My digital Escapism

I write for the fun of it and produce whatever goes on in my brain.

Everything is strictly platonic unless stated otherwise. The reader is also gender neutral unless stated otherwise. The characters I write are all probably OOC.

My requests are currently open

Have fun and enjoy your stay :)

No AI will reach this place in any way, shape or form

(tf!141 x reader)

The aftermath of a mission gone wrong.

CW: kidnapped (?), brief torture, angst

_________________________________________

The first thing you noticed when you woke up is the cloudy feeling in your head.

What happened?

The next thing you felt is your body laying on something soft. You tried to open your eyes but the bright light forced you to shut them immideatly.

You raised your arm in an attempt to stop the lights from blinding you but felt something tug at it. You... couldn't raise your arm?

You couldn't raise your arm.

Confusion and panic began to form but before it could futher plague your mind pain replaced it. Slowly but surely it crawled from your wrist where the tugging was happening and crept through your hand and arm, blooming.

Your eyes flew open.

The walls of the room were gray. In the middle of it layed you on a bed with a metal frame. Your wrists were tied to the opposite sides of the bed frame, your feet mirrored your wrists.

Wait, why were you tied up?

Where are you...?

Through your haze something dawned on you. You had no recollection of what had happened to you, you didn't know where you were and the worst part of all was that you were tied to the bed frame. By someone.

Suddenly you became fully aware of how your body ached. It felt like you slammed against a wall full force.

Your breathing started to quicken.

This was not good...

You looked around in attempt to find any clues about your whereabout however the only thing that caught your eye were the bandages on your body.

Your breathing began to deepen. Your throat felt dry.

You were injured but how did it happen?

There was a mission which all of you came back from. You knew that for a fact. It went to shit like always. There must have been fighting like always, than Price-

Price.

You fought with him. You pushed him.

Than you were outside and- that's all. That's everything you could remember. Between you being outside and your current situation something terrible must have happened. Were you kidnapped? But you didn't remember leaving base. You only remembered being infront of the-

All of a sudden the door opened.

Inside walked two men. The first man who entered was bald, had blue piercing eyes while the other one had brown hair as a crew cut and hazel eyes. Both wore military uniforms. Who the fuck were they?

"Ahh you are awake." The bald stranger, now standing to your right cooed.

On the other side stood the other stranger observing you with an stoic face.

The bald one gave you something to drink which you accepted reluctenly. He didn't comment in it.

Genuinely, what the fuck.

"You see, we found you in the forest, quite injured, dear"

Ew.

"and we helped you. Say, where did you come from? The trail is rarely used, if at all." He laughed.

Something wasn't right. If they had helped, why would they also tie you down?

You decided to remain silent.

"Seems like someone is shy but don't worry, we just want to help you. We were training in the forest, SERE to be exact" He continued.

You stopped listening, panic taking over. The pain in your body radiated in your chest and your right hip. The man seemed to explain something while the hazel eyed man stared at you. He was watching your every move.

"Who are you?" You blurted out.

The bald man seemed to be surprised by this meanwhile the other one glanced at him.

"I'm Alex and this is Sven and your name is?"

They seemed a bit on the edge. You couldn't tell why you thought that because Alex was patiently waiting for your reply with soft eyes. Sven reminded you of the moody lieutenant who despite his facial expression and body language cared.

"I-I... I forgot it." You whispered, trying to sound convincing. You couldn't trust them. Something in the back of your mind screamed at you not to do it.

"It seems like the fall did more damage than we expected. Do you remember where you came from? Maybe we can call someone to come get you?"

"Why am I tied up?" You questioned.

The room went silent. Not quiet. Silent. Nobody moved. Nobody breathed. Both soldiers(?) stared at you, observing you. Eternity passed before Alex glanced at the Sven and he noded.

"You attacked me" Sven answered. "Don't get me wrong- no hard feelings- but we had to make sure that you wouldn't harm yourself... or others." He pulled up his sleeve to show a fresh bandage where the wound persumebly resided.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't worry. Not your fault." He interrupted you.

His arm was covered in different tattoos. A bit over the wrist was a manacle tattoo followed by an animal skull being stabbed through the top by a knife. Weird, it seemed so familiar. It reminded you of a military patch.

