This goes out to anyone who has a problem with writers who tend to write Sydney and Carmy’s sexual dynamic with Carmy taking a more dominant and active role in their sex lives.
There’s plenty of gross mischaracterizing going around in the fandom but that’s not even what I’m here to speak about. I am fed up with people thinking that they are doing some kind of cape crusade by speaking against fics written where Carmy is more than capable, ready, and excited to be the dominant lover that Sydney would want.
Carmy’s trauma does not automatically make him someone that would shrivel up into a ball the moment he has a chance to be physical with Sydney. In fact, there’s plenty of evidence that it would be quite the opposite. Whenever we see Carmy be intimate with Claire it’s almost always initiated by him. He’s a very physically affectionate person. He doesn’t not allow himself to touch Sydney. The way he holds faces when he kisses, or embraces, places him in a more active and confident role when it comes to intimate acts. He’s not scared in fact. He’s very confident when it comes to that part of his life.
What he’s scared of is doing these things with the wrong person. We know that he doesn’t feel for Claire in the same way that he feels for Sydney. We can see in his face the distance between him and his body/emotions when he’s intimate with Claire. The panic attack that follows because something about it doesn’t feel like the good thing he was told it would be. When he is with Sydney, he’s attentive, focused, eager, remembers every single word she says. Literally wants to give her everything she desires. Why wouldn’t that translate sexually? And why is it consider “incorrect” to write them in such a way?
I could speak about misogynoir and how people tend to prefer Sydney in a more dominant position sexually or in their lives when at her core she’s not that way at all. How they see her less feminine because she wears pants and oversized t-shirts? How they can’t see the inherent femininity of her chosen profession, her generally softer disposition (especially around Carmy), the way she accessorizes, styles her hair, cares about her belongings, and customizes her work space. But for someone reason it’s very hard for some to see that Sydney’s femininity is not a weakness. That her submissive and softer tendencies are not a mistake. That she can be a leader and be in her soft girl era at the same damn time.
*Also I’m not someone who subscribes to gender binaries and feminine and masculine shit in a problematic way but it is very important to this conversation.*
Carmy’s aloofness, depression, anger, and avoidance doesn’t mean he can’t be an active, involved, and passionate lover. Carmy has been shown to be all of those things especially when it comes to Sydney. She is his soulmate in all forms and all ways. No she’s not gonna cure him of his grief and of his less than healthy coping mechanisms and depression but I believe she would be the person that he would put his all into and give her his everything. Carmy is a very masculine man, but he’s also very gentle where it’s required, appreciates cooking and fashion, prefers to work in an environment when he can be of assistance and not worry about the daily stresses of keeping something alive. In fact, I think his eagerness to be of support and take care of the staff in a way that doesn’t stroke his own ego is incredibly masculine. His ability to let go and put others on the pedestal is masculinity in its ultimate form. To have something and to say I want to provide it to others.
He’s not shy, he’s not insecure, and he’s not religiously repressed or inexperienced sexually. This is a completely made up headcanon. So why is it a problem if others tend to write Carmy in his fullness? They see what’s best about Carmy and turn it into him being the best lover for Sydney.
So I’ll advise, if you feel this way:
A. keep it to yourself. We really don’t care and frankly it’s rude and poor fandom etiquette.
B. Write your own fics, scroll past ones that don’t fit the dynamic you’ve created for them in your head. But also self reflection is truly necessary.
Me and the girlies gonna continue to write them the way we want and how we want!
This is in reply to @microsuedemouse who made a post in regard to Carmy’s sexual dominance in fics.
