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Iām not looking for someone to fix me. Maybe to be there and pick up the pieces on occasion, but not someone to fix me. I donāt know if itās because I donāt need fixing or if itās because thereās no fixing me but I do know that I donāt want to put that on someone else. If thereās fixing that can be done to me, I want to be the one to do it. Not alone, I can accept help because why would I deny myself a helping hand, but this is my endeavor and my burden to carry.
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They say third time's the charm. For him, it was. A choice made long ago made him leave chance one and then chance two which was born from a mistake that can't be taken back. His third chance was a shot at redemption, one he poured his all into.
The hard hand of his raising shaped him into the man he became. Ideologies and expectations led him away from his home to serve a country that had never been his -until he made it his with blood, sweat, and pain- that sent him across the globe, introduced him to brothers and strangers that changed his life for better and sometimes for worse.
Times on occasion, were bleak, a struggle. He was faced with discrimination and war more than once. All through that, he kept his head high and moved forward, even when he had to say goodbye to those he held in his heart -no more mother, father, brothers gone one by one of both blood and water- while as he let new people into it. When his body turned against him, complication after complication, he kept his head up and moved forward, not once giving up.
They say third time's the charm and for him, it was. It's kept him going after it was given to him.
On this day 22 yrs ago (and about 12 hrs earlier) I was born. I am increasingly grateful for that even on my dark days. There is so much Iāve experienced and learned in my short life so far, some good that I wish I could experience for the first time again and again and some bad that I cannot decide if I wish for to never have happened or glad for the things those bad experiences have taught me. Today didnāt go the way I was expecting at the beginning of the month. Today didnāt go the way I was expecting a week ago. Today didnāt go the way I was expecting when I woke up this morning. In no particular order I got my first tattoo (the Aries constellation), spent it at the Tucson VA hospital with my dad and some other amazing veterans, got many well wishes from nurses and vets alike (theyāre all so kind), had some not so swell food but a much better tasting hamburger, had a mini party and was sung āHappy Birthdayā to from my dad and two other vets who call me āmaāamā and āsweetheartā (and lovely people) shared my cake with nurses and other patients, dropped half of my birthday cake, cried because I spilled said cake and didnāt want to upset or disappoint my dad, started to read a new book, finally came to understand the connection between Bubba Gump Shrimp and Forest Gump, Ā and gave myself a challenge. Today I became one year older (and I about birthdays that way just as much as I think about them as being one more year weāre closer to death, is that only me?) and Iāve challenged myself to try. Inspired by Dottie James, while I am 22 I want to focus on tryingā¦everything. To be healthier all around (mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually), new things all around, to get out of my comfort zone, to be a better friend and talk about how Iām feeling with my friends even when Iām starting to go down that dark path, to write more and read more and learn more, to be better organized, to meet new people and not stay in so much. Itāll be hard, that I have no doubt but I want to give it my best shot. This time next year, I want to say that Iāve tried ā maybe not succeeded at everything Iāve tried but thatās okay because at least I tried and thatās my goal this year. So, wish me luck. Weāll see how this goes.
Against all odds, I finished last monthās book before the day was done! Something I wasnāt actually confident I could do, but I am happy that I did indeed finish. Honestly, Iām enjoying this whole choosing a non-fiction book to read every other month. The thought of feeling like a failure by not posting my thoughts each month motivates me to finish my book and, much to my surprise, Iāve liked these past two non-fiction books Iāve chosen. Not only are they educational but theyāre not as dry as I feared they would be.
Anywho, on to my thoughts on Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Powers of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. (I very much recommend giving this book a read if youāve got the time).
The thing that initially drew my attention to this book was the title. Not only does it talk about sleep but it also includes dreams (both things that are somewhat interesting to me). The way the book is set up is also very nice. There are parts that have chapters in them with subtopics inside each chapter. For someone who can get easily bored with non-fiction text, having all the subtopics was really useful in giving me easy to follow stopping points but also goals to reach that werenāt many pages away but a few.
One of the things I loved about this book was the voice. Even though Walker is passing along information, he includes jokes and personality to his writing which makes it even more fun to read. Not to mention, his experience and how he talks about the research heās done gave me a feeling of awe. The voice he includes here makes me want to go to one of his talks (or a scientific talk in general which is something I never thought Iād say). Scientific talks sound exciting to visit with the way he talks about them. I donāt know why but something that I enjoyed was how he includes his own opinions, something that I couldnāt help thinking is very unlike textbooks (which I suppose is obvious). I donāt know why, but I enjoyed that. In addition are his footnotes. Theyāre not just references, some of them are additional comments. It was fun to read through the footnotes at the end of each chapter to see what else he had to say about certain things.