Looking at the bandage it was wrapped around the bicep. That must've had hurt. You wondered how you were able to do that kind of damage especially since you were injured. Probably broken ribs. Maybe something with the hip and possibly leg. It reminded you of the injuries you sustained when you were after Makarov- wait, didn't Makarov use this kind of patch? Or rather...

Konni.

Fuck.

No wonder they tied you up. No wonder they were asking you all those question but wouldn't answer any themselves.

Your palms became sweaty.

"Are you ok?" 'Alex' asked. His eyebrows knitted together. Does he know?

"Y-yeah! Why?" You squeaked cursing internally.

'Sven's' face expression changed to something unreadable.

The tension in the room was so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

"Look. We helped you and now we need your help." 'Alex' began. "And all you have to do is spill or... Well we don't want to think about that now do we?" He chuckled. A grin accompanied his implications.

"Or we could give them a... small visit." The man on your left snickered. "Find it out through them."

"You wouldn't dare." You snarled at the man.

"Or maybe we should bring some of your friends here? I'm sure Price would love to see you in this state." 'Sven' cooed.

They know.

Price. The rest of the 141.

They know everything.

They can't- they won't.

"You will burn in hell for this!" Your heart hammered out of your chest. Every beat hurting. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes.

"We will see who will burn..." The man on your right replied with a big grin. He stood above you, a crowbar in his right hand.

Your chest began to tighten. Your breathing quickened, coming out ragged.

Regret settled deep in your bones. You wanted to go back to base, go back to your team, you would do everything they wanted just please-

Crrk!

Screaming filled the room like tears which escaped your eyes just as desperatly as you wanted to.

_________________________________________

A/N: I finally did it! This took way to long. ToT

Thank you for reading. I never would've guessed that I would be writing a part 3 for this story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Perhaps more parts will follow?

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3

Taglist:

@xwackk

@jellyjammed

(tf!141 x reader)

The aftermath of a mission gone wrong.

CW: injuries, possible death (?), panic attack (?), angst no comfort

_________________________________________

You don't know how much time has passed since you sat outside hyperventilating. It was dark outside already.

You were terrified to go back inside. You didn't want to face the consequences of your actions. So you did what you did best.

Avoiding them, no matter the cost.

You stood up, using the wall for support. The panic attack robbed you of precious energy, however you couldn't stay here. It was too much.

And whenever something became too much, you fled.

You decided to take a walk. Surely a walk through the middle of the forest, where your base was located in, would help you clear your mind.

So you walked, thinking about what the hell went wrong.

This wasn't supposed to happen. You couldn't understand what you did wrong. Soap and Gaz have been fighting like cats and dogs and Price ignored them until the very last moment but you make one suggestion and he goes of like this at you?!

Your chest began to heave again. Your palms were already sweaty again.

Why? Why did he do that? He was your captain, the person you were supposed to trust and he used all he knew about you to make you feel bad about yourself. To humilate you.

You thought he would be differently. You hoped it everytime you opened up more.

You could feel tears welling up in your eyes but you refused to cry.

He hurt you. Why should you cry about him? And the worst? No one defended you. Ghost observed everything, being the brudy stoic asshole like he always was and Gaz and Soap went quiet, staring at you during the whole ordeal. As if they decided that you were solely to blame for all the shit that went wrong. Judging you. Judging your existence.

You felt your throat closing up.

You were angry at them and yourself. Angry at yourself for thinking you could trust them.

I guess you can trust them but only in the battlefield. They showed you their true character. You wouldn't fall for this trick again.

Never again.

Suddenly the wind started to pick up, being accompanied with a sudden heavy rainfall which started pelting at the leaves and you.

You were immideatly soaked through. The cold seeping into your body. But you refused to turn back, to face them properly. You would rather die and never make it back.

The trail became muddy and slippery and you knew that one wrong step was all it took. But you didn't care. Not anymore.

You were going to continue your road, no matter what.

After a good while you could feel your calves starting to burn. How long have you been walking? And where were you?

Your heart started pounding in your chest. This wasn't good.

As you kept on walking you noticed the trail leading to mountain. Perhaps you could navigate your way back from the top?

That should have to work.

As you continued to press forward, a small voice was questing if it was really the right decision to climb up a mountain trail while IT was raining cats and dogs.

However you too ignored that voice. That feeling. Your rage was consuming you, not letting any other feelings creep through.

At that point your breathing began to deepen.

