warm touches and soft kisses. and the simple sight of him made him crave for it all over again.

pretend. pretend. p r e t e n d .

so, he decided to walk closer to him after a deep breath, a fake smile appearing on his lips as he walked straight to him, wrapping his arms around his former friend. “sirius!” he started. “i didn’t know you were there!” i hoped you were still locked up. “how-how are you?” dying inside and breaking down like i was. “i missed you.” i swear i will choke you myself.

Nothing was going quite right lately, but it still wasn’t what one could call wrong. Somehow, it was why Sirius wasn’t talking about everything that was going on in his head. Because things went well with his boyfriend, with his friends, he had a job he liked, a huge house and a dog he had wanted all around, and somehow it wasn’t enough. Because, deep down, there still was a pain, guilt that he couldn’t get rid off. That’s messing you up, isn’t it? That you’re the monster that got them killed, this voice still kept going in his head. God, how he knew it wasn’t his fault now, because he couldn’t have predicted all of that. But still, it was the words he told himself anytime he saw himself in the mirror. The word that came into his mind anytime he saw his own face.

Monster.

Monster, for he hadn’t stopped it. Monster, for he hadn’t known. For he had let Peter destroy their friends, for he hadn’t stepped up, for he hadn’t helped the Potters, the McKinnons, the marauders all together from dying. Monster, for he was a coward, for he had never done enough. Monster, for he was one, once and for all, and that even if he tried to change, his last name would make it impossible. He couldn’t tell how many times he had stopped from punching the mirror one second before his fist was hitting it. Because he was good at doing that.

Pretending.

He had done it his whole life. Pretending he was okay, pretending he wasn’t broken, messed up and probably going crazy at this point. Pretending he was happy, that nothing was wrong, that everything had always be fine. But nothing had ever been. Because he was afraid of his mother, afraid his House would be the death of him, afraid to leave, then afraid to come home. Afraid to lose them, afraid to say out loud who he really was, afraid to love, and too afraid not to. Afraid to be wrong, but also to be right, and afraid to let himself die in that cell, almost as much as he had been afraid to stay alive.

But then again, there were evenings like this. Cursed to be alone when he felt like he needed someone, when Lucifer was working and he didn’t want to call him to get home for he was scared he would have to explain how fucked up he was, and that scared him that it would drive him away. It was an evening where he got outside himself, needing air to feel like he was still seemingly alive, even if it felt everything inside him had died down. 

And before he knew, he felt arms around him and the voice he heard got him to open back his eyes. Fucking. Hell. For a second, he didn’t move, but it didn’t mean everything wasn’t going on in his head. His eyes locked onto Peter’s face almost immediately, and his touch almost felt corrosive as he placed a hand on his chest and pushed him away hard enough, stepping back and away from him. “You’re FUCKING kidding me.” He growled out. “Don’t you bloody dare touch me you bloody moron.” There was every single murder he had thought of playing out in his head, and how much he wanted to punch him in the face at this point. And he would have, damn.

Damn he would have if guilt and pain weren’t there stopping him from doing so. Damn he would have if he wasn’t remembering everything that had happened between them.

Because there had been so much more than met the eye between Peter and Sirius, they had just been discrete enough about it. He remembered the real smiles he had been able to get out of him, he remembered how he thought he had been the only one to really see him when in the end, he had understood he didn’t. He remembered the kisses, the promises. He even remembered when he shut him off, telling him he couldn’t, and that it was on himself, simply because he was scared. He remembered he had lost his friends that night, but also someone he was maybe starting to fall in love with. 

“I’m gonna bloody kill you. And you dare asking me how I’ve been? Don’t you know? After what you’ve done?” He wanted him to acknowledge it, to cry and beg for forgiveness as he’d fall down on his knees so Sirius could kick him even more down, make him feel the way he had for those years stuck up in that cell. Because there was no way he’d forgive him. But another part of him was begging for Peter to say no, no he didn’t remember, because it would make it so much easier, because it would be nicer on his heart which was crying out to hug him back. With a please don’t push him away, because deep down he still loved him. Maybe not as he could’ve loved him at the end, but there still was a thing that maybe would never go away. No matter how much he hated him.

Sirius raised his eyebrows as he observed the young woman, taking a deep breath. “I literally didn’t say anything yet but that’s showing that you know perfectly it’s gonna be intense when I say I need to talk.” He said with a slight hug. “Why not you? Want me to grab Potter by the ass and tell him ‘ey buddy I gotta tell you something important to me?”