There is so much information included in his book that Iām kind of blown that Iāve read all of it, that itās contained into less than 360 pages (at least thatās how big my copy was). Iām shocked by how important sleep is and how it has its toes dipped into so many aspects of our lives. I knew before that sleep was important but Walker reveals just how important sleep truly is. Itās not just conjecture but thereās been so much research and studies done to back up this information. I wonāt lie, Iāve annoyed my sister talking about this book a little bit (though maybe Iāve approached her at the wrong moments) and even called my dad to share some of the insights Iāve gleaned (and to inform him that because heās an older person that he should make sure that heās getting to sleep earlier to make sure heās getting enough sleep). My eyes have been pleasantly opened to new things and Iām incredibly happy that Iāve learned all of these things. It may be a challenge but I want to try getting more sleep and to remember the things Iāve learned from this book. I also plan on passing on information to my friends in hopes that I can help them if I notice them cutting back on sleep. I will also refrain from pulling all-nighters as well. Now, I only need to buy a copy and I will be entirely content.
April is here! April is one of my favorite months, definitely in the top 5 though Iām not sure where. One reason might be because my birthday is on the 19 but itās such a nice month. I love April. In honor of my love for this month (and to spoil myself a little bit) this monthās book is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. Iāve wanted to read this book since I discovered it and even bought it when I saw it by accident at B&N. Iāve held off reading it though and my waiting is now being rewarded. Iām excited!
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Ā Not going to lie, I almost forgot that I had a Tuesday Thoughts due today. I donāt know what happened. Sunday, I told myself that I would write out the post on Monday and somehow, itās Tuesday evening and I nearly forgot. Happy International Happiness Day (even if it is almost over). I hope that you did something that made you happy today. Onto my improvement of March.
This month I havenāt really been improving on something big or splendid. Since November Iāve been in a writing slump (I blame rushing to finish writing a book so I could start a new project for NaNoWriMo which kind of went done the drain when I got super stressed out that month). At the beginning of the month, I noticed that I was starting to get my motivation and inspiration back. So, this month Iāve been trying to write every other day (because realistically Iām not going to be writing every day). Iāve found, that going old school and writing with a pen on paper has been ā¦ therapeutic almost. There is just something about writing on paper with a pen that gets my creativity flowing. I recommend, if any of you find yourself having a creative block, try going the traditional way and using paper and a writing utensil instead of a computer or technology. As great and useful as technology can be, sometimes we just need to go a little old school. I think it engages my brain a little more and there are fewer distractions.
While Iām talking about writing, I also want to include that the story I wrote last year is the one Iām working on again right now; writing new scenes I think I want to add and rewriting some scenes that donāt sound quite right. Itās a nice process. Iāll have to find the time to type everything up though, which Iāll admit is the only part I loathe about writing on paper. Oh well, we canāt have everything.
But until the sun burns us to dust
We dive into oceans of old
We swim under skies of centuries
Until our home galaxy becomes maelstrom and maker
We light candles and watch fireflies dance
We breathe another day. And burn on
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Ā Another month is here and Iām relatively excited for March but just as excited for it to be over. March is kind of a difficult month for me but at least the month will end with my sister being as old as I am for a couple more weeks.
A couple days ago on Saturday I finally participated in the 24h read-a-thon by Zoe! I was unbelievably happy to finally be a part of it and started and finished The Song of Achilles and Idol. I also got started on Renegades and ended up finishing that up yesterday. A total of 1,096 pages were consumed by this unremarkable lady and Iām so proud of myself. Also got a couple books off my TBR and am 10 books away from this yearās goal of 25 books. With the way things are looking, I might have to up that number.
Anyway, onto the reason for this blog post today, my thoughts on The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed.
I really liked The Nowhere Girls. The shift in point of views was nicely done and not an unnecessary choice. There is such a difference in the lives of the three girls that I looked forward to each girlās point of view to learn more about them and to know what they got up to. The unfocused POV shifts were also great. It helped, at least in my opinion, to drive home one of the beliefs of The Nowhere Girls that the story or experiences arenāt about one particular group but about girls as a whole. Also, it gave me an insight into some of the more minor characters.
