I reblog things sometimes

Let me use an analogy; Imagine a woman with a husband. She recently just gained a considerable amount of weight, maybe she just had a kid or just general weight fluctuation as you age. She’s feeling quite insecure about her body, some of her clothes don’t really fit anymore so she’s just wearing more baggy clothes instead.

She’s not going out as much and generally just feels sad all the time. But her husband……doesn’t notice. She’s been upset for weeks at this point and he hasn’t taken note of anything. Then one day, while she’s researching ways to lose some weight, her husband notices what she’s searching and then says something like:

“oh you’re trying to lose weight? Here’s what you should do, just cut back on all that candy you eat and you’ll be good to go”.

And fine, let’s say he was actually right, let’s say cutting back on candy would help her lose the weight that she wanted……but does this woman love or appreciate her husband more because of it? Does she feel like she was loved and supported as she was having a hard time with her body? Does she feel closer to him at all?

The answer to all these questions is a resounding no, she doesn’t. You see, this is my biggest issue with A.ang’s approach to Katara’s situation in TSR. I personally believe in forgiveness and I’ve seen a lot of people who’ve said they believe in forgiveness as well, but for some reason, A.ang’s behavior in this episode just annoyed them, and I understand why.

Katara’s grief over losing her mother was unprocessed all throughout the show. A.ang travels with Katara and Sokka everyday for almost an entire year. All throughout this time, he never once thinks to ask about her mother, what happened, how’s she’s dealing with it and if there’s anything he can do to help.

In The Southern Raiders, Katara is very visibly upset during the campfire. She’s uncharacteristically quiet, she sent a mean remark Zuko’s way and then walked away to go isolate herself from her friends. A.ang saw all of this and made no attempt to go after her and find out what’s wrong.

But this wasn’t what did it for me, it’s what happened the next day. Everyone talks about A.ang accusing Katara of acting like Jet or comparing his temporary loss of Appa to the permanent loss of her mother, but the first thing that got me annoyed was this being the first line that comes out of his mouth:

Katara: I need to borrow Appa. Aang: [Jokingly.] Why? Is it your turn to take a little field trip with Zuko?

Seems like nothing, right?…..wrong. Even though I was slowly beginning to dislike A.ang in Book 3, at this point, I still believed that he was generally a nice kid. When Katara walked up to him and asked for Appa, it seemed like it was the first time he was seeing her that day, since we saw her just waking up a few moments before. I expected him to say something along the lines of:

“Oh hey, Katara! Uh…..you seemed upset last night, are you okay?”

But instead he just makes a joke, as though he didn’t register that she was upset yesterday, as though he just forgot or didn’t care. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but this elicited a deep frown from me. He then proceeds to say this after Katara says they’re going to find her mother’s murderer:

A.ang: Um….and what exactly do you think this will accomplish?

And the frown got deeper, why in the world did he listen to Katara say she’s going after her mother’s murderer and his first approach is to give her condescending attitude? Do you know what kind of context this kind of questioning is used? This kind:

Imagine a kid got a bad grade on their test and gets so angry about it that they decide to go vandalize their teacher’s car. The kid’s mom catches them, the kid reveals what they plan on doing and the mom goes, “And what do you think this will accomplish? (places hands on hips)”

He asked that question as though she was being irrational and stupid, he proceeds to immediately assume the worst of her and spends the entire conversation moralizing her situation, judging her and then telling her what she should do and then denied her a chance at processing her grief until she had to go behind his back and attempt to steal Appa.

It was morning when Katara first came to ask, he refused and just let her continue to stew in anger all day until night time. I’m sorry, but does this mean that even after hearing her very clearly express that she hadn’t even processed her grief over losing her mother, he was still just fine with her sitting on her anger ALL DAY?? So, if Katara hadn’t tried to steal Appa later that night, he wouldn’t have cared that she just went back to suppressing her anger.

What makes him think he has any say in her situation at all? What makes him think he gets to act like some moral authority after he failed to even notice what she was going through all this time? The audacity to not notice what Katara was going through, but then try to tell her what to do?

Because of this, I frowned at every line that came out of A.ang’s mouth. The fact that Katara’s grief was unprocessed and it flew right over his head should have caused him to have some humility and guilt and speak to her with such.

You can’t just not notice what your loved one is going through and when they try to fix their situation, you insert yourself into the conflict and act like you have any say after what you did.

Despite the fact that Zuko actually does the emotional work with Katara in this episode, he still didn’t believe he had any say in what she should or shouldn’t do. And chances are, had he offered his opinion somewhere later into the episode, Katara would’ve likely been far more receptive towards him.

I expected A.ang to speak with some degree of guilt, humility and carefulness since his friend and supposed “forever girl” was clearly dealing with a lot and he didn’t notice.

Because unlike A.ang, regardless of what you think of Zuko’s intentions, he did make Katara feel like she was cared for and like she wasn’t irrational or not thinking straight for wanting to confront her mother’s murderer.