“easy now, padfoot - there’s no need to start fighting the bartender for your bad decisions of not inviting friends to drink with you,” james responded, though he waws pretty sure that if he was with sirius, he would be the one that was carded for i.d, which was a ridiculous thought all on it’s own. “look at you, keeping it boujee with your water.” james let out a small laugh, not trying to ridicule the other, but just give back to their friendly teasing that seemed like years past. “then talk to him, apologize. i don’t know what you did, but you have to talk to your friends.” it was something they all did, but james didn’t understand the future, didn’t understand the weight that sirius had on his shoulders. “you know, it’s impossible to make a cheers when you have, one: nothing to drink, and two: a lie of a statement.” james mentioned to the other with a shrug of the shoulder. “not to mention, the oly time that you’re garbage is when you don’t take a shower.” his shoulders shrugged again, eyebrow raising at sirius. “regardless of having it better or not, i can promise you that you’ll end up puking regardless with the hangover you have in store for you.” but then there was also a furrowed look about peter, something that he wasn’t quite grasping. “what about peter? he’s our friend, i doubt lily knows as much about him as we do.” 

“Let me blame who I want. If I start to blame myself I’m gonna regret every choice I ever made in life until now.” He stated, knowing perfectly that it wasn’t true but he still said it, however. “Blow me, Potter.” He scrunched up his nose at his laugh, sticking out his tongue childishly at his friend. Listening to his words, Sirius couldn’t help but shake his head. He didn’t want to keep trying when he was certain it wouldn’t be useful. “I can’t.” He just murmured. “I bloody-.. I called him a monster, James.” He stated, running his hands on his face. “Have I even looked at myself in a bloody mirror, who the hell am I to talk?” You hurt me. I will crush you. He remembered his voice saying those words but not himself wanting to say it. Who was he even becoming, now that was a question he couldn’t answer. “I’m the worst person in the world.” He stated as he rested his forehead against the edge of the bar, closing his eyes. Sirius pretty much had two drunk moods. The first was the sad and self-critical one that he was in this moment, and the second was the fun and flirty one he was in other moments. “Oh yeah I’m gonna be such a mess. I hope I’m not gonna throw up in the bed.” Lucifer won’t be happy if I do, he just thought, furrowing his brows. “Ask her. I can’t tell you, I might say too much.” He stated. “But if you really wanna know if I ever see him again I might depulso his bloody ass right into a fucking wall.”

“you don’t see? oh, i could show you if you like?” the words escaped his mouth in his usual charming, somewhat confident manner as he gave sirius a big grin. was he nervous? did lucifer still find that rather attractive about him? yes for some reason he did. “or should i add our one dog for good measure?” not wanting to come home and have another three bloody dogs waiting for him. lucifer wasn’t really sure if he could handle a baby, a child but he was handling a dog and it was all about the little steps. right? “okay, i think i like where this is going.” smiling as he nodded, closing his eyes at the touch of his boyfriend’s fingers. someone good? that was the opposite of the definition of the word devil in the dictionary, wasn’t it? lucifer sat in silence, wondering whether it was worth counteracting the argument but he chose against it doubting sirius would let it go. if the tables were turned and lucifer was trying to tell sirius how good he was then he wouldn’t let it go either. “i don’t think i could have said it better myself actually.” a small smile. “i wasn’t sure i was even capable of feeling these things until i met you, that is.”

“I-..Wh-..” He tried to align one word, which was actually too hard at this point that he had to take a deep breath in. “How do you still manage to make me so.. That?” He murmured, moving his hands on his cheeks that he knew were bright red at that point. “Our one dog for now.” Sirius added with a tilt of his head. “I mean I won’t bring you ten dogs at home yet but it might happen one day or another.” He said with a smirk, actually joking at this point. He was going to go slow, he kept thinking he shouldn’t scared Lucifer with going too fast, because deep down he was still afraid to lose him. “I mean every word you know?” He said slowly finally, taking one of Lucifer’s hand in his. “You’re good to me. You might not be to everyone else and I don’t really-... Well they might deserve it though so I guess it’s fine, but you’re a good person to me. And when you’re not it’s only because I’m quite begging for it so it’s alright.” He scrunched up his nose a bit before smiling. “If anything or anyone ever makes you doubt that you make me happy, or that I love you, you have my absolute encouragement to make it or them regret that. By any means.” He stated. Biting his lips at his next words, Sirius couldn’t help but smile, leaning closer to rest his head against Lucifer’s shoulder. “I wasn’t even sure I could do relationships before you.” He admitted. “Merlin, we’re such messes, aren’t we?” He asked with a slight laugh.