The heavy female presence in the story was also one of the things that drew me to the book. However, this book isnāt romance heavy which is another thing that drew me in. Many books I read tend to have a major/semi-major subplot revolving around romance. The Nowhere Girls doesnāt. Without giving any spoilers, there is a minor subplot dealing with romance but those hints in the main charactersā lives are great and I loved them. We get to see a possibility of what could be and the start of something without focusing on it or revealing what does happen.
Another thing that I liked about this book was the characterization. Thereās a wide variety in the cast that just adds to the story along with the different types of relationships and connections between characters. I especially loved the three main characters and their uniqueness not only in the book but in literature. They arenāt your classic Caucasian, good-looking teenage girl. You have Grace whoās mother who heads a church, the new girl, a little on the heavier side, and trying to find herself to Rosina from a Mexican family who wants to separate from the cycle that can be found in more traditional families and just wants to be herself to Erin who has Asperger Syndrome, doesnāt know how to connect with others, shaves her hair and doesnāt change up her wardrobe to hide her beauty with a barely there father and a mother whoās just trying to know her daughter. Of course, there are multiple other characters we get to meet through these three. Itās great.
The final thing that drew me to this book was the subject matter. I havenāt come across many books with controversial subjects (e.g. rape, drugs, homelessness, etc.) so I love reading the ones that I do because they are some real issues in the world today. Not only that, but the messages in this book are so powerful as is the plight the girls from Prescott, Oregon. It moved me to see how hard these girls fought, not just the main characters but everyone. Let me not forget to mention the hotlines and phone numbers Amy Reed includes at the end of the book are also nice. I donāt know, I just like when books like this include phone numbers or websites that are helpful and relate to the story.
For March I want to try to read Why We Sleep: Unlocking the Powers of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker. Since Iām borrowing from the library and thereās a bit of a hold line on it, I donāt know if Iāll be able to get this book read by April 3 but hereās to hoping.
Itās another āimprovementā Tuesday for this girl. So, Iāve been thinking the past few days about what Iād like to improve on and I realize that Iāve kind of already started a new improvement. First of all, though, the procrastinating is doing kind of better. I had a rough start and didnāt do much improvement in January but since February started Iāve slowly been doing better. Letās hope this streak keeps up and I keep pushing ahead, thereās a lot of things Iād like to add to my schedule but to do that I need to make sure I can get all my other obligations done first.
I know itās the middle of February (well more like the end but technicalities) but my improvement goal for February has kind of been my health. I didnāt realize it at first but since the start of February, Iāve been trying to eat better. Iāve got a few limits such as not being able to cook (like in a kitchen) and not having a big budget for food but Iāve been doing my best. Iāve attempting to eat salads each day and just the other day I bought some bananas (one of my least favorite fruits) and have been eating those. Iām hoping that with the next paycheck I can buy some more things to put in my salad to spice things up such as carrots, baby tomatoes, garbanzo beans/chickpeas and maybe more fruits and yogurt too so I can have that for breakfast. If anyone has any ideas for some healthy meals that donāt involve any cooking please let me know! <3
Since the start of February, Iāve also been attempting to get more sleep. Itās very hard because I have insomnia most nights and struggle to sleep and then I hate waking up late on the days that I donāt naturally wake up early. Either way, I have been trying to put my laptop away earlier even if it means laying in bed for a couple hours doing nothing. Itās not been going super well so far but Iām going to keep trying. Now that my sister has the phone I can use the flip phone that I use as an alarm and I am hoping that will also help me to get to sleep earlier by having a set time to wake up. I just have to stop hitting snooze.
Thatās not all though! Much more recently (as in last week) I started working out. Theyāre pretty small workouts since I tire out easily and am pretty out of shape, but itās been fun (after Iāve had time to cool down and no longer hurt from the immediate workout). It kind of hit a snag a few days in when I tried to break in my new Adidas and have some nasty blisters on the back of my ankles. I started up again yesterday but had to put a pause on it today. My left ankle isnāt doing super great blister wise so hopefully it wonāt but hurting tomorrow. Iām actually sad not working out and itās a very good feeling. I may also be working out (besides wanting to get into better shape) just to spite my friend and sister. Being told I donāt need to work out because Iām not fat kind of just makes me want to workout more because itās something I want to do so Iāll keep doing it. I think however, that Iāll be keeping this up for a while and will try to do some workout like thing every day (after these blisters heal or at least stop hurting) whether that include focusing on a certain muscle group or doing yoga. Also, the goal is also to get more flexible on top of everything else.
Are there any goals youāve set for yourself for February? Something you want to improve on? How are you doing? How are your new year resolutions/goals holding up?
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