What about Laswell?! Was everyone going to ignore the fact that her information was once again faulty?

Your knuckles tightened becoming white. You were begining to walk up the mountain in a zigzag pattern. The weather stole more energy than you expected.

This was so unfair! It was always everyone's fault except for one's self.

Your head was pounding. The frustration was creeping through your veins.

You took a step a bit more towards the right. Barely able to see through the downpour.

Suddenly you slipped.

You fell down the mountain slope.

You tried to stop your quick decend by grabbing bushes and branches near you but to no avail.

You don't want to die.

Panic was spreading through your body. You were franticly looking around when suddenly air left your lungs. You collided with something hard and when you looked in front of you, you saw a tree.

Your chest hurt. It felt as if thousands of knives stabbed you, making it hurt to breath.

You winced in pain. The relentless pounding of the rain wouldn't stop, amplifying your pain. However one single thought went through your head at that moment.

No one would find you here. With the force you collided, you could've easily broken your bones or worst. And help won't arrive.

You layed down beside the tree, using it as support. The pain was to great to keep sitting. Tears escaped your eyes freely, whincing at every ragged breath you took.

You will die here.

The rain drowned out any sounds. Drowned you.

You weren't making it out.

And unbeknownst to you, Price won't be able to ask you for forgivness. The regret of treating you like this eating him alive.

Your tears mixed with the rain becoming unseperable.

If nobody found you soon, you would become unseperable with nature.

_________________________________________

A/N: Thanks for reading. I hope I did justice for the first part and delivered. I was thinking about publishing a part 3.

If someone wants to be tagged for the next part, give me a heads up

(platonic Ghost x reader)

You struggle with your feelings

For more info's look at the A/N at the end

----------------------------------------------------

The birds are chirping, singing their hearts out to eachother. The sun shines at the earth, warming it like a hug of someone important to you would. The wind gently brushes the grass.

It's a warm day outside.

You sat outside, hiding under the shadow of a tree.

You've been thinking for a while now.

About love. Or rather romance.

Why couldn't you experience it the same way like everyone else did? You wanted to know what it felt like to be someone's special. To be held and loved differently. To trust someone. To be vulnerable on a different level. Deeper.

Because that's what that was, wasn't it?

A connection or rather bond that you created and later on maintained with someone. Anyone. One which transcended every kind of relationship.

So why has no one ever decided to do that with you? Weren't you good enough for that? Was it your face? Or maybe your body? Was it because of your personality?

You never found an answer to any of this plagueing questions.

But at the same time you wished for it to remain that way. There's no need for that. You always managed on your own, making sure that you would never be dependant on anyone.

You couldn't understand why it troubled you so deeply. All of this. You want that connection yet at the same time you were terrified of it. You were scared that this could lead to more.

Like kissing or worse. Physical intimacy.

You refused to call it by its name eventhough it's the most normal thing on earth. At least it's considered to be. You couldn't understand why someone would seek anyone out to fulfill that desire.

It felt so gross. Even the thought alone was enough to make you feel uncomfortable. Being naked, the touching and-

"There you are" You heared a familiar voice behind you. You turned around to see your lieutenant sitting next to you. "I was wondering where you went."

"Sorry, didn't mean to disappear like that" You laughed uncomfortably. "Was someone searching for me?" You questioned, hoping for the best.

"No. Just curious." He answered stoicly.

"Alright..."

You didn't know what to say to your Lt., deciding to continue your observation of your surroundings would be the best move here.

You couldn't help but feel unsure of Ghost's presence. Why was he here? He never did this before. Perhaps he needs some alone time?

You wondered if Ghost ever struggled like that. Not knowing what he wants or if he even wants it. Did he ever have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend? Does he currently have a partner? Is he married perhaps? What about children? He always keeps quite about this kind of stuff. He generally doesn't talk about lots of things.

But who could blame him?

In this line of work you have to be, to make it out. To not put a target on your back and the ones you love. To protect them, one would have to live in fear and paranoia. Could you ever handle that?

The fear of returning with no one left waiting for you because of your work, your actions?

This was surely another reason why you would never-

"Kid?"

"Huh. Oh sorry, I didn't hear you. What did you say?" You asked nervously. Your palms were sweating.

"Are you okay?" He starred at you with an unreadable expression.

"Y-yeah, all is good." You stuttered, cursing yourself internally.