“oh? well, you do know i like it rough, sirius.” he chuckled, tilting his head slightly. “one quick correction. he’s ours… our dog.” not believing that he was actually referring to the dog as his, it was the first time he had since sirius had brought it home. “it’s a good job i love a good old i told you so myself which is why i can’t blame you for it.” chuckling as he offered a smile. lucifer naturally brought his arm to wrap around his boyfriends lower back when he shuffled closer. “that habit is going to die hard i’m afraid.” his words quiet when his boyfriend asked him to stop doubting himself. he didn’t with most things, in fact, he was overly confident but this? opening himself up on this level with someone? yes, it made him doubt. lucifer returned the kiss with a smile, pressing his forehead against his for a moment before pulling back. 

Actually not expecting that answer, Sirius raised his eyebrows, feeling his cheeks heating up at the words. “..Well, yeah, I don’t see-... You know what, nevermind.” He said with a slight nervous laugh. He couldn’t tell why he still reacted so nervously with him sometimes, it was just like when they had met. “Yeah.. Our dog.” He corrected himself as well with a smile. He liked the fact that Lucifer was correcting him, for it made him feel like he was accepting what he had told him before. He wanted a family with him, and it was starting with Cosmo. “I’ll help you with that bad habit then.” He answered on a soft tone, gently stroking his cheek with his fingers. “You’re the best person I’ve met. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, you’re someone good. And you make me happy, and I love you.” He added on a lower tone, looking into his eyes. “I love you so much, it’s so scary.” He admitted, murmuring.

it felt as though someone had grabbed onto her heart and squeezed, squeezed harder than any human should have the strength to. the sharp pain with each breath reminding her that she was alive, that she was really awake and hearing the words that sirius was saying. everything had gone to shit, their friends had fallen, he’d been locked up, and someone they trusted with their lives betrayed them to the devil. she knew he was serious, seeing the look in his eyes. she knew the expressions all of the boys had when they were fucking with them, and there was no way in the world he would joke about something like this. but merlin how she wished he’d look up at her, laughing, some comment about seeing the look on her face, how she was so gullible to believe him.. but it never came. she felt ill.. like the moment she left go of her white knuckle grip on the table she’d vomit or pass out.. maybe both. the more he spoke, the harder it was to breathe. “fuck–” she muttered, voice quiet, not wanting to waste any air as she tried to wrap her mind around everything. “why– why would he do something like this? why would he sell them out, sirius? he was our friend! james was like a fucking brother to him!” she could feel her anger bubbling, fighting back tears. “fuck protecting me. i made my bed, i went down keeping my bloody mouth shut. there was nothing you could have done to stop him for coming for me. it was in the plan. he thought i was the secret keeper, like the order wanted. we thought it would buy more time.. i never thought– if i had known peter would be such a rat i would have murdered him myself..” the damn coward.. “you didn’t deserve any of this either, sirius. just stop. it’s not your fault. it’s his. peter killed us all. he sold us all to the devil, not you. don’t put that on yourself.”

There was so much in Sirius’s head that he had never spoken about, and how he felt about this all was one of those things. He had tried to play tough, to pretend he could fight it all on his own, but he was slowly realizing keeping it all inside was breaking him down, and still at this point, he didn’t want to tell everything. Because he believed he could still hold on. “I don’t know. I-I tried to understand, I really tried but I don’t know. I didn’t even-” Silence for a second, he shook his head slowly. “I didn’t even get time to ask him. He-he just killed himself before I could.” He pointed out, before he walked closer to Marlene, shaking his head at every word she said. Losing her, it had been like losing a part of himself. Truth be told, Sirius used to have a lot of feelings for Marlene. Maybe deep down a huge crush he hadn’t spoke about, because the love he already felt for Remus back then was already too hard to handle. It had made it so hard to cope with her death, in fact, he had never gotten out of the grief period. Sure, he had been good at hiding it, but the guilt, the pain that it all brought to him was always hitting right back at him. “Fuck the order. No one should’ve had to do that. You shouldn’t have had to die, that’s not fair. We were fucking kids.” And somehow, now he knew he wasn’t one anymore. How could any kid be as dead inside as he was? “Everyone keeps telling me that, but I can’t not put it on myself. I should’ve been the secret keeper, not him. I proposed for him to be, if I had known I could’ve.. I could’ve stopped it. And-and I should’ve been here for Harry too. Even that I couldn’t do.”