Your heart will undoubtedly be softer and more receptive towards someone who made you feel cared for and loved, then someone who didn’t even notice what you were going through, felt no guilt about not noticing and then proceeded to judge you and tell you what to do.

He could be the “rightest” person in the world and quote the entire air nomad code of ethics for all anyone cares, but no one likes a clueless sanctimonious jerk.

Even at the end, he runs up to her, yelling her name while she’s very clearly in a somber mood. And then says this:

A.ang: Zuko told me what you did. Or what you didn't do, I guess. I'm proud of you. A.ang: You did the right thing.

The distinct lack of humility and/or guilt over what he did wrong is so annoying. He still continues to speak as though his approval or opinion is in anyway important in her situation.

No, just no. You don’t get to not notice what she was going through, completely ignore how visibly upset she was the day before and then act like your opinion or approval of her situation has any weight. You can’t just do that.

Have all the wisdom in the world, have all the knowledge in the world, if there’s no love in the way you treat people even when you disagree with them, then it all amounts to nothing.

And no, the problem isn’t that A.ang disagreed with Katara morally. Friends, couples and family members disagree, especially on moral issues, all the time, it’s the way he handled the entire thing. There are ways he could’ve disagreed with her and that would’ve shown far more humility and care in her situation.

He could’ve started by asking if she was okay after what happened the night before, he could’ve just asked her what she was going to do and let her explain herself instead of telling her what he thinks are her intentions and assuming the worst of her.

If he asked and she gave any indication that she was actually going to kill him, he could’ve then said something like this:

“Uh Katara? I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be. What happened to your mother wasn’t fair and whoever did it doesn’t deserve to get away with it. And don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to do whatever you want……..but…I really don’t think you’re going to get the peace you’re looking for this way.”

Then she would’ve likely responded like this:

“Thanks for your concern, A.ang [maybe a smile]. But this is something I need to do, I’ll be fine.”

Simple! Sim👏ple👏! No conflict, no offensive comparisons, no making things about him, no judging, no excessive moralizing, no pushing her to do what he wants, but instead, far more caring, empathetic and considerate while still sticking to his beliefs. Less moral authority, more concerned friend.

A.ang is the reason for the conflict between him, Katara and Zuko. This didn’t need to play out the way it did between the three of them, but it did anyway and it’s primarily because of him.

I like how at the end, she doesn’t show him any appreciation, thank him for anything or give him any credit for her decision. She doesn’t even crack him a smile, and yeah, that’s because he doesn’t deserve it.

By the end of this episode, Katara felt closer to Zuko than she felt towards everyone else. And understandably so, he did everything right with her in this episode. And fun fact, Zuko was the only character Katara smiled at in this episode.

And the funny thing is, A.ang was never this judgmental in the first two seasons, Katara’s most emotionally heavy episode is when they decide to make him the most judgmental he’s ever been. What exactly were they thinking??

I’ve always jokingly said that A.ang’s behavior in this episode was either written by a woman with the intention of actually portraying him as inconsiderate, judgmental and self-righteous or by a highly tone-deaf and clueless man who genuinely thought that the way A.ang was being portrayed would be appealing to Katara or the audience🤡

I have my criticisms of A.ang’s morality, I don’t agree with coerced and premature forgiveness in traumatic situations and I disagree with his absolute pacifism and his view on revenge and justice, but before he even revealed his moral positioning, I was already displeased with him.

He didn’t treat Katara well in this episode to me, and maybe I’m just too sensitive, but I’m pretty sure anyone would be upset if they’re friend acted like this. I hope he enjoyed Sokka calling him wise and Zuko (inaccurately imo, but that’s a take for another post) telling him that he was right, because he really wasn’t a good friend here.

And I already know what the defence is going to be, “He’s twelve!”. Katara started mothering her older brother around eight years old, is it too much to ask a twelve year old to act like a decent friend? And if he’s too immature to know how to properly handle an emotional situation such as this with Katara, then he’s too immature to be in a romantic relationship with her.

His approach to Katara’s situation was really bad, then the next episode (EIP) had him agreeing that Katara was his possession (when actor!Zuko called her the Avatar’s girl), throwing a nice guy tantrum at the thought Katara only seeing him as a friend, saying the dumb play would’ve made him go into the Avatar’s state, him ignoring once again how visibly uncomfortable she was having this conversation and then proceeding to force a kiss on her.

Then in the episode after EIP, the first part of the finale, his last spoken interaction with her was him yelling at her for something that was not her fault. If Ka/taang was written with a consideration for Katara’s perspective at all, even if Katara started to have some feelings for A.ang, they would know that having A.ang display all these behaviors BACK-TO-BACK in the last half of the show, with no apologies and no attempts to make up for what he did would’ve drained every last drop of interest out of her.