"Right."

Ghost cleared his throat. You could feel him starring at you.

You felt the wind caressing your face. The sun shining on your skin. The warmth created a deep warm feeling.

The silence was growing louder. Why won't he talk?

"It's noting important" you answered as nonchalantly as possible. You failed. Miserably.

"It's just.." you continued. Your throat tightening.

"Have you...?" You interrupted yourself. Your chest was heaving.

"Have you ever wondered why people find it so easy to fall in love with someone or start relationships?" You asked. Your heart was beating out of your chest. You were scared to look Ghost in his face, afraid of what might await you. You decided to stare at the grass infront of you.

"I honestly don't get it. Like at all. The concept seems so foreign and weird to me but at the same time I can't help but feel like I'm falling behind. I never had any relationships before and that makes me feel both happy and sad at the same time. I don't know, I'm sorry, Sir."

You were dying of emberassment, wanting to move on as fast as possible. Why did you say that?! Why did you overshare?! He's your lieutenant for crying out loud! He probably thinks your a stupid child who-

"Why do you feel like your falling behind?" He asked carefully, patiently.

You... didn't anticipate that reaction. When you looked him in the eyes you found nothing but curiousity and- warmth?

"I don't know, it's just..." You sighed heavy. "Everyone is or was already in a relationship meanwhile I didn't manage to do either. Not to mention all the other physical. stuff... What is wrong with me?" Your eyes were begining to burn. Your sight blurring.

"Nothing."

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in. Shoulders visibly relaxing.

"There is absoluly nothing wrong with you" he stated. "Not everyone is interested in love or as much as most people are but that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you" he continued. "You and soap like to draw, does that mean there's something wrong with me?" He inquired.

"N-no Sir."

"See. And as far as I know it's not forbidden to not love someone or to love them differently. As long as you can look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day, it doesn't matter."

Your looked Ghost in the eyes once more, searching for any signs of disgust but you never found any. There was nothing but sincerity in them.

"Lieutenant?"

"Yes soldier?"

"Thank you...."

"Don't mention it."

"Could you please keep this to yourself?"

"Sure."

----------------------------------------------------

A/N: Please don't forget that feelings or the lack of them, are a spectrum.

☀️🏖️

(tf!141 x reader)

The aftermath of a mission gone wrong

CW: angst, panic attack, mentions of violence and near death experience

----------------------------------------------------

Everything went to shit.

The intel was wrong and on top of that everything which could've gone wrong did go wrong.

It nearly took everyone's life. That was the third time in a row now. Laswell made sure that she got best information and newest updates. So what was going on?

Everybody was starting to get pissed at eachother, pointing fingers.

"Maybe it wouldn't have gone to shit if you would've just-"

"Oh, so it's my fault now Gaz?! You could've-"

Soap and Gaz have been going at eachother for hours on end.

"Enough! I'm tired of listening you two fighting" Price voice cut through sharply. "We can count ourselves lucky that we even made it out of there."

Ghost observed the comotion as always.

"Maybe we should take a break or at least use different sources of intel?" You suggested.

The room turned silent. The tension became so thick, you could cut it with a knive.

"Right. Because you can decide that?" He questioned seethingly.

Your throat tightened.

"I mean, hey, maybe you should take my position too, hm? How about that love?" Captain Price snapped.

You looked shocked as he continued to berate you. Naming all your mistakes and picking all your insecurities apart as arguments to prove that you couldn't be a Captain and therefore shouldn't have a say in this.

"Price, I-"

You tried to appologize in hopes of soothing him.

"Price?!" He snorted. "As far as I'm aware, I'm your Captain and you will address me as such, understood soldier?"

The others were staring. Your breathing was picking up.

"I-"

"Understood?"

The sweat on your hands was starting to accumalate. It felt like yours chest was being compressed.

"Y-yes Sir, C-captain." You stammered, staring at him with wide eyes.

"What is it soldier? Do I have something-?!"

Your ears were ringing. You couldn't make any sound out.

John Price seemed to be angry at you.

You were panicking.

Suddenly he stormed towards you, closing the distance, his finger pointing at you.

You can't go anywhere.

Your body begins to tremble. You feel sick.

You can't speak.

You try to speak, but no sound escapes your mouth.

Price won't listen to you.

The screaming and berating won't stop, no matter what you say. No matter what you do.

"Are you man enough?-"

That's the only thing you could make out.

You can't breath. He's too close.

In the blink of an eye Price the Captain is on the ground.

Fuck.

You need to get out. You move without thinking. First you're in the hallways. Then you're opening doors. Deep breaths.

Breath in

What was that?

Breath out

Just go.

Breath in

The air is better outside.

Breath out

Outside?

You look around. You were outside, leaning against a wall next to one of the exits.

You felt scared and anxious and so much more which you couldn't describe. Sliding down the wall you sat at the ground, shaking. Tears were flowing freely out of your eyes. Your breathing came out ragged no matter how much you tried to control it.

You can hear yourself laughing. You don't know what to do.

You just pushed Price. He will defenitly want you out of the team now. How could you have been so stupid to push your superior?

What could you even do now?

----------------------------------------------------

A/N: I'm thinking about turning this into a series however I'm unsure.

Thanks for reading.

(batfam x german! Reader)

After the gala (and a little bit too much champagne) you wake up extremly tired and groggy, deciding to join your family for breakfast.

----------------------------------------------------

After the gala last night you don't remember shit except for Jason challenging you on who could drink more alcohol. Coming from Germany, you couldn't let that opportunity go to waste.

But from the way your body aches and the hunger you're experiencing, you're starting to regret it. As long as Jason is feeling worse, it will be worth it.

Having no other choice you decided to get up after laying in bed for 20 minutes, scrolling on your phone. You picked out whatever was laying around and made your way to the kitchen.

On your way there you can hear the laughter and banter going on, discussing yesterdays events. To your disappointment you can make Jason's voice out.

You enter the kitchen.

Dick and Jason were leaning on the kitchen counters, talking, while Tim sat between them in the corner. On the right side stood Alfred who seems to be cooking something. It smells like scrambled eggs.

"Look who is finally awake! Good morning sleepy head." Jason proclaimed, grinning from tooth to tooth.

"Ja ja, was auch immer, dir auch einen guten Morgen, Arschloch. (Yeah yeah whatever, good morning to you too asshole)" You grumbled annoyed at him.

"What did you just say?" Dick asked, staring at you as if you just grew two heads.

"Alter, was willst du von mir? (Man, what do you want from me?)"

Dick glanced at Jason. He starred back at him, confused. Tim studied you curiously. Alfred continued to cook.

"Master [_], english please." Alfred sighed. It wasn't the first time you started to speak German out of a sudden. He assumed it was whenever you were tired enough to not notice.

"Was mein- (what do you m-) oh. Sorry. I didn't notice that." You replied sheepishly, scratching the back of your head.

"We could have never guessed that." Alfred deadpanned. "Now, breakfast is ready and I would prefer it if you went ahead and took a seat."

Breakfast smelled heavenly and you couldn't wait to dig in.

"Sooo since when do you speak german and when did you plan on telling us?" Tim questioned.

"Let's please have that conversation later, I can't wait to dig in." You whined.

"But-" Jason started before being interrupted by Alfred.

(batfam x reader)

CW: death

----------------------------------------------------

"Guys, would you love me if I was a rock?"

"What kind of question is that?" Dick laughed.

"Seriously how could you turn into stone?" Jason questioned.

"Well theoretically if you-"

"No one wants to hear that right know, Tim." Jason interrupted, rolling his eyes.

"Just because you aren't smart, doesn't mean that-"

"What did you call me?!"

"Now that is enough boys." Alfred appeared behind them, scolding them. "To answer your question Master [_], I am quite sure we all would miss you. Now how did you come up with such a question?" He questioned you, eying you with an unreadable gaze. He looked rather tense.

"I saw this trend on Tiktok where-"

"Of course you saw that on Tiktok-" Damian interrupted. Rude brat.

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

The table broke out in complete chaos this time, trying to prove their point.

Alfred couldn't help but laugh at the spectacle being more than amused by everyone's behaviour.

Unbeknownst to everyone another familiar pair of eyes watched the whole scene unfold. Watching from the shadows like a bat.

~~~

It was a cold rainy day.

Everyone gathered outside, not caring how the rain soaked through their clothes.

Even though Dick tried his best to control them, his hand's wouldn't stop shaking.

Jason tried his best to ignore the tight feeling around his neck which was partially caused by the suit and tie he was wearing. He's 100% sure that you would laugh at him for wearing them.

Tim couldn't breath without having to remind himself how. He tried to stand differently, shifted his weight from one foot to another but nothing changed. He doesn't know how to continue moving forward.

Damian stared at the rock infront of him not being able to look away. 'Beloved sibling, child and grandchild'. He hoped you knew how much you were loved by everyone.

Alfred was barely holding himself together, slowly but surely breaking. It was a shooting gone wrong. You were shot through your head, an instant death. He shouldn't have allowed you to go out that faithful day.

Behind him stands Batman Bruce. 'You have no idea how much we love you as a rock, kid', was the only thought going through his head.

Now, they were left grieving someone who they thought would be one of the longest to live from their family.

A poem to my father

What does it take for you to realise,

that ignoring problems by turning away your eyes

will lead to mankinds demise?

What does it take for you to realise,

that the way politicians handle war

will lead to mankinds fall?

What does it take for you to realise,

that climate change is real

and is one of mankinds biggest deal?

What does it take for you to realise,

that calling immigrants aliens

is mankind behaving anamalian?

What does it take for you to realise,

that supporting fascism regims

feels like mankind is having a fever dream?

What does it take for you to realise,

that no means no

And not accepting it

This will be updated as time goes on

•Please don't send or request anything containing NSFW as I don't feel comfortable with that

-----Dc fandom------

Batfam x reader

Rock

Guten Morgen

Hysteria (WiP)

Alfred Pennyworth x reader

Consequences (WiP)

Jason Todd x reader

Confidence (WiP)

Batfam x neglected! Reader

All I want is to be loved

Footnote (WiP)

Gameshow (WiP)

-----CoD fandom------

tf!141 x reader

Don't say No (WiP)

Are you man enough?

Pt.1

Pt.2

Pt.3

Pt.3.5 (WiP)

Pt.4

Pt.5

Revenge is best served cold (WiP)

Ghost x reader

Hopeless romantic?

-----ROTTMNT fandom------

Trigger (WiP)

-----Metro series fandom------

(batfam x neglected! Reader)

Being ignored by the batfamily is pretty hard. Especially if you have nobody to turn to...

CW: mature topics such as fat shaming, suicidal thoughts/ideation, SH, ED, suicide attempt, etc...

Viewers discretion advised, pls take care of yourself

----------------------------------------------------

You were never meant to be a vigilante, so no wonder you never fit in. You didn't have the mind and strength for it as Jason loved say whenever you did try. You weren't meant too.

Despite that you did your best to try and built a bridge to all the family members. You asked them about their interests, tagged along and tried your best to bond with them. But as it turned out it's difficult to do so, especially if you're adopted into the family at the age of 17, almost turning 18 at that time.

You were basically an adult and that's what everyone saw. A finished piece that can't be molded into the necessary shape needed. Like glass between stone you didn't fit in.

Too sensitive they would say. Too fragile. Useless.

When being surounded by great you shouldn't expect average to fit in, should you?

But you did anyways. You actively tried for months. Joining every activity, every dinner even though no one would really interact with you. Ignoring you whenever you said something and then carrying on, as if nothing happened. And when you used to persist they would speak louder so that they wouldn't have to hear you.

You don't even remember who did it, but does it matter when everybody enabled it?

Looking back, it all became a blur. The comments, calling you "too fat", "too noisy", "too picky", "too emotional", "too much". It weight a great burden on you which you tried to express once, hoping they would understand and apologise.

"What? Can't I express the truth in my own house?" Asked Jason. "I'm sorry but maybe If you excersised and held a diet instead of stuffing yourself full of food like a Thanksgiving turkey, you wouldn't have to face that Problem." Dick replied smirking, seemingly trying to help. "Hey if it bothers you so much we can get you a therapist. Maybe he will get the crybaby out of you?" Cass laughed together with Stephanie. "Honestly you should kill yourself with the way your tainting or family, good thing we're not blood related." Damian snarled.

You couldn't take it. You ran out of the room crying while hearing Batman scolding his children for using that kind of language.

You ran into your room with all the strength you could muster, slamming the door shut while crying hystericly, breathing heavy. He didn't say anything about the way they talked to you, he didn't even defend you! Of course not. Just told them to watch their language as if all the things they said were true and he agreed with it.

You don't really remember their faces moving forward. You couldn't look them in the eyes anymore, knowing what would probably wait for you in them. Being afraid of it.

Damian mocked you, Stephanie and Cass giggled, Tim didn't pay your existence any attention, Jason laughed, Dick didn't even pretend anymore that he didn't find all of this amusing and Bruce just watched. You thought you could seek for support and comfort in Alfred but were disappointed when you realised that even he wasn't listening to your sob stories.

"- they have no manners. It is truly a mistery to me why you would even decide to adopt them, Master Bruce." He complained once when he thought that no one was listening.

But you heard everything and it would have been a lie if you said that it didn't hurt you. You cried that night, sobbing into your pillow, hopping that you wouldn't wake up the next day. But you did.

It was like a carousel, nothing ever changed. So you started to isolate yourself more and more.

Wake up, doomscroll, hear your tummy rumble, get food, eat, go back to your room, doomscroll, fall asleep, repeat. You perfected it, dare even say mastered this routine.

As long as you didn't have to see them, it was alright. At least that's what you kept telling yourself.

Everything is alright as you watched your ribs poke out more and more as days passed to weeks. Everything is perfect as you watched the red drip into the sink of your private bathroom. Filling up more space than you ever dared in this household. Everything will turn out great while you looked out of the window, wondering how long the fall would take, how high the window is. I'm fine

Death is an interesting concept. No matter how much you try to fight it, it will always come for you. That's one of the only things that makes us equal. We all have to die someday. Some of us earlier then others, some later but in most cases never voluntarily. But not this time.

Deep crimson red adorned your wrist.

You went to deep, crossed a line you shouldn't have because coming back now is nearly impossible.

You feel lightheaded and nausious. Slipping down the wall sitting next to your bed and table. You feel your chest tightening. Maybe you should call someone? You drop your hands to your side not being able to keep them up any longer. As if someone had forced you to put them down to relax.

You want to grab your phone but find that you can't. Would it even matter if you could? Surely noone would answer.

It does feel nice though. The feeling of slowly drifting away, finally letting go, just like blood escaping the veins when having to draw it at the doctors appointement.

It reminds you of when you laid in the garden of the Wayne's manor, while soaking up the sun. Just as pleasent and warm. Before Damian?, Jason?, Tim?, Dick? came out to berate you for... Why did he berate you?

No matter how hard you try to remember, you can't seem to. Weird. Instead you feel how the strong urge to sleep overcomes your body and this time you finally give in while the sun starts to peak into the window.

~~~

It's early in the morning when Alfred knocks on your door. He was asked to retrieve you from your room for breakfast after Bruce noticed how you hadn't participated in them anymore. He was angry at you for breaking such an important family tradition, planning on having a serious talk with you.

Alfred knocked once, than twice, than thrice as he's left standing with no answer.

He decided to take the liberty of entering your room, mentally scolding you already for being such a snob.

"Master [_], it is time to get out of bed. Master Bruce is very displeased at your decision to skip the family break-"

The room turns silent. He can smell it before he sees it. The copper which lings in the air eventhough it shouldn't and than he sees it.

Blood

The world turns silent, stops existing.

Goodness there is so much blood and it doesn't seem to end.

It dawns on him. The haunting realisation of what happened yesterday while they were watching movies together.

He will bury a child and it will be their fault. His fault. How will he be able to tell them?

----------------------------------------------------Author's Note:

For everyone who has read this far, thank you for reading. This is my first time doing all of this. Feedback would be greatly appreciated :) I appologise for any mistakes made.

I see my father everyday, yet I do not recognise him.

He has the same face

and wears the same beard.

He has not really changed appearence-wise

but somehow that is worse.

I have known my father all my life, yet I do not recognise him.

He does not talk when he is angered

and lets his opinion known.

It has become a low-set standard

to keep this dance of ours going.

I listened to my father, yet I do not recognise him.

His words are sharp and cut like a knife

but for whatever reasons he seems to not realise

it hurts but maybe it was deserved

but I will never know, for he is now reserved.

I spoke to my father, yet I do not recognise him.

The way he thinks,

the way he talks,

it seems like he does not care at all.

It is a shame to say the least.

I have thought about my father for quite a while, yet I do not recognise him.

How long has this been going on?

When did I miss this change?

Is it wrong for me to say

I wish back for my father that I have once known?